female sexual motivation

Chapter 9 Sex is amazing (3)
Compared with intercourse, women are more likely to achieve orgasm through masturbation, but first of all, they must be able to accept masturbation in their hearts:

I've never had an orgasm with anyone else, so my understanding of "heterosexual" is sensual stimulation rather than sex.

—Heterosexual female, 54 years old

据一份对1600名18~59岁美国女性所做的问卷调查显示，只有29%的受访女性和伴侣在一起时达到过高潮，但却有两倍多的女性（61%）通过自慰才能达到高潮。

The answer is simple: when a woman masturbates, she slowly touches and explores her sensitive zone, and by constantly trying to find her G-spot, she knows how to apply stimulation just right.Every woman is unique, so even the most seasoned sex expert will have to rediscover the partner route the first few times.The same strategy can make A woman cry out wildly, and it can also make B woman scream and run away from the door.Take a look at the confession of this woman below:

Now I enjoy my couple life very much because he knows how to please me and knows each other so well that he doesn't need any guidance (we have been together for six years).In bed, I don't have to "work hard", I just need to relax physically and mentally and enjoy myself.

—Heterosexual female, 28 years old

Harmonious and perfect sex requires communication from both parties.During intercourse, you can use words or gestures to guide the other party, or directly move the other party's hands from the "restricted area" to the "free zone".But many times women are either difficult to speak or ashamed to express.Many women also expressed fear of hurting their partner's self-esteem, and partners who feel good about themselves may not be able to stand being pushed around.In addition, the sexual concept instilled in women since childhood is that men and women are different: men are the masters, and women are the submissives.Many women are at the mercy of their partners in bed, letting them grope alone, but they have not been sexually satisfied for many years:
Sex... When you're young, you can say that it's unparalleled... But after 55 years old, whether married or single, sex becomes dispensable, and it should be so.Men regard sex as extremely important, but they don't really understand sex. They don't know anything about foreplay, and they don't know the importance of foreplay.

—Heterosexual female, 54 years old

Sexual communication, no matter how difficult or awkward, can have lifelong benefits:
At that time, I began to think, do I have to rely on my own hands for my sexual happiness? Is there any hope for men to satisfy me?I've had lots of sex partners, but it's only recently that I've started enjoying sex.For a long time I suspected that it was someone else's problem, and I did, but now I think it's mostly me.Maybe I understand my body better now, or I have chosen the right partner, at least now I know how to open up, communicate with my partner, and take the initiative.

—Heterosexual female, 27 years old

Ideal sex can satisfy both parties greatly, but some women only care about each other's feelings and don't care about themselves at all:
When you are single, you have sex to entertain yourself.But now as a wife, I have an obligation to satisfy my husband.Therefore, whether I like it or not is no longer important, what is important is his feelings, and I think he thinks the same way.

—Heterosexual female, 26 years old

In sexual intimacy, sometimes women can't focus on their own experience, but are busy focusing on other things, such as what position is most seductive to the other party.We will learn later that it is this kind of "wandering mind" that prevents women from getting enough pleasure, and naturally cannot reach orgasm.

orgasmic disorder

If women can't or rarely reach orgasm, they worry about whether they have an organic disease.Indeed, some drugs and pathological conditions can cause lack of sexual desire, such as neuropathy caused by diabetes, pelvic surgery, coronary heart disease, high blood pressure and other diseases that cause poor blood flow.Beyond that, scientists haven't found any difference between biologically desexualized women and other women.

Clinical psychologists and psychiatrists believe that women's orgasm disorder is mainly affected by two factors, one is insufficient sexual stimulation, and the other is lack of attention.Women often wander around in bed, such as only thinking about pleasing each other, ignoring their own feelings, or busy putting on seductive poses, or worrying about the children or parents next door hearing, or preoccupied with work problems, or Wondering whether the other person is good or not, or full of guilt-the so-called "sex killer".In addition, due to religious or other reasons, women's sex education is extremely restricted: sexual intercourse is to pass on the family line with the husband.Therefore, any sexual intercourse for other purposes will make women feel guilty from the bottom of their hearts.

The sociocultural environment also plays a role.Anthropologists who study female sexuality around the world have found that most women can achieve orgasm if society encourages women to enjoy sex as much as men.For example, on Mangaa, the southernmost island of the Cook Islands in the South Pacific, it is believed that women are best able to achieve 2 or 3 multiple orgasms during sexual intercourse.And men who can't give women multiple orgasms have no place locally. (Air Rarotonga now flies to Mangaa four times a week.) Conversely, if the female orgasm is generally not valued or understood by those around you, it will be difficult for women to have an orgasm.Because when people don't expect women to have orgasms, women don't take the initiative to learn and get no relevant guidance.Unlike men, women do have to work hard to learn how to climb the pinnacle of pleasure.

If you can't achieve orgasm only because of psychological factors, it is best to find out and get rid of the corresponding psychological burden with the help of a doctor.A woman who was plagued by guilt said:

For many years, I suppressed my desire for sexy men, thinking that pleasure-seeking was abhorrent and immoral.Later, I finally broke through the cage of my heart, immersed in the thrilling sexual stimulation, and experienced wild and uninhibited intercourse.Sex is simply fantastic and arguably my favorite pastime.I couldn't suppress my high libido, so I just enjoyed it.Find the target, flirt and have fun, see if the other party is also interested, and if it hits it off, then everything will follow.

—Heterosexual female, 33 years old

If you are unable to achieve orgasm because of insufficient sexual stimulation, the "guided masturbation method" is the best treatment.Guided masturbation requires a lot of self-exploration by women.The purpose is to find the erogenous zone, and continue to stimulate the erogenous zone to arouse intense sexual pleasure until "the moment" arrives.Guided masturbation can be very effective for women who have never experienced an orgasm.According to a survey, after two months of guided masturbation treatment, 100% of patients who have never had an orgasm can achieve an orgasm through masturbation, and 47% of other patients can achieve an orgasm during sexual intercourse.Over two months, patients attended ten physician-led sessions to learn how to perform self-help exercises at home.At the same time, the survey also pointed out that many patients did not participate in the guidance course, but achieved the expected effect by reading related methods. Forty-seven percent of men who had never had an orgasm had an orgasm through masturbation, and 47 percent had an orgasm during intercourse.An excellent concise guide is "Achieving Orgasm: Sexual Therapy and Personal Progression for Women" by sex therapists Julia Heyman and Joseph Robicolo.

primitive temptation

Just as the scientific community has been arguing over the definition of the female orgasm, people have also been discussing the role of the female orgasm. One school says that the orgasm helps humans reproduce, and the other says that the orgasm is like a male nipple. A by-product of human evolution, not of much use.In fact, a series of changes in a woman's body during orgasm can increase the chance of conception, so orgasm is not useless.From an evolutionary point of view, men who have the ability to let women enjoy peak waves of love generally have better physical fitness, and may also be good fathers in the future, so orgasm helps women choose the best mate.

Early theorists had thought that women would become pregnant through ovulation after orgasm.Some animals do ovulate during orgasm, but it was later scientifically proven that women's ovulation is cyclical and has nothing to do with intercourse or orgasm.Later, some theorists proposed that the muscle contraction during orgasm promotes a suction force in the uterus, which can quickly attract the injected sperm to the uterus and fallopian tubes.However, scientific research today has proven that sperm enter the uterus most rapidly when the woman is not sexually aroused.

As mentioned earlier, during sexual arousal a woman's vagina dilates and the uterus and cervix elevate.This sets up a barrier for the influx of sperm. At this moment, the sperm will go through a natural survival of the fittest. Excellent sperm can enter the barrier with luck, and weak sperm will be ruthlessly eliminated.That's when orgasm comes, removing the barrier and paving the way for good sperm to rush their way to the fallopian tubes.According to a study, women are more likely to orgasm when they have sex with a well-shaped partner.

Therefore, combined with the content of Chapter 1, it can be found that female orgasm helps to retain excellent sperm, so as to give birth to a healthy next generation.

There's also the interesting but controversial idea that the female orgasm gives women control over the sperm that enters their bodies.When sperm are ejaculated into a woman's body, only a small part of the semen can make it through and finally swim into the uterus, and the rest flows out of the body. This is called "sperm reflux".According to this view, semen flow is related to the "orgasm gap" between men and women, which refers to the time when a man ejaculates and a woman reaches orgasm.In short, the timing of a woman's orgasm determines how much semen can break into her body.If the woman has an orgasm right after the man ejaculates, the most sperm can get inside.If the woman has an orgasm within 1 minute of the man ejaculating, there will be less sperm left in the body.If it takes more than 1 minute for a woman to reach an orgasm after a man ejaculates, a large amount of sperm will withdraw, that is to say, it is the same as if there was no orgasm.An orgasm leaves a woman calm, relaxed, and generally rests on her back afterwards.Lying flat can help reduce semen backflow and increase the chances of pregnancy.

There is also a theory that the rhythmic contractions of a woman's vagina will stimulate rapid ejaculation in a man.The prolactin released in the female body during orgasm will enter the fluid in the vagina, cervix, and uterus, thereby increasing the calcium element in the seminal fluid that has entered the body. This is equivalent to increasing the horsepower of a car, allowing it to run freely between mountains Finally arrived at the destination.

Orgasm not only physically assists women to conceive, but also psychologically motivates women to conceive.Orgasms send women on a roller coaster of pleasure that is indescribable and unforgettable.Therefore, this "primitive temptation" continues to attract women to try sex.That is to say, in the process of human evolution, women who have experienced orgasm are more active in sex, and the frequency of sex is higher, so they can better complete the mission of reproduction.

From an evolutionary point of view, reproduction not only refers to pregnancy and childbirth, but also refers to the ability and resources to raise offspring and ensure the healthy growth of offspring.To this end, the female orgasm performs a mate-selecting function.A man prefers a woman he can satisfy, and won't look elsewhere to reinvigorate or prove his abilities.When a man is sure that a woman is willing to carry on his family, he will cherish her and her future children doubly.

If a man can take good care of a woman on the bed, try his best to make her happy, and give her orgasm, then this man must be a "selfless lover".If he is selfless in sex, he must be tolerant in other aspects, he is a lover who can stay together forever, and a father who loves his children.Therefore, choosing a "selfless lover" is equivalent to choosing a good man who will never leave him and his children and is considerate.Maybe this is what is called love.

(End of this chapter)