If you can love like this

Chapter 31

Life is like a play, and play is like life. At the end of our performance, we often can't tell who is in the play and who is watching.Entering the play too deeply, leaving the play too slowly, so there is confusion and pain outside the play.

Because I had to go to work on the eighth day of the eighth day, I went back to Star City on the sixth day, cleaned up the house, and worked hard all day.Auntie Zhang, the neighbor next door, was very happy to see me coming back. She gave me a lot of sausages she made by herself, and said to me, "You are back. There was a man who came to see you every day before the Chinese New Year. He just stopped by your door. After a while, I came here again in the second day of junior high school. It was snowing heavily that day. I saw that he was so cold that I asked him to come in and sit down. He refused and stood by your door all the time. He pulled it away, he committed a crime..."

I lost my mind for a moment.

"Is it your boyfriend?" Aunt Zhang asked inquiringly.

I smiled, "No."

All of a sudden, I felt weak, and my chest was tight and I couldn't breathe.I thanked Aunt Zhang repeatedly for the sausage, and then I closed the door and entered the house silently.After sitting in the room for a while, I felt more and more breathless, so I opened the window, and the crisp fresh air made me shiver.

I don't want to think about it too much. I pretend to be fine and cook. I cook a table full of dishes by myself, and drink by myself under the lamp. I drank a lot of wine, but I didn't eat a few bites of the dishes. .

Because there is no Internet at home in Xiangbei, I have not been online since years ago. After dinner, I turned on the computer and checked my mailbox online. When I was cleaning up junk mail, I accidentally found an email signed by "Jin Yi".I vaguely remembered that I had left an email address for He Jinyi in Shanghai, what would happen to her looking for me?Unable to control my curiosity, I clicked on the email...

Kaoer:

Happy New Year!Sorry to write rashly, I don't know if I'm bothering you.I also wrote this letter to you when I had no other choice. I don’t know if you can read it.I don't know what happened between you and Mochi. Before the Spring Festival, he fell ill and was admitted to the hospital in Xingcheng. He was sent to Shanghai for treatment overnight, which frightened me and his friends.On the night of New Year's Eve, he seemed to have received your text message or something, and suddenly wanted to be discharged from the hospital to go to Star City. I couldn't stop him, so I had to take the medicine and go with him.When we arrived in Xingcheng, he didn't want me to follow, and ran to your door alone to wait for you.He waited at your door for a long time that day, and no one could persuade him like he was possessed. In the end, I forcibly pulled him into the car with the help of your neighbor. I took the earliest flight that night to take him back. Shanghai.He died on the plane, and was taken directly to the hospital by ambulance after getting off the plane. He is still lying in the intensive care unit, unconscious.

Kao'er, there is one thing I haven't told you. It was Mochi who repeatedly told me not to let me say it. He has a very serious heart disease, congenital, and he has never been off the medicine since he was a child.His father passed away at the age of 36 because of a heart attack.So over the years his family, including his friends, are most worried that he will follow in his father's footsteps.Fortunately, medicine is so advanced now, he has the best doctors to take care of him, and so many friends care about him, so his condition was under good control for a time, at least we all thought he would live past his father's age, but now It seems that this hope is very slim, because he is completely giving up on himself. When he came back from Star City three years ago, he seemed to be a different person. He smoked, drank and stayed up late, ruining himself to death.At first we didn't know what the reason was, but later we found out it was because of you.The first time I saw you in the piano shop, I could feel that you meant something special to him. To be honest, I didn’t know what happened between you, but I knew he loved you very much, it was that kind of irresistible love. Alternative deep love.

I am very relieved, because he is finally willing to devote himself to loving someone.Although he sometimes told me that he hoped that I would accompany him to France and live the rest of his life in peace, I knew that there was no love between me and him.Yes, I have had a past with him. My father and his mother are good friends. We have known each other since we were young, including Yesha and his sister Anne. Study in school.Maybe I have no fate with Mochi, I missed him because of a car accident ten years ago, he married Yesha, and I have my own life.Later, Ye Sha committed suicide and Mochi returned to Shanghai. I have been helping to take care of him under the entrustment of his mother. What I said is that in the past three years, you were not by his side, and I was taking care of him.

Soon he went to France again, lived there for about a year, felt very lonely, and ran back again.Did you know that when he met you in Shanghai half a year ago, he had already booked his return ticket, and just two days later, because he met you suddenly, he canceled the original itinerary, which shows how important you are to him!So Kao'er, please go back to Mochi, what he needs most now is you.No matter what grievances and grievances there are between you, please believe that no one in this world loves you more than him, he really loves you!
He may be a difficult person, with a bad temper, stubborn and proud, but he is actually a very poor person. He lost his father when he was young, and his mother took him to remarry. From childhood to adolescence, he lived a life of being dependent on others. , Marriage suffered misfortune when he became an adult, so even though he has everything materially and is well-known in his career, he has no reason to be unhappy, but he is unhappy.Kao'er, how I hope you can bring him happiness, this is more gratifying than my own happiness, because I, like all relatives and friends who care about him, we only want him to be happy!

His condition is very serious now, and he has been unconscious for the past few days. Every friend who came to see him in the hospital couldn't help crying.Now we dare not tell his mother who is far away in New Zealand. His mother is not in good health, and we are afraid that the old man will not be able to bear it.Kaoer, if you read this letter, please come to Shanghai to see him, I beg you.

Oh, by the way, please send my regards to Miss Milan. Miss Milan helped us a lot when Mochi fell ill in Star City. She seems to be your friend too. Thank her for me.

Looking forward to seeing you when Mochi wakes up.

瑾宜
Early morning of February 2

For a long, long time, I didn't move my computer screen, and stared at the letter without blinking, as if the screen could take people's souls away, and I became an empty shell without a soul.

No wonder he disappeared without a trace after I had a big fight with him on the day of the operation, and I didn’t see him when he was discharged from the hospital. It turned out that he had already been sent to Shanghai.On the night of Chinese New Year's Eve, he must have seen my text message and ran back, looking for me frantically. It was so cold and snowing that he fell ill again.Why is he coming back?Want to explain something, am I misunderstanding him?
I carefully recalled the ins and outs of the matter, and I always felt that something was wrong.Based on what I know about him, he probably doesn't like Xiao Lin. Xiao Lin is quite young and energetic, but in my impression, Geng Mochi has never even looked at her, and he usually talks to her coldly. Attitude, he has always regarded himself very highly, never bothered to pretend anything, and he was not good at it either.

In the yard downstairs, there were children setting off firecrackers, intermittently, crackling, every sound seemed to explode in my heart.I started to shiver. Even though the heater was turned on, I was still shivering from the cold.Tears kept falling down, and I kept wiping away the tears, but I couldn't wipe them away.And then I was running around the house, in constant panic, not knowing what I was going to do, what else I could do, what I had done.I sat on the sofa in the living room panting, looked at the wall clock on the wall, and counted the clicks and clicks of the pendulum in my heart. The sound sounded like a time bomb. The air expanded, and my eyes widened. Watching himself being blown to pieces in the void of space.

If I really misunderstood him, the words I said in the ward that day undoubtedly gave him a devastating blow. It is not surprising that his weak heart can withstand such stimulation, so it is not surprising.

Trembling, I called Yingzhi and asked what happened to Geng Mochi after he was dragged out of the ward by Milan that day.After hesitating for a moment, Yingzhi sighed, "When I came out of the ward, he was lying on the ground, many people surrounded him, Milan was also beside him, the doctor was giving him CPR, and then he was sent to the hospital. Emergency room rescued."

"and then?"

"It seems that he was sent to Shanghai by special plane that night. His attending doctor is there, and the medical conditions are better than here." Yingzhi sighed over and over again on the phone, "Kaoer, I really don't believe Mr. Geng is like that There must be a misunderstanding, you didn't see how scary he was when he got sick, his face was pale and his lips were black, I thought he was going to go."

"Sakura, why didn't you tell me earlier!" I was sobbing on the phone.

"Milan didn't let me say it. She said that you are still recovering, and knowing these things will increase your psychological burden." Speaking of Milan, Yingzhi's tone became hesitant again, "Kaoer, I don't know It’s not that I’m overthinking, I think Milan is a little strange recently, she went to Shanghai and came back, her whole person’s condition is not right, she even quit her job.”

"What, quit your job? I don't know, she didn't tell me..."

"She will definitely not tell you! But I have known for a long time that she has a close relationship with a director of their newspaper named Luo, who has a family. A while ago, his wife went to the newspaper to make a big fuss. Milan probably resigned It's related to this, she didn't tell you because she knew you hated mistress the most, so she became mistress herself, even though she didn't admit it, it had already spread!"

I shook my head, my mind was completely confused, and my heart was clenched from crying, "Yingzhi, I don't care about Milan's affairs now, I just want to know how Geng Mochi is doing now, I am very worried about him, I think I must have misunderstood him, it must be, otherwise he wouldn't have had the disease...I didn't know he had such a serious heart attack! Yingzhi, I never really cared about him..."

I've never hated myself more than I do now, and for God's sake, this is not what I want!I love him, even though things have gone so far, my love for him is still the same. If possible, even if I become a ghost immediately, I will rush to confess to him and tell him that I didn't mean it!But, there is no chance, I lost that child, and I also lost the only witness of our love!Is this love without blessing?What did I do wrong, we just love each other, we didn't hinder anyone, why does God always step us into the abyss of suffering again and again?

I can't figure it out, I feel like I've been buried in ruins suddenly, I can't breathe, I can't see the light, I will be trapped in this darkness for the rest of my life.This reminds me of another person who is sleeping in the dark world——Qi Shujie, is it because you cursed us underground that I always miss the happiness I get?All these sufferings are obviously brought to me by you, so why can't I be happy?Why!
That night I caught a plane to go to Shanghai.Every day in Shanghai, I feel like being roasted on the flames. There are no words to describe the heart-piercing burning pain.Geng Mochi's condition is very unstable, sometimes he is awake, sometimes he is in a coma, sometimes he seems to recognize me, sometimes he looks at me like a stranger.On the day he woke up for the first time, I knelt by the bed, put his hand on my cheek, just cried, kept crying, incoherent, but he withdrew his hand with great effort, turned his face away, no look at me again.Later, his condition gradually improved, and he didn't say a word to me until he was discharged from the hospital.

Jinyi always creates opportunities for us to get along alone, but he looks at me like he is looking at a wall, with neither sadness nor joy on his face, and the calmness makes people scared.I would rather he cursed at me with the most vicious words, just like I have pissed him off in the past, but he was completely indifferent to me, whether I cried to him and confessed to him, or I groveled and looked after him like a servant. Nothing happens.We're back at a stalemate, and if I had known I wouldn't have left him, these things wouldn't have happened if I hadn't!

Qi Shuli once asserted that I would regret it, and I said to him at that time, "How can there be no regrets in life", I was so proud and convinced that this relationship would not let us hurt each other again, so I suffered retribution ?It is meaningless to talk about regrets today, and I do everything possible to make up for it.After being discharged from the hospital, Geng Mochi returned to Wangjiang Apartment in Pudong. I asked the radio station for a long vacation to stay by his side every day, and became his nanny again.During that time, apart from helping him tidy up his house and taking care of his daily life, the most important thing I did was to tell him to take medicine.Thanks to Jin Yi, she carefully wrote down the dosage of each medicine clearly in the small book, including what to fast on weekdays, and what food is good for his health, she wrote it clearly in the book .

People come to see him every day, from friends to his agents and assistants.It is worth mentioning that his former personal assistant Xiao Lin has resigned, and according to Jin Yi, he was fired.

"I don't know what annoyed him, but he fired Xiao Lin." Jin Yi obviously didn't know the inside story, and said to me regretfully, "Actually, Xiao Lin is a nice girl, she is very serious in her work, and she is also very considerate to him."

"Don't mention Xiao Lin in front of him in the future." I told Jinyi.

Jin Yi was surprised, "Why?"

"Don't ask why, just don't mention it."

"Oh, I know."

Once some things become each other's wounds, don't mention them if you can. As for the truth of the facts, it doesn't matter anymore.Now I just want to be by his side every minute and every second, even if he ignores me and doesn't talk to me, as long as I can be by his side and feel his existence, I will be satisfied.When my mother learned that I had returned to Shanghai, she hung up the phone without saying anything.Although she didn't say anything, I knew it was an expression of her extreme anger. She must have been completely disappointed in me.

To my surprise, I ran into Xiao Lin while shopping in a mall. She hesitated for a while, stepped forward to greet me, and then timidly invited me to the cafe upstairs for coffee.

I feel that she has something to say. Although the matter is over and I don't want to think about it anymore, but that matter is always a big lump in my heart. If she is willing to tell me the truth, I think I have no reason to refuse.

The coffee shop was filled with a strong aroma of coffee. I looked at Xiao Lin in front of me. He was indeed young. Even if he looked lonely, the brilliance of youth could not be concealed. I asked her kindly: "What do you want to tell me?"

"Do you believe that is true?" Kobayashi asked weakly.

I pondered for a moment, then smiled, "I started to believe it, but now I don't believe it."

"why?"

"If it was true, you wouldn't have the guts to buy me coffee."

Xiao Lin's eyes turned red in an instant, and he choked up and said, "I'm sorry, I should have explained it to you earlier."

I looked at her, didn't speak, and waited for her to continue.

The little girl was obviously holding back her tears, she lowered her head, not daring to look directly at me, she spoke in a low voice, "I really like him, I have liked him for a long time...I want to be with him even in my dreams, I know that I have no hope, but I just can't let go, and then I thought that since I can't get him, then let me stay by his side, take care of him, share the pressure of work for him, and watch him from a distance. Now he doesn't even give me this chance." At this point, Xiao Lin's emotions became agitated, tears welled up in his eyes, and his thin shoulders trembled slightly, "That day...that day I slept with him...I didn't On purpose. He drank too much that day. I stayed in his apartment to take care of him. Watching him sleep on the bed, I couldn't help but lay next to him. I didn't do anything to him, and neither did he What do I do, but he just refuses to forgive me... I really didn't mean to..."

I stared blankly at Xiao Lin, speechless for a while.

Xiao Lin covered her face and kept crying. I suddenly felt very unbearable. She should be about the same age as my younger sister. It is really cruel to experience this at such a young age.

"I'm sorry..." She repeated this sentence over and over again.

(End of this chapter)