If you can love like this

Chapter 58

I don't know how it happened like this, although I used to be "famous" often, but it has never been so thorough and embarrassing as it is now. This is how I am. When you get up, you can do anything when you get hotheaded, and you have been fooled for this. I don’t know how many times I still don’t know how to repent.My original intention was to take a photo like this while I was young and keep it as a souvenir. It will definitely be very meaningful when I look at it when I am old.I have been an emotional person since I was a child, and I think everything is beautiful, but I don’t know that in the secular world, not all people are so simple-minded. If this photo is taken by an ordinary model, it will be placed in the exhibition hall It's just to win a few compliments, and it will never attract overwhelming criticism like it is now.

This is not the result I wanted, and what I didn't expect was that the person who came to the radio station to pick me up was actually Qi Shuli. There is no doubt that he also knew about it, and he didn't go on the day of the photography exhibition. It is said that he gave the ticket to his subordinates. Even if his subordinates did not tell him, the newspapers and the Internet would definitely tell him.

Sitting in Qi Shuli's luxurious car, I didn't say a word, and neither did he.But his appearance was terrifying, his face was sullen, he didn't look at me, and the veins on his forehead were twitching lightly with restraint.When we arrived at Yalanju, he had no reason to restrain himself. He yelled at me with a ferocious look and wanted to tear me apart. I thought he would at least slap me twice, but he couldn't do it after all.

It rained heavily at night, Qi Shuli slumped down on the sofa and smoked one cigarette after another, with a gloomy expression.Xiaosi turned on the water, and I went upstairs to take a shower. After the shower, I went into the bedroom and wrapped myself in the quilt, pretending that I was dead.When Qi Shuli came in, he had regained his composure, but his expression was exhausted. He sat on the sofa opposite the bed and looked at me, with cold pain and loss in his eyes.

"Tell me, how can I make you happy? If falling makes you happy, I can fall with you, and I will take you to America, where is the paradise of the fallen. You can fall as much as you want, but why, why You want to choose to fool around with a scum like Gao Peng? Is that how you spoil yourself?"

I stared at the ceiling, tears streaming down my pillow silently.

When Qi Shuli said this, he stood up, walked to my bed, and looked down at me with tears in his eyes, "If no one loves you, I can give you love, my love is only open to you, why would you rather reject me? Love and want to hang on a tree? Is he so worthy of your sacrifice? Can you even make you fall for him and trample yourself for him?"

"He" refers to Geng Mochi.

I was so exhausted that I closed my eyes and didn't want to hear any more.What Qi Shuli said again, I have no memory of it anymore, I only know that when he finally left, he leaned down and kissed my forehead lightly, and said: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to treat you like this, I'm really sorry Love you."

Then he touched my face and reluctantly left my room. When I went out, I seemed to hear him say, "I will never let that bastard go, just wait and see!"

I was suddenly very worried about Gao Peng. He disappeared for several days after this incident broke out. Needless to say, he was deeply blaming himself for this incident.I'm really afraid that something will happen to him, because I know that he is weaker than me. Under his unrestrained and even cynical appearance, he hides a very sensitive and fragile heart. Can he get out of the shadow of this incident?
I called his cell phone, it was turned off, and I called his studio and apartment, but no one answered, and I started to panic.I was about to look for him, but he came to me, instead of entering Yalanju, he called me and called me downstairs.

It was night at that time, he was wearing a black leather jacket, and he was waiting for me under the sycamore tree by the lake with his hands folded.The wind was strong, and his hair was blown into a mess. Under the dim light, I felt that he was visibly thinner, and his expression was tired and vicissitudes.I asked him why he didn't come into the house, but he couldn't say anything, only a few words to me.

"What do you want to say?" I looked at him with pity.

"I'm sorry, Kao'er. I'm the one who hurt you. I'm really sorry. I know it's too late to say this now, but I..." He took a deep puff on his cigarette, looked down at the fallen leaves all over the ground, and still didn't dare to look at me .

"Did I say anything to blame you? I'm an adult and capable of taking responsibility for my actions."

"But, you lost your job..."

"What does that matter, you can find it again if you lose your job." I looked at him with a smile, and talked to him in as relaxed a tone as possible, "I'm really fine, I'm fine now, but you, don't worry about me I'm worried, you didn't do it on purpose, you should cheer up, you promised me, work hard with me, we have to live well."

Gao Peng looked at me in surprise, and couldn't believe that I could still say such things now.

"We must live well, live better than ever before, no one loves us, we can only love ourselves and cherish ourselves, do you understand?" I held his cold hand and tried to think Give him comfort and encouragement.

Gao Peng was so excited that he pulled me into his arms suddenly, "I promise you, I promise you will live well, we will all live well, I promise you, promise you..."

It was late at night when Gao Peng left. I watched him leave in the wind of the night, and the leaves were flying. His figure was clear and his footsteps were steady. I was very relieved that there was no decadence or discouragement.I firmly believe that I am not mistaken, he left with hope, without any hint or sign of giving up, that early autumn night, the wind, the fallen leaves, and the street lamp are forever frozen in my heart...

Two days later, Gao Peng sent someone to deliver a letter. At that time, I was sitting on a lounge chair by the lake basking in the sun. Since I lost my job, I only do two things a day, basking in the sun during the day and basking in the moon at night.

I opened the letter and cried after reading the beginning. He said in the letter:

"Kao'er, my dearest princess, please forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye. I dare not say goodbye to you. I am afraid that I will change my mind when I see your sad face. Because you are so weak and kind, people can't help but want to protect you." Love you love you. But I am not qualified, I can only be considered a whimsical frog at best, and the reason why frogs are still frogs is because they have not found true love and hope. So I left to find my own love And hope. Recently, I have been dreaming about the desert in the west. I wonder if God is suggesting to me that there is what I am looking for. Lop Nur, have you heard of it? It is called the desert of death, and that is where I want to go , don't think I'm looking for death, no, with your love and blessings, I will definitely walk out of Lop Nur, and thus get out of the living coffin that has imprisoned me for many years, and I will come to see you with a smile. Dear princess, maybe I will never be the prince in your heart, but it doesn't matter, I have always been grateful that you didn't treat me like a toad, please believe that no matter where I go, I will sincerely bless you, pray to God to bless you, and give you the world The most beautiful happiness, let you have no worries and sorrows from now on..."

Gao Peng, you scoundrel, you promised, we need to support each other, and we will walk the road together in the future, how can you leave without saying goodbye?How can you go back on what you promised?You have always been a man of your word, why is it the only time you broke your word? !

I was so angry that I cried a lot.Lop Nur, Death Desert, God, how did he get to that kind of place? !But I have no way to keep him, just like there is no way to save him, the only one who can really save him is himself.Thinking about it this way, I feel better. Lop Nur, he should be able to come out. As he himself said, he will be truly liberated and free after walking out of Lop Nur. After being imprisoned by the painful past for so many years, he will find the place where he belongs. Own love and hope, I should trust him, shouldn't I?
At this moment, Qi Shuli came back from the outside, dressed in a neat suit, held his head high, still looking domineering, saw me wiping my tears, walked straight over, stood in front of me like a giant, and asked, "Why are you crying here?" , Gao Peng left?"

I was startled, "How do you know?"

"I want him to go, I want him not to influence you anymore, to bring you down..."

"I'm already bad, so I don't need him to make me bad!"

"I'm doing it for your own good, and I don't want you to fall with him."

"I have fallen!"

"That's good, fall with me, and I will take you to America to fall."

"Stop doing this!" I yelled at him with tears all over my face, "What happens to me is my own business, it has nothing to do with you! Gao Peng has no grievances with you, why do you treat him like this? Listen, if he makes a mistake, I will never forgive you! I swear I will fight you hard!"

Qi Shuli didn't take it seriously, "What mistakes can he make for a big man?"

"He went to Lop Nur, do you know?"

"Oh, it's a bit far away, the Desert of Death." Qi Shuli looked indifferent.

His indifference irritated me even more, and I shouted: "You know it's the desert of death, if he doesn't come back alive, Qi Shuli, listen, I will never forgive you in this life!"

"Okay, I'll wait."

"Okay, you wait!"

The days passed slowly like a blocked river, and spring came in a blink of an eye, but there was still no news from Gao Peng.During this period, Qi Shuli went back to the United States, I really wish he never came back, lest I feel troubled when I saw him.Yingzhi persuaded me to calm down, saying that Qi Shuli is actually not a bad person, but he just thinks too much of me.But I can't be calm, my blood pressure rises when I face him. On Aqing's birthday, I came back from the dinner and saw Qi Shuli sitting on a chair by the lake basking in the sunset at the door of the house. The sun was about to set, so he Can only bask in the sunset.when did he come backSeeing him sitting there leisurely smoking a cigarette, and thinking that Gao Peng might still be trekking in the desert of Lop Nur, my teeth were itchy with hatred, and I walked straight into the house without even looking at him.Seeing that I ignored him, he took the initiative to greet me with a smile: "Kao'er, long time no see, where have you been?"

I held my head up and answered, "Be a lady." I'm so mad at you!

"How do you talk, do you want to be a lady that much?" He was a little displeased by the smell of gunpowder.

I said coldly, "What can I do? I don't have a job, and I'm worried about the next meal. What can I do if I don't want to be a lady?"

"Look at you, why are you so angry."

I still ignored him and went into the house by myself.He followed me in, Xiao Si was overjoyed to see him, and rushed into the kitchen to make tea, this damn girl, Qi Shuli usually likes to get close to her when he has nothing to do, and even give her gifts, she has been bribed long ago, as soon as I have a little She immediately reported to Qi Shuli if something happened.When Xiaosi went to make tea, he was already sitting on the sofa like a mountain. When he looked up, he almost jumped up, because there was a body art photo on the wall facing him, it was none other than mine. .

Maybe because of the influence of Gao Peng, I am more outrageous in my behavior than before. It is this photo that ruined my reputation, so I just hang this photo in the living room. Look, everyone, no matter what you think of me, Bai Kaoer is still Bai Kaoer, you take away my reputation, but you can't take away my insistence on free life and belief!

But to be honest, this photo is really well taken. No matter from which angle you look at it, it is full of artistic brilliance. The woman in the photo, against the background of the green forest, with her jade back exposed, is happy, with beautiful curves and sideways The face is full of brows and eyes, and the hair as bright as silk is messy but scattered behind the head, hanging down like a waterfall, making the looming jade back even whiter, exuding infinite charm.I look at the photos several times a day, and the more I look at them, the more I like them. I can’t believe that the person in the photos is me. I really love Gao Peng, who took such a beautiful picture of me.

Qi Shuli's eyeballs almost popped out staring at the photo. He looked at me and then at the photo. It seemed that it was difficult to connect the two. He must have guessed that this feat of mine was aimed at him. He was very interested. "Is that the picture?" he asked eagerly.

"Exactly." I said triumphantly.

"It's beautiful, like a fairy."

"Exactly."

"That kid is quite capable."

"Exactly."

He laughed, and his ambiguous eyes swept over me, "Kao'er, you are really different, but the photo here makes people feel a bit dreamy, haha..."

"It's not like you haven't seen a woman naked before."

"I've seen women naked, but I haven't seen you naked." Qi Shuli's expression was ambiguous, and he became whimsical, "If possible, can you send me this photo?"

"Give it to you? It's a beautiful idea!"

But he said it very seriously: "I'm serious. Whatever you want, as long as I have it, I can exchange it with you."

"Forget it, I won't give it to you if I give it to anyone."

"Then who are you going to hand it over to, Geng Mochi?"

"..."

These words set me on fire, and I pointed to the door, "You can go." I didn't say get out, I was already very polite.Unexpectedly, Qi Shuli didn't like this at all, and deliberately provoked me, "Hey, I haven't heard Mr. Geng play the piano for a long time, and I'm really not used to it."

I teased, "Is that so, it looks like you miss him a lot?"

"A little bit. My neighbor is actually a nice person. You can enjoy music for free if you live across the street from him. If it weren't for you, I might have already talked about heroes with him."

"I really underestimated you, your heart is as broad as the sea."

"You underestimated me, and my heart is all about you."

As he said this, his eyes were drawn to the photo again, his expression was focused and affectionate, and his face showed infinite nostalgia. I heard him say: "Be careful, I might steal this photo some other day .”

Two days later, I went to the hospital for a follow-up examination. As soon as I entered the door, I was so frightened by the empty wall opposite the sofa that I lost sleep.Ask Xiao Si, Xiao Si said that Qi Shuli took it away.I yelled, "Who asked you to let him take it?"

"He took it by himself, he said he has already told you..."

I ran to the next door aggressively, but Qi Shuli was not there, and the nanny said he would not be back until evening.I called again and yelled: "You bastard, why did you steal my photo?"

He explained calmly: "It's not stealing, it's taking."

"give me back!"

"I'm very sorry, I have already sent the photo to the United States, if you want to see it, follow me to the United States..."

"You are nothing!"

"I'm nothing in the first place." He replied with Geng Mochi's words.

In the evening, Xiao Si made delicious sweet and sour pork ribs. I had no appetite at all, so I went upstairs to take a shower and get ready for bed.With my wet hair on my head, I stood in front of the study window to comb my hair. The window was facing the near-water terrace, and Qi Shuli was also standing in front of the window over there. He was smoking a cigarette, staring at this side without moving.Because of the distance, I couldn't see his expression clearly. It felt like a hunter was aiming at the target... The phone rang, and I ran to answer it.

Qi Shuli's voice came over coldly: "You better take care of your friend Li Yingzhi!"

"Li Yingzhi? What happened to Li Yingzhi?"

With a snap, the phone turned into a busy tone.

I was baffled while holding the phone, and my heart became tense, should I care about Li Yingzhi?what does it mean?Do I have something to hold in his hand?What a joke, I don't steal or rob, and I'm afraid he'll hold something against me!But I was still a little uneasy. I tried to contact Yingzhi by calling, but no one answered the phone after calling several times. I must have gone on vacation with Zhou Youji, and I heard that she wanted to go out to play.I sent a text message to Yingzhi and asked her where she is now. The next day Yingzhi called from Kunming, Yunnan, saying that she would return to Star City in two days, and she and Zhou Youji went to Yunnan for tourism.I said angrily, "You'd better come back immediately, I'm going crazy, I don't even have anyone to talk to, if you don't come back, you'll have to collect the body for me."

"It's okay to say such unlucky words, who provoked you?" Yingzhi was inexplicably scolded by me.

"Okay, okay, come back soon!"

"Of course I will. I will arrive at noon the day after tomorrow."

"Where is Zhou Youji, come back with you too?"

"No, I'll be back first, he has to go to Guangzhou to settle the bill."

(End of this chapter)