I loved you so deeply

Chapter 36 A Dilemma (3)
At the time when my mother remarried, in order to seek support from a family, Buxie gave up on herself and became a stepmother in someone else's house. She worked diligently and tremblingly for more than ten years. In the end, she left and the husband and wife were separated. She was alone again, and she still had to depend on herself. .

The house belonged to his stepfather who passed away, and Yin Bailu's character was absolutely unwilling to let his mother continue to live there. He rented his house in City B, so the financial burden of buying a house fell on his shoulders.

Mother held Yin Bailu's hand tightly, not knowing whether it was guilt or sadness.

The simple funeral ended, as if the relationship between the two families had also come to an end.

Yin Bailu walked behind Bai Ziqing: "Do you want me to take you home?"

"Whose home?" Bai Ziqing asked her back, "Your home, or mine?"

Yin Bailu answered her quickly: "Your home, your home and your father's home. My mother and I will move out from there as soon as possible. Don't worry, the property of the couple has been transparent all these years. My mother has not worked for half her life. , Before Uncle Bai passed away, there was still more than 7 yuan in the passbook at home, including the 18-month repayment of salary, a total of more than [-] yuan, I didn’t move a cent, and left it in the drawer of Uncle Bai’s study.”

Bai Ziqing took off her sunglasses, looked at the gray sky outside, and said silently, "Bai Lu, do you hate me? Hate me for ruining your relationship with Gu Jin, and hate me for living a shorter life for so long. You are excellent, hate me... There are many things you can't understand."

Yin Bailu's eyes fell on the photo of his stepfather on the tombstone, and his eyes were far away: "Hate. But I have to blame for all the consequences now. Bai Ziqing, I really don't have any feelings for you. The reason why I endured you is to see For Uncle Bai's sake, he treats me better than my own father, and I can't see him being sick and ignoring death, so I just watched you take your own father's life to gain Pang Zheng's sympathy, now Gu Jin I deserve it for being like me, I admit it. But you have to know, it's not because you are my sister in name, and I will never be the same as you. "

Bai Ziqing smiled: "That's great, I hate you too, we're all the same."

"I don't want the house. It's what my aunt deserves after taking care of my dad for so many years. I'll take the money and let it be like this from now on." She turned the wheelchair, and she slowly faded out of Yin Bailu's sight by herself, as if she was saying goodbye, " Goodbye, Yin Bailu."

In the past, she returned to city B because she had her father and someone she wanted to see. Now that her father passed away, she couldn't get the person she wanted to see. She had no reason to stay here anymore.

When looking at her father's photo, Bai Ziqing always wondered if she hadn't put so much energy into other people's marriages and spent more time with her father, would all of this have had a different ending ?

She didn't even hear her father's last words before he died, and she didn't even have time to touch his hand that was slowly losing warmth.

Thinking over and over like this, Bai Ziqing still went to find Gu Jin.

It was a sunny morning. Gu Jin changed into her hospital gown and was packing her luggage for discharge in the ward. She stayed in the high room for 3000 yuan a day for five days. She looked thin and pale.

Pang Zheng hadn't appeared since that day, and he didn't make a phone call, as if deliberately avoiding Gu Jin.There was always an aunt in the ward who took care of her. It was the old man who took care of Mr. Pang before. Mrs. Pang brought her here the next day when she heard about Gu Jin's hospitalization.

Madam Pang's surname is Shen, and her boudoir name is Shen Ruigu, but she has been married to Pang Lei for so many years, everyone calls her Madam Pang, and almost forgot her name.

She looked at Gu Jin lovingly in front of the hospital bed, her eyes couldn't hide the sadness.She said Jin Jin, this time it's the wrong side of the government, you two are young, don't always talk about breaking up and divorce, it hurts your feelings.

She said that your father-in-law has already taught Pang Zheng a lesson, and you can see the bruises on his face, and bruises all over his body after taking off his clothes. I have raised this kid for almost 30 years, and this is the first time I have seen his father have such big hair fire.You two were fine during the Chinese New Year, and I felt very relieved at the time. How did you say you have come to this point?
She said Jinjin, your mother is not here now, and your father has left again, entrusting you to our family. This is the result now, what face will you let your father-in-law have to meet your parents in the future.I beg you, mom, turn a blind eye to some things, that's how life goes, then Bai Ziqing's father is gone, so she can't make any fuss about it anymore, mom will watch her for you, Don't worry, no one dares to bully you, so just forgive him.

A mother always considers issues from the perspective of her son, Mrs. Pang thinks that Gu Jin is holding back the arrogance of the main room, and cannot tolerate the messy things outside the Pangzheng.

Gu Jin lowered her eyes and didn't speak, but a fingernail hidden under the quilt dug into her palm more and more.

That little face the size of a palm was always full of vigor before, and the eyes could bend into slits with a smile, but now it is lifeless, and I feel pity for it.

Mrs. Pang knew that it was not interesting to talk too much. Considering Gu Jin's expression, she guessed eight or nine points in her heart, so she got up and left. Before leaving, she stood at the door and sighed to comfort her: "A few days ago, your grandpa had a big brain hemorrhage. The operation is still under monitoring in the ICU, and Pang Zheng is busy with family affairs and has no time to see you. When you are discharged from the hospital, I will ask him to pick you up."

Only then did Gu Jin raise his eyes: "Is grandpa very serious?"

The mother-in-law couldn't say a word, and after telling the aunt to take care of Gu Jin, she left with red eyes.

Auntie seldom talks, and Gu Jin asked her about the grandfather next to her, and she couldn't explain clearly. She always sat quietly on the sofa outside the ward, and only came in to deliver meals every day when it was time to eat. They were all small stoves in the cafeteria at home. Be very attentive.

Gu Jin stayed in the hospital for another two days, and felt that her body was almost recovered, and she didn't want to stay in such a bluff, so she prepared to leave the hospital early.

Now, seeing Bai Ziqing standing outside the ward on crutches, the aunt stood in front of Gu Jin very vigilantly, and said in a bad tone, "If you have anything to do, you can tell me first, Miss Gu needs to rest."

The people Mrs. Pang brought were the ones she had explained before, so she could distinguish the good from the bad.

Bai Ziqing turned a blind eye to her aunt, and directly asked Gu Jin who was inside, "Is the side government here?"

"Will he come when you're here?" Gu Jin said lightly, throwing the payment receipt into her bag without even looking at Bai Ziqing, "You came to the wrong place to find him."

Bai Ziqing hopped into the room leaning on crutches, and visited the furnishings in the ward: "No, I came here on a special trip to find you today."

Gu Jin was wearing a black sweater, black jeans, long hair all the time, and was tall and thin. She gave her aunt a reassuring look, and then she gently closed the door and went out.

Bai Ziqing stared at Gu Jin: "Don't you have anything to say to me?" She was still wearing a black veil on her arm, which was very eye-catching, "When I came out, my dad was pushed into the morgue, and he was completely frozen out of the freezer. Do you know what that feels like?"

Gu Jin stopped packing her things, exhaled a foul breath from her chest, and finally straightened her back to look at Bai Ziqing: "I know the feeling better than you. If I have to say something, you deserve it, at least I can't hold it." The father with cancer is going to be a bargaining chip, and it still has the most ulterior purpose."

Bai Ziqing was angry, dragging one leg and rushing to Gu Jin, gritted her teeth, "Do you think you are noble? I use my father to sympathize with you. Didn't you use your father's life in exchange for someone else?" Zheng married you? A dead father, a good marriage with another family, this idea is really good between you and your mother. "

Snapped--

With a loud slap, the air froze instantly.

Gu Jin's slender hands were still trembling slightly, and the palms were flushed.

Bai Ziqing was beaten so that she turned her head sideways, a red mark quickly appeared on her fair face.

This was the first time Gu Jin hit someone, his face didn't blush and his heart didn't beat, as if he had exhausted all his strength, after this slap, the breath that had been suffocating in his heart seemed to finally dissipate, and he was dripping with joy.

Gu Jin looked at Bai Ziqing, and said frankly, sonorously: "I never traded my dad's life for anything, I'm not you, I know because you didn't see your dad for the last time, and I also know because of me you broke I lost my arm and broke my leg, but I would rather these things can be exchanged for the same value, even if I take off one of my arms and one leg and give it back to you, but I know it won't work. Bai Ziqing, I made a mistake this time, I I owe you, but I also paid the price for it, and I also lost something, and we are even."

This kind of dialogue has nothing to do with men, it is purely a struggle between two women.In the end, you come and go, but both sides suffer.

Bai Ziqing was in a daze, and suddenly asked Gu Jin, "Will you separate from Pang Zheng?"

Gu Jin nodded: "Yes."

She asked her back: "Will you be with Pang Zheng?"

Bai Ziqing thought for a while, her cheeks were red and swollen, and she smiled unpredictablely: "Who knows."

Leaning on crutches, she hopped away as she came in, and said, "Gu Jin, we're even."

We were even, and in the end, neither of us was with Pang Zheng.But I know that I lost, I lost in a mess, I lost completely.

Gu Jin watched Bai Ziqing's back, and watched her slowly walk out of the ward, the corridor, and then the corner of the stairs. After a long time, she turned around and picked up her bag, put on her coat, and left the hospital alone.

The aunt wanted her to wait until she called Pang Zheng to pick her up, but Gu Jin also refused.

She went back to the original and Pang Zheng's house, and it seemed that no one had been in the house for many days, and the clothes were piled up on the sofa in a mess, and she was just as she was when she left, and even worse when she came back.

Gu Jin took off her shoes and began to tidy up silently.

First, my own clothes, all folded and boxed, and then for the side government, those to be washed were sorted and stuffed into the laundry basket, and the clean ones were folded and hung up and put into the cloakroom.After entering the bathroom, she swept off the top layer of things on the mirror, which were her facial cleanser, cosmetics, perfume, and nail polish.

Then in the study room, she unplugged the laptop, wrapped the charging cable around, packed it, and threw it into the suitcase.

When the drawer was opened, there were two paper boxes side by side, which contained the passports, household registration books, marriage certificates, and various permits and visa slips of the two people.

Gu Jin took the one on the right, and flipped through it again. The dark red marriage certificate was printed with gold-plated words, and when it was opened lightly, it was a photo of two people touching their heads.

On the day of registration, there was no discussion before. He called her in the morning and asked, can he spare an hour?She asked him what he was doing, and he only said two words briefly, to get the certificate.

She said, okay, and then quickly picked up clothes in her small closet.The temperature was particularly good that day. She wore a white silk shirt, light makeup, and hair draped softly behind her head, with Gu Jin's little girlish heart.

She thinks that the photos on the marriage certificate of two people must be clean, as they look particularly well-matched and happy at first glance. After all, there is only one photo in a lifetime, and there is no chance to change it again.

When the time came, Pang Zheng went downstairs to her house to pick her up, sat in the car and looked at her smiling.

He was wearing a navy blue suit jacket with large dark gold checks and a white Ermenegildo Zegna shirt underneath.

The Civil Affairs Bureau received a lot of certificates that day. He led her carefully in the corridor to avoid the crowd, and then took pictures. The photographer said, "Head to head, come, give me a smile."

This photo was what Gu Jin was most satisfied with, so she narcissistically asked the photographer to ask for an extra one, and put it in her wallet, right behind the family portrait.

Gu Jin is really reluctant.

She touched the photo, squatted on the floor of the study and stared at it for 5 minutes, and when she stood up again, her legs were numb.

The house is two hundred square meters, but it doesn't even take half an hour to clean up the traces of myself.

She dragged two boxes, and put down her house key, property card, and the black card that was in her pocket at some point at the door.

The box creaked and creaked on the gravel road in the community, and Gu Jin left without looking back.When the security guard downstairs saw her, he greeted her politely: "Miss Gu, are you going on a long trip? You have quite a lot of things with you."

Gu Jin smiled: "Yes, take a long trip."

She returned to the old house where she and her mother used to live, mopped the floors, put on new sheets and covers, and opened her mailbox to check dozens of unread emails.

There were former cooperative customers, company HR (human resources), Fu Anchang, and many colleagues who asked about her condition. She reviewed them one by one, and finally stopped at Qian Qifeng's account and sent a letter of resignation. mail.Not long after the email was sent, countless calls began to come in from her mobile phone, and the first call was from Fu Anchang.

Gu Jin turned off the phone and threw it aside.From the beginning to the end, there was no fluctuation on her face, as calm as the most natural thing.

She knew that she was saying goodbye to everything in the past rationally.

Gu Jin curled up under the quilt staring at the pitch-black computer screen and slowly fell asleep.She thought drowsily, when she woke up the next day, she must go to the hospital to see her grandfather.

The heating in the old house was turned off, and the room was cold, and the small space was so quiet that only the second hand of the old wall clock on the wall could be heard. Gu Jin didn't know how long she had slept, when the landline beside the bed suddenly rang.

Gu Jin woke up with a start, and quickly turned on the bedside lamp.

The phone rings very abruptly in the quiet night, over and over again, always with a bad feeling.Few people know the landline number at home, so Gu Jin thought that something happened to her mother.

She picked it up nervously, waiting with bated breath in the silence: "Hello?"

"..."

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone, no one spoke, only the sound of shallow breathing.

Gu Jin asked again, cautiously: "Hello?"

After a long time, a hoarse male voice came from the other end of the phone: "Jinjin..."

That voice suppressed the infinite pain, carrying Pang Zheng's most familiar voice into Gu Jin's ears.

The voice was so shocking, Gu Jin grabbed the quilt tightly and subconsciously replied, "I'm here."

Her gentle response gave Pang Zheng great comfort in this cold night when no one was around. He was in the car, looking up at the window with the dim light, feeling extremely tired: "Grandpa is gone..."

When Grandpa Pang left, he was very peaceful and did not suffer any torture, as if everything was foreshadowed.

When he woke up, Pang Zheng was in a daze on the sofa under the outer window, and suddenly a nurse rushed out and said, "The old chief is awake and wants to see his family."

He regained his senses and jumped up from the sofa.

The phrase "want to see family members" made people guess a little bit in their hearts. Pang Lei rushed to hear the news, and a large number of media and visitors who came to visit the hospital were blocked outside the hospital ward door.

The old man in front of the hospital bed was still wearing a breathing mask. He looked at his son and his family with a smile on his face, and pointed to himself with difficulty.

Pang Zheng understood and stepped forward to take off the old man's respirator.

With a long sigh, the old man looked at Pang Zheng with confused eyes: "These days... your family has worked hard."

Mrs. Pang just covered her mouth and cried, her eyes were red.Seeing this daughter-in-law who has been in the family for nearly 40 years, the old man smiled and said: "Rui Gu, why are you crying, people are born, old, sick and die, I am old, why can't you even understand this truth."

Mrs. Pang wept bitterly, and Pang Lei suppressed his mourning, and also tremblingly called out: "Dad..."

The old man looked at his son, then at the military uniform and stars on his son, he breathed a sigh of relief, with a gratified smile on his face: "In my whole life, I have experienced hardships and enjoyed blessings, and I gave birth to you with your mother." Your son... At the time, I felt that one boy was not enough, and wanted to spread more branches and leaves for our old family. As a result, in the past few years, I was transferred from east to west, north and south, and I had no fixed place. Your grandma couldn't bear you to follow me Suffer, so me and your mother can't see each other for a year, and then it's finally stable, and you have grown up, and you don't have that energy anymore."

When people are dying, they are always willing to recall their own life.

The old man raised his hand and touched the epaulets on his son's shoulders. His physical strength had already reached its limit: "At the beginning, I didn't let you take the Chinese Department of Peking University, but forced you into the Submarine Academy. I also know that you hate me..."

(End of this chapter)