Thick black school

Chapter 67
The provocative method can take many forms: use a high hat to drive ducks to the shelves; deliberately belittle the other party to provoke a competitive heart; blow beards and eyes, knock on the table and nose to make people angry; be cold, or pretend to be disbelieving to make people tell the truth ,etc.In the confrontation, one is to see who is calmer because of endurance and patience; the other is to see who plays more seamlessly, so that the other party cannot perceive their true intentions.

Thick Black New Mysteries

As the saying goes: "It is better to invite generals than aggressive generals." 36 Jizhong said that aggressive generals mainly use various hidden means to make the other party enter a state of excitement (anger, shame, dissatisfaction, happiness) and lead to emotional loss, and then be manipulated unconsciously , do what you want him to do.Houheixue pointed out that in interpersonal communication, we must find ways to mobilize the power of emotion to stimulate people's enthusiasm and mobilize their enthusiasm and energy.The provocative method is a very powerful eloquence skill. When using it, you must see the target, environment and conditions clearly, and it cannot be abused.At the same time, you must master the measure when using it, neither too hasty nor too slow.If you are too hasty, haste makes waste; if you are too slow, the other party will be indifferent, unable to arouse the other party's self-esteem, and will not achieve the goal.

Lies have magic power, and it's okay to lie with a cheeky face.
【Zongwu Mantra】A person who is good at critics has criticisms in his praise. When the onlookers see what he said in front of his boss, on the surface, every sentence is flattery, but in fact he hits the nail on the back. The boss listened and sweated profusely.Those who are good at flattering criticize some of them, but those who watch him see him as arrogant, and every sentence is to blame the boss, but in fact, those who listen are full of joy, and their joints are sore.

When people talk about how people should get along with each other, they all feel that the principle of honesty should be followed. Absolute things, thinking that where "sincerity" comes, any "gold and stone" will be moved by it. I'm afraid this is not the whole of life.Life is intricate and colorful, and sometimes you keep it secret, talk about it, and say things that don't match the facts, but you can get good results.Sometimes no matter how hard you confide in your heart, the "golden stone" will never be opened. In this case, if you don't use flexible means, you can't achieve the purpose of communication.

As the saying goes: "A proper lie is an expedient measure." From this we can see that it is still necessary to lie on certain occasions.For example, say to an unattractive person: "You are really ugly." The person who said this can be said to be the most authentic, and he told the truth.But what will others say about his truth?I believe that 98% of people will think that this person is too cruel and lacks common sense.There are probably very few people who praise him for his integrity and honesty.

Houheixue believes that some things may not make sense from the front. If you fabricate some lies appropriately to make the other party believe it, the effect may be better than telling the truth.

At a grand ball, Mr. Truth saw an old woman who still had charm. He went to salute her and said, "You remind me of you when you were young."

The old woman smiled and said, "How is it?"

"very beautiful."

"Aren't I pretty now?" the old woman said jokingly.

Mr. Truth said very seriously: "Yes, your skin is saggier, less radiant, and wrinkled than you were when you were younger."

The old woman's face was white and red, and she stared at those slightly sullen eyes in embarrassment, and the self-confidence just now disappeared.

At this time, Mr. Lie came to the old woman and politely invited the old woman to dance, saying: "You are the most beautiful woman at the ball, if you can accept my invitation, I will be the happiest person at the ball. "

The old woman's eyes suddenly flashed with a charming look, and she stretched out her hand in agreement.

Mr. Lie and the old woman danced one after another on the dance floor, and the old woman was immersed in incomparable happiness.

Mr. Truth sat and looked at the pair of dancers who were not of the same age, and Mr. Lie smiled and said something to the old woman. The old woman suddenly seemed to sprout youthful vitality, and her whole body was filled with passion and charm of life. Like a young man, a wonderful, beautiful young lady!

The dance was over, and Mr. Truth stopped Mr. Liar who had just sent the old woman away, and asked, "What did you say to her during the dance?"

Mr. Lying said: "I said to her, 'I love you, will you marry me?'"

Mr. Truth widened his eyes in astonishment, and said angrily, "You're lying again! You won't marry her at all."

"Yes. But she's happy, don't you see?"

The two couldn't stop arguing and went their separate ways.The next day, they each received a letter of obituary from the postman: "Attend X's funeral on X day at X place." They met unexpectedly in the cemetery, and their eyes fell on the coffin, which was lying there. the old woman.

After the funeral, a servant came and handed the two letters to Mr. Truth and Mr. Lies respectively.After Mr. Truth opened the letter, he saw the following line: "Mr. Truth, you are right. Aging and death are inevitable, but speaking out makes it worse. I will give you the diary of my life. That is my truth. "

Mr. Lie opened the suicide note left by the old woman: "Mr. Lie, I am very grateful for your lie. It made the last night of my life so wonderful and happy; it rekindled the dead wood of my life with youthful vitality; It has melted away the thick frost and snow in my heart. I will present all my inheritance to you, please use it to create beautiful lies!"

The truth often hurts, even with those closest to us.And lies can sometimes play a role that the truth can't. White lies are also a beautiful non-merit, which is much better than those rigid sincerity.

Hermon is a famous mining and metallurgy engineer in the United States. He graduated from Yale University and obtained a master's degree from the University of Freiburg in Germany.But when Hemon brought all the diplomas to find Hurst, a big mine owner in the western United States, he ran into trouble.The big mine owner was a eccentric and stubborn person. He didn't have a diploma, so he didn't trust people with a diploma, and he didn't like those well-mannered engineers who loved to talk about theory.When Hemon went to apply for a job and handed in his diploma, he thought that the boss would be overjoyed, but Hearst said to Hemon very impolitely: "The reason why I don't want to hire you is because you used to be a student at the University of Freiburg in Germany. Master, your mind is filled with a lot of useless theories, and I don’t need any educated engineers.” Not only did the clever Hemon not get angry, but he replied calmly, “If you promise not to tell my father If so, I will tell you a secret." Hurst agreed.So, Hemon whispered to Hearst: "Actually, I didn't learn much at the University of Freiburg in Germany. Those three years seemed to be muddled through."

Unexpectedly, Hearst smiled and said, "Okay, then you can come to work tomorrow." In this way, Hemon easily passed the interview in front of a very stubborn person.

Some people may think that it is not very appropriate for Hemon to do that. The question is whether it can solve the problem without hurting others.Take Hemon as an example, what he belittled was himself, and his own knowledge, of course, did not depend on his own evaluation, no matter how high his own knowledge was, it would not increase his real knowledge by a single iota. ; Conversely, no matter how low you are, it will not reduce your knowledge by a single bit.It should be considered a lie that He Meng concealed his education background, but the purpose of doing so was to get this job, and he achieved his goal by lying, so why not?

In life, we don't need lies.However, if a lie can help you accomplish a good thing, then this lie is not so bad.Therefore, Houheixue believes that lies are almost indispensable in interpersonal communication.Some people say that they never tell a lie, this statement itself must be a lie.Anyone who learns that a relative is seriously ill or a friend is in distress will frequently tell lies which do not correspond to the actual situation.In this sense, there is no one in the world who does not tell lies.

The opposite of lying is honesty, which has been regarded as a virtue since ancient times.But honesty depends on when, where, with whom, and what things are told.Sometimes, lies don't have to be all bad.There is no absolute honesty when getting along with others. Sometimes lies and false appearances can promote friendship and love.

Jean Valjean, the protagonist in Hugo's immortal masterpiece "Les Miserables", was originally a hardworking, honest and kind person, but he was poor and had a hard time living.In order to prevent his family from starving, he had no choice but to steal a piece of bread, was caught on the spot, was judged as a "thief", and was sent to jail.

After he was released from prison, he couldn't find a job anywhere, and suffered from the neglect and ridicule of the world.From then on, he really became a thief, stealing sheep and stealing chickens and dogs.The police have been tracking him, trying to get evidence of his crime and sending him to prison again, but he has escaped again and again.

On a snowy night, hungry and cold, he passed out on the road and was rescued by a kind priest.The priest took him back to the church, but after the priest fell asleep, he swept away all the silverware in the priest's room.Because he has decided that he is a bad person, he should do bad things.Unexpectedly, on the way to escape, he was caught by the police. This time it can be said that he got all the stolen goods.

When the police escorted Jean Valjean to the church and asked the priest to identify the stolen items, Jean Valjean thought desperately: "It's over, this life can only be spent in prison!" Unexpectedly, the priest said gently to the police: " These silverware were given to him by me. He left in a hurry, and he forgot a more expensive silver candlestick, so I will go get it right away!"

Jean Valjean's soul was greatly shocked.After the police left, the priest said to Jean Valjean: "Let the past go, let's start again!"

From then on, Jean Valjean changed his mind and started a new life.He moved to a new place, worked hard and was motivated.Later, he succeeded and devoted his life to helping the poor and doing a lot of things beneficial to the society.

Kind lies, of course, have kind intentions, because they are to alleviate the spiritual pain of the unfortunate and help them regain their courage in life.Even if this person understands the truth later, he will only be grateful and will not complain.Even if they were dubious at the time, or even knew it was a lie, reasonable people would still feel warm and relieved.Knowing that it will aggravate the other party's mental pain, but still tell the truth, even if it is not bad, it should be regarded as stupid.

Lying must be done to a certain degree. If you talk nonsense, irresponsibly, and lie a lot, then it becomes a real lie. Such a lie will do a hundred harms but not any benefit.A lie must be beneficial and kind, and lying must master the following three rules.

First, be real.A lie is a truth that cannot be true.When people cannot express their true intentions, they choose to express the truth in a vague language.For example, a girl is wearing a newly purchased fashion and asks her friend if she is beautiful, but when the friend thinks it is really ugly, she can pretend to be vague and say: "It's okay." What kind of concept is "okay"? Well enough?This is the truth in a lie.It is distinguished from unintentional flattery and flattery.

Second, be reasonable.Reasonability is an important prerequisite for the existence of lies, and many lies are obviously inconsistent with the facts.But because it is reasonable, it can also reflect people's kindness, love and beauty.There is often such a problem: the wife is suffering from an incurable disease and will soon die, and the husband is extremely depressed.Should he let his wife know about the condition?Most experts believe that the husband should not tell her the truth of the matter, nor should he show her painful expressions to increase her burden, but should make his wife's last moment as happy as possible.When a husband endures the imminent farewell, his comfort that does not match the truth will shock and move people's hearts, because here, lies contain infinitely difficult restraint.

Third, must.It means that many lies must be told.This necessity is sometimes a matter of etiquette.For example, when a person is invited to a celebration and something unpleasant happens to him, he must cover up his sadness and irritation, and go into the joyful occasion with a smile on his face.This kind of cover-up is for the needs of etiquette, how can it be accused?Sometimes lying is done to get out of an unpleasant situation.For example, the United States once solicited opinions on a new bill, and relevant personnel asked Ross: "Do you agree with that new bill?" Ross said: "Among my friends, some are in favor and some are against." The staff asked Ross: "I'm asking you," Ross said. "I'm for my friends."

Thick Black New Mysteries

Lies and truth are opposite. Since ancient times, honesty has been regarded as a virtue by people. "A promise is worth a fortune", "Words must be believed, actions must be resolute", all of which emphasize the importance of telling the truth and being honest.But Houheixue believes that honesty is important, but it is also necessary to distinguish time, place, occasion, matter, and object.Society is complex, and there are all kinds of people. Everyone thinks differently from you. Regardless of time, place, occasion, matter, or object, speaking out of everything will bring you great benefits. trouble, and even cause serious consequences.It is not necessary to be absolutely honest when getting along with others. We must be absolutely honest in everything, but sometimes things backfire and fail to achieve our goals.Properly telling some white lies will make the interpersonal relationship smoother and more harmonious.Lying is a good recipe for socializing, and it is also a great secret of Houheixue's life.

Observing words and expressions: Talking about people when you see people, talking about ghosts when you see ghosts
[Zongwu Mantra] I talk about people when I meet people, and talk about ghosts when I meet ghosts. In today's world, if you don't talk nonsense, what should you say?My "Hou Hei Cong Hua" is human talk when people see it, and it is nonsense when ghosts see it.

In life, not everyone can express their emotions and anger at all times and on all occasions, and most people hide their hearts deeply.If you are not good at understanding the psychology of the speaker, what you say may appear rash, causing an embarrassing situation, disappointing the other party, and making interpersonal relationships tense.

Thick black talkers are good at observing words and expressions. They can speak according to different situations, different places, and different people. For example, when talking with smart people, the tone should be restrained; When talking to people, you should respect your attitude; when talking to people of low status, you should be humble and polite; when talking to your superiors, you should impress them with strange things; when talking to your subordinates, you should persuade them with your own interests.

Wang Xifeng in "Dream of Red Mansions" is like a brilliant psychologist. She is very good at observing words and colors, and distinguishing wind and direction. She often guesses before the other party speaks; if the other party just speaks, she has already done it arrive.

As soon as Lin Daiyu entered Jia's mansion, Mrs. Wang asked, "Do you want to make clothes for Daiyu?" Sister Feng replied, "I have already prepared."

Zhi Yanzhai commented on "A Dream of Red Mansions" once said: She didn't prepare the clothes, she was deceiving others, but Mrs. Wang nodded and believed it. There are many examples like this.There is also the poetry club in Daguanyuan. Tanchun just came out here and said that we would like to invite you to be a "censor of the supervisory society". If you want the money in my pocket, then she said: "I will take office tomorrow, and I will put down 50 taels of silver for you to slowly become the host of the club." She just said that she had already guessed there, and everyone laughed, so Li Wan said, "You are really a crystal heart glass person."

Sister Feng's example of being good at observing words and demeanor and guessing the other party's psychology is nothing.Sometimes, she can make a 180-degree turn. She said the same thing in the same way before, but she said it in the same way now, but she said it all in a reasonable and beautiful way.

Mrs. Xing wanted to ask for a mandarin duck, so she first came to Sister Feng to discuss it. She said that the master wanted to ask for a mandarin duck as a concubine, so she told Sister Feng about it in advance. The old lady left the mandarin duck, and she can't eat anymore, not to mention that the master is not taking care of his body, and it is not easy to be an official." Instead, he advised Mrs. Xing, "It's useless to leave it alone, but it's boring to recruit it. Madam, don't Annoyed, I dare not go." She said this first, thinking that this matter is not acceptable at all, but Mrs. Xing didn't listen to it at all, but sneered and said: "Everyone's family, three concubines and four concubines make it so, so A man with a gray beard..." Meaning that there is nothing wrong with wanting a concubine, she said that the old lady may not be able to refute it, and instead blamed Sister Feng, saying that I haven't gone yet, but you said I was not.After hearing Mrs. Xing's words, Sister Feng knew that Mrs. Xing would not listen.Seeing Mrs. Xing's anger, Sister Feng knew that the truth just now was completely wrong, so she immediately turned around, changed the topic, and quickly apologized: "Madam, what you said is very true. I have only lived so long, and I know what is serious. I want to come to my parents. Don't talk about a girl, she is such a big living treasure, whoever you don't give it to the master." And she gave an example, she said that Jia Lian was Mrs. Jia Shexing's son, "If the second master Lian has it, the master and wife hate it That way, but when we meet, I still reward him with the things I love."It means that the old lady treats Jia Lian the same way as the parents treat their son, and now the old lady treats the master naturally in the same way.

You can see how ready and convincing her words are.At that time Mrs. Xing fell in love again.In the same matter of begging for mandarin ducks, the two rhetoric, one positive and the other negative, both came from Sister Feng's mouth, and they were all reasonable and pleasant to the ears.In "A Dream of Red Mansions", we can only see the ability to adapt to the other party's psychology and make rapid changes without any traces in Sister Feng, so we say that Sister Feng's speed of change is really amazing.

It is important to learn to read facial expressions when speaking.How should different people speak to him; what kind of words should be said in different occasions;What people say what they see, what songs they sing in what mountains, flexible and changeable, witty and flexible, this is an important wisdom of the thick black talker.

(End of this chapter)