Thick black school

Chapter 69
People have self-esteem and always hope to gain the respect and trust of others. Therefore, sometimes even if they know what the other party is saying is flattery, they will accept it gladly.It's not easy to get some self-respecting people to listen to you.If you want this kind of person to nod, you must focus on his self-esteem, emphasize his ability, and satisfy his sense of superiority. After his self-esteem inflates, he will definitely work hard for you.

In the world, when speaking with people, try to avoid conflicts and seek peace in a stable way, so that it is easier to persuade others.So, how can this be done?Here, there is a simple principle: follow the other party's thinking, that is, answer the conversation according to the other party's meaning.If it is in front of the leader, it is necessary to figure out the leader's intention, fully maintain the authority of the leader, and respect the opinion of the leader, so that "the world will be peaceful".

After Han Gaozu Liu Bang pacified the world, he began to reward meritorious deeds.Liu Bang believed that Xiao He contributed the most.But his opinion was at odds with those of the ministers. Everyone said that "Pingyang Hou Cao Shen was injured seven times, and he captured the city and conquered the territory. He deserved the most credit and should be ranked first."After a heated debate, Liu Bang still wanted to rank Xiao He first.

At this time, there is only one person who really comprehends the intention of this supreme boss, and that person is Guannei Hou Ejun.In order to save the leader's face, and even to gain capital for himself in front of his superiors, he ignored the objections of the ministers and stood up and said: "The comments of the ministers are all wrong! Although Cao Shen has the credit for conquering the city, it is only for a while. The emperor fought against the overlord of Chu for five years, and often lost his troops and fled everywhere. However, Xiao He often sent troops from Guanzhong to fill the gaps in the battle line. Chu and Han fought in Xingyang for several years, and the lack of food in the army was caused by Xiao He. The grain supplies Guanzhong, so that there will be no shortage of food and salaries. Besides, the emperor has moved to Shandong several times, and it is only by Xiao He's protection of Guanzhong that he can help the emperor. What is the impact? We don't need to rely on him to preserve the Han Dynasty! I advocate that Xiao He is the first, and Cao Shen is the second." After hearing this, Liu Bang was very happy and ranked Xiao He first.

Liu Bang wanted to put Xiao He in the first place, but everyone disagreed. At this time, he urgently needed someone to stand up and speak for him, and Mr. E just saw through Liu Bang's mind, so "regardless of the objections of all the officials", "strongly recommended" Xiao He As the number one hero.By doing this, he naturally wanted to gain political capital for himself and make Liu Bang look at him with admiration.

From this story, we can see that to communicate with others, it is necessary to find out the context of the other party, and find a way to speak to the other party's heart.In fact, not only Mr. E, but other courtiers also wanted to flatter Liu Bang, but they didn't see Liu Bang's real intention, and after arguing for a long time, they didn't get their words into Liu Bang's heart, so no matter how much they said, it was useless nonsense.Therefore, when we communicate and communicate with others, we must speak to the heart of the other party.Then, it is important to speak to the heart of the other party.

For example, to speak to intelligent people, rely on extensive knowledge; to speak to knowledgeable people, rely on the ability to discriminate; When talking to your subordinates, use benefits to persuade them; don’t force others to do what they don’t want to do; imitate and obey what others like; avoid what others dislike. talk about it.If you can do this, you have made good use of your tongue.Because of this, we should "follow what we like" and say more things that please us when we behave in the world.

Thick Black New Mysteries

When talking with someone, if you point out the other person’s problems and shortcomings bluntly and unabashedly, if the other person is magnanimous and the prime minister can hold a boat in his belly, things will be easy to handle, but if the other person is narrow-minded and has a bad temper, and won’t listen to others If you disagree, then he will hate you and things will become difficult.Houheixue tells us that in dealing with people, we should "follow what we like" and say more flattering and obedient words. Even if you have your own thoughts in your heart, you should pay attention to the way you speak, and try to say something that makes the other person happy. In this way, you can break through the other party's psychological defense and make the other party's "Longyan Joy" readily obey, so as to exchange for what you want from the other party and win more help.

There are all kinds of languages ​​in the world, and the words of praise are the most beautiful
[Zongwu Mantra] The bottom line in our hearts is that we like others to be humble and don't like others to obstruct us.If you understand this principle, you will definitely improve your dealings with others.

For a long time, we have had a prejudice, that is, those who are good at saying compliments are all called "sycophants", as if these people have low personalities and are not ashamed to be compared with others.However, in Houheiology, it doesn't look like this, thinking that this is a misunderstanding of interpersonal relationships.Houheixue pointed out that in the human heart, there is a natural love to listen to words of praise. The more words of praise you hear, the happier your heart will be, and the confidence will also increase. This is human nature.

If we observe our surroundings carefully, we will find that people around us are more or less saying words of praise to others, but this way is varied.As far as interpersonal relationships are becoming more and more complicated today, saying more compliments is not only not a bad thing, but a good thing.Praise is a lubricant for communication between people and a sharp tool for dealing with people.

Qi Jinggong was playful by nature, and he often climbed trees to catch birds.The minister Yanzi wanted Qi Jinggong to change this bad habit, but he couldn't criticize it positively.Once, Qi Jinggong climbed a tree to catch birds.He took out one and put it back in the nest.

Yanzi asked, "Your Majesty, what are you sweating profusely?" Jinggong said, "I'm playing with birds."

Yanzi asked: "Why did you take out that bird and send it back?" Jinggong said: "This one is too small and too weak."

Yanzi praised and said: "It's amazing, you have the qualities of a saint!" Jinggong asked quickly: "How does this mean that I have the qualities of a saint?"

Yanzi replied: "My lord, you can put the little bird back to the nest, which shows that you know the truth of the old and the young, and you have precious sympathy. If you can be so kind to the animals, how much more can you treat the common people?"

Jinggong was very happy after hearing Yanzi's words, and of course he also heard his advice, and never played with birds again from then on.

The role of praise is huge. A casual word of praise can often change a person's mind and produce unexpected effects.Yanzi knew Qi Jinggong's character well, he didn't start from the front, but used the way of wanting to suppress first, and praised Qi Jinggong first, which made him feel at ease, and then put forward his own point of view, so Qi Jinggong also He readily agreed and changed his habits.

Houheixue believes that if a person wants to win the respect and recognition of others, and in exchange for the cooperation of the other party, it is a very effective way to use one's "sweet words" to praise and influence the other party.Compliments can make the other party feel your sincerity, allow you to swim in various interpersonal situations like a fish in water, improve your interpersonal relationship, and make your career smooth sailing.

In the 18th year of Jian'an (213 AD), Cao Cao marched into Ruxukou.Sun Quan appointed Zhou Tai as the main general to guard Ruxukou.Later, Sun Quan personally went to the front to work in the army, and arranged a banquet for the generals.After drinking for three rounds, Sun Quan got down from his seat and poured wine for everyone in person.When he walked in front of Zhou Tai, Sun Quan suddenly put down the jug and asked Zhou Tai to unbutton his shirt. Although Zhou Tai was very puzzled, but the king's order cannot be violated, he had to obey, but everyone present was dumbfounded.It turned out that Zhou Tai's body was covered with scars, almost completely bruised.

Sun Quan pulled Zhou Tai's arm with tears and said, "Youping, Youping, you fought for Gu brother, and your own life was at the stake! How could Gu not treat you as a brother? Only a brave man like you General, it’s a blessing for you! You can do it with confidence, don’t have any scruples, I will advance and retreat with you, and share weal and woe!” As a result, all the generals present were moved, and they did their best to serve Sun Quan, helping Sun Quan to separate the southeast , and finally achieved the empire of Wu.

Sun Quan was able to keep his own land in the situation at that time and finally ascended to the throne, largely because of his excellent communication skills.Sun Quan knew very well that in order to win the cooperation of others and himself, he must use his own praise and praise to make the other party fall in love with him.This is not only reflected in his treatment of talents from other countries, but also in his treatment of talents from his own country.He exchanged his praise for art for the dedicated assistance of a large number of generals, thus achieving his career as an emperor.

In the human heart, there is a natural love to listen to pleasant words of praise.Everyone wants to be valued by others, is willing to listen to compliments, and will never get tired of sweet words.In this society, people who can say compliments seem to handle interpersonal relationships better.When a person hears other people's compliments, he is always very happy in his heart, with a smile on his face, and he keeps saying "Where, I'm not that good" and "You are really good at talking!" When the other party said words of praise, they still couldn't erase the joy in their hearts.

Complimentation is a very important lubricant in relationships. It not only makes people happy and uplifted, but also makes people feel affirmed and valued.Compliments are a good thing, but never easy.If you don't judge the situation and master certain praise skills when praising others, even if you are sincere, you will turn a good thing into a bad thing.Therefore, praise others to master some skills.

1.Be sincere in your compliments.The attitude when complimenting must be realistic, well-founded, sincere, and from the heart, and don’t be rambling, it will appear hypocritical, and false compliments will offend others.A good compliment is to choose what the other party loves the most and what he is most proud of, especially those successful people who have achieved a lot.

2.Compliments should be warm and specific.When complimenting others, be specific, warm and sincere.When you compliment someone for an action or contribution, your compliment is special and specific and sincere.You will get the best results if the other person knows that he is indeed worthy of praise.Praising behavior is more likely to avoid utilitarianism or prejudice than to praise oneself, and it can also avoid confusion.When praising others, you must be specific to a certain place, a certain person, and you must not be careless, making people foggy from beginning to end. This kind of empty praise without enthusiasm does not make the other party happy, and sometimes it even makes the other party happy. Because of your perfunctory, the other party's resentment and displeasure are caused.

3.Praise the occasion.When praising people, we must pay attention to the occasion, and see what kind of occasion can better show the effect of praise.For example, if you praise one of the employees in front of everyone, of course the praised employee will receive the greatest encouragement. This is a good way to praise his subordinates; but you must be very cautious when using this method, because If the behavior cannot be recognized by other employees, they will inevitably feel dissatisfied.

4.Compliments vary from person to person.Everyone's quality is high or low, age is different, and it varies from person to person. Personality is highlighted, and characteristic praise can receive better results than general praise.

5.Praise should be timely.The effect of praise is to act with the camera and stop when enough is enough, and truly achieve "after drinking fine wine until you are slightly drunk, and when you see good flowers half-bloomed".When someone plans to do a meaningful thing, the praise at the beginning can motivate him to make up his mind to make achievements, the praise in the middle is beneficial to the other party to make persistent efforts, and the praise at the end can affirm the achievement and point out the direction of further efforts, so as to achieve "praise" One, inspire a batch" effect.

6.Appreciation can neither be stingy nor abused.Appreciating trivial things means that your praise taste is too low.Excessively praising others will give people a sense of compliment, and it will also make people feel that you are asking for something from him.

In social life, interpersonal relationship is one of the most critical factors that determine the success of a career, and praising others is the most critical course in social communication, so if you know how to praise others, plus your smart head, then you Your career will be half the success.Therefore, learning to praise others is the ladder to career success and a powerful weapon to reach the other side of success.

Thick Black New Mysteries

Sometimes, even if people know that what the other party is saying is a compliment, they will inevitably feel complacent in their hearts. This is the weakness of human nature.When a person is praised by others, he will never feel disgusted, unless the other party's words are too outrageous.People who are proficient in thick and black speaking skills are good at praise, and their interpersonal relationships are handled quite well.Saying compliments is an essential skill in communicating with people. Appropriate compliments will make you more charming!

You can't just say compliments casually. The first condition for complimenting others is to have a sincere heart and a serious attitude.Words will reflect a person's psychology, careless or thoughtless speaking attitude, it is easy to be seen through by the other party and cause unpleasant feelings.Furthermore, when praising others, you should not say words that are far from the truth, otherwise the words that are originally praises will become a lot of irony and get the opposite effect.

Going around in circles and talking to people, roundabout communication has a miraculous effect
[Zongwu Mantra] On the one hand, we must care about the truth, and on the other hand, we must care about Mencius, so that when we touch thorns, the more explanations, the more tortuous and difficult to understand.My generation loves Confucianism of the Song Dynasty very much, and swept away the dross on his surface, and the essence inside naturally appeared.

In communicating with people, the choice of which method to use to communicate with people depends on the situation at the time.But one thing is certain, that is, you must think of what the other party wants to hear.Sometimes, due to differences and conflicts between the two parties in terms of knowledge, ways of thinking, outlook on life, and self-interest, what you say may be difficult for the other party to understand for a while. At this time, you have to use some language skills, even if you have to go around However, as long as you can speak clearly and reduce the embarrassment of the other party when facing the facts, you will achieve your goal.

Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty advocated the policy of "China is safe, and the barbarians are self-subduing". He will never use troops against the surrounding ethnic minorities lightly, but he must resolutely resist the intrusion of surrounding foreign ethnic groups, forming a harmonious situation of national integration and territorial unity that is rarely seen in Chinese history. .This is inseparable from the policy of both kindness and power to ethnic minorities since Emperor Taizong of Tang Dynasty.The Tang Dynasty often adopted a kinship policy after the military counterattack achieved certain results. In this way, it has established a harmonious kinship relationship with the surrounding ethnic groups for a long time.In the middle and late Tang Dynasty, despite the decline of national power, the policy of peace and marriage continued.However, the envoys who were married to each other were no longer treated with courtesy and respect as before, and they needed to use their own wisdom and eloquence to maintain the dignity of the Tang Dynasty and the envoys who were married to each other.

During the reign of Emperor Ruizong of the Tang Dynasty, Mochu Khan of the Turks hoped to marry the Tang Dynasty and wanted to marry a Tang princess as his wife.Tang Ruizong agreed to his request, and chose a princess from the royal family to marry Turkic far away, and ordered Yushi Zhongcheng and Feng Yao to assist Honglu Temple Minister to escort the princess's car and travel to Turkic together.Mochu Khan of the Turks welcomed the peace envoys with great kindness, and welcomed the princess into the Turks very politely.Both He Fengyao and Honglu Siqing breathed a sigh of relief, it seems that this time the task of getting married should be successfully completed.However, before they were at ease, two Turkic soldiers rushed into the tent where Tang envoy was resting, and took them to Mo Chuo Khan's tent without saying a word.

He and Feng Yao were dizzy, and when they entered the big tent, they realized that the atmosphere was very tense.Mochu Khan's face was ugly, and the big and small leaders around him also stared at them maliciously.He Fengyao first calmed down, he gave Khan a deep salute, and asked, "I don't know why Khan invited us here suddenly in such a way, what's your business?" Khan silently snorted and turned his head Then, the clerk next to him stood up and said: "Khan has something to ask the Tang envoy. The letter from the emperor of Tang clearly stated that he would give a golden saddle as a dowry. Putting gold powder on. How is this what the emperor of the Sheng Dynasty should do? If it weren’t for you people who were unfaithful as ministers and secretly exchanged things, then it must be that the emperor of the Tang Dynasty was dishonest in his marriage, and the princess who married him might also be a fake Yes! If that's the case, please return the token immediately and cancel the marriage!"

The minister of Honglu Temple turned pale with shock when he heard this, but He Fengyao was filled with anger, but he suppressed his anger and said methodically: "We Han people value our son-in-law very much, and the golden saddle that I accompany you today is just for the auspicious meaning of peace and longevity. , If you have to identify its material and measure its value by gold and silver, I'm afraid it will insult the meaning of this long-term blessing of peace! Could it be that Khan puts more emphasis on gold and silver than etiquette? If this is the case, don't bother Turk We will cancel the marriage." He Fengyao made a statement, there was no rebuttal in the whole tent, Mo Chuo changed his arrogant attitude long ago, and hurriedly set up a banquet to entertain the Tang envoy.After sending He Fengyao and the others away, Mo Chuu Khan said with emotion: "The envoys of the Han people should not be underestimated!" Chang'an went to see Tang Ruizong to show respect and friendship.

In foreign exchanges, being quick-witted, flexible, and eloquent is the basic quality that a diplomat must have, and it is an important condition for him to accomplish his mission well, especially when unexpected situations arise.Facing the Turkic tyrannical questioning, He Fengyao did not give a direct answer, but took a detour, using the homonym of "saddle" and "an" to deal with the Turkic Khan skillfully. "Silver" or "honesty and courtesy" put the other party in an awkward position and successfully reversed the situation.

(End of this chapter)