Our youth is over

Chapter 19 Self-exile (1)
"Forgive people for their lack of humanity, because you are not perfect, and you can hurt people."

1
I barely passed the make-up exam, so I don't have to worry about repeating the grade anymore. I finally had a peaceful life in the remaining ten days of the winter vacation.

The New Year's Eve coincided with my dad's 40th birthday. My family had already reserved a table at the hotel and invited some relatives and friends to have a big meal. It was both birthday and New Year celebrations.

Jiang Chengrui's family is undoubtedly on the list of invited guests.

When I saw Xiao Jiang, my mother and I were standing at the entrance of the hotel to welcome guests, and Jiang Chengrui arrived late in his father's Audi.As soon as I got out of the car, my mother bumped me with her elbow, signaling me to greet Xiao Jiang with her eyes.

I was naturally unwilling. My mother didn't know the inside story, and thought that the conflict between me and Xiao Jiang was due to our children's affair, so she whispered in my ear: "Xiao Bei, your Aunt Jiang told me that Xiao Jiang is now You broke up with that girl, so don't be angry with him, just make up."

I looked at my mother impatiently, with my mouth pursed and my eyes slightly narrowed, wondering what my mother was looking for in Jiang Chengrui, and she was always determined to make me and him a pair.Can Jiang Chengrui and I reconcile casually?

He is my enemy now!I can't wait to kill him with a thousand knives.

At this moment, Jiang Chengrui got out of the car with Aunt Jiang on his arm, and Uncle Jiang went to park the car. My mother pushed me again, and she pushed me directly onto Jiang Chengrui.

Jiang Chengrui embraced me, hugged me upright, and called out with a playful smile: "Xiao Bei."

Now I don't even want to roll my eyes at him. I pushed Xiao Jiang away with a sullen face, glared at my mother angrily, and walked directly into the hotel angrily, without even saying hello to Aunt Jiang.

During the meal, I don't know if it was arranged on purpose. Jiang Chengrui's family sat at the same table with us again, and Xiao Jiang and I were still seated together.

As soon as the table was served, Jiang Chengrui showed great hospitality to me as if he had taken the wrong medicine. My parents, his parents, and relatives and friends at the same table were all looking at us with playful eyes.

If it wasn't for my dad's birthday, and I didn't want to make him angry, I would definitely throw my chopsticks and leave on the spot.

I hate this situation, adults don't understand anything, just messing around there.

I really don't want to see Jiang Chengrui, just remind me once I see him, because Qiqi is dead.Once I saw him, I hated him once, because my good friend died because he left Qiqi behind.

I stared at the dishes on the table with my chopsticks, with a gloomy expression. I pretended that I didn’t hear what the people around me said to me. When I saw the corresponding dishes, I stretched out to pick up a few chopsticks to taste, and then I was in a daze.

Suddenly there was a piece of squid in the bowl, Jiang Chengrui pulled back his chopsticks and urged me to eat: "Didn't you keep staring at that dish?"

I bit my lip, but didn't stick out my chopsticks.

Yes, I was staring at this dish, I wanted to eat fried squid with lettuce, it was because this dish was too far away from me, I couldn’t pick it up, and I felt it was too embarrassing to stand up to pick it up, so I just watched it to relieve my greed, and I also hoped Hope someone can bring that dish closer, or grab a piece for me.

But when this person became Jiang Chengrui, all my appetite was gone.

I've had enough, I've had enough of Jiang Chengrui!
What exactly is he trying to do, to please me in every possible way to make up for the guilt in my heart?Even if he wants to feel better, it's not me that he should please, it's Qiqi, the dead Qiqi, Qiqi who can't survive no matter how much he tries to please!
I hate Jiang Chengrui like this, why did you go early?
When he was in love with Lu Xia, why couldn't he remember Fa Xiaome, whom he had forgotten, and Qiqi, who was always sloppy and didn't even follow his ass with self-esteem?

As if to vent my hatred, I grabbed Jiang Chengrui's arm and pulled him up from his seat. Ignoring the intriguing gazes of my deskmate and the people around me, I pulled Jiang Chengrui towards the hotel gate expressionlessly.

"Tell me, what do you want to do?"

I kept pulling Jiang Chengrui out of the hotel and onto the street outside before I let go and looked at him who was a head taller than me coldly and asked.

Xiao Jiang's face was red from the cold, because when I pulled him out, he was wearing a thin woolen sweater, and his coat was still hanging on the seat.

The guy looked at me with pitiful eyes, his eyes were a little red, and his voice had a strong nasal tone after a cold, almost choking.

He said: "Xiao Bei, can't we live a good life like before?"

"No."

I answered him without any room for discussion. I glanced at him and cast it on the telegraph pole in the distance. I don't want to see Jiang Chengrui pretending to be so pitiful. I'm afraid that my heart will soften.

"Lu Xia and I have already broken up. Who do you think I am? If Qi Qinghan is dead, can I pretend that nothing happened? Xiaobei, I haven't slept well for two months. I lie in bed every night. As soon as I close my eyes on the bed, I will dream about the things we used to do. Auntie said you have depression, but you don’t let me see it. Do you think I feel better? I’m about to be driven crazy. My heart feels like being poked It was a big hole that couldn't be mended no matter what, it was cold and empty, and even I couldn't explain why. If that day, I knew that Qi Qinghan would die, I would definitely not let her go alone. ..."

"Will you leave Lu Xia? You won't leave Qiqi, so will you leave Lu Xia?" I raised my head and asked Jiang Chengrui.

Jiang Chengrui looked at me and stopped talking.

He paused and didn't know how to answer, so I answered for him.

"You won't, you won't leave Qiqi behind, but you won't leave Lu Xia behind either. But people can't be greedy, they can't want this and that too. What's more, there are no ifs at all. I have said many times, if you don't like Lu Xia, Lu Xia can't use you to leave Lin Zhishen. If Lin Zhishen doesn't oppress Lu Xia, Lu Xia may not want to run away from him. If Lin Zhishen doesn't use He Yebei to blackmail Lu Xia, Then Lu Xia might not be with him from the beginning. If Lu Xia didn't like He Yebei, then Lin Zhishen wouldn't get her at all. If He Yebei snatched Lu Xia away, then it would be none of our business. If Qi If Qi doesn't like you, then she won't die at all. In fact, you are all right, everyone has their own selfishness. You like girls like Lu Xia, and hate girls like Qiqi, it is your freedom. That day you instinctively There is nothing wrong with deliberately choosing to find the girl you like. In order to protect the boy she likes, Lu Xia is forced to be with someone she doesn't like. In order to escape, she used you who like her. At best, it is selfish, but it is not. Heinous. Lin Zhishen likes Lu Xia, and he wants to keep the people he likes around him, but he is just bossy. He Yebei thought that Lu Xia and Lin Zhishen were true love, so he quit without getting involved. Together, Qiqi died. And because of her death, I magnified those mistakes, so that I really couldn't forgive you for a while. I just ask, you don't appear in front of me, it is best not to appear in front of me happily. I'm afraid that I will be unwilling, jealous, and do things that I can't even imagine."

After such a long passage, I found that both Jiang Chengrui and I were crying.

Xiao Jiang grabbed my shoulders with both hands and said, "Xiao Bei, brother doesn't want to lose you."

I pulled his hand away and shook my head: "From the day you left our Iron Triangle for Lu Xia and left me and Qiqi, you are doomed to lose us. Go back and make it clear to your uncles and aunts, don't do it again." Those meaningless things, no matter whether Qiqi is here or not, you and I are either good brothers and sisters, best buddies, or nothing at all. The day Qiqi left, I cursed you to never be happy. Now, you lost love and lost Friendship. I think God really exists, and he always has a fair scale for good and evil."

2
After finishing the conversation, I didn't go back to the hotel, and I called Xiao Jiang and told my parents to leave beforehand.

Probably because of the phone call together, the parents thought we were together and didn't know where we were going to play, so we didn't say anything, but told us not to play too late and go home early.

In fact, we are indeed together, because there is only one street, and one end is blocked due to road construction. Xiao Jiang and I are walking in the same direction, and we don’t know where to go. Anyway, we just don’t want to go back to the hotel and deal with that occasion.

On the way, Jiang Chengrui turned into a men's clothing store, bought a coat, and walked out dressed like this. When he saw me, he smiled and said, "Xiaobei, let's see if my brother looks handsome."

I knew that guy was complacent and forgot about our breakup, so as soon as he finished speaking, I saw an embarrassed expression on Xiao Jiang's face.

Under the dim streetlights, the boy was wearing a black wool coat with an off-white woolen sweater inside. He grinned, turned around in embarrassment, and ran out of my sight as if escaping.And I actually saw the tears in the corners of his eyes that I couldn't wipe off.

Since Qiqi left, I haven't felt this sad for a long time.

I asked myself, why did we have to do this, why did I have to be so stubborn to break up with my friend who had been playing for 17 years, why did he forget the unhappy things between us just now when he was showing affection, I Why can't he also praise him for his really handsome coat as if he forgot, or make a few joking sarcasms.In this case, our friendship will not be so difficult.

I watched a boring movie, and when I came out of the movie theater, I ran into an acquaintance.

The last time I saw Brother Qiang and the others was the day Qiqi had an accident, in that gloomy hospital.At this meeting, Cheng Qiang was wrapped in a bloated down jacket, with a heavy hat on his head and a hand-woven scarf around his neck. He completely lost the aura of a school boy, just like an ordinary big fat man.

He and his friends recognized me first, called me "Xiao Bei" loudly, and warmly invited me to the Starbucks opposite for a cup of hot coffee.

As a result, the big boss had less money, four cups of coffee for four people, and brother Qiang only had enough money to pay for three cups after watching the movie, and the other small followers always ate and drank behind Cheng Qiang. No money is normal.

The waiter's expression became impatient, and he reached out to get back a cup of coffee. I hurriedly took out my wallet and subconsciously pulled out my Starbucks membership card, on which I could swipe a cup for free.

After brushing, a group of people went out with coffee, chatting and laughing, and I was shocked suddenly. Looking at the membership card in my hand that hadn't been put in the wallet, there was mist in my eyes.

This membership card was given to me by Qiqi, she always likes to come here to buy coffee.

I don't know whether it's a good reincarnation or a bad reincarnation. The family background of me, Xiao Jiang, and Qi Qi is not bad. I voted for a father who can make some money, and I can often be a luxury.

Afraid of hurting the scene, I sniffed and hid the card in my wallet, only to hear Cheng Qiang talking to me.

Stopping his laughter, Cheng Qiang looked at me seriously and said, "Xiao Bei, do you know? Lin Zhishen is still in this city and hasn't left."

Hearing this name, my temples throbbed with pain, and my head was a little foggy. I don't know why Brother Qiang suddenly mentioned this person.

It wasn't until Cheng Qiang continued to speak that he gradually understood.

"He didn't go away. As long as we find him, we will know who chased Qiqi that day. Qiqi can't die in vain. Everyone caught those people wearing sacks or something. It's fine to run. If it wasn't for Qiqi's distress, we would all want to beat that bastard Jiang Chengrui!" Cheng Qiang said angrily.

Understanding what they meant, I took a sip of coffee, paused, and looked up and asked, "Do you know where he is hiding?"

"I don't know. Brother Jingba saw him last time. I don't know what he is still doing here. Shouldn't he run away with his father? Could something happen to his father?"

"Whatever he keeps it for, call me when he finds someone." I coughed and said.

Cheng Qiang and the others took a look at me, and said calmly: "Xiao Bei, you'd better not go. Qiqi has always regarded you as a girl, and we also treat you as a girl. If anything happens, we can't justify it on Qiqi's side." .”

"I'm her sister, if I don't go, I can't make it by myself." I said excitedly, my eyes turned red instantly.

Everyone around fell silent.

It was snowing, white snowflakes drifted down one by one, and suddenly someone said: "It is said that the snow is a grievance, because the old man in the sky thinks that we Qiqi have been wronged."

"Uneducated, July Feishuang is the one who describes grievances. Don't show off if you haven't learned Chinese well. Okay, don't poke around here. It's snowing, everyone go back to their respective homes and hug their mothers." Cheng Qiang patted the man on the shoulder and said.

I couldn't help laughing out loud, the snowflakes fell on my fingertips, it was cool.

3
The new semester is no different from before. From the very beginning, the students in the class looked at me strangely. Most of them have heard about my depression.

Good things don't go out, bad things spread thousands of miles, that's all.

There are those who are very curious, and they can’t help but gather around my table and ask, “Bei Yinan, are you in good health?” I laughed and replied, “Well, you don’t have to worry about my insanity scaring you.” .

"Bah bah bah, who is afraid that you are crazy and scare me, it's been so long since I haven't seen you, I miss you." A certain classmate said enthusiastically.

I smiled and didn't speak, watching a person wandering around my table, talking a few words from time to time.

In March of the second semester of senior high school, there will be a small college entrance examination, so the study atmosphere is very tense at the beginning of the term.Because I stopped classes for two months last semester, it was more difficult than others to review those minor subjects such as Shidisheng. I had almost no time to rest all day long, let alone "exchanging feelings" with Jiang Chengrui.

At the end of March, the first exam that determined the meaning of life in high school was over. I finally got a breathing space, but experienced the first confession in my life.

This semester, I chose aerobics for my physical education class, because when I was choosing courses in the computer room, I had a bad computer and it was stuck to death. , leaving only aerobics and aerobic Latin.

I get goosebumps at the thought of a male teacher teaching aerobic Latin. It's not because I'm sexist about my profession, but because it's hard for me to accept a male teacher dangling in front of my eyes every time I go to gym class. go.

So I chose aerobics as the next best thing, but I never expected that some boys fell in love with me who danced aerobics. I felt that in physical education class, I was very energetic when I was serious about learning movements. Just like that, a love letter passed through my classmates The aerobics girl was passed on to me.

The boy who confessed was from another school. At first, I wondered how the boys from other schools would see me doing aerobics. Later, after the girl sent me an explanation, I realized that the boy was her neighbor.

The last time people from the Education Bureau came to our school to inspect, and it happened to be our class for physical education class. The physical education teacher asked us to wear school uniforms to do aerobics, and even took a positive video for the leaders to watch.I also have that video. At that time, every student could copy it home and watch it.I didn't want it at first, but my mother heard that I was learning aerobics and was curious about how I danced, so she just asked me to copy it and take it home.

The boy who likes me only fell in love with me after watching the video his neighbor brought back.

What's that guy's name?I don’t even remember, although his name was written in the color of rust on the bottom of his love letter, but because some people said that the handwriting looked like it was written in blood, I was disgusted and threw the letter away without looking at it carefully.

Originally, this was just a small episode in my life, but I didn't expect that something like that would happen later.

The fact that I received a love letter written in blood by someone else soon became known to everyone.As soon as Jiang Chengrui found out about this, he came to warn me. You know, this is the first time we have spoken since we met again at the beginning of school.

It's not that he doesn't want to talk to me, it's that I don't want to talk to him.

I guess it takes time to forgive someone and I haven't had enough time.

"Xiao Bei, Shen Zhiyao is not a good guy. He doesn't know how many girlfriends he cheated on outside, and he dares to chase you. Don't worry, brother will take someone to fix him up and let him stop harassing you."

On a Friday evening, and the next day was a weekend, Jiang Chengrui suddenly hopped up to me and said with righteous indignation.

I knew that I was nervous when he asked me to talk about these things. Although I didn't take this matter to heart at all, I even froze for a moment when I heard the name "Shen Zhiyao" at first, thinking who is this person, but Still awkwardly pushing Xiao Jiang who was standing in front of him, said arrogantly, "Can you manage it?", and then watched Jiang Chengrui walk away with a hurt expression on his face.

I didn't bother to find out whether he actually brought someone to look for that "Shen Zhiyao" or something. After I packed my things, I went straight to the third floor with my schoolbag to find Cheng Qiang, just to track down Lin Zhishen's whereabouts.

Sometimes I think we are just sick, and even the police and the families of the victims don't care about things, but we still worry about them.

Is friendship really that important?Isn't that nonsense, it doesn't matter what else we are tossing about.

The second semester of the third year of high school is the most critical period of the whole high school, because the college entrance examination is imminent.

We have been in the second year of high school for a while, and there is still no movement in the third year of high school.I didn't go upstairs to Cheng Qiang's classroom to look for him, but went straight down the stairs and ran to the senior three car shed, looking for Cheng Qiang's car in the car shed corresponding to Brother Qiang's class.

I know his car, which is a small black battery car, because he is fat and doesn't like to ride a bicycle.

It turned out that the car was not there, and I knew it in my heart.

Cheng Qiang skipped class again.

I couldn’t find anyone, so I rode out of the school with my schoolbag on my back, thinking it was too early to go home, and I heard that there was a new Pizza Hut in the city center, so I was going to have a meal there before going back. meet people.

It's Lu Xia.

I faintly feel that my luck is a bit out of luck today.

After hesitating for a while at the door of the restaurant, I finally decided to go in.

4
A while ago at school, during recess, on a whim, I looked away from the senior year building, and asked my deskmate a question without thinking.

"You say a boy who has nothing, and his relatives don't care about him, wishing that he would die before he is clean, his father got into trouble and ran away, and his enemies are looking for him, what is he still doing alone in the original city? "

"What else can I do, I must be thinking about what is important to him in this city." The deskmate replied casually without even thinking about it.

I was a little confused, so I opened my mouth and continued to ask, "What is so important to a boy?"

(End of this chapter)