Our youth is over

Chapter 30 Ending (1)
"Those painful pasts will eventually fade away with time..."

1
"Xiao Bei, don't say you don't want him!"

When I called Jiang Chengrui to question him, someone said this to me without feeling that he was wrong.

"If you miss him, you can hit him?" I said angrily, raising my voice and yelling, "I don't want to, let me tell you that I don't miss him at all now, I finally saw it, why are you making me feel so uncomfortable? You keep saying that you want me to come out, but you push me in again!"

"Who pushed you in! If you don't want to, what's your name when I beat him? I didn't see you yelling at me when I beat someone else! If you don't want to, you can talk about stories with Mo Xulu and the others, and you can still tell the little details of the past." It's all said so clearly? If you really look at it, why are you afraid that He Yebei will know? Why don't you want him to know that you, a fat man, are Bei Yinan? What's the use of yelling at me so loudly? You have the ability to find He Yebei yell! He yelled at him to prevent his family from leaving you to the United States, why was Lu Xia at his house, and yelled at him why he returned to China, but the person standing beside him was not Lu Xia, but another woman! Do you dare to ask? !"

Jiang Chengrui was right, I didn't dare, I didn't dare to do anything, because I was afraid of getting hurt, so I became a turtle.I didn't even dare to ask He Yebei, did you really like me?Since you like me, why do you treat me like this!When Xu Xu and I talked about our first love, I said that I believed that He Yebei loved me. In fact, I lied. From the moment I met Lu Xia in the United States, I did not believe in the love between me and He Yebei. .

When he goes to the United States, I can still tell myself that He Yebei loves me more than his family. He doesn't want his mother to be stimulated again, and he will be a good baby and leave me behind.But Lu Xia is at his home, he can get along with Lu Xia, but he can not leave me a call, a text message or a message, even after you go abroad, you can tell me!

At the beginning when the child was gone, I let my parents take them home with my heart in despair. While scolding He Yebei for being cruel and unfeeling, I was defending him, saying that I might have misunderstood him and Lu Xia. He and Lu Xia are the same When she was young, she both studied in the United States, so it was normal for her to come and go, and it was normal for Lu Xia to go to his house to play, not necessarily just being together.

For the past five years, I have been living in this contradictory state of mind. Before He Yebei came back, I tried to convince myself that He Yebei was not as ruthless as we thought, but when he came back, he brought Lu Xia, another girl,
If I still believed that He Yebei loved me and Lu Xia was just my wild imagination, then what about Yao Qianyu?
Five years, neither long nor short, I haven't forgotten him yet, but he has forgotten me and is with someone else.

I spent the summer vacation anxiously, and when school started, Xu Xu pestered me and asked He Yebei if he had looked for me.They are all in this city, so he must know where my home is, and he didn't look for me after knowing what happened?Like the male protagonist on TV, he regrets deeply or says sorry or something, and then pulls...

I spread my hands to Xu Xu and said no.

Xu Xu complained in disappointment that he didn't expect He Yebei to be such a scumbag, and he didn't say anything about you being hurt so badly by him.I looked at her speechlessly, and asked, "Why don't you ask why your first love did this to you? Don't expect him to come and apologize to you!"

Xu Xu snorted disdainfully: "That's different. He's a scumbag, so I have no illusions about him. Leaving him is a relief for me. But He Yebei is not, at least the He Yebei in the story is still very Not bad, but I didn't expect that no matter how good a man is, he has a scumbag side."

"Who hasn't loved a few scumbags in his youth!" Ding Dang, who was busy looking for a job online, said abruptly.

Xu Xu gave her a thumbs up, squinted and said to me: "Look at this enlightenment! People who have experienced pain are really different!"

The signature pen in Ding Dong's hand was thrown onto Xu Xu's head. The two of them probably got used to bickering, and now they would swear at each other from time to time.

In the new semester, everyone is a senior, and they are all busy with graduating and looking for jobs.Xu Xu wanted to go to a big city like Shanghai or Beijing to exercise, and Ding Dong wanted to go back to her hometown. Her family is in the Jiangnan area, and the economy is developing very well.Little Shadow took the postgraduate entrance examination. I graduated from a mixed school. I have been mixed for three years. No matter how hard I worked in my senior year, I couldn’t evolve the rotten wood into a pillar. My dad also asked someone to help me establish a good relationship. After graduation, I went to work in his friend’s company. A little clerk.In this life, I don't want to be rich and powerful, and my career is in the sky, I just want to live a mediocre life.

Having said that, seeing that everyone is busy developing for the future, I am embarrassed to just stay in the dormitory so lazy, so I won’t apply for jobs from outside companies. The school’s job fairs will run a few more times, just as a way to lose weight .

Accidentally broke into He Yebei's job fair. Xu Xu said before that Yao Qianyu was mainly doing chemical research with a group of overseas returnees in the research institute, so I naturally thought that He Yebei was also doing this, plus a small Classmate Jiang beat him at the research institute, so he was even more sure that a returnee learned advanced technology abroad and came back to serve the motherland. As a result, he found out at the job fair that He Yebei's chemical research is the same as Yao Qianyu's counselor Side business, because most of the people doing research are his friends who studied in the United States. He studied a double degree in the United States, chemical engineering is a major, and he majored in finance. Now he is the financial director of a securities company. There is him.

I was originally applying for a clerk, and almost every company accepts clerks, so I went to almost every company for job fairs, and I rushed to He Yebei's house as if I was rushing, and it had already started there.Because the back door was closed, I could only enter the front door, and the interviewer sat in the first row of the front door, and He Yebei sat in the middle, and I saw it as soon as I entered the door.Almost at the same second, I didn't go any further. I turned around and left with the application documents in my hand. One of the men stopped me and asked, "Student, are you here to apply?"

My head was buzzing, I pretended I didn't hear it, I just lowered my head and walked forward quickly, with only one thought in my heart, that I couldn't see He Yebei.

2
I felt that I had run far enough, so I slowly slowed down, panting violently, and looking around, not knowing what I was going to do.

My brain couldn't think normally, and I couldn't think of what to do, so I simply walked to the cafeteria to eat.Because it is not a normal meal time, there are very few people in the cafeteria, just a few people here and there. I occupied a big round table by myself, ordered all the shops in the restaurant on the second floor, and brought things to the table one by one. eat.

As if I had been hungry for days, I poured pots of things into my mouth regardless of the heat, swallowed them almost without chewing, and continued to eat desperately.

It’s like this every time. I eat like crazy when I’m not happy. I can’t control it at all. I eat when I have nothing to do. I eat when I have something to do. No one is around. give up.

After quickly finishing a large bowl of fried noodles, a pot of iron plates, a serving of stone pot rice, and a bowl of dumplings, I stretched out my hand to the freshly baked soup dumpling. It was so hot that tears came out and I didn't spit it out. I just swallowed it like this. My throat felt like it was burned by fire. The pain reached my internal organs all the way but I didn't stop. I took chopsticks to pick up the second one, but was caught halfway. hand.

I don't even need to look up to know who is coming. With such a beautiful hand, there is only one person I know.

"Beinan..."

Five years later, when I heard He Yebei calling my name, I felt like a lifetime away.It seemed that the person he called was not me, or that I was not the Bei Yinan he called.Xiao Bei died in the United States five years ago, and now Bei Yinan is the new Bei Yinan, even though she has old wounds that won't heal.

As if I didn't hear it, I opened He Yebei's hand with chopsticks, picked up the soup dumpling and stuffed it into my mouth, and continued to eat, with tears in my eyes, trying not to fall down.

I asked myself, Bei Yinan, what do you want?He Yebei didn't run away anymore, he caught up.During the two months of summer vacation, haven't you been waiting for him to take the initiative to come to you?Now that it's here, why don't you dare to respond anymore, and you're acting like a turtle again.

"Bei Yinan!" He Yebei suddenly raised his voice, and I still ate my head down.He was angry, and stretched out his hand to snatch the chopsticks from my hand, but I held on tightly and refused to let go.

"I'm here, I'm here now, you are unhappy, you are sad, if you want to beat and scold, just come, don't do this! Don't spoil yourself like this!"

He Yebei took my hand and said loudly, I slapped him on the face with a slap, but he didn't groan, but just looked at me sadly.

"I... accidentally." I looked at the five finger prints on the fair face that were gradually turning red and quickly replied.

I really didn't mean it, I wanted to take the chopsticks, but he suddenly let go and hit him in the face.

"It's okay, you can fight if you think it's not enough." He Yebei said lightly.

I held the chopsticks I snatched and wanted to eat, but He Yebei stretched out his hand again, and the chopsticks stopped in mid-air. I swallowed hard, feeling that the current situation was a bit uncomfortable.

After being silent for a while, I finally mustered up the courage to look up at He Yebei who was sitting opposite me, took a deep breath and said, "He Yebei, believe it or not, I didn't let Xiao Jiang find you. Those things have passed, and now I It's good, you don't have to feel sorry for me, broke up with Yao Qianyu, and chased me from the job fair, and got beaten here. Let's forget about the past and go our separate ways."

"You don't need to talk, listen to me. It's not that I don't want to leave you a letter when I go to the United States, but I'm afraid that if I tell you in person, I will soften my heart if you cry. But my parents have to give an explanation, so I thought about going there first , appease them and contact you again. It’s just that not long after I arrived in the United States, my mother had a heart attack and passed away. I was in pain and blamed myself for a few months. Mom was so angry that she had a heart attack, and her heart couldn't get better.

"I think, if you listened to me that day and didn't go to A Shen, I wouldn't go to you, I would take the college entrance examination normally, and my mother wouldn't be stimulated because I missed my future because of you, so I wouldn't leave I have blamed you before, but what can I blame you for? Blame you for being disobedient? It’s better to blame me for not liking you. I was very shocked, and I didn't contact you. Lu Xia was at my house because I was afraid that I would not be able to bear to visit me after hearing that my mother had passed away. I was not with Lu Xia. Believe it or not, Lu Xia and I just Friend. When I gradually came out of the sadness of the death of my relatives and wanted to tell you all this, you have deleted all contact information with me, and I can't contact you. For five years, my dad and I will go back every year Guo, to visit my mother’s grave, her ashes are buried here. I want to come to find you, but I don’t know how to find it. I thought maybe it’s just like this. It’s good for everyone. Even if I find you, so what, my mother’s death Always lying between us, how can I fall in love with you.

"Yao Qianyu is very good and good in every way. My dad said she would be a good daughter-in-law, and my mom would definitely like her if she was still around. So she offered to be with me, and I agreed. Maybe you think it's ruthless to you But, Xiaobei, the moment my mother died, my love also died. You were the first girl I fell in love with, and you became the last one. Yao Qianyu and I had a normal relationship and returned to China to develop together. Originally, according to It was planned that we would get married, but you showed up.

"If you appeared in front of me alive and kicking like before, then I would not look back, but you just appeared in front of me strangely with scars all over your body. I have to turn back. Jiang Chengrui told me everything about you , I saw you at the entrance of the supermarket. Do you know what that feeling is? I wondered why it wasn’t me, my mother, or a child I didn’t know who died five years ago. I admit that I’m not brave enough, not enough Be strong, listening to you calling me Mr. He, seeing you pretending not to know me, I can't say a word, I just want to escape. Why don't you take good care of yourself and make me ashamed of my mother, so ashamed to you."

He Yebei finished talking to me with a pale face, his eyes were red.

I sat on the stool and listened to what he said, I didn't know what to say for a moment, but wept silently.

I don't know these truths, just like he doesn't know what happened to me five years ago.I only know that fate has played tricks on us to make us so difficult.

"You don't have to be sorry for your mother, and don't feel... sorry for me...and the child. You are right, it is my fault, it is because I was too self-willed and ignorant, always asking for trouble and putting myself in a dangerous situation If I don't go to the United States, the situation may be much better than it is now. Don't come back to me just because you sympathize with me. Look at me now, how can I still look like Bei Yinan in the past? What you like He Yebei Xiao Bei five years ago, I, Bei Yinan, also fell in love with He Yebei five years ago. So five years later, we have all changed, there is no need to be so entangled, you can continue to chase Yao Qianyu back and marry her, and I After graduating and looking for a job, there will be a suitable marriage in the future. The first love is used to miss, how many people have lived with the first love for a lifetime? Very few, so let's forget the past."

I sniffed and finished speaking, stood up from my seat, stopped looking at He Yebei who was sitting silently across from me with downcast eyes, and ran downstairs quickly.

(End of this chapter)