aren't we in love

Chapter 50 I Love You and Hate You

After Yu Dong was taken away, Cheng Duanwu often went to Mingyue's father's house to watch Lele.He took Lele alone, and Cheng Duanwu often went to help him.Lele is a child. She had a quarrel about her father's departure for a while, but she liked Cheng Duanwu so much. Under Cheng Duanwu's comfort, she has been trying to be obedient.Lele always thought that Cheng Duanwu was her mother. Cheng Duanwu and Mingyue looked so similar that young children couldn't tell them apart.

Every time Cheng Duanwu leaves, she always asks Cheng Duanwu: "Mom, why don't you take me with you?"

Looking at Lele, Cheng Duanwu felt uncomfortable, if nothing happened, if everything could really go back.How many people can that save?
Cheng Duanwu took Yu Dong's key and went to Yu Dong's house.Yu Dong smashed all the furniture at home to pieces.

Among the messy ruins, Cheng Duanwu tidied them up carefully.

Yu Dong's room is full of women's clothing, spring, summer, autumn and winter, thrown messily on the floor, Cheng Duanwu can imagine the hysterical scene of Yu Dong smashing everything in anger when he saw the suicide note.

Yu Dong is not a happy person emotionally, he didn't get what he wanted, and what he got was not what he really wanted.

In that marriage, Yu Dong was a bad person through and through. He regarded Mingyue as a substitute, so he could not care about Mingyue's "cheating" and Mingyue's "love" Lu Yingqin.

The only thing he cares about is Lele, and he regards Lele as his life.Mingyue knew his weakness well, so before she died, she did such a thing.

After sorting out Mingyue's belongings, Cheng Duanwu found the overcoat that Yu Dong mentioned, and the right pocket was already empty, presumably there was the suicide note that Yu Dong had read there.

But what Yu Dong didn't know was that there was also a suicide note in the left pocket of this coat.

Mingyue is a delicate and decisive woman.

Before she died, she wrote two suicide notes, one in the left pocket of her coat and one in the right pocket.The two letters contain completely different contents.At first she just wrote that she wanted to make Yu Dongtian troublesome, but she didn't want to cause such serious consequences.This is Mingyue's revenge, and it is also an unstoppable fate.

Cheng Duanwu unfolded the letter that Yu Dong didn't find, and the woman's beautiful small characters appeared on the paper, and she wrote:

I put this letter in my left pocket, I'm left-handed, I'm sure you won't remember, you never remember me.I know you're always looking at others through me.By your side, I feel terrified all the time, and I am terrified that you will not want me when you wake up.I just want to be so stupid to be with you, just want to believe that all the good things you do to me are true, that you love me and take care of me just because I am me.

But I still can't, my stupidity lies in the fact that my love for you is too pure.So pure that when I can't stand you looking at me more and more, you are actually looking at someone else.

You love Lele so much, you say Lele is so beautiful, she really looks like me.

Is it like me, or like her?
I don't want to know who she is, but why don't you hide it?
You never let me touch your wallet just because it has her picture in it?
You don't love me after all, no matter if I say I'm in love with Lu Yingqin or I've cheated.You said you would forgive me.Yu Dong, if you really love a woman, how could you forgive her betrayal so lightly?
Do you remember?When you proposed to me, you said that you fell in love with me at first sight, and that you just want to live with me in this life, and it doesn't matter if you betray the whole world.You said that you will only respect and love me in this life.

You said, you will never lie to me in your life.

But Yu Dong, how big a lie is it when you say you love me?Let me lose my life, lose my heart.

Yu Dong, I love you, but I also hate you.

I'm gone, and I don't want to live in fear because you don't love me anymore.

Yu Dong, I don't care about your love anymore.I hope to never meet you again in the next life.

Mingyue's last pen
There are two photos in his pocket, one is of Mingyue and the other is of Cheng Duanwu. Cheng Duanwu looks at these two photos with great subtlety.The two of them do look similar, but their eyes are completely alike.

Cheng Duanwu was about to fold the letter back when he saw Mingyue wrote on the back of the letter:

Do you know who I am?
An extremely sad sentence.She said she didn't love Yu Dong anymore, said she hated him, said she didn't care for him anymore, but she was still struggling to the end of her life whether he knew who she was or not.One sentence has completely overturned her blunt "hate".Cheng Duanwu could imagine how broad and profound emotions she had in her heart when she started writing.Such a woman, how could Yu Dong veto everything with just one letter?

She put the real last book in her habitual left pocket.Before she died, she still wanted to try, whether Yu Dong could remember her habit of using pockets.

But Yu Dong still didn't remember, he took out the letter on the right, read it angrily, and made an irreparable mistake.

Being loved is a kind of extravagant happiness, just like Cheng Duanwu loves Lu Yingqin, just like Yu Dong loves Cheng Duanwu, just like Mingyue loves Yu Dong.

People will never know how to cherish the happiness in front of them, so Yu Dong doesn't know how to give up the so-called "true love" that is "unable to ask for".

Mingyue's letter was later brought to Yu Dong who was in the detention center by Cheng Duanwu.Yu Dong self-harmed in the detention center many times after watching it, and was rescued in time.

After that, he completely gave up defending himself, acting like he didn't want to go out for the rest of his life.

He wants to make atonement, but the person he apologized to will never see his atonement.

This is probably the most ruthless revenge.

Cheng Duanwu didn't tell Lu Yingqin about all this.

The current Cheng Duanwu and Lu Yingqin have many, many secrets, too numerous to count.

She couldn't tell what kind of feelings she had for Lu Yingqin.She didn't want to tell the difference.Maybe it's love, but after all, this love is not as pure as it was at first.

The past Cheng Duanwu has been buried along with those pasts.

It rained again in Qingming this year.Maybe God can really perceive people's sadness.

The rain was drizzling, making April a little bit cold when the spring branches sprouted.Cheng Duanwu only wore a plain sweater, and the wind poured in from the neckline, and she had goose bumps from her neck to her chest.

Lu Yingqin, who came to sweep the grave with Cheng Duanwu, looked at the scene in front of him with mixed feelings.Humans are really strange animals.When the Cheng family was alive, he wished they were all dead.

But they were all dead. Seeing Cheng Duanwu become like this, he hoped that they would all be alive again.

It turns out that no matter what kind of hatred it is, it will become insignificant with the end of life.If only he had understood these principles earlier.Will everything be different?
Lu Yingqin sighed softly, and looked up at Cheng Duanwu.There was no expression on her beautiful face.She stared straight at the picture on the tombstone without saying anything or crying.

Lu Yingqin asked the doctor many times whether Cheng Duanwu could restore his memory, but the doctor could not give him a clear answer.

Seeing how Cheng Duanwu didn't even shed tears facing the photo on the tombstone, he was a little entangled.He didn't want her to go back to the way she washed her face with tears, but seeing that she didn't even remember her closest relatives, he felt that treating her like this was really too cruel.

Cheng Duanwu's white hands touched the wet marble tombstone, and he turned around after a while, as if talking to him, but also as if talking to himself: "It's so strange, I can't shed a single tear."

Seeing her like this, Lu Yingqin felt distressed, and walked over to hug Cheng Duanwu, the rain fell on his shoulders with water stains, Lu Yingqin always felt that the rain was like Cheng Duanwu's tears, silent but continuous.He stroked her back and said, "You just don't remember everything about the past, you don't have those memories, so you don't feel pain."

Cheng Duanwu didn't speak, and let Lu Yingqin hug him.

He said, "It's fine if you don't remember, and it won't hurt you."

Cheng Duanwu didn't move, she buried her head in Lu Yingqin's arms, and said quietly after a long time: "It won't hurt if I really don't remember."

One sentence touched Lu Yingqin's nerves.For some reason, he felt that this sentence sounded a little strange, but a little meaningful.

Lu Yingqin was stunned for a while, and noticed something strange in those words, he asked, "Did you remember something?"

Cheng Duanwu raised his eyes and smiled at him: "Lu Yingqin, I actually have a good memory."

Like being struck by lightning, many scenes flashed in Lu Yingqin's mind, like a suspenseful TV series, a key was unlocked, and all the previous evidences that seemed to be missing were suddenly linked together.He grabbed Cheng Duanwu's shoulders, his hands were shaking, his body was shaking, and his heart was shaking.

"Do you really not remember?"

Cheng Duanwu gently pushed Lu Yingqin away, and took a few steps outside. She turned around and turned her back to Lu Yingqin. Lu Yingqin couldn't see her expression, but felt that she was watching the swaying flowers and trees in the distance.

After a long time, Cheng Duanwu asked calmly: "Lu Yingqin, do you want me to remember or not?"

Lu Yingqin froze for a moment, and was stopped by her question.What did he want her to remember?If she remembered the love she had for him in the past, she would also remember the hurt he did to her.

He couldn't say anything, but suddenly stepped forward and hugged Cheng Duanwu from behind.

Cheng Duanwu froze because of his sudden approach. After a long time, her shoulders began to tremble slightly. Lu Yingqin knew that she was crying.

This was the first time she cried like this after going through those things.He doesn't talk, he doesn't want to disturb her.

Cheng Duan's voice was choked up, but he was so sad: "Lu Yingqin, what should I do? It's too late for me to love you again."

After a long time, Lu Yingqin hugged her tightly. In an instant, it seemed that everything that was crowded in his heart suddenly disappeared. He no longer had those suspicious and complicated thoughts, nor did he have those tender feelings. He said yes Cheng Duanwu said:

"It's okay, this time, it's my turn to love you from the beginning."

When a famous person got married, he wrote:
For a long time, I always felt that life began slowly.But if you have to wait, the time will never come.Life has nothing to do with encounters along the way, and we keep moving forward, and finally understand that happiness does not lie at the end.Happiness is the way of life.Please cherish every inch of time, cherish every person who spends it together, and believe that companionship is a kind of preciousness.

Sometimes we pursue the answer, but ignore the scenery along the way.

Cheng Duanwu and Lu Yingqin's road is full of mud, and the road ahead cannot be guaranteed to be sunny. The only thing we can know is that when the wind and rain come, we can hold each other's hands tightly. This will be good, and a lifetime will be enough.

(End of this chapter)