Self-control: How to take control of your time and life?

Chapter 2 Introduction The pre-class questions we discuss together (2)
Self-control is "self-control", which means that people can consciously control their emotions and actions, and become their own steering wheel. They are good at motivating themselves to carry out certain decisions bravely, and can restrain those desires and motivations that do not meet the established goals. , behavior and emotions, and then become a rational person.

In other words, self-control is an important indicator of a person's strength, representing a person's willpower and his ability to control himself and things.The opposite is self-willedness, a person will have a completely indulgent attitude towards himself, he will not restrict his words and deeds, he will do things arbitrarily and wildly, without any consideration of the consequences of his actions.The life of the former is rational, the life of the latter is out of control.

Self-control is one of the fundamental points that distinguish humans from animals.Why do you say that?People are full of thoughts and wisdom, so they can control their emotions and actions rationally according to certain purposes.However, this does not mean that all people are self-controlled and intelligent at all times, which is why our courses have so many participants.

For example, we sometimes see some naughty children.Under the pampering of their parents and elders, they are very lively - this is just a superficial phenomenon. Not only do they talk indifferently, but they also do things upside down, which makes people headache and helpless.When I was a guest once, I saw the host’s six-year-old child jump onto the dining table without warning and “destroy” a table of delicious food.

If you need an example of poor self-control, this is the living proof.Of course, children have a natural right to immunity in this regard, because their self-control is inherently weak, and their behavior out of control is justifiable.But why can't adults restrain their words and deeds?

One of the important reasons why most adults have poor self-control is to let themselves go.

When I was in China, I had a friend, Mr. Zhao, and we had a close relationship.His personality is very popular. Everyone who comes into contact with him thinks he is funny, easy-going, kind, generous, forthright, and rich in life experience and social experience.

It sounds like such a person should be easy to succeed.What about the facts?He wasn't, I just saw him fall down again and again, and each time he fell badly, and he couldn't pick himself up after a long time.For example, once, he suddenly asked me to help introduce a project in the United States. In the middle of the work, he suddenly told me: "I want to make a big business, please sell this project to someone else, I don't want to do it." Then Let go.

He believes that the new project is better and has a higher chance of success. As long as it is completed, he will not have to run around for the rest of his life.I reluctantly accepted his decision.A few months later, I could no longer contact him. After he came to the United States from China, he contacted me that time. After a project was overwhelmed, he turned off the phone and disappeared without any information.

Two years later, Mr. Zhao came to Los Angeles to find me again.He told me the whole story. His business failed, and he found out that the risk was very high after a short period of time, so he had to give up and owed a huge debt to the bank.He felt that he had no face to return to China, and he was unable to stay in the United States, so he had to come to me again for help.I felt sympathetic, because he lived a life of nothing after the failure, and he barely got rid of the negative emotions recently, and found a job in New York with a monthly salary of [-] US dollars, hoping to start all over again.I think with his past experience and ability, he should be able to do better, pay back the debt as soon as possible, and make some achievements.If he sinks like this, his life will really fail.

At that time, the president of a company in Los Angeles was training his subordinates in my course and told me that there was a lack of an administrative manager.I will introduce Mr. Zhao and let him try it.I think, based on the accumulation of various work experiences of Mr. Zhao in the past 20 years, it should not be a big problem to do a good job as an administrative manager.

Sure enough, at the beginning, he did a very good job, and he was very appreciated by Mr. President, who praised him several times in the phone communication with me.But before it lasted for half a year, Mr. President complained: "Gao, I think this person has many methods and is capable of doing things, but he is a little half-hearted." And impetuous person.

Six months later, Mr. Zhao resigned.To be exact, he handed in his resignation letter very excitedly and left the company voluntarily because he was going to "find a better career".He said in an email to me: "Gao, I apologize, but I found out that there is a company in Washington, they want to import mobile phone chips from China, but there is no channel, I can help them solve this problem."

Lo and behold, another new idea.Mr. Zhao is like this. When he fails to do one thing well, he starts to look forward to another thing, and then gives up the present to pursue the illusory tomorrow.The result is that he can't do anything well, and he is always in a vicious cycle of excitement-failure-resurrection-excitement again, and he can never get out.

What is the reason for Mr. Zhao's poor self-control?This may be a concern for you as well.

A person's inability to control his life well is firstly related to his family background and education.For example, Mr. Zhao's father served in the army. As a professional soldier, he was very powerful. Mr. Zhao had no right to choose independently since he was a child.Everything before the age of 30 was arranged by his parents, and he developed a weak character of being irresponsible and letting others arrange.Secondly, when he lives independently away from his parents, if there is no strong person like his parents to control him, and he cannot improve his self-control through acquired exercises and changes, he will not be able to persevere when doing things independently, and he will have no willpower.So he doesn't work for long.As long as he is given an independent and relaxed working environment, he will completely lose control and become unable to control himself.

Question Four: "Why is self-control so difficult?"

To become diligent does not require a strong ability or will to challenge or overcome any world-class problems. It just allows us to invest more time in our "life management" and do a good job in life's "life management". "Infrastructure" construction, why can't many people even do the most basic thing?

For example, some young students-I have seen a large number of cases in California, including Chinese students.They often stop during their studies, and then check what is available on their mobile phones, enjoy the joy of games, and enjoy the online world. It is difficult for them to focus on a job that may not appeal to him for a long time.

They clearly know that what they are doing is wrong, and it is of no benefit to improving their current life. They will say: "Ah, I will correct it next time, believe me!" When the next time comes, he has already forgotten today The oath, still go its own way, continue the old habits.

For people with low self-control, what overcomes their inner guilt?In the course of self-control in this book, we will answer in detail for readers: How does a person who loses self-control develop?

In order to catch wild ducks, a red fox can lurk in the icy and snowy swamps for several days. It is tenacious and patient, sticking to the ground without making a sound, slowly approaching wild ducks, and starting its hunting trip.When the wild duck accidentally swam away, the red fox licked his lips with his tongue, and returned to the original place in disappointment to wait.In order to fill its hungry stomach, it can go back and forth like this dozens of times, and maintain this state for more than a month, until the wild duck is finally caught and eaten by it due to its negligence.

"Red Fox" can be used as an example for us to improve self-control. It is good at controlling its own behavior, which is an instinct for hunting food that it gradually formed during the long evolutionary process.An animal can powerfully control itself in order to achieve a certain purpose. Shouldn't a thoughtful and intelligent person be his own master?
"Why didn't you do it?" I asked Mr. Solis, a "difficult to quit smoking".Solis has been smoking for 30 years, but at the beginning it was just for fun - he was only 12 years old at the time, but he never seriously thought about why he smoked, just blindly letting himself smoke after cigarette Keep smoking until it becomes a hobby, and old habits die hard.Doesn't it start by letting yourself go?
"I admit, it's so difficult to control this behavior," Solis said. "Every time I light a cigarette, self-control is out of reach for me."

This determines that self-control belongs to the category of will, it is an invisible spiritual energy, and it is difficult for us to easily grasp its trajectory.Just like what Solis showed, he clearly knew that he needed to improve his current state and say goodbye to cigarettes forever, but when he wanted to do this, his inner willpower jumped out and told him: "Master, I don't want to do this! "

Just like quitting smoking, if we want to enhance our self-control, we must start from the daily life and strengthen the training of willpower.This is the fundamental way to improve self-control.It is not difficult to do this, but it requires you to overcome any bad natural inclinations, habits, or temptations of a partner.

The physicist Franklin once formulated a moral plan for himself including thirteen items, and then implemented them one by one.It is very necessary for you to know what he does, because the effect is so good, and he did succeed.For example, in order to correct the habit of chatting and telling jokes, he forced himself to learn to "silence":
"Avoid trivial conversation unless it is beneficial to others or yourself." When someone thought he was too proud, aloof, and unapproachable, Franklin wrote the "humility" command in his plan.In his later years, in his autobiography, he talked about his own plan to improve self-control in his youth: "Obviously, all my achievements should be attributed to temperance."

Dear reader, our good lives are built on self-control, not knowledge, skills, or connections.The energy that can be reflected in the latter is all determined by our self-control, which is the general skill for a person to achieve various successes.

This is exactly the secret that our 18 lessons will reveal: the difference between a successful person and a loser is often not in their ability or idea, but in whether he has the courage to encourage himself to achieve success Self-control, and then bravely stick to the right idea to the end.

Maybe you're witnessing all your past failures and getting discouraged in the face of a bad life, but that doesn't matter.When you read this book, you will find that everyone, at any stage in their life, will have the opportunity to correct mistakes and try again.Past failures will never damage our confidence, nor will they destroy the bright future, it is the lost willpower and pessimism about the future that will kill us!
(End of this chapter)