Self-control: How to take control of your time and life?

Chapter 35 Appendix (3)
Course method: Through step-by-step training, activate inner courage. 1. Walk up to someone directly, as if he owes you money.

2. Train yourself to stare at the bridge of the other person's nose, so that people feel that you are looking directly into his eyes.

3. Before meeting a stranger, make a list of topics to talk about.

4. Don't overestimate the other party and underestimate yourself. Even if the other party has a high reputation and status, it should not prevent you from contacting him generously.

5. Don't complain in front of others.Of course, if you have any distress in your heart, you can tell it to your close relatives and friends.If you complain too much in front of others and win their sympathy, you will feel even more unfortunate.

6. When you feel afraid, do what you are afraid of, and soon you will no longer have to be afraid of it.In this lesson, we're going to practice having faith instead of fear until it becomes a permanent habit in our bodies.

Self-Control Lesson 9 Time Management

Step [-]: Manage your own plans Regarding plans, time management focuses on to-do lists, daily plans, weekly plans, and monthly plans.Make a list in advance of some tasks you have to do every day, prioritize them, and confirm the completion time to highlight the key points of work and avoid forgetting unfinished items for tomorrow.It mainly includes: non-routine work, special matters, work in the action plan, unfinished matters yesterday, etc.

Make a plan at a set time each day (as soon as you wake up).

Make one plan at a time.

Cross out each task you complete.

Time must be allowed for emergencies, which is the most critical one.

It must be persevered every day.

Step [-]: Manage your time in "four quadrants"

Divide your work into two different levels of importance and urgency, and basically can be divided into four "quadrants":
Both urgent and important (such as learning tasks, CET-[-] and CET-[-], etc.).

Important but not urgent (e.g. building relationships, new opportunities, etc.).

Urgent but not important (e.g. phone ringing, unexpected guest entering, etc.).

Neither urgent nor important (e.g. polite small talk, frivolous letters, personal hobbies, etc.).When strengthening this course, you must establish an important concept for yourself, that is, "I should focus my energy and time on dealing with those important but not urgent things, so that I can plan ahead , prevent problems before they happen, and prevent some important things from being delayed, and finally all become urgent matters, and make yourself exhausted."

Step Three: Account for Uncertainty

You also need to allow enough time for unexpected uncertain events.

Leave extra lead time for each plan.

Try to make yourself complete the expected work without leaving room and being disturbed.It's not impossible, and in fact, fast workers are usually more precise than slow ones.

In addition, prepare a contingency plan so that you can deal with it calmly in the event of an accident.However, the most fundamental thing is that we must force ourselves to complete the work within the specified time, which requires us to have full confidence in our abilities and put into action with the strongest willpower.

Self-Control Lesson 10 Stress Test

We provide a stress test for people to test their stress levels.The accumulation of pressure will cause great damage to the psychology, and often become the fuse of suicide.

Tip: Please mark "Not Applicable", "Occasionally Applicable", "Often Applicable" and "Most Applicable" after each question. 1. I find myself worrying about very small things.

2. I seem to be jumpy.

3. I get impatient when I get hindered.

4. I tend to overreact to things.

5. I find myself easily distracted.

6. I find myself easily irritated.

7. I feel chronically on high alert.

8. I feel easily offended.

9. I feel like I drain a lot of energy.

10. I find it difficult to quiet myself down.

11. After being stimulated, I find it difficult to calm down.

12. I am nervous.

13. I find it difficult to relax.

14. I feel uneasy.

15. I have a hard time being held back at work.

Standard: 1 point for "Not Applicable", 2 points for "Occasionally Applicable", 3 points for "Often Applicable", and 4 points for "Most Applicable".

15 points: You have no pressure;
16-30 points: you are under mild stress and need to adjust your emotions; 31-45 points: you are under moderate stress, in addition to self-regulation, you can also seek help from a psychological counselor; 46-60 points: you have already Under severe stress, it is recommended to seek the help of a psychological counselor or psychiatrist for psychological counseling or treatment according to the situation.

Self-control Lesson 11 Back to Reality Training

At the beginning of this lesson, you must understand: Only when we recognize the reality can we change our destiny.Then remember the following two, and strictly abide by it.

The most important thing is to be true to yourself
You just have to follow this rule and wait for the rewards of your efforts.If it is really necessary to be loyal to others, it should be done based on one's own responsibility.

When deciding to be loyal to the inner "I", we must first ask ourselves the following questions: "Is my current behavior a manifestation of my inner will?" "Am I doing things step by step according to my goals and plans?" What's the question, am I escaping reality?"

"When I encounter difficulties, do I think of a solution at the first time, and how do I usually do it?" As long as you answer no to one of the above four questions, you have the ability to escape from reality and avoid difficulties. suspected.Similarly, only if we have all done yes instead of no, it means that we are a person who has the courage to take responsibility, strives to advance according to the set goal in reality, and does not bury his head in the sand.

Often, it is very difficult to force yourself to answer these four questions.We discovered in the course that even if a person is very practical in his life, there will inevitably be moments of escapism.That is to say, during the training of this class, confirming the answers to these questions requires us to be extra serious and not allow ourselves to have any "evasion" behavior.Even if you are a person who is used to escaping reality, you cannot escape these four questions, because this is a dialogue between you and yourself: Everyone should be honest with themselves.

Notepad and schedule

The second step is not to teach you how to use the notepad, but to truly describe the reality through the notepad, remind yourself of the things you have to deal with and the progress you have completed so far, and don't create an evasive environment around yourself that is conducive to forgetting.

Use a notepad to write down every goal, idea, and experience of observing the world, just like shooting a "reality documentary", and always use it to read and remind yourself what is happening.

Keeping a diary is the simplest and most acceptable method, provided that you start well and finish well.Many students can only persist for 20 to 30 days when keeping a diary. This is a common reality, and what you have to do is to persist for a longer period of time until it becomes a lifelong habit.

Progress sheet: This is a tool to record the progress of things and the problems faced. "Which step has my plan been completed?" "What is the current urgent issue?" "What do I need to do in the next step, is there anything worth marking?" It can help you record and remind you, and it is beneficial for you to make statistics afterwards , to evaluate their own efficiency.

Self-control Lesson 12 Collaboration Training
Main purpose: I hope that everyone can feel the uniqueness of others, respect their feelings, and cooperate with them to develop their own teamwork spirit, so as to avoid falling into a "critic dilemma".That is, you are used to blaming others, but you can't see your own problems.

Essence of the course: Distinguish and evaluate the differences between yourself and others, use empathy to listen to the voices of others, understand each other's feelings, and lay the foundation for mutual cooperation.

Main course of the course:
Allow yourself to listen to the other person, not just his words.

Get the feeling in his words and really empathize with him.

There is no collaboration without understanding.So you have to react in a way that lets the other person know that someone actually heard what he said, strives for understanding, and creates a common basis for collaboration.

That is to say, listening, feeling, and responding are three conditions that must be met in training, and none of them can be dispensed with.In addition, based on the nature of the collaborative team, we must have at least two people during training (it can be family members, colleagues and friends, in fact any two people are qualified for training, you can even choose strangers), and the feeling of going deep into the soul ——Training is ineffective if it is just perfunctory and coping.

Training can be broken down into four main steps:

1. Listen to Your Feelings At the outset, this course wants you to focus on your feelings.It sounds easy, doesn't it?But it's pretty hard to do, and you're most likely ignorant of the extent to which you're feeling inside, a lack of self-knowledge, which most of us are.

First find yourself a comfortable place with a little room for movement, and then prepare yourself for 10 minutes.

At the beginning of the training, try to find out where the feeling that is currently being affected psychologically comes from.

Then, close your eyes and keep them on throughout the practice.The purpose of closing the eyes is to eliminate the distracting factors.

Start trying to listen to yourself, listen to the inside of the body, and now start to listen to the changes in the self, follow the feeling of the first step, slowly go down, and set off to the inside of the body.

Focus as much as possible on what is going on within yourself and ignore any noise from outside.

Try any possible movements, continue to listen to the various signals your body gives you, then find out the tense parts of your body, and move these parts.Note, to confirm where there is not to relax.

As you relax from head to toe, pay attention to the changes in your body, feel which parts are stiff and which parts are completely relaxed.

Find a way to find the tense parts, then take a few minutes to recall the past half hour experience, and record the tense parts of your body on paper.

Simply write down those feelings that you linger in the back of your mind, be sure to recall the entire process at this point, never ignore any feeling, whether it is pleasurable or painful, write them all down.

Now, open your eyes and the process of listening is complete.At this time, immediately carry out "self-recognition".Find out, which feeling is the most difficult for you?Which link is your subconscious mind not wanting to do?These will ultimately prove where the problem is.You have to find out which parts of yourself have been unable to relax, and which parts need special attention to relax, write it down, and improve it in repeated training until all parts of the body can be completely relaxed.

Issues to be aware of:

Find out how you feel and share it with someone, your partner, or your most trusted family member or colleague.

Pay attention to the difference between feelings and thoughts. Feelings are based on the "inner self", while thoughts come from the "outer self".

You can try to create some sensations, such as intentionally relaxing and tightening various parts of the body, and then close your eyes to experience it.

2. Express your feelings The most important thing is to choose the way to express your feelings, which is the most important part of this course.If you can't find the right way, even if you are true to your feelings and fully tuned in to your inner voice, then it will lead to bad consequences.This means you can be highly prodded and then angrily accuse others - a time when you're sure your feelings are real and more motivated when you lose control.

The training method for this step: clench your fist, then experience the inner feeling, and shout out.As the feelings change, so do the words.

Close your eyes, stretch out your hand, and clenched your fist, getting tighter and tighter.

Closing her eyes tighter and tighter, she grinds her teeth, trying to blend in, and pumps her fist in the air.

No matter how you feel at this time, whether it is happiness, depression, anger or boredom, call it out, shout it loudly in an enclosed space, and use it as a kind of catharsis.You may be feeling stupid, frustrated, exhausted, angry or vengeful, or downright guilty, and that's okay, don't hesitate to let it out.

If the feeling is constantly changing, keep saying it too.

After finishing speaking, relax a little bit slowly, let go of your fingers little by little, experience this feeling of slow relaxation, and slowly open your eyes.

Get moving, feel the difficulty moving your arms, your shoulders, feel other changes in your body, and say aloud how you feel now, whether it's confusion, freedom, openness, comfort, warmth, or tension.

Finally, relax and move the muscles of your whole body with your heart, and do stretching exercises. How does it feel different?Express it again, and then write the two feelings on paper, and compare them after each training session.Remember, it must be faithfully recorded, and there must be no evasion or deception.

3. Listen to the feelings of others. After the first two steps of training, you can start to understand the feelings of others after confirming that your feelings and expressions will no longer interfere with your listening to others.The way to practice is to listen. You can find someone (whoever he is) who wants to be a completely loyal listener to find out how others feel and share your opinions with him.

In this step of the exercise, we can try to find the following three roles:

He who has always disagreed with you, listen to what he has to say about you.

For people with conflicting personalities, listen to his heart, experience your own feelings, and forge a peaceful mind.

People with different interests or standpoints should empathize and feel his thoughts from his perspective. 4. Respond with respect to the feelings of others. In fact, as long as we hear the feelings of others, we will respond in a certain way. Sometimes it is instinctive, and sometimes it comes from the day after tomorrow (the impression of the other party is decisive). Let the other person think that you listened and understood his feelings (whether you disagree or agree).

Therefore, in training, when listening to other people's feelings, you must find out your own feelings to express them (first and second processes), feel the feelings of others and empathize with them.Like, do I agree with him and work with him?Am I prepared to adopt a critical or indifferent attitude?These are the four processes that determine whether "collaboration" will happen, and whether we can control our feelings well, cope with our interpersonal relationships, and build our teamwork ability.

Self-Control Lesson 13 Developing Judgment
The cultivation of judgment requires nine steps.In fact, improving judgment is a long process. We not only need to use some specific examples for short-term training, but also adhere to these nine basic principles in life for a long time, and develop a good habit of comprehensive analysis and calm thinking.

However, as I said in the course: "For most people, the ability to analyze comprehensively and the habit of calm thinking are two scarce things. People are so eager to have these two precious qualities, and they are often regarded as Nothing will kick it aside so easily." Therefore, the real question of this lesson is whether you have the strong determination to change those bad habits that have been followed for a long time, so that you can achieve real change, so as to thoroughly implement the following right in principle.Therefore, when cultivating and improving judgment, the only necessary preparation we need to do is "determination", which cannot be changed by any resistance.

full preparation

This is the premise on which we make all judgments.In military terms, one cannot fight unprepared battles; in life, one should not do unsure things.Sufficient preparation is the guarantee for us to do anything, and it is also the strong backing for the success of everything.Then, before speaking and doing things, you have to let yourself develop a habit of preparation, collect information, observe the environment, and make thorough preparations.

In life, whether you are an independent person and have good judgment is inseparable from whether you have strong self-confidence, and it is even more inseparable from adequate preparation.You have to be thoughtful and investigative, and to do that, it takes a process.Therefore, impatience is your enemy.The main reason why many people make mistakes in judgment is that they have no patience to prepare adequately, thinking that they have no time to investigate and think.

From now on, you should firmly believe this: "If I don't want to spend 10 minutes preparing, I will spend ten years regretting it in the future."

figure out what's going on

The things we face are often complicated and complicated, and many trivial things are entangled together, which makes you dazzled.So you have to figure out what is going on in front of you, sort out the priorities, and find a way out.

If you want to figure out what is going on in front of you, you have to start from your own actual situation, carefully analyze, grasp the essence, and think carefully before you can make a judgment.If you only act on impulse and act with enthusiasm, this kind of eagerness for quick success is neither advisable nor feasible.This is the common problem of most people.

1. Being alone, out of the center of things Being alone can calm you down, out of the center of things, allows you to jump out of it and find a third-party perspective.Then, thinking calmly and observing from a distance will make your mind clear and your thinking quick.In this way, the judgment results made will be accurate, objective and true.

2. Believe in yourself when sorting out the priorities. The things you have to face are often irrelevant to others, and no one will really sympathize with you.Therefore, you need to solve the problem by yourself, which requires you to be confident and not indecisive.If you follow what others say and don't have your own opinion, it will be meaningless to solve things.No matter what it is, you can refer to other people's opinions, but in the end you have to analyze and judge by yourself, so that the result is the most suitable for you.

3. Ask a few more "Why" "Why is this happening?" "Why should I choose this one over the other?" "Can I give up?" "What is the reason I have to give up?" "Why can't I wait Wait?" "What will be the cost if we don't?"

(End of this chapter)