communication psychology

Chapter 2 Warm up mentally before communicating, there is no one who cannot be talked about

If you want to get along better with others, you must first be a "talking person".Are you secretly annoyed when you're sitting in a corner trying to strike up a conversation but too shy to speak up?When you are in the crowd and want to make a sound but finally become silent, do you also feel unwilling?Do you also feel envious when you see those people who are chatting, laughing and talking loudly in the social arena?

Learning communication psychology allows you to master the skills of communication language, get in touch with and learn more fresh, interesting and useful communication psychology, break the limitations of thinking, and become a talking and popular person!

Empathy: Emotional resonance is the lubricant of communication

Recently, Zhang Qing and her husband Shi Qiang have been in a cold war, and no one cares about the other.It turned out that Shi Qiang took his child to the playground during his break some time ago. When he was not careful, the child fell down the steps and broke his head. Not only did he bleed a lot, he also went to the hospital for several stitches.She rushed to the hospital and shed tears when she saw the child's wound.Seeing the suture mark left on the child's smooth forehead, Zhang Qing couldn't forgive her husband no matter what.No wonder, because Shi Qiang often needs to travel on business, so Zhang Qing almost brought up the child by himself, without even a replacement.For this reason, Zhang Qing couldn't control her emotions at all, and shouted at Shi Qiang hysterically: "What do you think of the child? Are you worthy of being a father?" Zhang Qing's words pierced Shi Qiang's heart like a sharp knife.He realized that he had contributed too little to the family, and also realized Zhang Qing's complaints about him.Fortunately, the child is young and has a strong ability to heal wounds, so he healed quickly. However, the emotional rift between Zhang Qing and Shi Qiang has never healed.

Whenever she saw the scar on the child's forehead, Zhang Qing thought of Shi Qiang's dereliction of duty.As for Shi Qiang, whenever he saw the scar on the child's forehead, he would think of Zhang Qing's hysteria towards him when he lost control of his emotions.After spending such a short vacation disheartened, Shi Qiang is going to another place.Before leaving, he said to Zhang Qing solemnly: "My wife, after thinking about it, I don't earn the subsidy and high salary of being stationed abroad anymore. I think I should apply for transfer back, so that I can help you share some of the burden. You are really tired by yourself." After hearing Shi Qiang's words, Zhang Qing couldn't help but shed tears again, and she said regretfully, "Husband, you have also paid a lot for this family. I was too emotional that day. Yes. If you hadn’t been alone all these years, it would be impossible for me and my children to live in a big house, and it would be impossible for us to have such good living conditions..." At this point, Zhang Qing and Shi Qiang were both emotionally moved, thinking of the things they had done since they got married. Bit by bit, they are very emotional.In the end, the couple unanimously decided to let Shi emphasize back and spend more time with their children.

The original cold war came to an end through Shi Qiang's self-reflection and positive improvement.Shi Qiang knows that although he has contributed to the family's material life, in fact his wife has been working and taking care of the housework and taking care of the children in recent years, and has paid more.To this end, Shi Qiang thought rationally and came up with a reasonable solution.Shi Qiang's self-reflection also made Zhang Qing adjust her thinking and attitude. She no longer complained about Shi Qiang, but remembered that Shi Qiang had been traveling around for his family in the past few years. He had no one to take care of him, and he was actually very lonely. ,lonely.In this way, the couple's understanding of the hardships and happiness of family life gave them empathy, and they understood and recognized each other in unison, thus ending the Cold War and returning the whole family to the original happy and happy state.

The so-called empathy is the attitude and thinking of being able to put yourself in the shoes of others.I have three understandings of empathy: one is to try to adopt another person's point of view, put your own opinion aside, and try to understand the other person at the same time; the second is to experience the feelings of others closely; the third is to genuinely care the other party's well-being.

Using empathy, we can make communication flow more smoothly.Important factors that affect communication include psychology, emotions, attitudes and feelings.When dealing with communication, there is a very important sentence: deal with the mood first, and then deal with the matter.Therefore, master communicators can handle their own emotions and feelings very well, so as to have a good psychological attitude and master the necessary communication skills.Generally speaking, being able to build empathy can achieve effective communication, expression, and listening well, thereby creating a good communication situation.

Whether it is with relatives, friends, colleagues, or customers, if we often communicate with each other with empathy, it will make the communication more harmonious and harmonious, and we will also avoid many unnecessary quarrels. Others are strangers to each other because of misunderstanding or lack of understanding.When we truly consider problems from the perspective of others, we will easily understand and tolerate others.In short, in order to create a good atmosphere of getting along, we must have empathy.

Herd mentality: Conformity makes people agree with you without thinking
As a salesman, the sales performance of acrylic has always been among the best in the company.In contrast, Xiao Mansen, who joined the company with Acrylic, always had mediocre performance and was even in danger of being eliminated.In order to be as good as Acrylic, Xiao Mansen decided to follow Acrylic for a period of time and be his apprentice, so as to effectively improve himself and allow himself to stay in the company.

One day, Ya Keli took Xiao Mansen to an office building to visit a strange client.Unlike Xiao Mansen who sells floor by floor every time he enters the office building, Acrylic first got to know all the merchants in the office building at the exhibition boards in the lobby on the first floor, and conducted a survey on their strength and operating conditions.In the end, Acrylic found that two of the companies were relatively large and operating in good condition.After completing these tasks, the acrylic began to be sold layer by layer.After being rejected several times, Acrylic finally found a company that was interested in their printer, so they quickly introduced it.In the end, he pretended to say casually: "Our printers are used in your house on the [-]th floor. Their company is in the business of second-hand houses, and they need to print a lot of documents and promotional materials every day. But they have a keen eye , choose our printer from many brands. In this way, not only the quality is guaranteed, but also the regular ink refilling service provided by our company can be enjoyed, which is really worry-free. Also, a photo studio on the [-]th floor of yours, You know, they are still very famous in the industry, and the fees are very high. I heard that it costs several thousand yuan to take a photo of a child with a full moon! They also use our company’s color printer, because our printer is the most suitable for them. Request. If you also choose our printer, I can give you the discount introduced by old customers, after all, you are all in the same office building!" After Acrylic accidentally revealed this information, Xiao Mansen, who was watching from the sidelines, found the customer's Attitudes have changed markedly.It turns out that the two companies mentioned by Acrylic are very powerful in this office building. Therefore, out of herd mentality, the customer decided to buy their printers after some thinking, as if it was for the benefit of the market. Let's win!

The so-called herd mentality refers to the fact that people involuntarily change their mental state after being influenced by the behavior of other people or other groups of people, and finally make choices that meet the requirements of the public.In many cases, people are influenced by herd mentality completely unknowingly.In everyday life, we call this phenomenon "following the herd".Acrylic takes advantage of the herd mentality of customers and cleverly uses powerful companies in office buildings as an example to play a leading role, thereby causing other small companies to have a herd mentality and subtly persuade customers to also choose to buy acrylic printers.

Skilled persuaders have begun to use herd mentality to influence people's behavior.When advertisers sell products to us, they like to tell us that a certain product is the best seller. In this way, they are equivalent to directly persuading us to believe in the quality of the product, because "best selling" is enough to prove the quality of the product, and they have insight into our conformity Psychology: Since everyone buys it, it must be good.

Herd mentality is very common in everyday life.Careful people will find that when crossing the road, if everyone waits patiently at the red light, no one will cross the road at the red light.On the contrary, if someone happens to take the lead in running a red light and crossing the road while everyone is waiting patiently, many people will immediately be eager to try and even follow him.In this way, most of the people waiting at the red light will follow the red light to cross the road because everyone else does it.

However, what everyone does must be right?People always take chances and feel that the law does not blame the public, so they don't worry about being punished for it.Of course, this is the negative effect of herd mentality in life.In many cases, we can achieve our goals and finally get the results we want by in-depth understanding and flexible use of herd mentality.All in all, everything has both positive and negative effects, and we should keep rational thinking at all times to make the most correct choice.

Eclectic psychology: whether everything is as you expected
As a college student, Linna can only get a fixed amount of living expenses from her parents every month.During her freshman and sophomore years, Linna’s living expenses were still sufficient to maintain her daily expenses, but in her junior year, seeing that the girls in the class began to dress up consciously, Lina’s self-awareness also began to awaken, and she even I feel that I have a slim figure and is the most beautiful and temperamental girl in the class.However, a good horse is equipped with a good saddle, and even a beautiful girl needs fashion decoration.For this reason, Linda started shopping around, trying to buy a beautiful dress for herself.After turning several streets in succession, she decided to start haggling after seeing a dress that caught her attention.

She smiled and asked the boss: "Boss, how much is this dress?" In fact, the price tag of the dress clearly marked the price, but Linna wanted to use this as an entry point to bargain with the boss.Sure enough, the boss said without hesitation: "680 yuan." Linna continued to smile and said: "Boss, this is too expensive. You see, I am a schoolgirl, and I saved money from my parents' meal money. I’m here to buy a dress. Can you give me a discount?” Speaking of which, Linna already knew what she wanted to buy this dress for 500 yuan.The boss thought for a while, and said, "I'll give you a 420% discount at most." Linna was extremely embarrassed, and said, "Boss, where did I get so much money! But I really like this dress, how about it, I If you offer 480 yuan, you can sell it to me, okay?" The boss exclaimed: "Little sister, I don't bargain like you! 560% off, I also give you the student price. Usually, the lowest 20% It's 500% off." Linna still didn't give up, and continued to hold her tongue, saying: "Boss, don't buy it all! You see, I really like this dress. See if it works, I will add more A little bit, if you go down a little bit, I'll offer 500 yuan." The boss was a little moved and said, "It's really too low, I've never sold it at this price! If you really want it, take the [-] yuan away! "Linna said pitifully: "Boss, you should leave some money for me to eat! You know, there are still [-] days until I ask my parents for living expenses next month. You don't want me to starve to death." The boss smiled helplessly, and said, "You little sister is really good at bargaining." Linna took advantage of the situation and said, "That's it, I'll take the [-] yuan, and I won't waste your precious time. You also leave me some food money, and I will come to visit again in the future." In this way, Linna successfully bought the dress with the original idea of ​​[-] yuan.

Why is Linna so good at bargaining?That's because she is well versed in the skills of bargaining.In order to buy this skirt for 500 yuan, she did not directly propose the price of 500 yuan, but first bid 420 yuan.In this way, the boss's psychological expectations are lowered.After the boss immediately refused, Linna continued to hold back until the price given by the boss loosened, and he agreed to sell it to her for 560 yuan.Seeing that the time was right, Lina raised the price again from 480 yuan to 500 yuan. Seeing that Lina had increased the price, the boss also made concessions to Lina out of the psychology of compensation and compromise, and finally settled the deal at 500 yuan.

The so-called eclectic psychology is actually a kind of concession psychology.In this case, Linna took advantage of the boss's compromising psychology. First, she lowered the boss's psychological expectations with a bid of 420 yuan. The harvest was quite fruitful, and I finally convinced myself to sell the clothes to Linna at a compromise price of 500 yuan.It has to be said that the reason why Linna was able to successfully buy this dress was precisely because she cleverly used the compromise psychology to let the boss approach her psychological price step by step, and convinced herself to accept the price she offered.

By grasping this kind of psychology, you can put yourself in an active position when communicating, and predict the other party's next psychological activities in advance.Whether it is in life or in business, everyone has a compromise mentality, which is also a manifestation of the compromise mentality in communication.If we have foresight and master this kind of psychology well, we can control our communication emotions, influence or guide the communication emotions of others, and put ourselves in a favorable position in this language game.

Curiosity-hunting psychology: It is better to wait and talk than to beg to listen

As the chief planner of an advertising company, Lin Dan's advertising plans are always extraordinary, which makes people's eyes shine when they look at them.Some time ago, a mobile phone company came to their door and "hand-picked" Lin Dan to design an advertisement for them.It turned out that this mobile phone company is a foreign-funded enterprise with a high reputation abroad. Now it has just entered the Chinese market, and it wants to make a big splash.However, they are well aware that although they are launching new models, it is difficult to achieve good sales results if advertising and marketing are not in place.For this reason, they approached Lin Dan at the early stage of planning, and wanted Lin Dan to design a unique advertising plan for them.

After learning that the company is still three months away from the launch of the new mobile phone, Lin Dan made a bold and crazy advertising plan.Under Lin Dan's plan, the company invested heavily in broadcasting advertisements one after another during the prime time of TV stations.The strange thing is that although their ad is played three times in a row at prime time every night, there is no sound, only a mobile phone logo.It is an oval pattern with a capital letter A printed on it.This is the logo on the company's series of mobile phones, and Lin Dan strongly suggested that the company, as she said, play this "dumb advertisement" in succession for two and a half months, and keep it strictly confidential.Sure enough, within two and a half months, viewers initially dismissed the ad, but after a while, people started asking each other which company the ad was for and what it meant.Because the company has done strict confidentiality work in advance, people's inquiries are completely futile.When the two-and-a-half-month silent advertisement expired, people could hardly contain their curiosity, eager to know the purpose of this advertisement immediately.At this time, Lin Dan began to launch another advertisement, still starting with the previous silent picture, followed by various scenes of people using mobile phones.So far, the mystery has been revealed, and people know the true intention of this advertisement.Half a month after the ad that revealed the truth was broadcast, the phone was launched in all directions, and the sales performance was simply staggering.For Lin Dan's creativity, mobile phone companies simply admire Lin Dan's creativity.

The success of the above case still captures the characteristics of human beings’ curiosity-seeking psychology.Grab this feature and combine it with a good idea to create a viral spread and let consumers do free marketing for the product.Instead of making an advertising video and humbly asking consumers to forward it, invite friends, and then give gifts to attract consumers with generous gifts, it is better to grasp the psychology of consumers and let them spread the word actively.

In this case, the reason why Lin Dan's advertising plan has achieved the desired effect is because it fully captures people's novelty-seeking psychology.The so-called novelty hunting psychology, in layman's terms, is curiosity.Needless to say, everyone is born with curiosity.In order to satisfy curiosity, people always try to find out the truth.After watching the silent ad for two and a half months, people have developed a strong and almost irrepressible curiosity about the logo on that ad.In this case, revealing the answer will naturally get people's maximum attention.Especially after half a month, the new mobile phones will be fully launched, and many people will spend a lot of money to satisfy their curiosity and vanity.In this way, how can the sales performance of this mobile phone not be high?Compared with many advertisements that do not hesitate to use various channels to expand channels and beg viewers and friends to watch, this advertisement has an indifferent attitude, making people flock to it, eager to solve the mystery immediately.As the saying goes, instead of begging to listen, it is better to hang around and talk.Such a marketing strategy that runs counter to normal thinking has achieved good results.

Of course, although the curiosity-seeking psychology is curiosity, it still has obvious differences from curiosity: curiosity is a natural instinct, but the curiosity-seeking psychology often has a sense of compulsion.Of course, it is not that others force us, but that we force ourselves driven by curiosity.It can be seen that the curiosity-seeking psychology is stronger and more difficult to control than curiosity.Many times in life, we can use other people's novelty psychology to achieve our own goals, so that we can get what we want.

Vanity Psychology: Satisfy vanity and communicate more smoothly
As a car salesman, although Zhao Kai is responsible for selling only the most common family cars of about 10 yuan, he is still very hardworking and dedicated.For this reason, his sales performance is also the best in the company.He can handle any customer, so colleagues even jokingly call him "customer killer" in private.Just because Zhao Kai can always grasp the psychology of customers and has strong professional ability, whenever other colleagues encounter difficult customers, they will take the initiative to hand customers over to Zhao Kai.

For a while, almost all the colleagues in the store were worried about a customer named Mary.It turned out that Mary had seen the car many times and dealt with many salesmen.However, she never buys, and always says that the salesman is bad, and picks and chooses the salesman.Gradually, no colleagues were willing to show Mary the car, so this difficult task fell to Zhao Kai.Once, Mary came to see the car again.She watched it for two hours, but still refused to leave.However, Zhao Kai was always by her side patiently.When Mary said that she wanted to buy a white SUV, Zhao Kai immediately recommended the new model to Mary, and told her that this car was the best seller.Zhao Kai asked: "Mary, why do you want to buy a white car? Is it because you have a simple and friendly personality?" After hearing Zhao Kai's words, Mary was obviously stunned. She knew that she had already annoyed many salesmen. , but did not expect the salesman in front of her to give her such a high evaluation.After a long time, she said: "My sister has a white car, so I want to have the same one. But if my model and performance can be better than hers, I will be more happy!" Hearing Mary's words, Zhao Kai realized that Mary was a very vain person because she was comparing herself with her older sister.For this reason, Zhao Kai struck while the iron was hot and said: "If your sister also bought a mid-level family car, I think your choice must be more clever. Look, your clothes are of good taste, and the car that catches your eye must also be The temperament is good. The most important thing is that our car has withstood the test of the market once it was launched, and it has become a real hot seller. The supply exceeds the demand. I think if you are willing to wait a week, you will have such a unique car It’s a different white SUV.” After hearing Zhao Kai’s words, Mary beamed with joy, immediately paid the deposit, and waited a week to pick up the car.

In this case, Mary is undoubtedly a very vain person.She wants to buy the most cost-effective car with limited money, and also wants to surpass her sister, which is why she is so entangled.In life, there are indeed many people like Mary. They lack confidence in themselves, but they always want to compare with others. Only when they are better than others can they be full of confidence.Therefore, their vanity is always very strong, but it also shows their inferiority and cowardice in some aspects.When dealing with such vanity-minded people, we must not hit their self-confidence and vanity at will.Even if you know that their vanity hides low self-esteem, don't expose them, but follow their minds and give them more praise and encouragement.When you do, you'll find that they're actually not as difficult to live with as you think.

We will inevitably meet all kinds of people in our social life.Only by maintaining a calm, peaceful, and tolerant heart can we accept others, thereby helping ourselves to open their hearts and establish a platform for friendly exchanges with others.To put it another way, when you find fault with others, you are bound to inflict untold pain on yourself.Since vanity is not an unforgivable mistake, why can't we follow the psychology of others and help others gain more respect, touch and love?

Everyone has a little bit of vanity more or less. In interpersonal communication, we can grasp people's psychology and facilitate effective communication. Of course, at this time, beautiful praise is an effective means to satisfy vanity. "You are so beautiful" "You have great taste, this is the best-selling item in our store", such soft words can be enjoyed by anyone.We achieve our own goals by satisfying the vanity of others to make communication more pleasant, which is a brilliant way of communication.

Superiority Psychology: The Secret to Getting People to Stop Calming
Yajuan, who came from the countryside, felt very uncomfortable when she first adjusted to university life.It turned out that she had lived in the countryside since she was a child, and many of her living habits were different from those of the urban girls in the same dormitory.For this reason, she was not only excluded, but also scorned by the eldest sister in the dormitory, Yu Nan, who lives in Beijing.For a while, Yu Nan almost never looked at Yajuan directly.After much deliberation, Yajuan came up with a good solution.

One Sunday, when Yu Nan came back from home, Yajuan happened to be the only one in the dormitory.Yajuan saw that Yu Nan was carrying big bags and small bags, so she hurried to help.Although Yu Nan didn't want to accept it, but seeing Yajuan's enthusiastic appearance, he was too embarrassed to refuse.Yajuan took this opportunity to say: "Yu Nan, you are so kind, you can go home if you want. My home is in Gansu, so far away, and the fare is also very expensive. I can only go home during the Chinese New Year." Yu Nan asked : "Then don't you want to go home?" Yajuan's eyes were red, and she said: "Of course I do. But my family is very poor and I don't have any extra money to buy a bus ticket. If you know of a part-time job opportunity, you can introduce it to me. I am not afraid of getting dirty." Don’t be afraid of getting tired, you can do any job.” Hearing Yajuan’s words, Yu Nan was moved with compassion and said, “Hey, it’s really difficult for you.” Yajuan said, “That’s right. I have many brothers and sisters in my family. , My parents collected all the money for my schooling from door to door, and I still don’t know where the next semester’s tuition will be! I’m going to work in the summer vacation. I’m so envious of you! You see, you are the only child, and your family is In Beijing, as long as you want, you can go home after school every night. I am so envious.” In front of Yajuan, Yu Nan felt a real sense of superiority.Later, her attitude towards Yajuan changed significantly.Sometimes, the sisters in the dormitory disliked that the pickles Yajuan ate were too smelly, and Yu Nan always smoothed things over: "It smells stinky, but it tastes good. Let's all be tolerant of each other." One of Yu Nan's books was broken, I thought Yu Nan would be furious, but Yu Nan said kindly: "It's okay, isn't it just a book, I gave it to you, you stick it with transparent glue, I will buy it again New." Seeing Yu Nan's 180-degree turn towards her, Yajuan was very happy, and she knew that her showing of weakness had played a role.As for Yu Nan, he has obvious advantages, so of course he is ashamed to haggle over every detail with Yajuan who is struggling on the poverty line.Before the summer vacation came, Yu Nan took care to introduce several part-time jobs to Yajuan, and Yajuan was very grateful to her.

Originally, Yu Nan, who grew up in a big city and had no worries about food and clothing, didn't pay much attention to Yajuan at all, and even looked down on Yajuan everywhere.However, after feeling a real sense of superiority, Yu Nan suddenly elevates himself and realizes that he should not haggle over every detail with Yajuan, who comes from a remote village and lives in poverty.In this way, she began to help Yajuan with a superior attitude, like a kind of alms from above.For Yajuan, being able to live in peace with the sisters in the same dormitory is the most important thing. She doesn't care about the pressure and embarrassment brought by Yu Nan's sense of superiority.

The so-called superiority psychology, as the name suggests, is the psychology of feeling that one is stronger than others, and it is also manifested in the fact that one's own conditions are better than others in all aspects.Under the influence of this kind of psychology, people tend to be arrogant, which will limit personal development.However, superiority psychology also has a positive side, that is, when a person treats another person superiorly, he will become very tolerant and will not care about every detail.Therefore, when we want to get tolerance, understanding and help from others, we might as well use the superiority of others to make them feel superior. In this way, he will become generous and will no longer be small-minded.

On the other hand, fulfilling the superiority of others is an effective means of good communication.Fulfilling the superiority of others can start from the following two aspects.

One is to lower your posture and act with humility.I believe that no matter what the situation is, every normal person would not want others to talk to him arrogantly and aggressively.Regardless of social status, a true communicator will estimate the other party's self-esteem needs and fulfill the other party's vanity.We take care of each other's feelings, which will undoubtedly shorten the psychological distance between each other and make communication smoother.

The second is to praise each other and create a harmonious atmosphere.Everyone likes to be praised and is eager to be praised, because praise always makes people have a sense of superiority, which is infinitely beneficial.The great writer Bernard Shaw once said: "Every time someone praises me, I get a headache because they don't praise me enough." This shows how important and lovable praise is. "One of the deepest tendencies in human nature is to want to be admired, admired, and respected." So satisfy your partner's need for admiration!Don't be stingy, let your sincere, tactful, and timely compliments come out!Satisfy the vanity of the other party and work hard to create a more harmonious communication situation.

Reciprocity psychology: kill two birds with one stone, why not do it

Originally, Lina didn't want to cause trouble at all.Colleagues in the office all know that Lina has always been wise and safe, advocating the attitude of having nothing to do with herself, so she seldom helps others.For this reason, when colleagues need help, they also consciously never turn to Lina for help.However, the newcomer Xiaoyu doesn't know what Lina is like.No, Xiao Yu needs to complete a report, but she doesn't know many relevant data yet, so she finds Lina who is in charge of the data, and asks Lina to help her find the information.

As soon as Lina heard Xiaoyu's request, she immediately felt dizzy. Just as she was about to find an excuse to refuse, Xiaoyu suddenly said: "Sister Lina, I know you need to sort out these data recently. Do you think this is good? You put The time to sort out the data is earlier, and I will help you sort it out every day, so that I will have more accurate data after sorting it out." Hearing that Xiao Yu offered to help her sort out the data, Lina couldn't help thinking: If I organize the data by myself, it will take a month; if I advance the time to organize the data, then with the help of Xiaoyu, it can be completed in half a month. Why not do it?In this way, Lina agreed to Xiao Yu's request and started to organize with Xiao Yu.After half a month of hard work, they really finished sorting out the data.As for Xiaoyu, he had accurate data and successfully completed the report.

In this case, Lina, who has always been unwilling to help others, accepted Xiaoyu's request. Why?The reason is that in the process of helping Xiaoyu, Lina can also get help from Xiaoyu, so that she can complete the work as soon as possible, making the time saved easier and more enjoyable.For Lina, if she wants to get these benefits, she only needs to advance the work that needs to be done by half a month, and she has no reason to refuse.Of course, this is a win-win situation. Xiaoyu didn't come to help Lina in vain. After helping Lina sort out the data, she obtained accurate data as she wished, which helped her complete her work better and won Appreciation from the boss.

In life and work, almost no one can accomplish many things perfectly by himself.Therefore, we must learn to turn to others for help.Especially when we are rejected by others, what we have to do is not to give up, but to find out things that are beneficial to the other party and benefit each other.There is generally such an idea in people's minds: giving is a kind of responsibility, receiving is a kind of responsibility, and repaying is also a kind of responsibility.The duty to repay not only diminishes our ability to choose our benefactors, it puts that power in the hands of the other party.In this process, because of the disparity in strength between the two parties, the real right to choose is firmly in the hands of the benefactor.

Especially in the workplace in modern society, human relations are becoming more and more indifferent, and many people's interactions are based on interests, which is understandable.As the saying goes, there are no permanent enemies, only permanent interests.If we become a community of interests with others and can form an alliance through the same thing, then our relationship with others will become more indestructible.On the basis of this balance of psychology and mutual benefit, it will be more natural for us to ask others for help, and we will not feel that we owe others a lot of favors, which can be said to kill two birds with one stone.

First of all, if you grasp the reciprocity psychology of the other party, you will not be rejected in communication, but let the other party readily accept your request.The principle of reciprocity is so powerful that even a small favor from a person, no matter how unpopular, can increase our chances of doing what the person asks, because we feel unnaturally indebted when we accept the favor .Secondly, when someone forcefully gives us some benefits, it can also easily trigger our sense of indebtedness, because the principle of reciprocity has formed a mindset in people's minds, and people will unconsciously abide by it.In the end, people tend to pay back a favor that is much greater than the previous favor, in order to eliminate the uncomfortable feeling of indebtedness.

Authoritative psychology: Experts make people stand in the same team, and authority is more convincing

American psychologists once did an experiment: When lecturing to students in the psychology department of a certain university, they introduced a German teacher invited from another school to the students, and emphasized that the German teacher came from Germany. famous chemist.During the experiment, the "chemist" took out a bottle containing distilled water and said that it was a new chemical substance he had discovered. It had some smell, and asked the students present to raise their hands when they smelled the smell. As a result, most of the students raised their hands.As for distilled water, which has no smell, this "authoritative" psychologist made most of the students think it has a smell through verbal hints.People have a "safety psychology", that is, people always think that the thoughts, behaviors and words of authority figures are often correct, and obeying them will make them feel safe, believing that they will not make mistakes, or reduce the probability of making mistakes.At the same time, people also have a "recognition psychology", that is, people always think that the requirements of authority figures are often in line with social requirements, and if they follow the requirements of authority figures, they will be recognized by all parties.The simultaneous action of these two kinds of psychology gives birth to the authority effect.The so-called "authority effect" means that if the speaker is of high status, knowledgeable, and respected by others, what he says is easy to be valued by others and makes people believe its correctness.

In real life, there are many examples of using the "authority effect": when advertising, please authoritative figures to praise a certain product, when debating and reasoning, quote the words of authoritative figures as arguments, and so on.In interpersonal communication, the use of "authority effect" can also achieve the purpose of guiding or changing the attitude and behavior of the other party.

Enterprises and institutions, as well as shopping malls, hotels, schools, and entertainment venues are mostly willing to ask leaders or celebrities to inscribe their names; many books also like to ask celebrities to inscribe their names; some medicines and health care products are often inscribed by officials. And photos of interviewing the chairman and president: all these are to use people's authority psychology to endorse their products.

In enterprises, leaders can also use the "authority effect" to guide and change subordinates' work attitudes and improve work efficiency, which is often better than orders.Therefore, an excellent leader must be the authority of the enterprise, or cultivate an authority for the enterprise, and then use the authority suggestion effect to lead.Of course, in order to establish authority, one must first have a comprehensive and deep understanding of authority, so that authority can be established correctly and authority can be maintained for a longer period of time.

In education, especially in the process of classroom management, teachers are "authoritative figures" for students, and they have absolute advantages in both professional knowledge and life experience.Teachers make full use of this advantage, establish their authority among students, and give full play to the "authority effect", so that their teaching ideas can be implemented smoothly and effectively.However, the "authority effect" cannot be abused. It should be noted that "a dike of a thousand miles collapses in an ant's nest". Some details that are easily overlooked and inappropriate words and deeds will gradually reduce the established prestige.

When communicating with others, timely citing the opinions of professionals is more convincing, it will make communication easier, and the statements of experts or authorities are more credible.Authority is a pass for persuasion by speech, and authority is sometimes more persuasive than facts.

(End of this chapter)