A good dad is better than a rich dad

Chapter 4 2 The Second Deadly Sin: Dictatorship——Lang Lang confessed to his father "I used to be very sad"

The famous pianist Lang Lang published his own biography "A Journey of a Thousand Miles: My Story".When he recalled his childhood, he couldn't help feeling sad: "My father thought I was too playful to learn the piano on time, and he yelled hysterically, 'I gave up my job and my life for you!...You still don't practice the piano, you really There is no reason to live anymore, only death can solve the problem...'" Dad actually picked up a medicine bottle and asked Lang Lang to swallow it all!Looking back on the past, Lang Lang still has fear. "Every New Year's Eve, I have to practice piano for eight hours before eating New Year's Eve dinner. The food is cold... When I was young, my father was too aggressive with me. In fact, it was a kind of torture to the child." Lang Lang said in front of him. The father's face said so.

But when Dad saw these memories, he seemed to "can't remember" those things. "I'm also strict when I should be strict, and loose when I should be loose. I also took him to catch dragonflies on a motorcycle!" "Only twice!" Lang Lang immediately explained, and the embarrassed father admitted: " Of course, I also kicked the Transformers!" Lang Lang concluded to his father: "Dictatorship!"

Lang Lang has gained fame in the European music scene, and his albums are best-selling in the United States. He is known as a piano prodigy. Such achievements are the dream of many parents.But when this successful child thought of his childhood education, he only said: "I was very sad in my heart!" It is conceivable how much helplessness and grievances he felt towards his father during those days of practicing the piano, whether his father Lang Guoren succeeded or not? If it fails, who can fully explain it?
"Autocratic father" is not a new term. Although we have seen "democratic fathers" like cartoonist Zhu Deyong and writer Zhou Dedong, they are anomalous after all. Most fathers are still thinking about how to control themselves. The family, how to maintain their dignity and authority, it seems that it is a shame for a man not to give orders at home.In this dictatorial style, is the father's supreme authority really established?The answer of a good girl who grew up under the knee of a "dictatorial father" is: no.

When I was young, I had excellent grades and was always a class cadre. In junior high school, I won many essays, and then I was admitted to the best high school, and then I was admitted to a good university. ... My mother said that I made my father face a lot, but I know that these are just capital for his face.

I have been asked to excel and do this and that since I was a child.I can't bear to let my parents down, and I never let them down.But I feel like a fruit tree that has been watered with nourishment and then expected to bear a lot of fruit, which is plucked and exchanged for money.He invests, I produce.The process is his constant request, not a father's love for his daughter.

He has always calculated the cost of raising me clearly, and stated very early on that he wants me to pay him back every penny.

My feelings are also based on his standards.For people he doesn't like and who don't meet the requirements, he only said that if I continue to associate, I will sever the father-daughter relationship.

In the past, every time I went home from school holidays, sometimes it was already dark, and I called him to tell him that I was going to leave. He always said that you should come back by yourself. If you were already lying down, you would never get up for me.Once when I went home, I called him in advance to tell him that I was back, and he said, "You come back by yourself, I won't pick you up." I said, "I just told you, I didn't expect you to pick me up." .” He hung up the phone directly as before.

Oh, that's it, this is my dad.

After reading this girl's thoughts, you may feel that this doesn't mean that her father doesn't love her, but just doesn't know how to express love.But we can all feel the desolation of the girl's "hehe" smile at the end.Maybe many fathers have been asking their children to do this and that, just like Lang Lang's father or the father of the girl above, always thinking that these are for the good of their children and to train them, but they have never thought about it how the child feels.

What is it but dictatorship when the father only thinks of his own plans and doesn't care about the child's receptivity?We often tell our children to know how to empathize and think more about others, but how do authoritarian fathers do?

"He invests, I produce", the relationship between father and daughter is such a simple investment relationship, and the father's authority, dignity, charm, etc. are beyond words.

There is a fable "The Emperor's New Clothes" in the children's language books: Two liars say they can weave the most beautiful cloth in the world, but only smart people can see it.In order to show that he was very smart, the emperor admired the non-existent cloth, and the ministers had no choice but to follow suit, and held a grand costume display parade.As a result, a child told the truth: "He didn't wear anything." The ridiculous self-esteem of an adult collapsed in an instant.

In fact, most of the children raised in high-pressure and authoritarian families have psychological barriers.To let the child follow the path determined by the father, it is necessary to see whether the child can bear the pressure.If the father puts too much pressure on the child, it may cause psychological problems in the child.

Zhang Liangliang's father was a soldier and one of the first batch of graduate students after the "Cultural Revolution". He studied for a doctorate at the age of 39, and later became a doctor in a hospital.He was outspoken about his excellence, and said unceremoniously to his son Zhang Liangliang: "You will never reach my height and surpass me in this life."

Zhang Liangliang's mother took great care of Zhang Liangliang since he was a child. It is said that the bowls Zhang Liangliang ate when he was a child were all sterilized by high temperature.His mother attached great importance to his education, but like many parents, he hoped that he would be self-reliant and at the same time acted for him in many things, so that he didn't let him go through much training.

Excellent parents naturally put him under pressure. Zhang Liangliang said: "My father does not put pressure on me, but he looks down on me and does not approve of what I do. My mother cares about me very much and puts pressure on me through caring. She hopes that I will apply for Yale and Harvard soon. After a while, I said that it doesn't matter which school I apply to. She explained that she didn't necessarily understand, and she would talk to me loudly."

Under the pressure of his parents, Zhang Liangliang also strives to improve in all aspects. After entering graduate school, within one and a half years, Zhang Liangliang passed the TOEFL, GRE, and four certificates including senior interpreter and North American actuary.I read 17 thick professional original courses in one year, and I also ran for the department's publicity minister.He also served as the moderator of the three pages of Fudan Riyue Guanghua, and applied to more than 30 foreign universities, with different majors.

But he was under a lot of pressure.

Under constant self-demand, Zhang Liangliang kept pets in the dormitory, and in the process of raising some pet cats were accidentally injured and disabled, and then discarded, resulting in the subsequent "cat abuse incident".Fudan University gave Zhang Liangliang a serious warning and advised him to suspend his studies for one year to receive special psychological counseling arranged by the school.

A Fudan talent who looks excellent in everything, but in private he is a melancholy and almost cruel person. His abuse of cats is actually just venting his anger. This anger comes from the pressure of his family, from his father's sentence Hurtful words - "You'll never get past me."

The father's authority established in the form of dictatorship is nothing but the emperor's new clothes. It is okay to deceive oneself, but children cannot be deceived.

(End of this chapter)