A good dad is better than a rich dad

Chapter 5 3 The Three Deadly Sins: Indifference—Cold to the end, chilling the child's heart
There is an expression recognition system in the West, which can judge whether a person has lied or not based on the person's movements and expressions.This system may not work well in the East, because we Orientals don't like to show our true feelings and think it is stupid to show emotions.Even a father has a very restrained and hidden love for his children.

In our concept, when we think of father, the first thing that comes to mind is majesty. "Strict father and loving mother" is the "golden partner" in the traditional family. Generations of people have grown up under this kind of education, and they also continue this kind of education, educating children in harmony with each other.Few people have thought about it, is this education method really right?
In fact, we all understand that children are not the object of parents' "fighting of wits and courage", so naturally there is no need for parents to spend their minds on drawing "face makeup" for themselves.If the father always hides his feelings and avoids expressing love, he will gradually lose the ability to express love, and even become harsh to his children.

When the child came back from the exam, he presented the report card with both hands: "Dad, this time I want to apply for a scholarship." The father took the report card and looked at it. It was the first in the class and the fourth in the whole grade.So I said very unhappy: "I thought it was the first in the whole grade, but it turned out to be the first in the class. It is far from my standard. It can't be too easy to satisfy. Your class has not been very good in the whole grade." Top-notch, you can't always compare with your classmates in the class, and there are so many high schools..." It was originally a joyful thing to ask for credit, but it has become a child's "thought lesson". The report card was magnified to the competition of the whole society, the demand for talents in the 21st century, etc., the child's good mood was gone, and he returned to his room wearily.

Such a father seems to be taking the opportunity to educate his children, but he is actually wasting the opportunity of education.The child longs for the affirmation of the father, which cannot be replaced by the mother or grandparents, but the father keeps a straight face, showing no signs of being proud of the child at all. Over time, the child feels that the father does not love him, or does not love him. Don't care about his feelings.

Some fathers obviously have a natural talent for humor, and others will be happy because they get along with him, but they have to sit in front of their children "sanctified", and their children feel depressed, painful, and uncomfortable when they get along with him.Resisting the authority of the father has become a clear symptom of the child's adolescence.

Deliberately playing a cold and severe image not only makes the parents and children lack a lot of happiness, but also makes our children lose their unique growth space.The tacit cooperation between the parents, in the eyes of the children, is that they do not cooperate with each other. The father and mother have different positions, so they always think that the mother loves them more, and the father is an emotionless person.

A mother told a little story between a daughter and her father:

For my daughter's birthday, I can wear a dress that I don't usually wear. I bought it for her, and the size fits just right.She looks like a princess and is excited all day long.Dad is busy with work, but he promised to eat birthday cake together in the evening.As a result, we waited until almost nine o'clock before he came back from the company.

"Dad, do you think I look good today?"

"Yeah." Dad snorted through his nose, and after sitting on the table for a long time, he began to concentrate on his mobile phone.

"Eat the cake!" When I brought the cake to the table, he didn't show his blessing to his daughter at all, and just sat and waited to eat.This meal was relatively cold, I talked to my daughter a few words, and it was fine when I saw that my father didn't talk to me.Maybe my daughter is used to it, and she didn't complain at all. After eating, it was the same as usual, and she fell asleep after watching TV for a while.In fact, today is her 12th birthday, and I wish my father could talk to her.

Dad is at home, like a swimming "big crocodile", expressionless, ruthless all the way to the end.

The consequence of this is that the father can no longer have his own very personal feelings, just like a crocodile cannot have tears, even if there are, no one will believe it.When the father's love can no longer be conveyed to the child's heart, this love does not exist for the child.But how many fathers are hard-hearted, thinking that they should restrain their "childishness" more and become a more mature and rational person, and finally return to the foundation of establishing father's authority.

In fact, the higher the authority the father establishes in the heart of the child, the deeper the impact will be when he falls.Authority is not forged by coldness, and it is not a day when a child's heart is frozen.The more Dad turned himself into a professional killer, the more he was heading down a dangerous road.

(End of this chapter)