A good dad is better than a rich dad

Chapter 55 4 Satisfy the child's expectations and give him a good definition

The piano music played by the 18-year-old Korean girl Xi Er was very beautiful and attracted many listeners.

Xi'er's legs are shorter than normal, and there are only two fingers on each hand. She is not smart, only the intelligence of a seven-year-old child.But this young girl seems to be very satisfied with her fate. She didn't notice her flaws at all, and she often communicated with others with a smile on her face, and practiced playing the piano very hard.In her opinion, it is precisely because she only has 4 fingers that many people like to listen to her playing, and she feels extremely happy.

She likes herself, accepts herself, and doesn't care about the strange eyes of others.This healthy mentality depends on her having a mother who knows how to educate.

A reporter once interviewed Xi'er's mother: "When you saw the child's fingers for the first time, how did you feel?"

My mother said: "I think Xi'er in our family is very beautiful. When she shakes two fingers, she is as beautiful as a blooming flower. I often say to Xi'er, 'Baby, your fingers are so beautiful. Let's change fingers. OK?'”

Xi'er's mother doesn't care about other people's evaluation of Xi'er. She always tells Xi'er: "Your fingers are the most beautiful fingers in the world." Always happy.

Xi'er's happiness comes from her acceptance of herself.Just imagine, a person who refuses to accept even himself, how can his life be colorful?

Self-acceptance is a positive attitude that people hold to themselves and some of their own characteristics, that is, they can readily accept themselves in reality, and accept and like themselves no matter whether they are perfect or have certain defects.In this regard, Napoleon is a counterexample. Napoleon was very sensitive to this because of his short stature. When the painter painted the portrait, he always painted him majesticly, which won his favor.

Self-acceptance is a prerequisite for a child's mental health.Children's initial evaluations come from parents, teachers, and other elders.If these people's evaluation of him is positive, such as: "So beautiful!" "A good boy!" "So smart!" Then the child's self-acceptance is positive. Self-confidence; on the contrary, some people unintentionally accuse the child, saying: "You are stupid!" Some deviations in understanding gradually occurred.

A father who doesn't know how to educate blames a naughty child all day long, saying that he has "ADHD". Cooperate with parents' education.In this regard, Mr. Kobayashi, the principal in "Little Doudou by the Window", has done a very good job.

Every autumn, Ba Xueyuan will hold a sports meeting, but the items of this sports meeting are different from the usual ones. Mr. Kobayashi designed many interesting items, and these items are just right for Takahashi-kun who suffers from polio .Therefore, while other healthy children struggled to crawl during the competition, Takahashi-kun was able to come and go freely.Just like this, Takahashi-kun almost took the No.1 in all competitions!He never thought that he could do so well, so he no longer felt inferior, and his classmates also admired Takahashi-kun.

Xiao Doudou is a troublesome child. Her behavior is a bit weird, but the principal always smiles at her and says, "You are such a good boy!" Teacher Kobayashi often says to Takahashi-kun, "You can definitely do it." !” Such words had an important impact on the minds of every child in Ba Xueyuan——Xiao Doudou, who was expelled from school at the beginning of school, has become a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations, and she has polio and will never grow taller. Takahashi-kun finally became the person in charge of coordinating work in the company.

Whether the characteristics of children are advantages or disadvantages depends on how parents define them.At this time, father should not use his right of judgment lightly, let the child accept and like himself more, so that he can love life.Isn't it easy to give children a positive evaluation and a reason to like themselves?

Everyone has the "expectation effect" that children are prone to.The so-called expectation effect refers to positive and correct expectation hints, which will bring greater progress and better results to personal work and study.In other words, the expectation information conveyed by others will make your state change accordingly. Positive expectations will make you develop in a good direction, and negative expectations will make you develop in a bad direction.To describe it vividly, the expectation effect is: "If you say you can do it, you can do it; if you say you can't, you can't do it." If you want to make a person develop in a better direction, you should constantly convey positive expectations to him.

How did the miracle of wishing come true happen?Psychologists believe through research that this is achieved through hints to the other party.The consequences of suggestion can change a person, even dramatically.

Psychologists have found in the study of juvenile delinquency that many children become one of the reasons for juvenile delinquency, largely because of the influence of bad expectations.These teenagers were labeled as "bad boys" because they occasionally made mistakes when they were young. This negative expectation has been influencing and guiding the children. They also believe more and more that they are "bad boys". into the abyss of crime.

In education, father's positive expectations have an important impact on effective education.So, how can dads use the expectation effect in education?
1. Believe that children will learn better

The belief of "believing that children will learn better" should be the educational concept that fathers must have.For example, if the child scores 50 points in the first test and 55 points in the second test, the father wants to see that he has "5 points of progress" and tap his potential instead of seeing his "failure".Don't say "Why did you fail again, you are such an idiot", this will hurt the child's self-esteem and self-confidence.You can say "I have made progress this time, we must continue to work hard!" and other motivational words.Positive external information can enable children to see their own progress, affirm themselves, and stimulate their own great learning power.

2. Determine reasonable expectations

The essence of the expectation effect is to stimulate children's intrinsic learning motivation.If the child believes that through hard work, he can achieve his goal, it will have great strength.If children think that high expectations are unattainable, they will naturally be discouraged; if expectations are too low, they will lack motivation and make it difficult to realize their potential. Reasonable expectations are very important for children.

Psychologists believe that there are two levels of children's development, that is, the existing level of development and the potential level of development, and the area between these two levels is called the "zone of proximal development".The father's expectations should also be based on each child's "proximal development zone", that is, the established expectations should make the child clearly understand the goals that can be achieved through his own efforts, and encourage him to "jump and jump before he can pick it up." to the fruit".

In education, the expectation effect can build a platform for children to fully develop to the greatest extent, give children more appreciation and applause, and enable him to fully develop. This is exactly what fathers need to do.

(End of this chapter)