A good dad is better than a rich dad

Chapter 61 10 Children who are respected are better able to grow themselves
The famous educator Montessori believes that freedom means that children are not restricted by anyone, do not accept any top-down orders or coercion and suppression, and can do their favorite activities as they please.Children who grow up in a depressive environment cannot show their original nature, just like a stuffed butterfly whose wings have been pinned by pins, and has lost the vitality of life.

The so-called freedom for children here is different from indulgence or unlimited freedom.It is a kind of respect and awe for life.

Indulgent behavior, such as capricious, unreasonable, violent, disorderly, etc., will not only hinder others, but also cause oneself to suffer losses.If you blindly indulge your child, his behavior is likely to lead to various punishments later, but he will not be free.Exchanging one moment of freedom for another moment of not being free is certainly not true freedom.

Children can develop their potential in a real free space, which may not be imagined by our parents.The premise of this free environment is that fathers and mothers must respect their children.

We know that Westerners often call each other by name, maybe grandson will call grandpa's name "George" directly, but this does not mean that Westerners do not respect children, they actually pay more attention to respect for children than we do.For example, when they ask their children questions, they first ask: "Can I ask you a question?" Our parents always express their questions directly, and rarely consider whether their children are willing to answer.

When the family goes out for a party, have you ever asked your children where they want to go and what they want to eat?When entertaining guests, do you treat the child as a member of the family and let him exercise the rights of the master?When your child doesn't like to go to tutoring class, have you heard his reasons?There are too many small details that show that we don't respect our children enough.When a person realizes that he is not respected, it is difficult for him to have good emotions such as sense of responsibility, shame, gratitude, self-confidence and self-respect.

Why is it not easy for us to cultivate a sense of respect for our children?In the final analysis, it is because we do not understand the ability of life itself, or are not confident.

Many people think that a child is like a blank sheet of paper when it is born, and it needs parents to pass on good ideas and knowledge to it.Another implication of this point of view is that children themselves do not have subjective initiative, and parents determine the children's future character and abilities.Therefore, when a family produces an outstanding figure—a politician, an actor, a scientist, or even just a student with excellent grades, the parents are very active in publishing books to tell about their own experience in raising their children, and they have repeatedly written about them in the book. The statement stated: "My child is very ordinary, and we single-handedly brought him to success."This is actually a kind of boasting in disguise, and children become the capital for parents to show off.This kind of book is not uncommon in the market, and the number of readers is quite considerable.Many parents who encounter difficulties hope to get advice from it. After reading such a book, they often feel a kind of pride of "I want to educate a genius", and turn all the frustrations in their past life into a motivation to transform people. , Started an all-round "rectification" of the child.

Is a child's mind really a blank slate?If so, how did the concepts of "nobility" and "sympathy" appear in human society step by step when human beings were still drinking blood and civilization had not yet formed?

A seed cannot germinate when it is not yet mature, but once it is fully mature, it can use the moisture in the air to grow into a big tree.Similarly, when the child grows in the mother's body, he is still an unsound "person", and his brain and organs are developing in the direction of adapting to the external environment. Once the pregnancy is completed in October and the child is delivered from the mother's body, he is actually With the material conditions of learning and thinking.What he needs is not simply instilling knowledge, but his parents provide him with "sunshine", "air" and "soil" so that he can grow up according to his own laws.

The newly born young butterfly must eat the tenderest leaves to grow up, and the butterfly will not feed the young butterfly, so how can the butterfly ensure the survival of the child?The female butterfly lays her eggs in the middle of the tree branch in the right season. When the young butterfly emerges from the cocoon, her natural sensitivity to light will lead her to climb towards the branch. The branches and leaves of the branches must be the tenderest and most suitable for young butterflies to eat.But sensitivity to light doesn't stay with the butterfly forever, and once it's grown enough to eat normal leaves, that sensitivity goes away.

The various reaction abilities of newborn babies are not inferior to those of other animals. These reaction abilities are like the sensitivity of young butterflies to light. They are a kind of growth instinct and the law of growth.Since we never worry that the child's body cannot grow, and the lost hair cannot be regenerated, why don't we believe that the child's mind also has the ability to naturally stretch and mature?
Some psychologists have studied that what children master before the age of three, adults need 36 years of hard work to complete the same proportion of knowledge.If it is not for the children's own growth laws, which parent can teach the child the knowledge he needs to master word by word.If everything is just the result of parents' education, then the person's speaking time may be pushed back to ten years old or even further.

The process of human growth is actually a process of spiritual growth, and intelligence is only a link in the growth of the soul, which depends on the growth of the soul.What parents need to do is to feel the law of the child's growth, follow this law to provide him with the conditions for growth in a timely manner, and let him grow up naturally.Once the child's law is broken, such as only focusing on the accumulation of knowledge, the child's mind will be affected, and his entire development will not be normal and healthy, just like Beethoven who has no emotional support.Therefore, parents should be the spiritual servants of their children, not the masters.

(End of this chapter)