A good dad is better than a rich dad

Chapter 7 5 Five Deadly Sins: Stubbornness—Mother Meng can move three times, but why doesn't Dad stay the same?
Children these days are indeed very naughty, they can cause you a lot of trouble if you don’t pay attention, sometimes they don’t listen to what they say, they are obviously well educated, but they forget the rules when they go out... In fact, preaching is almost useless , if the function of education is only to spread some principles of life, we can build a "young baby hall" according to Kang Youwei's theory of "the world of great harmony" and broadcast one truth to them every day. "Are.But it certainly won't work, education is more than spreading ideas.

Where is the difficulty?That is, you need to use your own actions to demonstrate to your children: demonstrating how to live, behave in the world, integrate into society, and so on.Because fathers have the richest and most diverse connections with the outside world, children are more inclined to imitate fathers.It can be said that a child is like a mirror of his father. He laughs when you laugh, she cries when you cry, and he swears when you swear loudly, although he still doesn’t understand the meaning of those swear words.

Because of this, the first thing Dad has to do is to take care of himself and be himself.There is such a Zen-like story for fathers to think about:
One day, Zen Master Shizun was sitting in meditation in a silent forest.The sun's dappled shadow casts on the ground, and you can feel its shaking even with your eyes closed.The breeze gently brushed over the treetops, making a pleasant sound.

Suddenly, there was a faint noise from afar. The sound was getting closer and closer, and it could be heard very clearly in the silent woods. It turned out to be a man and a woman arguing in the woods.

After a while, a woman ran over from the woods in a hurry. She was so focused on running that she passed in front of Zen Master Shizun, but she didn't find him at all.Then another man came out. He walked up to Zen Master Shizun and asked very angrily, "Did you see a woman pass by here?"

The Zen master asked, "What's the matter? Why are you so angry?"

Sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting shadows on the man's face.He said fiercely: "This woman stole my money, I will not let her go!"

Zen Master Shi Zun asked: "Which is more important, finding the woman who has run away or finding yourself?"

The young man did not expect the Zen master to ask such a question, and stood there, stunned.

"Which is more important, finding the escaped woman or finding yourself?" Zen Master Shi Zun asked again.

There was a look of surprise in the eyes of the young man, and he woke up in an instant!The young man lowered his head, the anger on his face had long since disappeared, and his expression was filled with calm again.

It is not a bad idea to replace the women in this story with children. "Which is more important, finding naughty children or finding ourselves?" Sometimes, the naughtiness shown in children is just a microcosm of our own stubbornness.The woman in the story stole the man's money, is the "sex" in the man's heart irresponsible?If we show anger, helplessness, and pain when our children do not cooperate, it is actually because our hearts cannot find the source and prescribe the right medicine; we can concentrate on facing the problem squarely and solving it.

I always think that all problems are the fault of the child. This is a kind of obsession of parents. Getting angry and beating up children is also a kind of obsession. Both Confucianism and Buddhism regard anger as "obsession". The process of educating children That is the process of educating yourself.If we can accept everything about our children, we can also accept all the injustices in life, and we can even do our jobs better and become better people.

In the same way, if we hold our children helpless and complain that they refuse to change after repeated admonitions, isn't it also flaunting our own incompetence?All the mistakes in children are just side effects of wrong education methods.

Children are not polite, filial, lying, swearing... These problems are difficult to cure immediately. While changing children with "blocking" methods, we also need to spend some time thinking about what makes them The child has acquired a bad habit, maybe it is yourself, maybe it is the environment around the child.If neither ourselves nor the environment has changed, how can we completely control our children from learning to be bad?

Former Mengmu, choose a neighbor.If you don't learn, you will die.Mother Meng can move three times for the sake of the child, why can't the father change himself for the sake of the child?In fact, many children wonder in their hearts: why dad can smoke, drink, play cards, sleep late, etc., but we can't.Seems like change is all about kids, not adults.This is adult escapism.

Any outstanding person must have inherited some special spirit from his father.We always need something to give to our children, and we need some changes to let the children see the traces of their father's intentions.

(End of this chapter)