Pride and Prejudice; Sense and Sensibility

Chapter 37 Darcy's Explanation

Elizabeth had spent the night in deep thought until she closed her eyes.Woke up early this morning with these deep thoughts flooding my mind again.She was still incredulous about that incident, unable to think of anything else.Since she had no intention of doing anything, she decided to go out after breakfast to get a good breath and a walk.She was thinking of walking down that favorite aisle, when it occurred to her that Mr. Darcy used to go there sometimes, and she stopped.She did not go into the manor, but took the lane so as to keep her distance from the main road with gates.She continued to walk along the fence of the manor, and soon passed a garden gate.

She walked back and forth along this path two or three times, and couldn't help being attracted by the beauty of the morning, so she stopped in front of the garden gate and looked into the garden.In the five weeks since she had been in Kent the country had changed a great deal, and the trees in early spring were growing greener every day.

She was about to continue walking, when she suddenly saw a man walking towards here in the small forest beside the manor.Fearing it was Mr. Darcy, she turned back at once.However, the man was already very close, and she could already see her. She saw that the man hurried forward and called her name at the same time.

She had turned away, but when her name was called, she had to go back to the garden gate, though she knew it was Mr. Darcy.Darcy had also come to the garden gate at this time, took out a letter and handed it to her, which she accepted involuntarily.

He said arrogantly and calmly: "I've been walking in the woods for a while, hoping to meet you, please do me a favor and read this letter, okay?"

Immediately afterwards, he bowed slightly, stepped into the bushes again, and disappeared immediately.

Elizabeth opened the letter.This is for curiosity, not for pleasure.What surprised her even more was that there were two pieces of letter paper in the envelope, densely written in meticulous handwriting; the envelope was also full of words.

As she walked along the path, she began to read the letter.The letter was written by him at Rosings at eight o'clock in the morning, and reads as follows:

Miss:

When you receive this letter, please do not be afraid.Since I appealed to you and proposed marriage to you last night, and the result was only disgusting to you, I will naturally not bring up the old matter again in this letter.I once sincerely hoped that both of us would be happy, but I don't want to mention these again in this letter, lest I cause you pain and myself wronged.The reason why I want to write this letter and have to bother you to read it after I write it is because I can't control my character, otherwise it will save trouble for both parties, lest I write it and you read it.You must therefore forgive me for taking the liberty of blaspheming your spirit. I know you will never bother, but I ask you to be more calm.

You charged me with two crimes of different nature and unequal severity last night.You were the first to accuse me of breaking up Mr. Bingley's and your sister's good affairs, in complete disregard of the deep affection between them.You are the second to accuse me of indignity, inhumanity, and contempt for the rights of others, for ruining Mr. Wickham's prospering wealth, and his bright future.That I should be so ruthless, abandoning my childhood friend, my father's favorite, a helpless young man who has counted on us for kindness since childhood... This is indeed a regret of mine.As for the young man and woman, they had only known each other for a few weeks, and even if I broke them up, it would not be compared with this crime.

Now please allow me to explain my own actions and motives one by one. I hope that after you understand the reason, you will not be so harsh on me like last night in the future.If, in explaining these necessary things, I have offended you by being compelled to express my own emotions, I must apologize to you.Since the incident was helpless, it would be ridiculous to apologize again.

Not long after my arrival in Hertfordshire, I perceived, as well as anyone else, that Mr. Bingley, of all the young girls in the country, had his eye on your sister.But it wasn't until the night of the ball at Netherfield that I considered that he was really in love with your sister.Speaking of his love affairs, I have seen a lot of them before.It was at that ball, when I had the honor of dancing with you, that I heard William Lucas happen to say that Mr. Bingley's attentions to your sister had made such a scene that they were supposed to be married. About married.Listening to what he said, it seems that things are absolutely true, and it is only a matter of time.I have since watched my friend's conduct closely, and I have seen that his attachment to Miss Bennet was quite different from his usual one.I also pay attention to your sister, her look and demeanor are as usual, generous and amiable, and she shows no sign of being in love with anyone.

From my careful observation that evening, I do think that although she was willing to accept his attentions, she did not return him with affection.If you are not mistaken about this, the fault must be mine.You know your sister well, so of course I may be wrong.If that is the case, if it is really my mistake that caused your sister pain, then of course no wonder you are angry.But I can say without hesitation that your sister's demeanor was so free and easy that even the most observant person would have thought that, though soft-tempered, she was not easily moved.I really hoped that she would be indifferent at the beginning, but I dare say that although I have my hopes and concerns subjectively, my observations and inferences will not be affected by them.I don't think your sister is really indifferent just because I want her to be indifferent.My views are impartial and my wishes are legitimate.

I said last night that when it was my turn to encounter such an unsuitable marriage, I had to use great emotional strength to suppress it. As for the marriage between the two of them, the reason why I objected , it’s not just these reasons, because my friend doesn’t pay as much attention to the level of the portal as I do.I objected to this marriage, and there were other distasteful reasons--reasons which, though they still exist, and in both cases, have long since been forgotten as far as I can, for Out of sight is pure.These reasons must be mentioned here, even briefly.

Your mother's natal relations, though unsatisfactory, pale in comparison with the utter indecency of your own family.All three of your younger sisters have a habit of doing a lot of indecent things, sometimes even your father.Forgive me for speaking so bluntly, which actually offends you and makes me feel bad.These defects in your kin and blood will certainly make you uncomfortable, and I say this, will certainly make you even more unhappy.But if you think about it, it will be a consolation to you after all that you and your sister have behaved gracefully, that instead of being blamed, you are praised so much, and your knowledge and personality are appreciated.

I also want to talk to you.As I watched that evening, I could not help confirming my opinion of each individual more and more, and deepening my prejudices, that I must prevent my friend from entering into the most unfortunate marriage.He left Netherfield for London the next day, and, as I am sure you will remember, he intended to go and return immediately.

I have to explain here how I participated in this matter.It turned out that his sisters were as disturbed by this incident as I was.We felt at once a sympathy with each other, and we both felt that we should hurry to London and isolate their brother, and resolved to set off at once.And so we go.

When we got there, I was responsible for pointing out to my friend how much harm would be done if he got involved in this marriage.I tried my best to persuade me again and again.Although my advice shook his heart, he hesitated.However, if I hadn't said with certainty at the time that your sister was not very fond of him, perhaps this persuasion would not have had such great effect, and the marriage might not have been able to stop the marriage in the end.

Before I made this persuasion, he always thought that your sister was sincerely expecting him, if not returning him with the same affection.But Mr. Bingley was of a meek nature, and always believed in me more than he believed in himself when I had an idea in anything.I had no trouble convincing him that the matter was a moment of confusion on his part.Now that he had this conviction, it was of course easy for us to further persuade him not to return to Hertfordshire.I did it, and I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

Looking back today, I feel that there is only one thing I can't do to make myself feel at ease.That is to say, when your sister came to the city, I used all means to hide the news from him.Not only did I know this, but Miss Bingley knew it too, but her brother has hitherto been kept in the dark.If they had been allowed to meet, there might have been no bad consequences, but I thought at the time that he hadn't completely given up, and seeing her might not be safe from danger.I concealed it, deceived it like this, and perhaps lost my own identity, but it was done, and it was done with the best of intentions.

I have nothing more to say about this matter, and I don't need to apologize any more. If I hurt your sister's heart, it was by no means.You will naturally think that I didn't have enough reasons for doing this in the first place, but I haven't felt anything wrong until now.

Now for another, more serious charge: ruining Mr. Wickham's career.

Regarding this matter, my only way to refute it is to tell you all about his relationship with my family, and please judge the right and wrong.I don't know what he specifically accused me of, but the truth of the facts I'm going to state here can be found to testify to many people of good reputation.

Mr. Wickham was the son of a worthy man.His father had managed the property in Pemberley for several years, and he was extremely conscientious, and his late father was naturally willing to help him, so he was very kind to his godson, George Wickham.His late father provided for him to go to school, and later to Cambridge University... This is the most important help for him, because his own father was eaten and poor by his mother and could not afford to provide him with higher education.Not only did my late father like to associate with this young man because of his good looks, but he also regarded him very highly, hoped that he would pursue a career in the church, and was determined to find a place for him.

As for my own bad impression of him, that was many, many years ago.He is bohemian and full of vices.Although he took great care to conceal these vices from his best friend, they could not escape the eyes of a young man of his own age.There are many opportunities for me to see a loophole when he is not on guard-of course, it will never be the case with old Mr. Darcy.Here I may cause your pain again, and only you know the extent of the pain.Whatever affections Mr. Wickham has aroused in you, I doubt their nature, and I am obliged to explain to you his true character.There may even be ulterior motives here.

My venerable late father, who died about five years ago, was a constant favorite of Mr. Wickham, and was especially mentioned to me in his will, to give him my best promotion, in consideration of his career, should he be ordained. , Whenever there is a vacancy in the position with a good salary, let him fill it in.In addition, he was given an inheritance of a thousand pounds.

Soon after, his father also died.Within six months after these events, Mr. Wickham wrote to me that he had made up his mind at last that he would not be ordained.Since he cannot get the salary of that position, he hopes that I will give him some direct financial benefits. Don't think his request is unreasonable.He added that he intended to study law, and made me understand that it was certainly not enough for him to study law on the interest of a thousand pounds.I don't so much believe that his words are solid as I hope they are solid.However, I eventually complied with his request.I knew that Mr. Wickham was not fit to be a clergyman, so the matter was settled at once on terms: we gave him three thousand pounds, and he no longer asked us to help him to obtain the priesthood, which was a voluntary renunciation, Even if he becomes eligible for the priesthood in the future, he can no longer make the request.From then on, all the relationship between me and him seemed to be cut off.

I despised him so much that I gave him no more visits to Pemberley, nor had any acquaintance with him in town.I believe he lived in the city most of the time, but his so-called study of law was just an excuse.Now, freed from all fetters, he lived a life of profligacy and profligacy.

For about three years I heard little of him, but then a clergyman died who might have taken the benefice, and he wrote me again asking for his recommendation.He said he was in dire straits, which I certainly had no difficulty in believing.He also said that studying law is useless, and now he has made up his mind to become a pastor, as long as I am willing to recommend him to take over that position.He thought that I would definitely recommend him, because he saw that I had no one else to fill the vacancy, and I couldn't ignore the kindness that my late father had promised him before his death.I did not agree to his request. He asked repeatedly, but I still refused.You don't necessarily blame me for this.The more difficult his situation, the deeper the resentment.

There is no doubt that whether he scolds me behind my back or scolds me in front of me, he is equally vicious.Since then, there has been no friendship at all.I don't know how he lived, but it hurts so much that he caught my attention again last summer.

Here, I have to tell something that I don't want to remember myself.I didn't want to let anyone know about this matter, but this time I have to talk about it.Speaking of which, I'm sure you'll be able to keep it a secret.My sister was more than ten years my junior, and my mother's nephew, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and I acted as guardians for her.We took her back from school about a year ago and put her up in London.She had gone to Ramsgate last summer with the housekeeper's Mrs Younge.Mr. Wickham followed, obviously with ulterior motives, for he and Mrs. Younge had known each other for a long time.We were unlucky enough to be fooled by her and misunderstood the wrong person.

Relying on the connivance and help of Mrs. Yangji, he woos Georgiana.It's a pity that Georgiana is so kind-hearted, and still remembers how kindly he treated her when she was a child, she was actually moved by him, thinking she fell in love with him, and agreed to elope with him.She was only 15 years old at the time, and of course we can only forgive her ignorance.Although she was confused, it was fortunate that she told me about it herself.

It turned out that I had unexpectedly arrived at their place before they eloped.Georgiana, who always regarded my brother as a father, could not bear to make me sad, so she told me the whole thing.You can imagine how I felt and how I acted.In order to protect my sister's reputation and emotions, I did not expose this matter publicly.However, I wrote to Mr. Wickham to leave the place at once, and Mrs Younge was of course sent away by me.

No doubt Mr. Wickham was chiefly interested in my sister's three thousand pounds.However, I also thought that he also wanted to take this opportunity to take revenge on me, and he almost succeeded in revenge.

Miss, I have talked honestly here about everything that concerns us.If you don't think me entirely lying, I hope you will never again think me cruel to Mr. Wickham.I don't know what kind of rhetoric and what kind of means he used to deceive you, but you didn't know anything about our affairs before, so it may not be surprising that he cheated your confidence.You have no way of prying, and you don't like doubts.You may wonder why I didn't tell you all this to your face last night.

Moreover, I couldn't figure it out myself at the time, and I didn't know what to say and what to say.Whether all that is said in this letter is true or not, I may especially ask you to ask Colonel Fitzwilliam, our close relative, our best friend, and one of the late father's executors, All the details in it are naturally very clear, and he can prove it.If you think my words are worthless because you hate me, you might as well tell my cousin your opinion.The reason why I tried my best to find an opportunity to deliver this letter to you early in the morning is so that you can discuss it with him.That's all I have to say, God bless you.

Fitzwilliam Darcy
(End of this chapter)