i like you for many years

Chapter 14 Panic (2)
You came to me early on Sunday morning and stood downstairs and shouted my name. Instead of being woken up by you, I was woken up by a text message from Big Bear. When I opened it, there were six words: Get up!Find it downstairs!

I jumped up, poked my head out of the window, and saw you waiting, holding a big plastic bag in your hand.From a distance, I can see a bunch of snacks waving at me.So he washed up and went downstairs happily, and went to eat spicy shabu with snacks.

There were so many people that day, we had to choose a location quite far from the air conditioner.I was sweating from eating, so you opened your backpack and took out tissues for me.Suddenly something shiny slipped out of your bag.

I looked down, and it turned out to be a ring.

Certainly not the ring-pull ring that blistered my pinky finger.

I watched you bend down to pick it up, and deliberately didn't ask, waiting for you to explain to me.But I didn't expect that you didn't say anything, just stuffed it back into the backpack casually.

I look at you, and you smile and serve me food.

I think you probably don't want to mention it, so I won't ask any more.It’s just that the meal was very embarrassing, until you finally said, Garbo, next month’s Christmas, let’s ask for leave and go out to play!

I quickly adjusted my mood and asked you where to go and what to play.You answered enthusiastically, which broke the deadlock.

Zhou Baoming, at that time, I didn't know what other people's love was like. I just thought, I want to be with you, and I don't want us to be unhappy.So, let me forget about those trivial details that make people suspicious and uncertain, and you don't care, okay?

I do, tell myself.

Your plan turned out to be Guangzhou.There are a lot of durians in Guangzhou. It was already evening when we got off the train. You took me to find a hotel and chose a big durian.The strange thing is that when I smell the durian fragrance again, I don't find it unbearable.On the contrary, I think the aroma is compelling, and I really like it.

We shared it in a small hotel in Yuexiu District.There are two single beds in the room, each of us sits on one, chatting with the TV on.

You told me that Guangzhou is your favorite city.If you have the opportunity in the future, you hope to work here.

I asked you why, and you were noncommittal, because the weather is very comfortable.

I laughed, you are a boy, why are you afraid of the cold!

You wince and say you just like warm places.I retorted that I like snow, and you were silent.

After a long time, you said, since I have accepted the durian, it is not difficult for you to accept the winter in Hunan.It's just that we spent this winter together.Although there is no snow at Christmas in Guangzhou, you can see stars when you look up.

As you spoke, you opened the curtain and pointed it out to me.

I think of the night when I first met you, the sky full of stars I counted.First time, I didn't laugh you like stars.Because I know, you think I like it.

Was it that night, did you follow me and Big Bear back to school?

We went to the water park and played all day.You also dressed up as Santa Claus to give me gifts, you said, Santa Claus can grant you one wish.I thought about it for a long time, and I wanted to ask you a question, but I couldn't come up with it.You still pierced my mind.

Is that the ring?You tentatively asked, it was a gift from KTV on Ah Jun's birthday.Everyone booed and gave one to me and one to Petunia.I didn't care, just threw it in the bag.Nothing, fool.

After you finished speaking, you opened Santa Claus' broad arms and pulled me in.You leaned into my ear and said to me softly, Garbo, Merry Christmas.

On the way back, you asked me if I hadn’t had a good rest, why I had two bags under my eyes swollen.I dare not tell you that I am narrow-minded. I am afraid that you will play tricks at night, so I can't sleep peacefully.So I lied and made up an excuse, saying that I couldn't fall asleep without the ugly fish doll in my arms.

You understood it and said, it must be a doll from Big Bear.

I nodded.

But you didn't talk anymore, and you didn't say a word to me along the way.

I also didn't know why at the beginning, but later figured out that it was related to the big bear.

Later... I never mentioned Big Bear in front of you again.Zhou Baoming, do you know that if it was someone else, I would never agree to stop contacting Daxiong no matter what.

However, this person is you.

Since I was a child, Big Bear and I have been the closest. When my parents have no time to accompany me, I can only complain to Big Bear.But I clearly understand that no matter how good we are, he will not accompany me to grow old.

He will also meet a girl he likes, just like I like you.

So, when you left the decision to me, I understood your wishes even though you said nothing.I swear to you, I won't always go to him like before.

The implication is that we will gradually fade away from contact.

One year before graduation, you really went to Guangzhou for an internship ahead of time and rented a small house there.You said that since I want to stay in Hunan, you will only go there for an internship for a while.You will come back when I graduate.

I am very happy and fully agree.As soon as the vacation was over, I rushed to buy a ticket to see you, but I didn't tell you that for more than a year, I didn't go to eat with Daxiong, go shopping together, go to the Internet cafe together, or go back to my hometown together.But he accidentally called, I did not hang up.I didn't cut off the occasional text messages.

So, when he knew that I was going to find you, he had to be with me no matter what.

Da Xiong always said that there are no good people on the train, let alone the messy Guangzhou Railway Station.I couldn't stand his lobbying, so I agreed.

Sitting with him in the noisy car, it seems to have returned to a long time ago.

And then there was no you, and no love.It was only us two little kids who got together to gossip and talk about our hearts after studying.Go home together during the holidays, and you will not be lonely on the road.

Big Bear didn't show reproach at all, he didn't blame me for ignoring him for you for so long.

I peeled an orange for him flatteringly, and said, if it were someone else, he would have ignored me long ago!Bear, you are such a good man!

He found a small hotel near your hut to stay, without telling you of course.I fumbled alone to find where you lived, it was a... bright room.

You opened the door for me and hugged me around several times.You said, Jiabao, I chose the best ripe durian and waited for you!
As he spoke, he flicked my forehead with his fingertips, and looked at me dotingly, with a bright smile like the moon.I think, I will always remember your smile at that time, because, in it, I clearly saw the sweetness related to me.

Zhou Baoming, speaking of this, you must still not understand why... I left you in the end.

Yes, I left you.

I think Big Bear is right.Why do you like me?You never told me, so how would I know?Since there is no reason, then the feelings that come quickly will probably go quickly.

When I came back from Guangzhou, when Penny came to see me and brought a group of people to surround me in the ice shop facing the school, you were not there.I gently slid open the phone in my pocket, and then dialed the number I remembered of Big Bear one by one.I don't know if Big Bear heard me yelling "What are you doing! I don't know you!", anyway, in the end, he appeared here.

Petunia would later say that it had been nothing more than a threat.But because of the appearance of the big bear, something had to happen.

The big bear ran to stop me with its teeth and claws, just like the scenes that have happened in the past many years.He said defiantly to the people Petunia brought, don't touch her!Something is coming at me!

I don't remember the fighting process that followed, nor how Penny said bitterly to me at the end, "No one can take my things." I only remember the shiny ring on her ring finger, It's a pair with yours.

Big Bear's arm was bleeding, and I took out the tissue in my bag and wiped it for a long time, but I couldn't stop it.I asked him if he was in pain, but he didn't speak, just shook his head.

It rained all the time that day, just like the day I first met you.

So in the rain, I never noticed that the corners of Big Bear's eyes were always covered with crystals.It wasn't until I found out that I noticed his grimacing expression in pain.I vigorously picked up his other arm and staggered to help him walk towards the infirmary.

Zhou Baoming, I just want to know, Big Bear has never hurt me, why do I always get him involved.

And you, you make me sad every time I didn't expect, why can't I let go?

Before graduation, I kept in touch with you intermittently, and it seems that I can't be indifferent to you from then on.But every time you said you wanted me to see you, I never got on the train to Guangzhou on weekends as impulsively as I did back then.

Big Bear even laughed at me for this, two days off, one day for the car, one day for sweets.

Now, when I think of those words, it is really far away.

Like you and me, the distance on the map is unreachable.

When I went to Guangzhou again, many advertisements near the bus stop were a new brand of canned drinks.I bought a can and drank it, only to realize dully that the tab on the top was different.

Can no longer be separated from the bottle body.

Turning the bottle back and forth in my hand, I noticed that it says "one less pull ring, more environmental protection".

Suddenly, I understood something.

Many, many memories are different.Zhou Baoming, just like you may not know, I have never done handwork, but I learned to embroider your name on the "Russian Embroidery" crash site on the Internet.

That was the last time I was in your cabin, I changed your curtains, I changed your mug.But I don't know, have you noticed.I bought a special needle and thread and once embroidered "Gar & Bo" on the corner of your dark blue curtains.

It's like I don't know, you liked me a long time ago, you have always liked me, you met me when I didn't know Big Bear for a long time.You come to the city where we live and live with relatives.We happen to be in the same neighborhood.You've seen me running around in my mother's heels, and you've seen me with my hair disheveled and mischievous.You once said that you don't like girls who are flamboyant, but in fact, you still don't hate me.

Remember what I said?Everyone has secrets.

Even what I have no way of knowing, your secrets.

In fact, my parents divorced not because they really had a bad relationship. It was because I was ignorant at the time, thinking that they often quarreled and there were a lot of broken glass and bowls in the house. This was unhappy and we should separate.So, I said what I shouldn't say in front of my mother and broke them up.That evening when I met you, I blamed myself for what I did, not what I told you.

I don't have the guts to tell anyone, it's my secret.

Petunia has always liked you, she just wanted to have something related to you, so she planned the mysterious pair of rings as gifts at the birthday party.This is her secret.

You received a call from me in Gonghua Supermarket, and you seemed to have a real connection. You poked your head out of the window and clearly saw me downstairs.But when you chased me downstairs, I was gone.At that time, I changed my number and graduated to a city you don’t know.

Someone once said that when a person wants to find another person, he always finds a way to do it.But the truth is, when a man tries to escape from another, he still can.

I clearly remember that you lived in 302 of that small building.But I didn't expect that in that resettlement community, the head of a building is the same.You changed floors, how can I still see that familiar dark blue.

I don't know your secret, I don't know Penny's secret, you don't know my secret.

The autumn in Guangzhou is warm and moist as before, but the cold wind has picked up in Changsha.I heard from Daxiong that Penny also went to Guangzhou, and she is very close to your company.So, I took it for granted that Penny and you are finally together.

Life is still so long, I have no blame or resentment towards you.

Later, I gradually lost contact with Big Bear.His news, occasionally, can only be traced in his Q space.And his secret, I have kept it cherished till now.

Have you ever tried to hide a truth with all your might?
In this world, you like a girl, you treat her quietly, but you are afraid of making her think you are too nice to her.

You give her a doll and tell her casually that this is the biggest one in that supermarket.You think she can't see your intentions.

You fight people over her, cry and pretend it's because you can't stand the pain.You thought she wouldn't think that you cared about her.

Many times, you have clearly done good things, but you intentionally say bad things.

This is Big Bear's secret.

Later, I heard a song by Xiaomei. After a long time, I suddenly thought of Big Bear.

"I've seen you confused, I've seen you angry/I've seen you satisfied, have you seen your love/I've seen you dance, I've seen you read books/I've seen you walk, but I've never seen you can't bear it/I've never seen you cry, how do I know you care/"

Everyone has secrets, and only those who are in it feel that secrets are the most unbreakable thing.After a long time, I still sleep alone with the ugly fish in my arms. After a long time, I still feel a little drunk when I think of you and him.

Those you don't care anymore.

pack your bags
I went downstairs for a run in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep
new furniture
Tongzhou moved to Gongti on a windy day

sad watch comedy
Go around the third ring for more than [-] kilometers
Pass by Changchun Street West
I can only turn my head and close my eyes
If you don't leave when there is still love

doomed to meet again in hate

It's just a simple truth
But it's really not easy to understand
——Cao Xuanbin "You Are Not in Beijing"

She couldn't describe her state of mind at this moment, but it was definitely not hatred, and it was no longer pure love.

No matter how beautiful the spring breeze is, it’s not as good as your smile

In the summer of 2012, Qing Man came to the company for exactly one year.When she passed by the human resources department early in the morning, she saw the general manager discussing something with some colleagues.In a trance, she heard a sentence, "The Beijing branch will be able to transfer staff next month"... For a moment, she froze in place, unable to move her footsteps an inch.

There was only the whistling wind from the central air conditioner in her ears, and Qingman remembered the summer a year ago, which was also such a day, even if she cried a lot while walking on the road, her tears would be evaporated at any time.She received a call from Zhou Jiaming that day, and he told her that I was going to Beijing.

For a moment, she really wanted to give up the employment notification E-mail at that time, so she just ignored it and followed Zhou Jiaming to buy a ticket and run to Beipiao.Anyway, he is lonely, and she is also lonely.

But she finally held herself back.

No name, no distinction, she was nothing to him.What's more, she worked hard to interview more than ten companies before finally getting a pass card. She didn't want to throw away everything in front of her eyes because of those frivolous reluctance, and let herself get involved in "confession", "rejected", "go with him" "The vortex.

She let him go.

Together with her secret love for seven years since she met him, she was going to die.

Later I heard that Zhou Jiaming had a new girlfriend soon, and gradually lost contact with her.In the days when she has no chance to see him, even if she misses him, she understands that she can no longer feel that he is right in front of her like before, and she can rampage with him to trample every corner of the city at any time .

He had been away for too long, and she forced herself to stop thinking about him.

But today, when she heard the news, she still really felt her uncontrollable heartbeat.If it was said that she managed to be rational a year ago, then at this moment, she can no longer bear the previous thoughts of wanting to be confused about him.

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door politely.

General manager, I want to apply to go to Beijing.she says.

Beijing's railway station is really big, Qing Man walked around in circles, and finally found the exit.She stood under the unfamiliar bus stop sign and started calling Zhou Jiaming over and over again.

At first, the phone rang for a long time but no one answered, and then it turned out that the phone you dialed was turned off.His phone must have just died.At this moment, Qingman felt that she was so stupid that there was no cure. She still hoped that she could surprise Zhou Jiaming, but at this moment, she was the one who was frightened.

After rummaging in the phone book several times, Qingman suddenly remembered that Song Ran said half a month ago that he would go to Beijing for a few days, and Qingman had been talking nonsense with him for a long time with an envious look on his face.She hesitated for a while, and was not sure when the other party would leave.Gritting his teeth, he dialed the phone.

Song Ran, where are you?Qing Man asked carefully.

(End of this chapter)