surrogate wife

Chapter 156 Nothing is left
The sentence once loved seems to be a summary. The word once is like a sharp knife, cutting off the long scroll of time and twisting Chen Haotian and me from the past to the present.His eyes were empty, and there was a trace of burnt ashes in his eyes. When he opened his eyes and looked at me, his eyelids felt weak.

He clenched his fists, the veins in his hands bulged, and suddenly he rushed towards me like a mad beast. He pinched my chin with one hand, and his finger bones rattled, his face suddenly burst into flames. , he looked at me with ferocious eyes, gritted his teeth and said, "Li Xin, no woman has ever dared to dump me!"

I was pinched so painfully by him, I turned my head aside and couldn't speak, tears seemed to dry up from crying, my mind went blank, and all that could come out of my chest was endless sourness.

Why is it so tortured at the beginning and so tortured at the end?Can't we get together and get together?
Maybe it's because the desolation in my eyes was too obvious, so Chen Hao let go of his hand, I covered my chin in pain, he pulled it away forcefully, then I covered it again, he pulled it away again, repeated several times Finally he kissed directly.

It's been a long time since I've been kissed so domineeringly by him. This feeling is terrifying, and the image of being forcibly possessed by him for the first time emerges in my mind.

I moaned, I couldn't hold back my tears, and the writhing and thumping seemed to have no effect. He seemed to be venting, looking for a breakthrough, and his palms were full of brute force. He curled up his legs, but was turned over and pressed by him, and fell down instantly. There is a difference between a woman and a man, whether it is physical strength or endurance, they cannot be fought.

He took off my clothes two or three times, and the floor was smooth and cold, which made goosebumps all over my body. I knew I couldn't struggle anymore, so I simply lay there resigned to my fate, and then whispered: "If you want to Hurry up! Let me go when it's over!"

I had a feeling of seeing death as ashes. After I finished speaking, I closed my eyes.I just felt that he suddenly stopped moving, and then fell off me after being silent for a while.

I was naked to the waist, lying on the cold floor, tears flowed so much that it felt like a river.He pulled me up, and I froze there without moving. He pulled me several times in a row, and my wrist felt like it was about to be torn off.

Do you know how cold it is in December?At that time, I was so cold that I lost all consciousness.

Chen Haotian went to the sofa and started to smoke. I still lay on the cold floor and cried until my tears dried up. After a long time, I sat up by myself and wiped my face. My eyes were so swollen and painful. I picked them up one by one and put them on numbly. When I stood up, my feet were a little unsteady.

I glanced at him quietly, then walked over, and I sat down on the sofa opposite.

"Are you still leaving?" His tone was full of sharp anger, I straightened my back, looked straight at him, and said, "I still want to say something!"

He let out a "Huh!", and sneered at me without hesitation: "You said you were going to stop, what else do you have to say? You were quite tough just now, why are you acting like this again now!"

I frowned, trying not to take my breath away from his words, I took a few breaths, and finally calmed down, I said: "Chen Haotian, we were wrong at the beginning, and the result now is reasonable, I don't want you to be like this, I really don't, I hated you too, really, I hated you, for a while I wanted you to die, but I know better, if you really die, no one will hurt you more than me! "

He was holding a cigarette, his fingers were trembling, he turned his head to look at me, and his mouth was pursed deeply.

My eyes hurt badly, but I don't want to let myself cry anymore, I want myself to finish this ending well.

There are many ways to break up and end. Fighting, quarreling, the end of a relationship, the other party can use countless dirty words, but they can also give up quietly and peacefully.What I think is the latter, because I don't have the energy, and I don't want to refute anything. The more I talk about the past, the more it hurts.

Chen Haotian twisted the cigarette on the coffee table, looked at me calmly, then twitched the corner of his mouth, and asked me: "Then what do you want to say?"

I looked at him quietly, smiled self-deprecatingly, and said, "Why do you turn your face like this all of a sudden!"

He stopped talking, lowered his head, and felt like a trapped animal for a moment.

I began to reminisce about the past, and the pictures came surging like flowing water.

All my conceit actually comes from my low self-esteem, all my heroism comes from my inner weakness, and all my plausibility comes from my heart full of doubts, so I pretend to be ruthless, but in fact I hate my deep affection in my heart. I used to think that life The meaning of this is to wander around in exile, in fact, it is just a cover that I haven't found a place where I can stop.

I looked at Chen Haotian, so close in front of me, but with a strange attitude, a cold tone, and the intimacy that was once fused into the flesh and blood disappeared. I recalled the beauty of the past, as if I had just made an extremely absurd dream, the real death of my heart , not a feeling at a certain moment, but a sudden outbreak of depression accumulated over time, and then there is nothing to miss.

In all fairness, I undoubtedly cannot let go of memories. He makes life rich and full of hope. Is it the expectation of the future or the obsession with the past that supports us to live?I always feel that if one day even memories become barren, there should be no nostalgia in this life!

I said, "Do you remember the first time we met?"

He nodded, but remained silent, leaving me alone to recall every moment in the past in detail.

"The first time I saw you, I was panicked, scared, and hated you. I thought you were the heinous villain in TV dramas. You took away my first time and pulled me into your life forcefully. During that period I was tortured by you so much that I almost wanted to die."

"Later, you gave me 30 yuan. You said you asked me to accompany you. It was the first time I saw a person who used money to measure feelings. I thought you were cold-blooded and ruthless, but I still couldn't help falling in love with you. Little by little, it starts to be under your control!"

"One day, I suddenly discovered that my emotions began to be affected by you, and then I was happy because of your happiness, and when you were sad, I knew I was trapped. Chen Haotian!"

I yelled at him heavily, and he raised his head, his eyes were so red, but he still kept his mouth shut and didn't speak.My heart throbbed, but I still tried to force myself to look up, and I said, "You know, I used to really love you very much!"

"Don't you love me now?" He suddenly asked, I was startled, my body trembled suddenly, but tears came down again.

"We can't go on!"

"You are avoiding, what I ask you is, do you still love me now!" He was serious with me like a child, when he saw that I didn't answer, he got up and walked to sit beside me.He pulled my shoulders and forced me to look up at him, he said: "Xinxin, look into my eyes, and then answer me, do you still love me now?"

I don't understand why he still asks me this kind of question now, I brushed his hand away while sobbing, the heartache has already messed up my consciousness.

"Why don't you understand that it has nothing to do with love or not, but that I am tired and can't go on, Chen Haotian, we have been together for so long, I have never complained about you, I am willing to wait for you, always Wait, but I forgot to know the limit, I am already overwhelmed in this relationship, this feeling is like a person without legs, but you force him to walk up the mountain, Chen Haotian is not willing to do it ?”

"Why is it impossible? There are no feet and hands, and you can still crawl!"

"I can't, I can't do it, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired!" I yelled hysterically, my throat rushed, and it was hot immediately.

He looked at me with scarlet eyes, and suddenly there was a sparkle in the corner of his eyes, then he quickly turned his head, and said leisurely: "Come with me to the last place!"

I didn't refuse, and I didn't know why, I didn't even ask, I just nodded quietly.

He drove very slowly, and when he arrived, it started to rain lightly.He took off his windbreaker and put it on me. Before I could speak, he said in a deep voice, "I'm not cold. It's raining. Put it on, or you'll catch a cold!"

There is still an inexplicable warmth, but I know that this emotion cannot be allowed to expand.

What he took me to was actually Gu Xue's cemetery. In places like Nanjing, cemeteries seem a bit high-end.

In our countryside, people are buried in the soil when they die and burnt to ashes. In big cities, they just like to spend money to buy a seat for themselves. Some of the palm-sized land is equivalent to our house. The gap in life is too easy to see.

I looked at Gu Xue, she smiled so brightly and beautifully in the black and white photo on the stele, Chen Haotian took out a handkerchief from nowhere, walked over and knelt down to wipe the stele.

Obviously it was raining, and the raindrops would still come down after wiping off, but he didn't seem to know, repeating it over and over again, I actually felt a little sad, stood behind him, raised my head and closed my eyes, feeling the winter rain The bone-chilling cold.

"You love Gu Xue!" I said quietly, but my heart was torn into pieces.The rain started to get heavy, and I could hear the rustling sound of falling beside me. I didn't dare to look at his figure, so I could only pretend that I didn't see him.

He suddenly started talking, and sat down with his back against the stone tablet, with one foot propped up on the other: "Gu Xue has been with me for three years. During the three years, she took care of everything from head to toe. I drink The liver is not good, she went to a Chinese medicine doctor and forced me to drink medicine little by little. I know she is good to me, but then as long as we are together, I will not be able to do what I want. Men have self-esteem to some extent, and my self-esteem completely ruined the relationship between me and her. between feelings!"

"Xinxin, I really love you, and I still do now. I never had the urge to go on with someone. Only now do I understand how much I failed. Gu Xue left, and you have to leave too." , I have nothing now!"

(End of this chapter)