Meet you in the most beautiful years

Chapter 28 She Only Wants Frozen Friendship (1)
love under chains

Gao Junyu understands Shi Pingmei's sorrow.

A woman's heart was hurt by broken love, he could only hide his pity in his heart, and told her that he must use his own strength to smash these shackles and all dissatisfaction.

In addition, he tried his best to squeeze time to visit her, chat with her, take her to meet his comrades, experience the growth of new forces in society with her, and look forward to the approach of ideals.He hopes to use the future and destiny of the nation to bring her more magnificent and colorful insights to affect her depressed mood.

Undoubtedly, Shi Pingmei has developed a deep attachment to Gao Junyu.She was lucky to have him by her side, at least she could transfer her weightless emotions to her reciprocation with him.Perhaps this is a bit selfish, but when she is in a trough, she really needs these strong hands to pull her out of the vortex as quickly as possible.

She knew that the harm Wu Tianfang brought her could not be healed in a short time, the pain was long-lasting. She even hated marriage and became terrified of love between men and women.This affected her attitude towards love. She and her friends Lu Yin and Lu Jingqing revealed their feelings: from then on, she will close her heart and practice "celibacy", no matter how passionate the love comes.

Therefore, in the autumn of 1923, Gao Junyu, who was recuperating at Biyun Temple in Xishan, sent the red leaf of lovesickness, and she wrote on the back, "The withered flower basket dare not bear this bright red leaf", rejecting Gao Junyu's fiery heart.

At that time, Gao Junyu, who wrote the poem with Hongye, was filled with contradictory and melancholy emotions.If Shi Pingmei hadn't been getting closer to him at this time, he might still dare not send this simple and meaningful red leaf.

After waiting for three years, he wrote this special love letter because he was afraid of offending her.In his heart, Shi Pingmei is a pure and pure winter plum, and his heart longing for freedom has long been tied by a feudal marriage chain by his father.He thought to himself that he couldn't give her anything, before he smashed the iron lock, he was not qualified to show his love to the woman he liked, so for three years, he only watched Shi Pingmei from afar, not daring to get too close.

In fact, isn't he himself a mourner of the old system?His greatest sorrow is that he accepted a feudal old-style marriage while accepting the baptism of the new culture.

On October 1896, 10, Gao Junyu was born in Fenglingdi Village (now Loufan), Jingle County, Shanxi Province. His name was Shangde, his style name was Xisan, and his name was Junyu.His father, Gao Peitian, taught in his early years, and later resigned from teaching to do business and heal diseases. He joined the Tongmenghui in 22.Under the influence of his father, Gao Junyu was educated in patriotism and democracy since he was a child. He also experienced the changes of the era of the Boxer Movement and the Revolution of 1906. Transform the destiny of the nation.

In 1912, Gao Junyu was admitted to the No. [-] Middle School of Shanxi Province with excellent results. He won the winning award at the end of the first semester. Reputation, commended on the wall newspaper and then famous in the provincial capital.

In 1916, Gao Junyu was admitted to the science preparatory class of Peking University.Peking University at that time was the cradle of the development of new thoughts and culture in China.After Cai Yuanpei became the president of Peking University, he hired Chen Duxiu, the editor-in-chief of "New Youth" magazine, as the dean of Peking University's liberal arts department. The New Culture Movement centered on "New Youth" has since sparked.Afterwards, Marxism was introduced to China, and Li Dazhao, who came to Peking University as the director of the library, trained a group of progressive young people, Gao Junyu was one of them.Under the guidance of Li Dazhao, Gao Junyu joined a number of progressive groups, frequently participated in social activities, and gradually became an outstanding youth representative with communist consciousness.

However, this promising young man with full of passion and determined to change the destiny of the nation was deeply harmed by the feudal system.

As early as 1914, 18-year-old Gao Junyu was still a middle school student. Under the arrangement of his father, he was going to marry Li Hanxin, the daughter of Li Cunxiang, a farmer in Shenyugou in this county.

Although Gao Peitian is a member of the Tongmenghui, he still sticks to feudal customs in the marriage of his children.Although the 18-year-old Gao Junyu has lofty ambitions and is by no means comparable to a country man, Gao Peitian believes that to establish a great career, he needs to start a family early. Besides, there are three unfilial acts, and it is the greatest thing to have no descendants. Finding a daughter from a good family to marry and have children is the wish of the parents. It's only half done.

The girl from the Li family was chosen by her father. She was pretty, demure and dignified, and was two years older than Gao Junyu.However, from the beginning of this marriage, Gao Junyu insisted on resigning, but Gao Peitian didn't care about it. He felt that once married, it was a nail in the coffin. Day by day, it would gradually become a pot of lukewarm porridge. At that time, Gao Junyu calmed down, since he couldn't make waves, naturally he couldn't make any waves.

But he did not expect that his son's attitude would be so firm.On the auspicious day of the wedding, Gao Junyu cried bitterly, unwilling to change into Chengli's new clothes no matter what.Seeing that the newcomers had arrived outside the house, and the gongs, drums and suonas were blaring, Gao Peitian was anxious and angry, and suddenly passed out.At that time, Gao Junyu looked at his father and the crowd screaming in the room, and suddenly felt very sorry for his father's difficulty, so he decided to sacrifice his own happiness to fulfill his father's wish.

So he was at the mercy of others like a puppet, getting dressed, worshiping at the church, congratulating him, sending him to the new house, from beginning to end, like a dream.After marriage, he got depressed and fell ill, and suffered from hemoptysis, which left him with hemoptysis that occurs in autumn.

Later, his mother asked him puzzledly: "What are you dissatisfied with? Look how beautiful the bride is!" At this moment, he looked at Li Hanxin carefully. As his mother said, the bride is indeed gentle and beautiful.He tried to compromise with himself in his heart. If he could communicate in thought, take it easy first, and then slowly cultivate the relationship in the future, which can be regarded as an confession.

But this little hope is hard to come true.For the past few days, he has not spoken to Li Hanxin. She has long known Gao Junyu's indifference, so she is particularly resentful.Gao Junyu was ill at the bedside. When she served medicine, she complained that Gao Junyu had no heart for her at all, and said that since she had no heart for her, she would implicate him for the rest of his life.Gao Junyu sighed and said: "Life?—I'm afraid you will suffer even more!" The bride sobbed and said with self-pity: "This is my fate, who can I blame?"

A long sigh came from the bottom of my heart.Gao Junyu feels that the idea of ​​communicating with Li Hanxin is almost an extravagant hope. He despises her cowardice and sympathizes with her experience. He will never have love for this woman!So he made an excuse to move to rest and recuperate, and almost never stepped into the house.While studying, I wrote to my father repeatedly, begging him to let the poor girl go home and marry another, but my father refused categorically. My father said, if you divorce your wife, you must kill her first!

From then on, he set his mind on the idea of ​​"Although I don't recognize Yi as my remaining wife, but I don't want to share my heart with others in this life", he will not marry a woman from the Li family, and he will no longer promise his heart to other women.In order not to disobey his father's wishes and follow his own heart, he had to compromise in this way, determined to accompany the woman, sacrificing his youth and love.

Gao Junyu, who was depressed and heartbroken, suffered from hemoptysis at the age of 19 and almost died of the disease.How brave and promising he is, but he can't break free from the iron chains of an arranged marriage. How lofty his ideals are, yet his father has made the ground a prison and imprisoned him here.Therefore, he hated the inhumane old system, and his desire for freedom and democracy became more and more fervent.

He was admitted to Peking University until he graduated and stayed at the school to teach. His suave heroic spirit and outstanding talent had attracted the admiration of many female students, but he was shackled by the body, and even his heart was carefully closed.The iron lock left by his father made him lose the freedom to be loved, and even more so, the freedom to love.Therefore, facing the young woman's heart, he has always shown his iron face, not daring to respond, not daring to confess his feelings.

Later, because of his self-isolation and indifference, a female student who confessed to nothing actually committed suicide by diving for him.He was guilty and painful, and since then he has closed himself even more, only devoting himself to the cause of freedom and democracy.

However, many years later, when he met Shi Pingmei by chance, the ice in his heart collapsed in an instant.

Fate is such a wonderful thing, some people meet each other every day, but there is no spark; while some people fall in love when they meet each other.

Because of the nobleness and loneliness of plum blossoms, Shi Rubi changed her name to Shi Pingmei.The elegant and quiet charm of plum blossoms deeply matches her temperament, giving her a unique intellectual and cold beauty.In colleges and universities in Beijing, where the new culture is in the ascendant, the intellectual women in the eyes of talented scholars have already overturned the standards of female beauty in the hearts of former Qing Dynasty youths.Erudition, versatility and maturity of ideas have become symbols of outstanding new women.

Shi Pingmei is undoubtedly an outstanding woman among the institutions of higher learning in the capital.Therefore, the brief conversation at the hometown meeting made Gao Junyu unforgettable.Her insight and mind are far beyond the comparison of ordinary women. In front of Gao Junyu, who is a student leader, her thoughts and speech are so well matched and equal to him.This made him happy, it's hard to find a confidant, let alone a confidante.

After the hometown meeting, she wrote to him, pouring out her sorrow and hesitation, and caring for him. He could no longer control his heart, and his long-closed emotion quietly opened the floodgate.He missed her, and was afraid that his locked heart would disturb her pure dream of a girl, so he restrained this emotion until she fell out of love, until she needed his care, and finally he borrowed a red leaf to confess his love to her .

Gao Junyu stated this cloudy past in a letter to Shi Pingmei in 1923.

……

Afterwards, I became very ill several times, and often felt as if I was possessed by shackles. At the age of 19, I suffered from hemoptysis and almost died of hemoptysis.I have held this confidence for several years. In the era of "May [-]th" when romance flowers were in full bloom, there were many girlfriends, and after the second invitation to form a concentric relationship, they only had long-term ambitions in their hearts. I have to reluctantly show my iron face; unexpectedly, this iron will is as if smashed in front of the king today!
Although we have been in correspondence for three years, things are very ordinary, and we only meet and talk once, but it makes me so eager to live, is it really a miracle between heaven and earth?At the beginning when I realized that there is a need, every time I think about it, I feel that all kinds of troubles often haunt my mind, and I often ask myself if it is like my heart?If Iraq is also like my heart, how will I treat Iraq?At the same time, I also read: If I don't remove the shackles of my parents and clean up the palace, how can I welcome Iraq?Every time I worry about it, my heart is on fire.

... If there is no such bondage, I will only have two paths, love and death.

——(Gao Junyu to Shi Pingmei)
"I will have only two ways, love and death." - This confession of life and death seems not to come from the mouth of a revolutionary warrior, but a few years later when Zhou Enlai commented on their love, he said that there is no contradiction between revolution and love.As it is said, a passionate young man must have a heroic heart, live like a king, dare to love and hate, and then have the passion to save the country and love the people.

Love and death are Gao Junyu's oath of love to Shi Pingmei. Even a hard-hearted person will be moved by this confession, but Shi Pingmei, who is steadfast in her celibacy, has wrapped her heart layer by layer. She restrained her emotions like Gao Junyu at the beginning Same, restraining this belated touch.

Everything about this erroneous situation seems to be attributed to good fortune.If time and space were turned upside down, the person she fell in love with in her first love was not Wu Tianfang but Gao Junyu, and he was never locked into a sad feudal marriage by his father. Would it be a happy ending for them to meet?However, this is almost the stupidest assumption, because the shady curtain of the old system is unfolding there, where Wu Tian placed it, and the depression in her heart is still there, so every step of their relationship is frightening.

ill-informed

Four years passed with a snap of the fingers. In June 1923, Shi Pingmei bid farewell to the Red Building of the Women's High School and finally graduated.

Because of her outstanding performance in the four years of study, she had the opportunity to stay in Beijing.On the eve of her graduation, Lin Liru, then the principal of the High School Affiliated to Beijing Normal University, approached her and hired her to teach physical education and Chinese at the High School Affiliated to Normal University, and serve as the grade director of the Women's Department.

So in the early autumn of this year, Shi Pingmei returned to Beijing in a hurry after spending her summer vacation in Pingding Mountain City.

The green brick courtyard rebuilt from an ancient temple is the teacher's dormitory prepared for her by the High School Attached to Normal University.To say it is a dormitory, it is better to say it is dilapidated.In addition to two large elm trees hugging each other and an ancient octagonal pavilion, there are only luxuriant grasses left in the courtyard, which is empty and lonely.But fortunately, there is a new future, which conceals the simple and desolate environment.

With the help of Lu Jingqing, two benevolent and clever women tidied up the deserted house, and a hut with a unique artistic style appeared in front of them.The mottled old walls are pasted with light green floral paper, and banners with calligraphy and paintings of white snow and red plums are hung.Light green linen curtains, crimson tablecloth, a few rattan chairs and a round coffee table, a bunch of flowers are placed in a large porcelain vase on the coffee table, and an elegant ink painting stands in front of the bed. screen.After the arrangement was completed, Shi Pingmei embedded a banner on the door, with two words written on the banner: Mei Ke.

Plum nest has become her exclusive place.In the dead of night, she writes letters and articles under the lamp, or weeps alone.

Ever since Mrs. Wu wrote her the plea letter, she decided to break off ties with Wu Tian.She asked Wu Tianfang to return her manuscripts of letters and poems, but several months passed, and she did not receive a single fragment.She became more and more depressed, and only found comfort and relief in words. Almost every day, she would write letters to her girlfriends to express her sorrow.

Duckweed floating unintentionally on the water waves, when they meet fallen petals, they gather in an instant and disperse in an instant. There is no need to feel the desolation of separation; , opened the curtain of heart... Only we can understand the mourning of the lonely goose, only we can understand the tragic song of the nightingale, and only you understand me, I know you.

——(Shi Pingmei "Little Ping")
With Gao Junyu, she only maintains pure friendship.She needs Gao Junyu's strength and mind to guide her when her heart is in a slump, and she always remembers his care and comfort, but she only defines this emotion as "ice and snow friendship".The door of celibacy stopped him on the verge of love.

In the fall of this year, Lu Yin left Beijing and went south, broke off her engagement with her fiancé Lin Hongjun, and held a wedding in a small hotel in Shanghai with Guo Mengliang, who already had a wife.Like Shi Pingmei, Lu Yin once embraced celibacy, but in the end, her strong will gave up in the face of love. The passionate love of Guo Mengliang, a graduate of Peking University, captured her proud heart.

Lu Yin's transformation should have touched Shi Pingmei at this time, but their personalities are quite different.Lu Yin dared to love and hate. When he was in school, he was named Meng Changjun among the "Four Princes of the Warring States Period". Extricate yourself.The tragic fate of her love is also due to her own character.

Gao Junyu naturally noticed Shi Pingmei's weakness in character.His vision is broader, his world is surging, and his perspective of seeing problems is full of masculinity and indomitable courage. Therefore, in his letters to Shi Pingmei, he often comforts him like this:

The joys and sorrows of life, the clouds and smoke in the dream, why not wash away the blood on the clothes?My heart has been pierced by the sharp arrow of venus, but I will never cry on this sharp arrow, and will work hard to open up a new life.

——(Gao Junyu to Shi Pingmei)
(End of this chapter)