Meet you in the most beautiful years

Chapter 29 She Only Wants Frozen Friendship (2)
This is his own mental journey.With his brother's tolerance and love's thoughtfulness, and his own experience as a guide, he encouraged Shi Pingmei to abandon distracting thoughts and literary melancholy, establish ideals and beliefs, and make her youthful life full and full.

In December 1923, Gao Junyu moved into Laku Hutong No. 12, and Zhang Guotao, a key member of the Northern District Committee of the Communist Party, also lived in Laku Hutong.Subsequently, Gao Junyu received a notice from the Northern District Committee, asking him to rush to Guangzhou to attend the upcoming first congress of the Kuomintang. In January 16, the first National Congress of the Kuomintang opened as scheduled.This meeting confirmed the three major policies of "unity with Russia, alliance with the Communist Party, and support for farmers and workers" proposed by Sun Yat-sen, and completed the reorganization of the Kuomintang.Together with Mao Zedong, Li Dazhao and others, Gao Junyu successfully realized the first Kuomintang-Communist cooperation.

In the spring of this year, a literary event took place in the capital.The great Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore visited China for the first time and arranged meetings with people from the literary circles and young students in Beijing. On the afternoon of April 4, Shi Pingmei, as one of the people in the literary circle, went to Yutan in Chengnan Park, Beijing, and participated in Tagore's meeting.At that time, the translator was the famous poet Xu Zhimo, and Lin Huiyin, Liang Sicheng and other cultural celebrities accompanied the meeting, which can be described as very prosperous.

Returning to Meike from Yutan that night, Shi Pingmei received a letter from her father. In the letter, her father told her that Yinmei, her good sister when she was young, died of illness on the 19th.

Yinmei was her closest partner when she was in her hometown. They used to be in the small town of Pingding. They traveled together and shared the sweet thoughts and secrets of the little girls.Her lively and lovely face seems to be still in front of her eyes, but suddenly she has gone to the underworld, what a splendid age she is!This made Shi Pingmei very sad.

Later, a letter from Yinmei's sister Daorong was sent to Meike.In this letter, Daorong tells how Yinmei missed her before she died.

She asked me to take down your jade photo on the wall. She stared at you on the paper. At first she was still smiling, but then her face gradually changed. She kept calling your name; Mother and I, and my cousin. ——Father was not here when she died, and he was playing cards with his aunt. ——This kind of situation is really heartbreaking and tearful!Later, my mother took your photo away, but her calls continued; she even called her own name and agreed to it.

——(Shi Pingmei "Little Ling")
On the second day after receiving the letter, Shi Pingmei began to suffer from symptoms. On the third day, she had a headache and vomited blood, with erythema all over her body. The doctor diagnosed it as scarlet fever.

Her illness started from Yinmei, but not all of them seemed to be.She was moved by Yinmei's sincere friendship, saddened by the passing of her life, and saddened by her fate like duckweed.Her mood has always been sad, Yinmei's premature death was just a fuse, her weak body could no longer bear the torment of her heart.

In her illness, she struggled to write poems for Yinmei, mourning her fleeting youth.

Because this is a dream, there is no trace of it; the floating white clouds, I wonder if it is your skirt?

Bright little star, I wonder if it's your eyes?

Darkness covers your bright face, and pain burns your red lips. After waking up from this illusory dream in 18 years, I realized that you come and go in vain!

The god of death filled your sorrow with a flower basket, and wrapped your carrion bones with a light gauze; a bouquet of flowers, a cup of clear tears, I look at my hometown and wish you silently!
Only then do you know that you are born smart and die smart.

——(Shi Pingmei "Little Ling")
This disease lasted for more than 40 days.She lay frozen in the desolation, and her body and mind were filled with pain.When she was seriously ill, she even wrote a suicide note, hoping to end this bitter life.At this moment, the anxious Gao Junyu gave her care like a family member.He guarded her bedside day and night, and sometimes in order to dispense medicine for her, he ran a long way in the middle of the night to find her a medicine store under the starry sky.

But the more Gao Junyu gave, the more desolate she felt.She was afraid of his efforts, which turned out to be just a fruitless waiting.She felt that her heart was given to the person she loved first, and she was cheated, so she died.Therefore, she had fear of love, so she decided to be celibate.She couldn't promise to stay with him, and she couldn't give him more than the clear and pure ice and snow friendship.

I woke up, opened my eyes, Tian Xin was kneeling beside my bed, holding my hand in both hands, hanging his head on the edge of the bed; I only saw his messy hair, and I felt his tears wet my cheeks the back of the hand.Holding a half-lit candle in the maid's hand, she stood beside my bed with her sad and frightened face!Only then did I realize true sympathy, and tears flowed to the pillow involuntarily.I turned my face away, held up Tian Xin's head, and said to him, "Xin! Don't feel bad, I won't die so easily." Since that day, I suddenly felt that Tian Xin's fate was miserable and pitiful, and it was already Delivered to God by his own sacrifice, it is beyond my feeble power to redeem.Therefore, I was even more afraid, and I avoided it even more. I could never bear his heart that should not be given to me but was given to me.

——(Shi Pingmei "The Night of the Storm")
At that time, because of the complexity and danger of Gao Junyu's revolutionary work, in order to avoid exposure, Shi Pingmei called him "Tian Xin" when they corresponded, and Gao Junyu even gave her a name as a permanent and special code.

The horror and danger of the struggle are always like ghosts, lurking beside Gao Junyu.On a stormy night, the clock on Mei Ke's wall pointed to eight o'clock, and Shi Pingmei, who was recovering from illness, struggled to get up and wrote letters to her parents in Shancheng under the lamp.

The maid suddenly brought in a strange man from outside the house. Before Shi Pingmei could reproach him, the maid told her with a smile that this was Mr. Gao Junyu.

Gao Junyu, who has put on makeup, is wearing a wig and a beard. If you don't carefully identify it, you can't see the original appearance.He calmly told Shi Pingmei that several people had been arrested in Xingtan. At this time, the military police of the Beiyang government were at his residence in Laku Hutong, waiting to arrest him.At eleven o'clock tonight, he will leave here by train, and before leaving, he will take the risk to say goodbye to her anyway.

The truth of this incident was not revealed until after the founding of the People's Republic of China. On May 1924, 5, Zhang Guotao, who was also a member of the Central Committee, was arrested by the Beiyang warlords.This betrayal indirectly led to the murder of Li Dazhao in 24.

Only at this time did Shi Pingmei fully know Gao Junyu's true identity. She stared at Gao Junyu in disguise, her heart was full of worry and fear, and her face turned pale.Gao Junyu actually smiled and said to her gently: "Don't be afraid, it's nothing important, even if I'm arrested and put in jail, I won't be afraid, otherwise I won't do this business."

He patiently talked to her a lot, and asked her to take good care of her when she was recovering from the illness, and handed her the western medicine prescription that he had prescribed for her before, so that she could prepare it by herself when she had time.He also said that he would go back to his hometown in Shanxi to release the shackles of his marriage. Seeing her coldly avoiding the topic of marriage, he just lowered his head and sighed, and Shi Pingmei also lowered his head and wept with him.

At 09:30, he got up to leave, and I asked him to sit down.He wrote a Bovia in his diary and handed it to me.He said that we will call each other by another name in our future correspondence to check the relationship; this name is my favorite, so I give it to you, and I hope you will keep it forever.At this time, I suppressed my tears and sent him out of the house. He blocked my sick body several times to block the wind and rain, and forbade me to go out; I only sent him outside.We all said the words that the future is precious and hard work, and I have been watching his silhouette disappear in the dark storm.

——(Shi Pingmei "The Night of the Storm")
Since then, Bovia - Bowei, has become another name of Shi Pingmei.On this stormy night, Gao Junyu gave his favorite name to his favorite woman.After he walked out of the plum nest that night, he continued his fearless career and made up his mind that for the sake of Bo Wei, he would smash the iron chains on his body and give a free and complete self to love.

Painful Ice and Snow Friendship

Before the summer vacation, Shi Pingmei finally recovered and returned to the podium of the High School Attached to Normal University.

With this illness, the principal Lin Liru felt that a young woman who was far away from her family should not be allowed to live alone in a simple dormitory. So under his insistence, Shi Pingmei moved from the barren house to live in Lin Liru's home.

At this time, Gao Junyu had come to Shanxi secretly. According to the assignment of his superiors, he established the first party organization in Shanxi and prepared to build a united front for cooperation between the Kuomintang and the Communist Party.During this period, he returned to his hometown in Jingle, wrote a sincere letter to his father-in-law Li Cunxiang, and finally dissolved his ten-year marriage with Li Hanxin.

After Gao Junyu completed the task of founding the party in Taiyuan, he diverted from Shanghai to Guangzhou.In Shanghai, Gao Junyu, who had recovered his freedom, could no longer contain his excitement, and wrote a [-]-page letter, which he sent to Shi Pingmei, who was already on summer vacation in Pingding Mountain City.

On the night of the twelfth, I received a letter from Tian Xin from Shanghai. It was extremely long and consisted of twenty blank sheets of paper. He sent it by registered mail.This letter speaks of the triumph of his return home, and the good news that has shattered his shackles; he naturally told me with great relief, but when I read it, I felt that he was more pitiful, and since then he was really alone. Only a shadow drifts to the end of the world, and there is no one who should be respected and loved in terms of ethics.He will always be empty, he will always be disappointed, that dream of being as gorgeous as a spring flower is just a moment in my heart...

——(Shi Pingmei "Su Xin")
Gao Junyu's joy did not affect her at all, she even felt a little guilty towards Li Hanxin, although the dissolution of the marriage was also liberating for the woman who had never met, but she did not want to see the dissolution of the family because of her. , even if the family is useless.

Therefore, one day before the Mid-Autumn Festival, she wrote a letter to Gao Junyu in a cold tone. In the letter, she said that she would only maintain an ice-snow friendship with him and be the only bosom friend.

This letter was a great blow to Gao Junyu.He managed to break free from the shackles of marriage, and greeted his love with joy. Unexpectedly, the woman he loved with all his heart was only willing to maintain ice and snow friendship with him.

On September 9, Gao Junyu, who was extremely sad, wrote this sad reply letter to Shi Pingmei on the ship from Shanghai to Guangzhou.

Comment on Mei:

I received your letter the day before the Mid-Autumn Festival, the day before boarding the ship.In this letter, you say that you can be my only bosom friend.The previous letter also said that we can be comrades who spend this life with a career.You will only reply to people's unnecessary answers, and you will only set unnecessary constraints with others.

After you told me clearly, I didn't feel the suddenness of the news, I just felt extremely sad in my heart!On the one hand, I am sad: only people who suck blood are against us, why can't the only person I respect and love sympathize with us?I have two worlds: in one world, everything belongs to you, and I am a prisoner whose soul is forever forbidden; in the other world, I do not belong to you, let alone myself, and I am only a part of the historical mission. pawn.If I want to think for myself, I can be a lug, don't you want me to do that too?

Why don't I know: I am drifting from north to south, living in the midst of storms, how can I bear to let you into this uneasy state; so I decided: I will go through fire and water to get what you want, and what you don't want , I will go through fire and water to stop it.Can't be like this, how can I say I love you!From then on, I was determined to fight for my career, so I spent my whole life wandering and alone, with dozens of cold and heat in my life, and the sudden and sudden death, Xi Bijian insisted on feeling right.Don't feel sorry for me, let alone feel sad for me.

Don't be surprised by these, we hope that the sea will be without waves, and it should be as calm as a mirror; but how can we make the sea without waves?From now on, I am already a puppet life. I can die for you, and I can live for you. Can't you be happy for such an arrogant situation?I hope you will be happy from now on, as long as you can be happy, there is nothing in this world that can make me sad!
As I write this, I look at the sea, which is so calm.Well, we abide by each other and build a magnificent life, no matter whether he lives or dies.

——(Gao Junyu to Shi Pingmei)
"You will only answer people's unnecessary answers, and you will only order unnecessary constraints with them." If Gao Junyu had closed the emotional floodgates because of being in shackles before, then Gao Junyu, who was freed from the shackles of marriage, has already He is a man who is crazy about love, affectionate and romantic.Every word and every sentence in this letter is soaked with his hot emotions and deep pain.

"I have two worlds: one world where everything belongs to you, and I am a prisoner whose soul is forever forbidden; in the other world, I do not belong to you, let alone myself, I am just a mission of history pawns."

"What you want, I will go through fire and water to get it, and what you don't want, I will go through fire and water to prevent it. It can't be like this, how can I say I love you!"

"I hope you will be happy from now on, but as long as you can be happy, there is nothing in this world that can make me sad!"

If there is no deep love in the heart, it is difficult to write such sad and mournful emotions.At that time, Gao Junyu seemed to be fulfilling the oath of "love and death". He didn't need ice and snow friendship, but since his Bo Wei was willing, he respected her choice, even if it was a puppet life from now on, he would go through fire and water for her. She dies, and lives for her.

This letter is Gao Junyu's most affectionate and painful confession to Shi Pingmei, but Shi Pingmei is still lingering in contradictions.

At this time, Shi Pingmei, together with Lu Jingqing, was in charge of the editing work of "Beijing News Women's Weekly", and asked Lu Xun for a manuscript, and at the same time began to compile their poetry collection "Plum Blossom Deer".

Maybe it was too busy or willful, but she didn't devote too much energy to Gao Junyu's emotions.However, only six months later, she regretted it deeply, but unfortunately, it was too late!
Who will listen to the broken strings if they are full of affection?At that time, Gao Junyu was sad and sad, and Lu Yin's novel "Ivory Ring" made a more vivid portrayal.In this biographical novel, Gao Junyu's alias is Cao Changkong.

"...I think we should maintain ice and snow friendship forever, and I don't want to destroy your family because of an unfortunate Qinzhu... Alas! I can't bear your heart that should not be given to me but is given to me! "

Qinzhu's attitude at this time was surprisingly indifferent. Cao was originally happy, but suddenly she poured cold water on her. At this time, the room was really silent like death. When he realized something, he cheered up as if nothing had happened. He talked with us about the weather and the fruits in Guangzhou...

In a small room in Yuhuatai, the three of us drank Huadiao happily, but Cao didn't seem to be satisfied. He called the shopkeeper to bring a pot of Baigan, and Qin Zhu snatched the pot:
"Oh! Have you forgotten your illness? Didn't the doctor say that alcohol is not allowed?"

"The doctor doesn't understand. I feel happy after drinking this wine." Cao said with a miserable smile.

... We left the boarding house together late at night, and when we were about to part at the door, I saw Cao's eyes brimming with tears.

——(Lu Yin's "Ivory Ring")
I can only tell you sincerely that "love" is not a gift. If love is a thing, then the giver will suffer loss, and the receiver will not feel at ease.

(End of this chapter)