Meet you in the most beautiful years

Chapter 37 This arrogant world confused me (1)
Her name is Xiao Hong from now on
In Qingdao, although Saburo and Qingyin only lived for less than half a year, they had an unforgettable happy time.

With the help of Shu Qun, they respectively found jobs: Saburo worked as the editor-in-chief of the supplement of "Qingdao Morning Post", and whispered as the editor of "New Women's Weekly".

During Guanxiang Road in Qingdao, Shu Qun helped them rent a house near the sea.The small building made of stones is very beautiful. Looking from the window in the room, the green hills are faint and the sea is blue. It seems that even the white clouds in the sky are romantic and leisurely.

Those days were happy.They often invite Shu Qun and his newspaper colleague Mei Lin to drink and chat at their residence near the sea, and cook Russian-style subu soup to treat them. Whispering is best at frying oil cakes in a small pan with handles, and the few of them eat very enjoyable.Sometimes, they go for a walk on the hill by the sea, hang out in the seaside park, and swim in the shallow sea.Compared with the previous years, their painful and humiliating youth seemed to have just healed their wounds. The sea breeze and sunshine gave them a first taste of the warmth and joy of the world.

At that time, Saburo and Qingyin exuded the roughness and simplicity of white mountains and black waters, but there was pure natural breath in their bones.In Meilin's eyes, Saburo often wears a hat with a narrow brim, shorts and straw sandals, and a light yellow Russian shirt with a belt on his upper body; Whisper's attire is also different from that of Qingdao women, who don't deliberately carve himself out, simple and casual.The tempering of life has made this woman outside the pass, from appearance to character, straightforward and real.

Whispering used a piece of sky-blue silk to tear off a rough ribbon and tie it around her hair. She wore a cloth cheongsam, western-style pants, and broken leather shoes with half of the heel worn down. They were so rough.So, we wandered around the lush University Hill, trestle bridge, seaside park, and Zhongshan Park Aquarium, singing "the sun rises and sets again".In the afternoon, I threw myself in the blue sea of ​​Huiquan Beach, swimming around without making a fuss.Whispering in the shoal where the water was up to his chest, pinching his nose with one hand, closing his eyes, sinking to the bottom of the water, struggling to crawl for a while, raising his head, choking and shouting loudly:
"Have I swam far enough?"

"It's not moving at all," I said. "Look, it's going to roll like a ball on the water like Saburo."

——(Mei Lin's "Recalling Xiao Hong")
The leisurely life in the island city is considered a splendid time in their lives.Warmth, tranquility, and the surge of inner emotions were a precious gift to the writers at that time.During this period, they cherished it very much, and their lives were very regular. During the most peaceful time of the day, the two of them did not interfere with each other and devoted themselves to writing.

For more than five months, the weeds outside the window have changed from green to withered yellow, and the weather in Qingdao has changed from hot to cold. For them, it has been a feast of farming and harvest.Saburo completed the novel "Village in August", while whispering, she continued to write the first ten chapters of "The Field of Life and Death" that she had written in Harbin, and completed the last seven chapters of the novel on September [-] of this year .The two handed down classics that established their status in the literary world were born during this period.

Their colleague Merlin witnessed this precious time.

Quietly's long novel "The Field of Life and Death" was completed. After she recited one or two stanzas, I read her original manuscript, and the brushstrokes were still clear, delicate and bold, like an idyll.

……

Saburo took out a manuscript book with a hard paper cover from the bookshelf, patted it, and turned the pages, like a child, proudly said: "Hmph, look at mine."

"Then read it."

"But I'm not busy, I haven't finished transcribing it yet." He said and put it back on the bookshelf.

This is "Country in August", a work that later dropped a bomb in the literary world, and it is also a work that established Xiao Jun's position in the literary world.

——(Mei Lin's "Recalling Xiao Hong")
This year, Qing Yin was a 23-year-old green woman; San Lang had just turned 27 years old.Suffering and talent made them become the pioneers and twins of Chinese Anti-Japanese War literature at such a young age.This pair of lovers sharing weal and woe, their influence and support to each other is the most moving poem in the world.

After the manuscript was completed, it was difficult to publish for a while because the novel involved anti-Manchurian anti-Japanese content.At this time, they thought of Lu Xun who was far away in Shanghai.So, a letter of appeal signed by "Xiao Jun" was sent to Shanghai.In their letters to Lu Xun, they confide in the ideals and perplexities of literary youth, and earnestly asked Mr. Lu Xun if he could take a look at the manuscript of "The Field of Life and Death" and the collection of novels "Walking", hoping to get his guidance.

Although the writer of the letter had never met, Lu Xun replied immediately upon receiving the letter on October 10.

Mr. Xiao Jun:

The letter addressed to me has been received.

……

Answers to the two questions in the letter:

[-]. Don't ask what you want now.Just ask yourself what you can do.What is needed now is the literature of struggle. If the author is a struggler, then no matter what he writes, what he writes must be a struggle.Even if you write about café dance halls, the works of young gentlemen and revolutionaries, it will never be the same.

[-]. I can take a look, but I'm afraid I don't have the time and skills to criticize.Manuscripts can be sent to "Shanghai, North Sichuan Road, Neishan Bookstore, Zhou Yu will receive it." It is best to register to avoid loss.

……

Dedicated to the reply, that is, to praise Shisui.

Fast on
night of october [-]

This kind-hearted elder gave them the most sincere encouragement and support.How touching this is, especially for the two young people who are trekking hard on the road of literature.They were overjoyed to receive the letter from Mr.Two expecting hearts are like a gloomy sky suddenly showing a ray of golden sunshine; they seem to be a lonely boat sailing at night, and they suddenly find a warm lighthouse.Enrichment, faith, direction...a kind of beautiful force pulls them.Two homeless children have been fighting alone for a long time. When the care and exhortations of relatives are like warm wind, they experience the happiness and joy they have never had before.

However, the pain began to revive again.Indulging in writing distracts them too much.The illness left by the childbirth that year was wearing down her body day by day, but the whispers that lingered in "The Field of Life and Death" were not paid enough attention to.She started coughing, and it got worse and worse.Once Ms. Sophie, a girl from Shandong University, came to visit and saw her coughing while busy cooking, so she suggested that she buy some almond milk to eat.Although she agreed, but when Sophie went to make this suggestion to her for the second time, she was already lying on the bed.She was very poor, and writing almost distracted her all her attention, so she couldn't care less about buying medicine and treating her illness.

If this went on like this, she would get consumption—this was Sophie's feeling at the time, but Sophie couldn't say that.She should live in a nursing home and stop writing around the clock—this was Sophie's thought at the time, but she didn't say it either.The length of her life, from this point forward, has been threatened and limited.

"Whispering is sick all the time, but I'm different. I just graduated from the Artillery Academy in one day." When he said this, Saburo had unknowingly changed subtly.She has been sick and sick all the time, and his original distress and anxiety have been tempered and become numb day by day, gradually getting used to it and then a little tired.Life is diverse and changeable, just like emotion, after cooking for a long time in the soup pot of life, one day, all the colors will fade away, leaving only life itself, still a pale face.

In the autumn of this year, Shu Qun, who participated in underground organization work, was arrested during a large-scale raid by the Kuomintang Blue Shirts Club. "Qingdao Morning News", as a peripheral organization of the party, was also forced to suspend publication.Colleagues from the newspaper office scattered and left, and Sanlang, Yinyin and Meilin also fled Qingdao on a Japanese ship, and started a new exile together with the salted fish vermicelli and other sundries in the cargo hold.

In early November 1934, they came to Shanghai.

They settled in a brick house on the outskirts of Ladu Road in Shanghai. Although the corridor was dark, there were green vegetable beds outside the window. The fresh vegetable leaves were like their fresh life.

The joy of first arriving in Shanghai, in Mei Lin's memories, is so pure and beautiful that it is vivid and fragrant.

"It's not bad here, you have a beautiful garden."

Whispering held a rag in his hand, and with his left hand stretched towards his waist, he said in a pretended solemn voice:

"Is there something poetic?"

I took a look at her camouflaged face and arrogant clear eyes, and at Saburo's closed lips, where the yellow beard with the same hairs was trembling, and finally the three of them burst into laughter.

"Without some natural scenery in front of you," Saburo said, "it is very difficult to write."

"Then write a poem about the garden outside the window."

"It should be written a poem by whoever first discovers its poetry."

"Don't think I can't write poems!" Quietly stood in front of Saburo and roared, "I'll write two poems for you in a few days!"

"Ah, you are so fierce," Sanlang tilted his head to hold back his laughter, "Is it related to how many pancakes you ate in the morning?"

That's how they are alive.

——(Mei Lin's "Recalling Xiao Hong")
On November 1934, 11, at the Neishan Bookstore on North Sichuan Road, the couple finally met Mr. Lu Xun.Immediately, they met Xu Guangping and Haiying, Lu Xun's family members, at a café run by a White Russian near the bookstore.

One day around [-], the cloudy sky was blowing a cold and silent song. In a coffee room, we met for the first time two unwilling slaves from the Northeast.Their hearty laughter blew away the haze, and the persistence, war, and joy of life are often written on their faces and voices. It is so natural, casual, and effortless, like gently pulling open the curtain with your hands, and accepting the lovely sunshine. .

Since then we have two more friends: Xiao Hong and Xiao Jun.

——(Xu Guangping's "Recalling Xiao Hong")
In Xu Guangping's eyes, the Northeast girl she met for the first time left a deep impression on her: "Medium build, fair skin, fairly healthy physique, with a slightly flat back of the head unique to Manchurian girls, love to laugh, innocent and innocent."

Only half a month later, Lu Xun arranged a special gathering for them at Liangyuan Yu Restaurant, and introduced them to Mao Dun, Hu Feng, Nie Gannu and Ye Zi who were active in the Shanghai literary world at that time.For this precious invitation, Quietly spent seventy-five cents to buy a piece of plaid fabric from the "Big Auction" shop. She hardly ate or drank, day and night, stitching and stitching for Saburo herself. Made a coat in a hurry.Saburo later recalled: "Although our material life was poor at that time, our love life was full and full!" feel.

Mr. Xiao Jun wore a straight-breasted short jacket sewn with checkered cloth, showing off his style with innocent joy. ——that Cossack style, which is common in Harbin——wear and sew with pride, contentment, and joy.We see and feel that they should be proud, content, and rejoicing.

——(Xu Guangping "Reminiscing about Xiao Hong")
Later, in order to reduce the trouble of frequent correspondence between Mr. Lu Xun and them, they simply moved to Sichuan Road to live next to him.In order to expand their social circle in Shanghai, Lu Xun not only introduced them to some domestic writers, but also successively introduced them to international friends such as Smedley, Lu Digen, and Midorikawa Eiko, and spared no effort to recommend their works at home and abroad. publications to publish.This deep teacher-student friendship, sincere love and touch, did not disappear in their hearts until Lu Xun passed away.

In December 1935, "The Field of Life and Death" written by Lu Xun was finally published by Rongguang Bookstore.Lu Xun gave this novel a very high evaluation, and praised her for writing "one of the most powerful modern novels" among Chinese female writers with "meticulous observation and deviant style of writing", and thus asserted that the author is a "female novel". One of the most promising writers".

When "The Field of Life and Death" was published, Quietly adopted Mr. Lu Xun's suggestion and adopted a new pen name.Because of Saburo's pen name "Xiao Jun", she named herself "Xiao Hong".From then on, a new star named Xiao Hong was born in the Chinese literary world.

Compared with Xiao Jun, Lu Xun gave Xiao Hong a higher evaluation.Xu Guangping recalled that whenever Mr. Lu Xun talked about these two works with his friends, he always thought: "Mr. Xiao Hong is more promising in terms of writing future."

"The Field of Life and Death" together with "Village in August", caused a huge wave in the Shanghai literary world due to Lu Xun's preface and recommendation, which caused panic and banned by the authorities.Northeast anti-Japanese literature represented by "Er Xiao" firmly swept the Shanghai literary world.

At this point, they are still an indivisible whole.She became famous as "Xiao Hong", and taking a word from him seems to carry his body temperature, wherever she goes, it makes people feel at ease.

He is a hero in troubled times, with chivalrous feelings and hero complex, he is born with love and compassion for the suffering and weak; he is always innately irresistible to the beauty of fresh nature.So, when she escaped from the sea of ​​suffering step by step and became stronger day by day to become "Xiao Hong", he seemed to have suddenly lost the courage and charm of a hero.

Suffering and penniless make them embrace each other tightly and become inseparable lovers; and the increasingly complicated life under the fame makes their mutual warmth gradually desolate by the strong wind.

Heart's bitter cup, full of sand
For Xiao Hong in 1936, it was a bitter cup.She drank it sip by sip, unable to drink up the bone-destroying desolation and mourning.

Cracks appeared in the relationship between her and Xiao Jun.A woman named Cheng Juan, whom she had known in Harbin, came to Shanghai.This was the spring of 1936, the source of her pain.

As early as in Harbin, the ambiguous relationship between this woman and Xiao Jun had already hurt her heart.In "A Southern Girl", she recalled the appearance of this woman and the delicate relationship with Saburo.

At that time, the girl from Ningbo was still a middle school student. Because she admired Saburo's talent, she met Saburo under the recommendation of others and came to their home as a guest.

I looked at her slowly, maybe she also looked at me slowly!She is very beautiful and very clean, without powder on her face, and her hair is not curled up, but tied with a red ribbon, which makes her look even more special, beautiful and clean.

……

Gradually, she knew Lang Hua better than me. She wrote to Lang Hua. Although it was common, she had to write.

……

I see her getting darker these days, as if she has more "sorrow"!She is not only "sorrowful", because worrying is not excited, but Ms. Cheng is a little excited.I was busy packing up the furniture, so I didn't see her off when she left, but Lang Hua sent her out.

What I heard clearly was at the door: "Do you have a letter?"

Or that's not the case, anyway, after a "chacha", Lang Hua said very loudly: "No."

After a few days, Ms. Cheng didn't come here very often, probably because she was afraid of seeing me.

Ms. Cheng was going back to the south, she came to us to bid farewell, I was the obstacle, she didn't tell Lang Hua as much as possible of the "sorrow" she wanted to tell.She finally went back to the south with "sorrow".

——(Xiao Hong "A Southern Girl")
In Harbin, the relationship between the two may only be limited to good feelings, and Er Xiao's love for adversity at that time was still unbreakable.A few years later, when this woman met Xiao Jun with ambiguous "sorrow" in Shanghai, she had become more mature and charming, and the intimacy between the two Xiao Jun was no longer the same as it was in the initial adversity.

In Xiao Jun's heart, one is healthy and beautiful, and the other is sick and sad. His emotional balance is inclined to the former.

Xiao Hong is such a sensitive woman. Although her articles have the heroic spirit of a man, her heart is so delicate. What's more, the person who hurt her was Saburo, who cared for and loved her in every possible way, and was the man she loved the most in this life. !Her heart is a bitter cup, full of grievances, sorrows and loneliness.

During this period, she wrote the "Bitter Cup" series of poems in extreme sorrow, expressing the pain in her heart to herself.

一
Colored love poems were written to her one by one, just like the one he wrote to me three years ago.

Maybe everyone is the same!
Maybe in another three years he will write the love poem to another girl!
two

Last night he wrote another poem, and I also wrote a poem, he wrote it for his new lover, and I wrote it for my sad heart.

four

Don't love me anymore!
Shang and I quarreled every day, and my heart was broken. He knew it clearly, and he kicked and beat my poison-soaked heart from time to time.

——(Xiao Hong's "Bitter Cup")
In this man's heart, she was once the most beautiful woman in the world; he once tried his best to save her from fire and water, even though she gave birth to someone else's child in the hospital, he still felt sorry for her, and shouted at the doctor with his life: "If she dies from now on, I'll kill your whole family!" But now, when she got used to being cared for by him, he turned around indifferently, and gave the affection he once promised her to other women.

However, what made her even more desperate was that he even started beating her like a tyrant.

Seven

I had a tyrannical father when I was young, and he is just like my father!

My father is my enemy, but he is not, how can I treat him?
He said he was my partner on the same front.

Ten

Recently, I often want to cry, but there is no suitable place: sitting on the bed and crying, afraid that he will see it; running to the kitchen to cry, afraid that the neighbors will see it; crying on the street, those strangers will laugh even more .

The world is ruthless to me.

eleven
What love!
What did the sufferers go through the journey of tribulation together!

They all became the dreams of last night, the bright lights of last night.

——(Xiao Hong's "Bitter Cup")
She can still cover up the wounds in her body; the wounds in her heart can only be borne alone with tears.The deeper the love, the greater the pain.She could no longer bear the pain and suffering of being torn apart day after day. Although at that time, he and the woman were not going well and had changed his mind from the short-term derailment, she could not forgive his betrayal and infidelity. , though she wished she didn't mind.

She had a serious talk with Xiao Jun. In order to heal the pain in her heart, she decided to go east to Japan to calm each other down.

To bid farewell to Xiao Hong who was about to go on a long journey, two days before her departure, Lu Xun and his wife specially gave her a farewell farewell, and repeatedly reminded her of the things to be done during the long journey.However, only three months after arriving in Japan, the sad news of Mr. Lu Xun's death spread to Fusang.This farewell became her last reunion with Lu Xun!

When she first arrived in Japan, although she lived with Xu Yuehua, the wife of her friend Huang Yuan, the time still seemed long.Frustration, sadness and sometimes severe abdominal pain tormented Xiao Hong.Later, due to Huang Yuan's father's illness and lack of financial support, Xu Yuehua returned to China at the end of August, and her world was left with loneliness.

In order to fill the empty and melancholy days and nights, she wrote articles like clockwork, studied the boring Japanese hard, and then wrote letters to Xiao Jun one by one.

(End of this chapter)