smart girl love tips

Chapter 16 Smart girls will resolutely let go of inappropriate love
smart people say breakup tactfully
Zhang Xiaoxian said: "If you break up well, that person will remember you for the rest of your life, and you will still leave a good impression on her or him." In other words, you must harden your heart when dealing with someone you don't love, but you must also pay attention to skills , Try not to hurt each other, after all, you were in love once.

1. Find a reason not to hurt the other party

Does the reason for breaking up matter?This is a difficult question, and it depends on your attitude towards the relationship.If you think the other person is not bad, even if you can't be a lover and be an ordinary friend, you can still help yourself, then you need to sincerely and specifically explain why you want to break up while taking into account the other person's feelings and dignity.For example, you can list some places where your personalities do not match, or let busy work distance the distance between you. If the other party is really as sensible as you think, no matter how unwilling he is in his heart, he will appear on the surface. reluctantly accepted.But remember, in order not to give the other party any chance of fantasy, the reasons for breaking up should not be too euphemistic and mild, making the other party mistakenly think that there is room for maneuver, which will make the pain continue.

2. Find the right time to break up

The timing of the breakup is important.What is the other party concentrating on now?How would it affect him if they broke up?If you broke up because the other party cheated emotionally, it doesn't matter, you can burn all the love letters to you in front of the other party, and tell him that you don't want to keep those "garbage" anymore.But if this is not the case, and the other party is facing bad luck such as layoffs and unemployment, it is recommended that you postpone the breakup.You can first alienate him with grandiose reasons such as busy work, so that he has sufficient time to adapt psychologically, and then propose a breakup after the other party stands up again.It would be unfair to the other party if it was announced unilaterally.

3. Choose the right way to break up

Generally speaking, there are 3 ways to break up:
Make it clear to the other person face to face.This is the easiest and most direct way.During the interview, first of all, affirm the contribution of the other party in this relationship, and do not say some cursing and abusive words, which will arouse the other party's hatred.During the interview, your attitude should be clear, and you should avoid ambiguity, otherwise the other party will think that you want to refuse but also welcome, which may increase the other party's confidence in pursuit, thus creating more and more troubles.

Choose letters to express yourself.This method has a larger buffer space, avoids the embarrassment of breaking up in person, and the wording can be more calm and appropriate.Even Balzac, the great French writer, believed: "It is easier to handle the formalities of breaking up between men and women in writing than oral." In addition to letters, you can also use various possible methods such as text messages and emails.

Find someone to help communicate.If you feel that it is really difficult to speak in person, or you think that there is no need for you and the other party to meet again, you can also ask someone for help.This person must be known and understood by the other party, preferably someone who is trusted and respected by the other party, who can comfort and enlighten him.Don't give the other party the feeling that you are spreading the word around, so as not to hurt the other party's dignity.

4. Choose the right breakup location
How is his personality?Are emotions easily out of control?When you hear that you are going to break up, you may lose control of your emotions and act against you.If there is such a possibility, and you plan to break up by means of an interview, it is recommended that you choose the location of the breakup carefully.

You can find a place with many people and break up with him when he is not prepared, and then turn around firmly and leave.For example, if you inadvertently say goodbye in a lively Chinese restaurant, with so many waiters around, I believe the other party can only accept it sadly.Or going to a public place where there are often guards patrolling is also very good.For example, if you tell the other party that you want to break up in the other party's office building, even if the other party is so angry that you want to be violent and do it, you will be a little restrained because of the eyes of others.

When love cannot continue, the girl must break up decisively and choose the most appropriate way to leave the other party.

happily forget him
For most people, the initial reaction to falling in love is to shoot at the case, without losing "tenderness" to tear the letter of divorce into pieces flying all over the room, yelling "let him go" duplicity; or shutting themselves in the house Smoking and drinking heavily, the wounded soul soaked in anesthesia, sleepless all night;

Although the loss of love makes you fall into the abyss of pain for a while, and even lose hope and nostalgia for life, it is really a very unwise thing to vent your inner pain and emotions in public.

Life is rich and colorful, and love always has ups and downs. Who dares to say that he will only love once in his life?Besides, falling out of love can make you calm down and take a good look at yourself, so that you can become more excellent and mature.Romantic French people are used to saying to people who are lovelorn: "Congratulations on getting rid of a person who doesn't love you, congratulations on losing a tree with a crooked neck but you can face a forest full of trees." Your heart will hurt, but please wipe away the tears on your face, heal the scars in your heart, and face a new life with a smile on your face.

1. Appropriately vent emotions
Don't let grief, frustration, and anger keep piling up and gnawing at your body and mind when a relationship breaks up.If you want to cry, you can close the door and cry to your heart's content; if you want to scream, you can find a place where no one is around and shout; if you want to talk, you can talk to a close friend or family member.But when venting, you must pay attention to the target, don't randomly find someone to be the unlucky ghost, lose your temper with him, and hurt innocent people.

2. Don't give up on yourself
After falling out of love, you can vent, cry, and drink, but you can't give up on yourself.Because the consequences of giving up on yourself will mess up your body, mind, and life, and most importantly, you will lose your self-confidence. People who use other people's mistakes to punish themselves are too stupid.

3. Deliberately think about his "badness"

Love is blind. When you lose love, you should keep your eyes open and wake up.Open the crime diary in the Love and Enmity Records, think about his evil words, evil deeds and ruthlessness, repeated brainwashing, you must make yourself hate each other more and more, hate to the point of gnashing your teeth, this may make you completely let go of your worries The best way to be sad.If this is not satisfying enough, you can find some friends who dislike him/her or are very loyal to you, and hold a "struggle meeting" together, and everyone will take turns to criticize that person, so that you can vent your grievances.

4. Act like you don't care
Although it is impossible to really not care, but saying this and doing it in action will affect the heart.You can think like this: "He doesn't care anymore, why should I care?" or "The best way to deal with cheating people is to let yourself live well." Or "You want to see me sad, but I won't let you It's what you want." These thoughts can help you stay in the vortex of bad emotions.

5. Clear his traces
Filter through what he gives you.Get rid of all the things that remind you of the past, so as not to make yourself sad and angry.Don't go to the places you used to go to, so as not to touch the scene and make yourself feel down.

6. Don't try to befriend him

Don't believe in the saying that "lovers can be friends if they can't do it". Two people who once loved each other can still be as pure as water after breaking up. They are either playing adult fairy tales that deceive themselves or others, or you have "ghosts" hoping to turn the tide and restore the old.So, if he has expressed his attitude of breaking up with facts, no matter whether you are passionate or not, don't try to be friends with him and continue to communicate.Otherwise, you are like a mud foot deep in the mud, unable to extricate yourself.

7. Connect with old friends
Maybe you "emphasized sex over friends" during your relationship and didn't keep in touch with old friends. Now that you are "single" again, why don't you take this opportunity to "turn yourself in and confess" to your old friends?Who will understand you, not blame you, tolerate you, and cherish you like an old friend?When you are with them, you don't have to hide, you are at ease, and you don't have the self-denial and doubt after falling out of love at all, which can help you regain your confidence and happiness.

8. Leave to travel

Join a tour group or travel with a group of friends to a foreign country.The cultural customs of different places will make you feel fresh and new, and you will have a new feeling in your heart, and the old troubles will shrink, go away, and become indifferent.

9. Turn grief into strength
Goethe wrote the world-famous "The Sorrows of Young Werther" after falling in love; Romain Rolland began writing "John Christopher" after falling in love; Dumas wrote "La Traviata" about his personal experience of falling in love.From these stories, we can realize a truth: after falling out of love, it is better to turn grief into strength and devote your energy to other work, such as writing, keeping a diary, painting, etc. This is not only beneficial to dispel depressed emotions, but also There are unexpected gains.

10. Never retaliate
Revenge is an extreme behavior after a love breakup. It is ignorant to hurt the other party "I will not make it easier for you" and to hurt yourself "I will make you regret it forever".Since you broke up, it must be because you are unhappy together. If you can find your own happiness from now on, why do you have to have a hard time?And if you hurt yourself, if he no longer loves you, no longer pity you, even if you leave this world, he will still live a good life, even if he will regret it for the rest of his life, is there any meaning to you?

11. Don't look back
The so-called "good horses don't turn back", everything in the past has disappeared, accept and recognize this fact, don't go to him, don't contact him, don't be nostalgic for the past, and maintain a dignity for yourself.Waiting for the day when you remember that vague name again, you have almost forgotten what he/she looks like, and there is no ripple in your heart, then you can start another relationship.For those who have lost their love, are still obsessed with their lover, unable to get rid of the shadow of their lover, or even develop no interest in other opposite sex, or those who have mental illness due to the pain of losing love, it is recommended to see a psychiatrist and receive psychological counseling .

12. Whatever happens

Love is hard to come by.If there is a destiny, they will gather, but if there is no destiny, they will disperse.When there is no love, enrich yourself more, cultivate more interests, make yourself perfect and mature day by day, and enhance your attraction and centripetal force to the opposite sex.When the time is right and fate comes, maybe someone else approached you quietly, or you approached others gently, just grasp it well, maybe your fate will arrive soon.

Facing a divorced man, be careful with high voltage and electricity

In today's high divorce rate, divorced men can be seen everywhere.Most of them have a certain financial foundation and understand the thoughts of little girls. Therefore, when you accidentally meet such men, you must be vigilant.

Divorced men are in high demand in this era. Many girls say with fascination, I want to find a divorced man. They are more mature and stable than boys, they will please girls, and they have a better financial foundation. Men will know how to cherish marriage better.But here is an inappropriate reminder: "Fall in love with a divorced man, be careful!" Because divorced men often have many negative personalities that are ignored.Whether the end of a marriage is pain or relief, it will always leave a deep or shallow mark on the parties involved.When looking back and thinking repeatedly, men become more realistic and consider things other than feelings-such as personality, such as economics, such as background.They will fall in love with other women, but whether they will fall in love with the same devotion and scruple as a young man is doubtful.Their motivation for remarriage is often based on realistic needs rather than love. You can hardly expect to find unmarried boys' unique impulses such as romance, constancy, madness, infatuation, etc. in him.

Divorced men not only have the experience of how to win the heart, but also have the free time and space to hunt for beauty. Too many favors from girls make them "become charming". They will start a relationship with someone at will, and also Get away easily.If he is "abandoned" by his ex-wife, he will become suspicious of the true love and hate the girl. The old trauma makes them not believe in the existence of true love, and they will be more critical of her and the upcoming new marriage. Some people even fear marriage Psychology, do not want to go into the siege again.And too much choice will make them less tolerant and normal, love themselves much more than love each other - such a person, it is hard to expect him to share weal and woe with you.

In addition, a divorced man may become withdrawn due to long-term living alone, may consciously or unconsciously compare you with his ex-wife, or may be wary of you because of psychological shadows...

If you are a girl who does not have a mature mentality, if you still have romantic ideas about love, or even hope for a near-perfect love, then please stay away from divorced men.

Break up when the other party is rough
No matter what situation you face, violence can't solve any problems, but there are often many people who like to use violence to express themselves, which will bring harm to others, especially two people who love each other, if it is time to use violence to solve the problem , the love between these two people may also come to an end.Facing your lover, when his fist falls, you must leave firmly.

Love is not only free and happy, but also peaceful.Love is something you love and I want. There is no need to use oppression to make the other party adapt to yourself, let alone violence.

His behavior can be forgiven, but his lover status cannot continue.After all, you are the closest and most inseparable community.If in such a relationship, he will also use violence, which means that this person has a tendency to self-destruct.

If a person wants to destroy his own world, no matter how much love you give him, it will be in vain.

Breaking up is something that is easy to feel painful, frustrated, and ashamed. It is not an easy thing for both parties to break up rationally.

Some people choose love to kill. They think that if true love is gone, the other party will have to pay for it.Such things are not uncommon.

Another kind of person is more terrible than love killing, that is suicide.These people think that after losing someone, it will be the end of the world and they will not be able to live anymore. They hope to use death to awaken the other person's last bit of enthusiasm for themselves.

Another kind of person chooses to self-harm.Self-harm occurs when a person is in so much pain that they can't hurt anymore, that they have to do something to hurt themselves in order to forget the pain.

There may be nothing wrong with these extreme people. Feelings are inherently hurtful things, more hurtful than anything else in the world.Their grief requires compassionate attention and understanding from the person who let it go.

Breaking up is different from letting go of anything in the world. It needs better wisdom and better skills to complete. You can’t just say you don’t want it. This is our sense of responsibility for our relationship, and it’s also a way to protect ourselves and each other .

Any form of breakup hurts.I often see people asking on the Internet, what kind of breakup will not hurt the other party?In fact, as long as you don't want the other party and still want it, there is no chance of not hurting.It's just that we can have some tips to minimize the damage of breaking up.If we work so hard, it is inevitable that the other party will be overwhelmed, and there is nothing we can do about it.If you choose not to break up in order not to hurt the other party, then in the kingdom of love, it is also immoral.

Reasons why a girl dumps her boyfriend

Who said that there is no reason to break up, every time you let go, there is the protagonist's own reason.Generally speaking, if you feel that the two parties are not suitable, you must make a decision early.The reasons why girls give up boys generally include the following:

26% of people because of too many quarrels and conflicts;

18% of people because there is no tacit understanding;

14% of people because of another new love;

11% were cheated by their boyfriend;

11% because he is unwilling to take responsibility;

9% because he is not a husband material;

3% of people are dissatisfied because of their sex life.

Men place sex very important, but girls don't, and dumping a boyfriend is the least common case of unsatisfactory sex.Compared with quarrels, conflicts, and no tacit understanding, the sum of the two values ​​is nearly half. It seems that girls value emotional satisfaction more than sexual satisfaction.

(End of this chapter)