smart girl love tips

Chapter 3 Smart girls have clear judgments about love (2)
It is undeniable that there are also many lovers who have "wrong family and household", or because of the reasonableness of their relatives, or because of their superior personal conditions, they finally get married.Among them, how many rich and powerful parents-in-law or parents-in-law only accept daughter-in-law or son-in-law, and look down on the low-status or poor in-laws; She is also called by her daughter-in-law like a babysitter; how many poor mothers-in-law, because they are concerned about their daughters to take care of their daughters' delivery period, are finally forced to leave because they can't stand the bullying by their in-laws or son-in-law. The road to my daughter's house was also cut off from then on...

As the saying goes: "A poor woman marrying a rich man is like picking up gold from a flower; a poor man marrying a rich woman is like selling himself as a slave." Looking carefully, this is quite reasonable.Not to mention that the equality of economic conditions can make both parties speak confidently, even if it is just the "information asymmetry" caused by the difference in educational background, there will be some signs of discord in the future, not to mention the two sides accepting it. The difference in family education itself is significant, because the influence that each person has been exposed to since childhood will definitely be reflected in the life of the two people in the future. If the difference is significant, the conflict between them will escalate.

For example, Diana transformed from Cinderella into a princess, which can be called a living fairy tale of love, but she was not happy, so that when she passed away many years later, people still sighed when they mentioned her.For another example, even if a love story such as "Titanic" is not fictional, if Jack does not die, can he and Rose really stay together forever?
As marriage experts say: "Love arises among different groups of people, and good marriages are more likely to occur among similar people. Birds of a feather flock together, and people form groups. The same is true in marriage. Background and origin are similar. It seems easier for people to find a common language and go far.”

Of course, nothing is absolute, and there are some real situations that are contrary to the viewpoint of "matching the same family" when discussing marriage.Some young men and women lived a happy marriage and family life without any twists and turns in love and marriage even under the circumstances of "improper family and wrong household" at the beginning.But this is just an individual case in life, and does not have a general practical guiding significance.

Marriages that are "well-matched" cannot absolutely determine the longevity of a marriage, but marriages that meet this condition are far more likely to stand the test than those that do not, especially in real life.

We can fall in love instantly
"When I saw him for the first time, I knew that the person I had been waiting for was him. The moment I met him, I trembled all over my body. I clearly felt that I would spend my whole life with this person." What is the chance of falling in love at first sight?What are the chances of falling in love at first sight and becoming lovers and eventually leaving the marriage?To find out, the experimenters conducted a telephone survey of 1500 experimenters in the United States.

It is love at first sight when you have a good impression of someone you meet for the first time within an hour.Among the people who participated in the survey, more than 1% chose the possibility of love at first sight.Regardless of gender, 60% of them answered that they had experienced love at first sight.But love at first sight differs by gender -- more often in men than in women.60% of men and 70% of women think that love at first sight can only happen once in a lifetime.More than half of the people experienced love at first sight before the age of 80, and 20% of the people answered that they were over the age of 10.This proves that love at first sight is easy to happen at a young age.

The most surprising result of the survey was the people who fell in love at first sight and got married.Usually people think that love at first sight is an instant passion, which must be short-lived.But more than half of the respondents - 55% - have stepped on the red carpet, and those who have maintained a relationship for a long time, accounting for 70% of the total, are enough to prove that this is not a short-term love.In the United States, where the divorce rate exceeds 50%, the divorce rate of men who fall in love at first sight and get married is 20% for men, and less than 10% for women.Therefore, love at first sight is not only a momentary surge of passion, but also a fateful encounter.

However, be sure to distinguish the difference between "love" and "like".

It is often heard that two people who were just friends later came together and developed into a relationship of lovers.What kind of emotional change happened between them?Upgraded from "like" to "love", or a completely different emotion of admiration at a certain moment?
A psychologist believes that admiration and goodwill are two separate emotions.In order to measure the emotion of love, he collected a lot of data and made the following love standard.The content is formed by 3 elements:
◆Affinity and desire for dependence;
◆Support tendencies;

◆ Exclusive feelings.

The specific performance is as follows:

◆I want to be with him, but I can't bear his absence.

◆Willing to make any sacrifice for him.

◆Hope to possess him alone.

Favorability is formed by three factors: favorability tendency, respect tendency, and similarity tendency.In the experiment, lovers were asked to evaluate each other by the above two standards, and to evaluate their friends by the same standard.

The results show that there is no obvious consistency between the love standard and the good feeling standard, that is to say, love and good feeling can be completely separated, and they are two different emotions.It can be seen from the conclusion that women can distinguish love and friendship more clearly than men.Under normal circumstances, after getting along for a period of time, men will think that it is almost time to turn friendship into love; but most women think that friendship is friendship, and they can respect and help each other, but it will not be the relationship between men and women , It is also difficult to develop into love between lovers.This is where the differences arise.

Similar partners last longer
In a survey of "ideal spouse conditions" conducted by psychologists with women in love, men listed boldness, guidance, coordination, thoughtfulness, sense of responsibility, economic ability, intelligence, understanding and creativity. The excellent qualities of the experiment let the women who participated in the experiment choose which qualities men could be their lovers.Almost all women choose someone with whom they have more than one thing in common.If these elements are the same, you can have the same hobbies, dreams for the future, and lifestyle.As long as we help each other, unnecessary quarrels and conflicts can be avoided.

In the long-term follow-up survey of 201 groups of lovers, 99 groups still maintained their relationship after several years.Their interests, personalities, division of labor and cooperation, values, religious beliefs and other items are all consistent.Another 102 groups of lovers who broke up showed mutual inconsistencies in all items surveyed.Women subconsciously choose to avoid frequent quarrels, or situations where energy is wasted due to arguments.

If the gap between two people is too large, it is also impossible to maintain a long-term relationship.To take an extreme example, a person with a high degree of education will not choose a person with a low degree of education as a partner from the beginning, and vice versa.Living in an inferior environment for a long time will produce very unpleasant feelings. These people will be very sensitive to the contemptuous words and deeds of a good partner, and the continuous damage to self-esteem is also an important reason why the relationship cannot continue.This difference makes two people unhappy together, and unsuitable lovers or choosing partners from different worlds are just asking for trouble.Since everyone wants to avoid this situation as much as possible, people should still choose people who are similar to themselves as partners.

are you really in love with him
It's nice to have someone who really cares for you and someone who pursues you enthusiastically.But you have to find out, do you love the feeling of being cared for and pursued, or do you love the other person?If you are really a little confused, you can test yourself according to the following methods to see if you are really in love with him:
1. You can tolerate his shortcomings
Xi Shi is in the eye of the beholder, when you fall in love with him, you will definitely think that he is the prettiest, even if there are other opposite sexes who are prettier than the person you love, but for you, he is the most beautiful one in your heart, And it is simply incomparable to others.In this kingdom of love, you are willing to tolerate all his shortcomings.

2. Warm and intimate feeling
When you fall in love with him, there will be a very cordial feeling, you can trust and rely on him, he is like a close family member, even closer than a family member, and in this intimacy, you can feel more A warm feeling - this is the feeling of love.

3. Always turn on the phone for him

When you are very busy, but leave your mobile phone on, for fear of missing his call, set his ringtone to be unique, so that you can recognize him at the first time, and answer it as quickly as possible Phone, it shows that you have fallen in love with him.

Also, you never turn off your phone while you're sleeping because you're worried that he won't be able to find you when he's feeling lonely late at night.It also shows that you are already in love with him.

4. Are you anxious about the bad news about him?

When he is sick or injured, you will feel really anxious from the bottom of your heart, and you will be willing to take care of him meticulously; when he suffers setbacks, you will not only be very willing to share the pain and setbacks for him, but also very willing to sacrifice yourself for him Interests.The reason why you are willing to do this is because you have fallen in love with him deeply.

5. Enjoy complimenting your lover
When you are in love, you will like to praise each other, and not only to appreciate, but you will also like to tell others about his good things when he is not around.The important thing is that you feel immense pleasure from complimenting the other person's enthusiasm.

6. Not sharing love with others
Love is absolutely exclusive and cannot be shared with others.Therefore, when the one you love has a little intimate behavior with the opposite sex other than you, you will feel like you can't eat, as if the sky is about to fall.

7. When you are truly in love with someone, you will feel that life is more valuable

Because love makes you feel that you have unparalleled uniqueness. Although you have advantages and disadvantages, your uniqueness makes you extremely respected, and life has value because of it.

8. When you are interested in or fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, you will want to have physical contact with each other

In real love life, this desire is always there.Sexual impulse is not just behavior, it also includes many other intimate physical contacts, such as holding hands, hugging, etc., this emotion will always exist in the lover's heart.

(End of this chapter)