smart girl love tips

Chapter 9 A Smart Girl Knows How to Properly Love (2)
The old man smiled and said: "People who have been married for 53 years, six months, two weeks and two days have at least the right to live alone for one hour a day! This is the consensus of my wife and I."

A sociology expert once discussed love in this way: "The best gift that people who love each other give each other is freedom. The love between two free people has the necessary tension. This kind of love is firm but not rigid, lingering but not sticky. Love without gaps is terrible, love loses the space to breathe freely, and sooner or later it will suffocate." In the course of life, everyone, big or small, always has a territory that belongs to him alone, recognize, respect and protect this Territory is a necessary factor to maintain a good relationship between lovers.

Lovers should also leave appropriate space for each other and give each other some relative freedom.If you want to live in harmony between lovers, you must accept and respect this free space.A good man should be soberly aware that people are independent individuals, and no one can truly and completely understand another person, even those who love each other.

Love is a handful of sand in your hand, don't hold it too tightly.When a girl is in love, give the other party a relatively independent space. Don’t ask about everything. You should always know where he is and what he is doing. Excessive grilling of his friends, etc.You may just be out of concern, but he is no longer a child, he can handle many things by himself, and when he can't handle it, he will naturally turn to you for help.When some literary works describe two hearts in love as "seamless", please don't forget: leave some gaps between the burning firewood, and the fire will be more vigorous!On the contrary, if you are completely exposed to the gaze of others all the time, this kind of life may be real enough, but it is definitely not easy.

It's a good thing to be intimate between lovers, but if your boyfriend wants to keep that space, please respect and accommodate it.In such a space, your boyfriend will think quietly, relax completely, or solve some things on your own, and then devote yourself to life in a more positive and confident state, while giving you the same freedom.This "distance" will not affect your relationship. Give each other a little distance and a sense of tranquility, just like taking a lazy nap in the summer afternoon, I believe there will be a higher quality love.

Girls have to throw men and love away from time to time
When girls can be as independent as men, girls are no longer the traditional girls who only have husbands and children in their eyes. They also have their own lives, and they also have the right to fully enjoy life.Everything is so beautiful when a girl leaves men and love behind and enjoys her own life.

In the teahouses and restaurants near commercial buildings, you can often see a similar bright scene: on the seats next to the window, a few white-collar women are drinking coke and eating food comfortably, while telling anecdotes about the office, or talking quietly. In the secret of the boudoir, their faces are vivid and bright, and their laughter is crisp and hearty. In a relaxed and unrestrained atmosphere, the girls' thoughts are fully bloomed.

Women's independence is first of all financial independence, and then love independence.This becomes a female image that is outside the family norms and suspended in the social system, which may cause fear and threat to men, and finally love.Therefore, modern independent women all follow the same path: don't calculate the cost and who pays more.Love may reach a certain point, and we will separate.Even so, it should be taken lightly.

They do not exclude love and family in the traditional sense, but they also pay great attention to their own independence and freedom.For girls, friendship is mostly relaxed and comfortable, unlike love, which is sweet but full of pain and suffering.

For beauties who are under tremendous work pressure, what they need most when they gather with friends is complete and complete relaxation, rather than sorrow, entanglement and emotional entanglement, which will undoubtedly only increase their psychological burden.Instead of being physically and mentally exhausted under the double torment of work and love, it would be easier to associate with friends of the same sex you trust.

Girls sometimes think that their girlfriends are more important than their boyfriends. The reason is that they will quarrel and break up with their boyfriends, but their girlfriends can always be relied on and trusted. They can talk to her when they are most depressed, and they can share with her when they are the sweetest. .The tense life makes the women who work in the cubicles more eager for emotional communication, and friends of the same sex are the only people who are willing to share emotional experiences and life details with them.

Eight points of love is enough
You must master the speed in everything you do. Only by mastering the speed well can you be able to move forward and retreat with ease.Eight points are enough to love someone.Too much love will not only make you lose yourself, but also add burden and pressure to the other party.

If you love someone too much, you will tolerate him unprincipled, and gradually he will get used to this kind of indulgence, and ignore what you have done for him, and even think you are annoying, too impersonal, and even start to belittle, neglect, and disrespect you……

If you love someone too much, you will be led by the nose by him, and you will be in chaos at every turn, like being hit by a magic wand, and you will be completely unable to control yourself.From then on, you have no thoughts of your own, no emotions of your own, you center on him, when you are with him, he is the whole world; when you are not with him, the world is him.

If you love someone too much, you are no different from a candle, burning desperately just for a moment of light and heat; when the candle burns out, you have nothing left, while the other person is just a flashlight, he can keep putting in new ones. Batteries, stay alive forever.

If you love someone too much, he will get used to your kindness to him and forget that he should also give, and forget that you need to get the same return - he is completely spoiled by you, don't think that if you love him very much, he will love him too You are very.Love is unreasonable, so love is unequal.

Don't love someone so much that you forget yourself completely. Such a whole-hearted love should only appear in novels. This society is increasingly not welcoming reckless love.Give him room to breathe, and leave some room for yourself—love like moths to a flame is certainly magnificent when it is going on, but if it is in the past, how do you clean up the mess in that place?With so much invested, can you face the loss, the broken heart?
Therefore, don’t love someone to ten percent, eight percent is enough, and the remaining two percent is used to love yourself.

why am i his vassal

The famous writer Liang Xiaosheng gave advice to women: If I were an ordinary girl, I would remind and admonish myself again and again—never love a man with all my heart.If you use one-third of your mind, you will not be considered a failure to them. Use the other third of your mind to love the world and life itself, and use the last third of your mind to love yourself. Those who do not love themselves have no self-esteem. Only those who love themselves can get the true love of others. For any girl who loves a man with all her heart, the price must be all her self-esteem. For a girl who has lost her self-esteem, the happiest marriage status is nothing more than the man's most beautiful marriage. Proud vassal.

There are indeed many traditional good wives and mothers in real life.Perhaps people will ask, why can't educated women with higher education grasp their own marriages?This is because they generally lack the knowledge of managing marriage.

In many cases of passive divorce of intellectual women, it is found that such intellectual women have many things in common: they are deeply influenced by the traditional culture of "men are strong and women are weak"; has a strong dependence.Most of the husbands they found were unknown at first, and their conditions were even worse than theirs; They are good at socializing with friends, and they can tolerate too much socializing between their husbands and other opposite sexes; they trust their husbands so much that everyone knows their husbands are cheating, and they are still defending their husbands...

When choosing a mate, women should try their best to follow the law of choosing a mate from the same origin and matching the same family, so as to minimize the conflict of cultural values ​​between each other and reduce the cost of marriage adjustment.Don't be obsessed with "find someone to love", but give priority to developing yourself. In today's era, the value of a woman should be mainly reflected in her social value, and at the same time, she should fulfill her duties as a wife and mother.It is necessary for every woman who enters the besieged city to master some ways of marriage adjustment.

nip conflicts in the bud

Many details in life are manifestations of conflicts between husband and wife. Smart girls will recognize these changes, and then deftly resolve the conflicts between lovers.

1. No more holding hands
When a relationship is fresh between a man and a woman, there will be a lot of touch between them, however, for most couples, the casual intimacy eventually dies out, they no longer hold hands, or even say "thank you" Yesterday's delicious dinner" I don't bother to say such compliments.

2. Mock the past
Some people often say in a mocking tone: "I fell into the trap he set." Or, "He keeps chasing me, I am so tired, I have to marry him." This is an expression of dissatisfaction with the marriage.

3. Keep silent
Too much peace and quiet can only lead to indifference and distance.In fact, expressing the dissatisfaction in the hearts of both parties will help eliminate differences and find ways to solve problems.

4. Do not understand each other's emotions

Not knowing what your partner is feeling, not being aware of what your other half is feeling anxious about is a potential red flag.

5. go their own way
People are busy with work, taking care of children, taking care of their hobbies and participating in public activities every day, and often put the relationship between husband and wife in the back of their minds.

6. Think the worst about everything

It is a bad sign that husband and wife cannot enjoy the pleasure brought by mutual trust. We must clearly know that trust is the umbrella of marriage.

7. Inexplicably treats you better
Buying clothes for you, doing housework for you, and even being very enthusiastic about your relatives and friends, it is very likely that he is trying to balance his psychology.

In response to the above situation, we must have a rational understanding and formulate specific coping strategies according to the specific situation, so as to turn the crisis into harmony.In real life, some wives start to quarrel with men after discovering the above-mentioned situation, which eventually leads to conflicts between the two parties.

Of course, conflict between husband and wife is not a bad thing.In a sense, conflict has the effect of breaking the ordinary.In the conflict between husband and wife, both parties can vent their different opinions and emotions.Conflict can not only deepen the relationship between husband and wife, but also make people get some kind of psychological comfort.If you blindly restrain your tolerance and suppress your emotions, it is not conducive to your physical and mental health.

If you love him, you refuse to sacrifice for him

Due to the influence of thousands of years of traditional thinking, many women will think that: they must pay more efforts for this family, otherwise they will not be able to get the love of their partners and the stability of their families and marriages.But in fact, it is just the opposite. The more a woman lives for herself, the easier it is to have a husband who loves her more and a happier married life.And those who give everything for the family, husband, in-laws, and children will face more belittling and accusations.

If a woman continues to have her own life after marriage, has her own relationships, and pursues her own studies and careers, at this time, the husband must convince himself: "It makes sense for my wife to do this." Otherwise, It is tantamount to proving that the husband himself is a fool and married an irresponsible wife.Just because no one likes to be an idiot, the husband must try hard to explain how good his wife is, so that he will feel that he has "earned".Basically, as long as neither party is too egotistical and can coordinate well on common things, neither party will feel that they have suffered a disadvantage.

If the heroine takes another approach: sacrificing herself to complete the family, at this time, the husband has to face an emotion - guilt.At first, the husband will be very grateful or cherish his wife's contribution, but as time goes on, this feeling will gradually fade away.Next, the man will continue to feel guilty, and at this time, he will subconsciously defend himself.He is very likely to feel that "these things are what girls should do", or else he will belittle the status of his wife, thinking that she can't do anything, so he has to stay at home obediently.If the wife is submissive, the problem will be even more serious: the husband will vent his emotions on the wife, and after time passes, in order to avoid his own guilt, he will belittle and blame the wife even more.In the end, once the wife becomes a "family disgrace" in the eyes of everyone, the husband will feel ashamed of it.And the wife will feel extremely wronged.

Such a perspective is quite different from the secular viewpoint, but it is an irrefutable truth.Marriage is an interactive relationship. If one party is recognized by the society, the other party will also be inspired to fight upward.

Therefore, almost every noisy family has a "great victim".Moreover, the more thoroughly the victim sacrifices, the more chaotic the family will be.Especially women, if they choose to give up everything for the family, then the family will completely give up the woman.

The gender roles are reversed, and it is exactly the same.Therefore, neither man nor woman can hold high the banner of "I want to give you happiness", and then deprive the other party of the right to work, the right to social development, and impose the obligation to do housework.

The light of happiness can only shine in each other's sweet knowing smiles when both men and women face the dangers of society together, struggle for survival together externally, and create a living situation together internally.

For men, we will ask: "Can you accept that your wife struggles with colleagues in the company, is blamed by her boss, and complained by customers, and she cries, but when she wipes her tears away, she continues to grit her teeth and fight?"

For women, we will also ask: "Can you accept that your husband cooks and cooks at home, sits on the sofa, knits a sweater for you, and coaxes the frolicking children while waiting for you to come back?"

Women must also have their own circle, and they cannot all sacrifice themselves.The more restrained a girl is, the easier it is for a girl to deal with marriage.

Be tolerant when you should be tolerant
What do men fear most about girls?Mother's nagging, wife's control, daughter's arrogance, girlfriend's misunderstanding, and female colleagues' pickiness.Guys expect tolerance from girls.With this kind of tolerance, men will certainly be complacent, but it is also easy to settle down, find their due position, and enjoy the so-called sense of accomplishment.

It is a kind of tolerance to be able to listen to a man's boasting with his heart.When a man brags in front of a girl, it is just an appearance of lack of self-confidence.If girls can't listen to men, it will be difficult for men to build self-confidence.

It is a kind of tolerance to allow a man to indulge in some meaningless little things.For example, playing computer games around the clock, men often use these hobbies to regulate their psychological tension.Allowing itself may be a better concern and prodding.

Being able to let men and friends hang out is a kind of forgiveness.Because men need to go back to their youth from time to time, this is the reappearance of the psychology of avoiding their mother's excessive love and care when they were young.

Being able to get guys to hang out with other girls is kind of a tolerance.Men naturally like to find and appreciate the beauty of the opposite sex, but not all men love each other when they see each other.In fact, most men with good appreciation will love their wives very well.

It is a kind of tolerance to maintain appropriate silence when a man is not trying to be aggressive.Rarely in a man's life is he able to move forward forever.Most men will have periodic mood swings and behavioral adjustments.Whipping a fast bull is often counterproductive, and men don't always need motivation.

Under such tolerance, will a man show his teeth and claws, and become rampant?That's not necessarily the case.Because men generally have a guilty conscience, the moderate tolerance from girls is often his best motivation. There are naturally ungrateful men, but they are a minority.Normal men will cherish the tolerance from girls, because tolerance is a real and momentary need for men.

The more people who love each other, the more they have to treat each other like those who don’t love
People who love each other should also keep a certain distance when getting along. The more people who love each other, the more they should get along like people who don't love.

If you don't love, you won't care if he remembers your mobile phone number, and you won't bother him with calling once an hour.

If you don't love, you won't expect him to remember your birthday or wedding anniversary every year, and give you a surprise, and you will be less disappointed and disappointed.

If you don't love him, you won't ask him to send you a short message or sweet talk from time to time during his business trip, and bring you the gift you like when he comes back.

If you don't love him, you won't expect him to sit on the bedside when you are sick, peeling an orange and stuffing it gently into your mouth.

If you don’t love him, you won’t be nagging him all day long to eat more vegetables, drink less alcohol, take a bath frequently, and change clothes frequently, making his ears callous.

If you don't love him, you won't worry about him coughing and wheezing, hiding his cigarettes and making him lose his temper.

If he doesn't love, he won't regard his career as his own, participate in politics, give pointers, and he will feel sad if he doesn't accept it, which is far better than his enthusiasm for his own work.

If you don't love him, you won't ask him to "die" every day and come back for dinner, and you are not allowed to go out at night, so that he will always lose face in front of his friends.

If he doesn't love, he won't overthrow the jealousy at will, ask questions when he receives a call from the opposite sex, and sneer at him after meeting his first love, which makes him upset.

If you don't love, you won't...

In short, if you don't love, you will be broad-minded; if you don't love, you will be less angry.If you don't get along with love, that kind of relationship will be solid but not fragile, hard but not soft.

Just because he doesn't love, he respects each other as a guest; just because he doesn't love, let him be a bird that flies freely.In getting along lightly, I gave the other party a piece of freedom, and also gave myself a piece of tranquility.

In life, facts like this are everywhere: couples who love each other seldom get married, but those who don't love each other often grow old together.This gives us a little enlightenment: to love and get along with each other as if we don't love each other.

(End of this chapter)