Smart Women Should Read Men's Psychology: Secrets Men Don't Want You to Know

Chapter 5 Opening the Man's Seven Apertures and Exquisite Heart (4)
A man's weakness can only be seen by raising his arm, but for most people, the head can be broken, the blood can flow, and the reputation of a great man cannot be lost, and face is always the first priority.Although some men are just young swallows, they try their best to hide their inner fear of heights and imitate the heroic posture of eagles to fight in the sky.

Inferiority: the "unspeakable secret" in a man's heart

The appearance of a man is like that of all male animals, always majestic and high-spirited, but under his majestic, powerful and conceited appearance, he often hides a deep inferiority complex, but even if a man has a low self-esteem in his heart, he often insists on it. Standing, pretending to be complacent.Therefore, if one day you meet a man who looks arrogant and very conceited, don't easily believe his superficial appearance, because for men, "inferiority" and "conceit" can be equated.

Han Hai is a not-too-rich man who dreams of owning his own house all day long. Finally one day, he bid farewell to the courtyard and moved into the garden community.

When Han Hai first got the keys to the new house, he was so excited that he couldn't sleep for several nights, but since he moved into the garden, he couldn't be happier anymore, and his inferiority complex emerged spontaneously, and it became stronger every day.When relatives and friends asked him to treat him, he grinned more ugly than crying.

I used to live in a courtyard, so I didn’t feel uncomfortable riding a bike to and from get off work. In the kingdom of bicycles, it’s not surprising that people’s transportation means.But in this garden area, bicycles have become a rarity, almost only a fitness tool for half-grown teenagers.Every family goes in and out with "smoke coming from the buttocks", whether it is a bus or a private car, Mercedes-Benz and BMW are full of vision, and the last one is Alto Jr.When the car arrived at the door, there was a "beep", and the security guard straightened the brim of his hat, stretched his skirt, and straightened his waist even more.As for Han Hai, he came home from get off work on a broken bicycle, and when he rode to the door, the security guard stared at him, clearly saying, "Are you from this courtyard?"

When you move, it's a chance to show your strength. The rich and the poor will meet in the car.When rich people move, their cars are magnificent, filled with high-end furniture and fashionable electrical appliances. Just by the careful look of the porters, you can tell the value of things.As soon as the car drove, it was mighty and majestic.In addition, when moving, all the furniture is eliminated, thrown away, given away, and only some gold and silver are considered to be moving. Everything in the new house starts from scratch, redesigns, and repurchases. It is not a "series" but something. "style".But when Han Hai moved, he felt ashamed of himself, and stuffed all his belongings into a broken truck. Although they were all broken copper and iron, they were still useful for living at home, and he was reluctant to throw them away.

When it’s the turn of decoration, rich people spend 10,000+ and hundreds of thousands to paste on the wall and lay on the floor. The design should be “cool” and the materials should be “new”. Japanese style, European style, modern, classical, how fashionable and how to decorate.You don't have to look at the interior furnishings of other people's houses, just look at the brand-new doors and windows, kitchen utensils and sanitary ware that have not been used and are outdated by the wealthy family, which makes people angry.When Han Hai bought the house, he used all his family assets and borrowed money from the bank. He had no money to decorate the house. In the end, he scraped together more than 2 yuan and could only "mean" the new house.In order to save money, he contacted an old acquaintance. Just after he finished talking about his ideas, the acquaintance said: "What is the repair for 2 yuan? It's not worth the trouble." It seems that 2 yuan is not money.He had no choice but to grit his teeth and hold on: "It's not that I don't want to spend money, but I think it's like a hotel, which is meaningless and vulgar!"

This kind of inferiority complex is mainly caused by the fact that men are powerless, have little money, and are not outstanding in talent and appearance. So don’t rich, powerful, and handsome men have no inferiority complex?No.Low self-esteem is a common psychology of men, mainly caused by the following reasons:
1. Doubt about self-abilities

No matter how powerful a person is, there are things beyond his power, and then he will have an inferiority complex.Of course, in many cases, it is not because of a man's lack of ability, but because of the constraints of objective conditions, but men are always timid because of suspicion, and then feel inferior due to timidity.

Among the many doubts a man has, the most terrifying is the doubt about his own sexual ability.The performance of sexual ability is directly related to the psychology of the initiative and the sex appeal of the recipient. If a man lacks confidence in his sexual ability deep down, he will have psychological obstacles, and this obstacle will directly hinder his sexual ability. sexual performance.After experiencing several unsuccessful sex lives, this timid doubt will become a heavy mental burden, resulting in inferiority complex.Once a man lacks self-confidence in major abilities such as sexual ability and creativity, he will fall into the quagmire of inferiority complex and cannot extricate himself.

2. Fear of rejection
Through self-struggle and independent struggle, men open up a road to the future for themselves.Although sometimes hesitant and timid due to doubts about their abilities, more men dare to fight bad luck in more situations.The real object of men's fear is women. Men are most afraid of being rejected by women. Whether they invite women to dance or woo women, they are afraid of being rejected.A man's inferiority complex after being rejected by a woman is generally difficult to eliminate through reason, and it often takes a long time to regain his manly self-confidence.

3. Fear of failure

Generally speaking, men pay more attention to the sense of achievement than women, so the fear of failure is much stronger than women.However, things are often like this: fear of ghosts has ghosts!The more a man fears failure deep down in his heart, the more neurotic he will appear and the more likely he will make mistakes.It is true that women are also afraid of failure, but women can easily find excuses for themselves when they feel inferior, while men belong to the gender that cannot make excuses, the gender that dominates society and bears the burden of the family. Failure is for them That said, it looked particularly frightening.

All in all, inferiority complex is a common psychological phenomenon of men. There are almost no men without inferiority complex, but some men only have inferiority complex at a certain stage of life, while some men have inferiority complex throughout their lives. .For these men with low self-esteem, we'd better not stimulate them, and sometimes we even need to encourage them appropriately.

Hypocrisy: A pair of sunglasses that men will never take off

The famous director Wong Kar Wai has a habit of wearing a pair of sunglasses whenever he appears in public. Almost every time he is interviewed, he has to answer the same question: Why do you always wear sunglasses?We don't have to ask why Wong Kar-wai wears sunglasses. What we want to emphasize here is that men's hypocrisy is just like the pair of sunglasses on Wong Kar-wai's face. Once he puts it on, he refuses to take it off.

The hypocrisy of men corresponds to the fickleness of women, forming an interesting polarity.Women's fickleness is due to lack of decisiveness, it is unconscious, at most it is heartless; while men's hypocrisy is deliberate and deliberate.Therefore, men's hypocrisy is often not easily perceived by others, and their hypocritical words and deeds are predictable and premeditated.

Men's hypocrisy is closely related to their ambition and utilitarianism.Some men will trample their colleagues under their feet in order to make their own fortunes and rise to the top. They are good at "making fire on your face and making you stumble under your feet". They compliment you on your talent and ability in person, but report you to the leader behind your back .

Because hypocrisy can bring "benefits" to men, they will delve into the "knack of hypocrisy" with great concentration.Generally speaking, men's hypocritical words and deeds are "profitable" in at least the following two aspects: on the one hand, they can cover up their true purpose and all weaknesses in front of their opponents; In a fortified atmosphere, quietly dig traps or prepare bait for others.If these two intentions can be achieved, it will make others suffer, be fooled without saying anything, and even smile back.For example, the famous "Hongmen Banquet" in Chinese history is a typical hypocritical work of Xiang Yu Group.In the drinking and having fun, the intention was to kill Liu Bang, but because Xiang Yu was soft-hearted for a while, he didn't carry out the hypocrisy to the end, which caused his final dilemma.

With the development of modern science and technology, the world is developing towards diversification and multi-level development, and the social structure is becoming more and more complex, and men's hypocrisy skills in dealing with the world are becoming more sophisticated.Although the styles and types of men's clothes in the store are still pitifully small, in the men's character store, the shapes, styles, and specifications of various hypocritical masks are increasing day by day.

Men always have too many excuses and too many disguises. They are like tightrope walkers, often walking on thin ice and facing an abyss.They wish they could stop, but they can never stop.Because to stop means to lose balance, and to stop means to fall.Men often do not belong to themselves, they belong more to the world outside the body, to women.

Because men are afraid of failure, they fake success.In fact, everyone understands a simple truth: a man will only pretend when he lacks self-confidence, and a man who is full of self-confidence is bold and real.Truth is the strongest currency for men, and hypocrisy is counterfeit money, and those who use it will not feel at ease.However, it is not easy for a man to be authentic. This requires not only courage, but also the need to create an environment for himself to be authentic.Not every man can be real as long as he wants to be real. Reality seems to be a kind of performance, but in essence it is a habit and the ability to control himself.

Hypocrisy and vanity are a pair of blood brothers, and they will have each other's imprint when they express each other.There was a small business owner who always wanted others to treat him as a big boss.He didn't want to rent an office by himself, so he racked his brains to convince a big company to allow him to put a desk.He kept asking pretty girls to be his secretary. There was no salary for the first two months, and a high salary was implemented from the third month. Many girls were cheated by him, because his female secretary never used it for 60 days. .Every female secretary who left him would receive calls from him non-stop for a period of time: "It's a trivial matter not to adapt to work, just tell me if you have any difficulties, and I will help you." On the company's desk, there is a photo of him with the mayor.Everyone in the know knows that it was at a party. He pretended to be a reporter and rushed forward, leaving this photo in two seconds.Since then, this photo has been everywhere in his house, his relatives' house, and in his purse.What's even more ridiculous is that he calls the mayor his buddy whenever he sees anyone.

Hypocrisy makes men's lives very tiring. Don't look at them who usually pretend to be relaxed and chic, but their hearts are always in a state of overload.They are most afraid of being looked down upon by others, and they often look around at what people around them think of them.Their eyes are like pickpockets, because they care too much about the reaction of the outside world, they always look at people with evil eyes.This forms an inexplicable pressure invisibly, and this pressure will further distort the soul of the hypocrite.

The character of a hypocritical man is a fake check that is hard to keep. Whoever believes in the promise of such a man is tantamount to giving himself a poisoned needle.

Loneliness: the source of men's pessimistic world
There is such a poem in the famous play "Yedman" by the Austrian writer Hoffmannsthal:

The festive feast is finally over,
Everyone in the hall has left.

Who will help me?Who will help me?
I have been completely abandoned?
I am alone in the world,
Is this a game of fate?
In the play, the hero Yeldman has an arrogant personality and is used to being above others, but just when he was about to celebrate his brilliant achievements with his relatives and friends, the god of death came and asked him for a tribute—his life.The light of Yerdman's life was about to go out, and all of a sudden, all the people who surrounded Yerdman and stayed close to him all left the stage, and the huge stage was empty, leaving him alone.Yeldman gained status in society by setting a trap, but it was himself who fell into the trap.

The image of Yedderman is the best footnote to the essence of every man, but compared with Yederman, the experience of contemporary men is even worse, because men think that life and wealth are inexhaustible, Suddenly, they found that the world building they had built was in danger of collapse: he had lost the world of his childhood; his heroic ideals were no longer feasible; Question marks began to be placed; the father's example he had followed all his life and the authority to realize his own ideals and pursue his own goals began to waver.

“Have I been completely abandoned? Am I alone in the world?” Yeldman’s questions are exactly the ones they ask themselves again and again as contemporary men fear their increasingly empty inner world.They realize that the world really is like this.It is impossible for them to know what to do by relying on traditional concepts alone, and it is impossible for a savior to appear in front of them from the sky.

Men have lost their strength, in other words they have become "impotent".The development of the world has passed them by.Gradually, they realized the truth that any efforts to go the old way would be of no avail.The situation at this time is already bad, and they have no idea where to go in the future, and they no longer have a goal that they can desperately pursue.Although men are aware that they are involved in a period of constant historical development, they are incapable of finding the right direction.

A man is amazed at how social change touches every aspect of his life, and he has to see himself as a man who is alone, just as Yeldman is.The romantic concept of pursuing eternal love has begun to fall apart, and the ideal of love to grow old together has begun to fall behind. The relationship between husband and wife has gradually evolved into a "partnership of life stages", and women gradually have the right to decide the duration of this partnership.

In addition, men can't find spiritual support in religion, so they feel powerless.They search desperately for a way out, but they never seek to find out why things have come to this point, so there is a double-cross: they don't know where the road leads, and they don't know why they are lost.And once a man finds the reason, he will realize that today's complete abandonment is entirely caused by themselves.

The man lifted a rock to hit the woman, but the stone hit his own foot, setting a trap for the woman, but he walked in.This makes them have to bear the fear of loneliness, and loneliness is the reason why men have pessimistic feelings about the world.As a smart woman, as long as you give those lonely "smelly men" a cup of warm coffee, they will definitely regard you as a confidant and obey you.

Desire for Power: A Pathological Pursuit of Men

In this world, men have always been in the dominant position.This makes every man potentially, even innately, have a desire to dominate and conquer, and this desire will inevitably lead to the pursuit of power.Only when a man wins power can he fully realize his desire to dominate and conquer.

However, the limitation of positions of power and the infinity of men chasing this position make the vast majority of men losers in the pursuit, so they have a sick mentality; and even the winners have to suffer during the pursuit All kinds of struggles and crusades will also produce morbid psychology.So it's no surprise that men can be pathological power seekers.

There are various signs that monkeys already have the consciousness of power before they become humans.Carefully observe and analyze wild primates, and compare them with today's human society, and you will find so many similarities.Each group of monkeys (the same goes for other wild animals living in groups) will be ruled by a male leader, and the method of generation is very simple-violent killing, the winner will have the supreme power in this group, and then have food, beauty , Let him do his best.It's no wonder that Sun Wukong would rather be a monkey king than learn from the scriptures and become a fairy.

(End of this chapter)