Psychological Suggestion: Awaken Your Best Self

Chapter 16 Socializing is Inseparable from Hints
Section [-] The guiding role of authority

If, one day, a beggar stopped you and said "World War III is about to break out", how would you react?believe him?Or kick him away?

If, one day, a young man in plain clothes stopped you and said "World War III is about to break out", how would you react?believe him?Or curl your lips and walk away?

If, one day, an old man in expensive clothes stopped you and said "World War III is about to break out", how would you react?believe him?Or turn around and leave in doubt?

If, one day, a dignified old man in a general's uniform stopped you and said "World War III is about to break out", how would you react?To believe him, or not to believe him?
The same sentence, uttered by different people, has a world of difference in influence.Perhaps out of a self-protective nature, people always tend to believe in those "authorities" with higher status, more professionalism, and greater influence. It seems that authority represents correctness, truth, and trustworthy.

I have to say that this is a very strange psychology, and this kind of psychology has also brought some troubles to people.For example, in daily life, we often "judge people by their appearance" and "see people order dishes". In fact, this is a kind of differential treatment, between ordinary people and authority figures.

For example, if an ordinary person tells you that this book is very good and has a lot of connotations, you will half believe it, or even not believe it at all. Instead, you will guess: Is this guy a salesman?However, if the President of France tells you that this book is very good and has a lot of content, you will believe it [-]% and then buy it immediately and read it impatiently, without even thinking: Is the President also a salesman hired by a bookseller? member.

In fact, this is a psychological suggestion of authority.

A well-known university in the United States once conducted such an interesting experiment:

When a class in the Department of Psychology was in class, the school leader respectfully led a person into the classroom and introduced to the students: "This is Mr. James, a famous chemist and a well-deserved authority in the field of chemistry." Then, " "Chemistry authority" Mr. James appeared on the stage. He first made a simple self-introduction, and then he took out a bottle full of liquid and said to the students: "This is ××××, I started from ×× A special liquid extracted from ×× material, it can emit a unique fragrance, I like this fragrance very much, I want to know how many students like this fragrance as I do, below, please smell the fragrance and like it Its classmates raised your hands." After 1 minute, 90.00% of the eight students present raised their hands.What an incredible thing this is, you know, what the "chemical authority" is holding in his hand is just a bottle of the most common distilled water.As we all know, distilled water has no smell, but the students really smell the smell, why?Because chemistry authorities say this bottle of liquid smells and is a pleasing fragrance!

Do not doubt that human beings are such a strange animal.

Human beings always have an inexplicable but powerful trust in "authority". People always think: he has such a high status and such a great influence, so what he said must be true.If what he said is different from my cognition, it can only show that I am too ignorant.Such a mentality may seem unbelievable, but it does exist, or in other words, most people have such a mentality.

What exactly is this matter about?
In fact, the explanation is not complicated. The reason why authority hints are so "powerful" is because people's self-protection mechanism is at work, because in the eyes of many people, authority itself represents a standard, a correct standard. , obey authority, obey standards, we will not make mistakes, and we will not cause some bad things to happen in our lives because of mistakes, and we will not be hurt.On the other hand, it is because everyone wants to be recognized and praised subconsciously, and authorities are the objects of praise and wide recognition by the public.Therefore, people will have a natural cognition, that is, follow the authority and do it according to the authority's words, and you will be praised and recognized.Thus, the suggestion from authority becomes more powerful.

Of course, authority is just a broad concept, it never refers to someone.In fact, it is impossible for ordinary people to realize what authority is.It can be said that people don’t care who stands under the halo of authority. It can be Robert, James, Green, or Kent. What they care about is the halo of authority and the title of authority.So, even if you are not an authority, if you can make people believe that you are an authority, you can still influence and influence many people.

To give the simplest and most straightforward example, your wallet is stolen, and you see a young man holding your wallet in the hands of a young man not far away. The young man is dressed in ordinary clothes, and you will immediately run over and identify him. He is a thief; but if the person holding your wallet is a refined middle-aged man wearing an Armani handmade suit, you have to think about it, is that my wallet?Most likely it just looks like it.You may even think with some pride, ah, I actually use the same brand and style of wallet with such a decent person. It seems that my taste is improving, which is great.As for catching the thief, you have long denied the idea that the other party is a thief.

To give another example, you are driving to the city center and the car is blocked on the road. After waiting for 5 minutes, the green light finally turns on, but the car in front of you refuses to start for a long time. You touched the horn button, and you found out, ah, the car in front is actually a Rolls-Royce. There must be important people sitting in such a luxury car. Maybe he has something to do and it’s too late to start. You think so, and then it’s a gentleman You choose to wait a little longer, and your hand slips off the horn button.However, what if the car in front is a most ordinary Jeep?Will you still give him such preferential treatment?
There are many examples like this in daily work and life. When buying cosmetics and health care products, you will naturally choose products endorsed by top beauties and medical experts; when buying fitness equipment, you will be more inclined to Buy those products that are endorsed by athletes. If the producer of the product itself is a famous athlete, then you will like it more.Therefore, really smart salesmen will skillfully use your instinctive conviction and awe of authority to guide you to make the choices they want to see.

In the same way, in fact, we can also guide ourselves according to the law.For example, it's a good idea to set yourself a realistic role model.Remember, it doesn't matter whether this authority is real or not, what matters is that you believe it.If you believe, authority exists, and you can change your attitude, behavior, thinking or life little by little under the guidance of authority hints.Of course, if you want to change another person's attitudes, thoughts, or behavior, there's nothing wrong with doing the same and using authority to guide him or her, and the results are usually good.

Section [-] The Special Charm of a Smile

Before getting into the topic, let's listen to a little story:

The protagonist of the story is a penniless young man who is very eager to succeed. In order to succeed, he has done many things and thought of many ways, but none of them can be realized.

On this day, when the young man returned home, he couldn't help asking his mother, "Why can other people succeed, but I can't?"

The mother looked at her son kindly, and then told him: "Son, there is a very simple method of attracting customers that costs nothing, is always effective, and if you find this method, you will be successful."

After listening to his mother's words, the young man was thoughtful, and after two hours, he stood up and smiled.

Yes, he succeeded, he found this method, and he finally had his own business and reached the pinnacle of his life.

This young man's name is Connaught Hilton, the founder of the Hilton Hotel Group.And the way he found was none other than—smile.

A smile represents sincerity, friendliness, and joy.

A smile exudes a magical power all the time.It makes us attractive, it makes us famous, it makes us gentle and friendly, it makes us likeable.

why?
It's actually very simple, because smiling is the simplest, clearest, most direct and most effective psychological suggestion in this world.Smiling always conveys such a set of messages to people: I like you, I like talking to you, I like staying with you, I like seeing you, and I am happy to see you.

Who would be put off by such an obvious and friendly signal?

Although everyone is born with the instinct of resisting approach and self-protection, but in front of a smile, this instinct will also fade away.

There is an old saying in Eastern China, which is "stretch out your hand and don't hit the smiling face". When you smile at others, others will respond to you with a smile naturally, even if, before that, your relationship was not harmonious, when you When you laugh, it is impossible for others to speak badly to you, because he is embarrassed.

The charm of a smile is very peculiar.

A person who really knows how to smile and always smiles sincerely is the most popular person!
"Are you smiling today?" Conrad Hilton asks himself every day.

"I am the highest paid man in America primarily because of my charisma. My personality, my character, and my knack for getting along with people are the reasons for my success. However, I am the most attractive The most important thing is the smile from the heart, and my smile is definitely worth 100 million dollars." Charlie Schwarber, the first president of the Carnegie Steel Company of the United States, once said.

In daily life, many big people are approachable, they have a majestic side and a strong aura, but they have an indescribable and unique charm, that is, kindness and friendliness. It is because of such kindness and friendliness that they Let the big people be loved, and a sincere smile is the key to conveying goodwill and friendliness.

If a person always keeps a straight face, it's okay if the time is short, but who wants to get close to him after a long time?
The most famous insurance salesman in Japan, the holder of the Guinness World Record, and known as the "God of Sales", the reason why Ippei Hara achieved amazing success is precisely because of his original "38 Smiles" sales method.

Smiling, let him narrow the distance between himself and the customer, smiling, help him create a miracle.This is a fact.

It's just that sometimes, many people are unwilling to admit this obvious fact.Many people would rather spend a lot of money and energy on training courses to learn social skills, but dismiss the most effective and free social networking with a smile. I have to say, this is a very sad thing.

If one day, you have the opportunity to come to France and visit the Louvre, don't forget to appreciate the treasure of the Louvre - "Mona Lisa's Smile".How Leonardo da Vinci created such a masterpiece back then, we have no way to verify, but "Mona Lisa's Smile" is indeed amazingly magical.

Perhaps, the Mona Lisa on the screen is not the most beautiful woman in the world, there are many more beautiful women than her, but the Mona Lisa is definitely the most charming woman in the world.Her charm lies not in her face, but in her smile, which is a very warm smile no matter how you look at it from any angle.It is this intoxicating smile that conquers everyone's heart.

Ever been sick?Been to the hospital?Ever waited in a waiting room?If you've ever waited, you know how hard it is to wait.Sitting all around are people with sad or gloomy faces, they may frown, curl their lips, or think deeply, everyone is immersed in their own world, no one chats, and no one talks, the atmosphere is so dull go Ape.If at this time, a child ran in, pulled the corner of your clothes, and showed you a childish and innocent smile, how would you feel?what will you do?Did you feel a lot more relaxed?Will it also show a big smile to the child?And, you are definitely willing to talk to the child, why is he here?Talk about his family, his partner, his dog, interesting things in his life, and the dull atmosphere is broken like this.

Do you want me to go on?The results are obvious.The haze of the entire waiting room was swept away, leaving only sunshine, no doubt, this is the charm of a smile.

Adjusting the atmosphere, alleviating embarrassment, expelling the haze, enhancing the relationship between people, and eliminating the barriers between people are really very simple for smiles.However, there is one thing I have to solemnly emphasize, that is, your smile must be sincere and from the heart. If you smile for the sake of laughing, then the effect will definitely not be satisfactory.

What?You ask me how to play the charm of a smile?Well, let's take a look at the following suggestions: First, keep smiling at all times.

Smiling is not a show, it doesn't need any outstanding talent, just keeping it all the time is enough.Before going out every time, you might as well look in the mirror to see if you are frowning again?Are you looking distressed again?Are you frowning again?If so, take a deep breath right now, make yourself smile, and then, smile to everyone on the road, especially anyone you know.

Second, develop a sense of humor.

Humorous people are generally happy because they see the world in a positive and optimistic way.For example, something or someone may embarrass you, but humorous people will never, because they know how to use the most ingenious and joyful methods to resolve embarrassment.Laugh at yourself, say a few nonsensical jokes, maybe the situation will be different soon, isn't it?
Third, smile with sincerity.

Maybe many people are slow in many ways, but no matter who they are, they are very sensitive to smiles.If your smile is insincere, if it is mechanical, artificial, forced, for the sake of laughing, it will be easy for others to detect it, and such a smile will undoubtedly be disgusting.So, if you can't smile from the bottom of your heart, it's probably best not to smile, especially in social situations.

Chapter [-] stop nagging

When God created human beings, he only created two kinds of people, one is man and the other is woman.Therefore, there are only three kinds of relationships in the world, one is the relationship between men and men, the other is the relationship between women and women, and the third is the relationship between men and women.

Today, we are going to talk about the third relationship, that is, the relationship between men and women.

What is the relationship between men and women?

Yes, that's right!There is only one most stable, most reliable and intimate relationship between a man and a woman, and that is husband and wife.

Psychologists from a certain research institution conducted a survey on [-] couples, and the survey results showed that the biggest killer between husband and wife is not money or status, but nagging, from wives.

The vast majority of husbands surveyed said that what they can't tolerate the most is their wives' nagging.It can be seen how powerful nagging is to the relationship between husband and wife.

No matter how capable, shrewd, beautiful, and gentle a wife is, if she cannot get rid of her nagging problems, then her married life cannot be truly happy.

Perhaps, you think that what I said is too exaggerated and too arbitrary; perhaps, the ladies will hold a kind of hostility towards me because of this.But I still want to say that nagging is actually a kind of psychological suggestion in essence, and this kind of psychological suggestion is extremely destructive.

Wives can also think about it for themselves, why bother?Clearly you are upset with some of your husband's behaviors.For example, he didn't wash his feet before going to bed, for example, he always likes to hum ditties when he takes a bath, for example, he didn't wash the dishes, for example, he forgot your wedding anniversary, or for example, his salary is too low, he can't afford your favorite He never said romantic words, he always snores when he sleeps... In short, you must be dissatisfied with him, otherwise you wouldn't nag.

But, ma'am, you may not know what kind of negative psychological implication your nagging brings to your husband: he will feel useless, he will feel that a husband who cannot satisfy his wife is a failure, he will feel that he is worthless, he I feel like my life is worthless...

Is this what you want to see?

Dylan is a young, handsome, energetic guy. After graduating from college, he went to work in an advertising agency. He was very talented and performed very well in the company, but his wife Janet obviously didn't think so.In Janet's eyes, Dylan's company is too small, no matter how good the performance is, it is impossible to have any future development. For this reason, Janet nagged in Dylan's ear every day, saying that he was useless , Said that he had no ambitions, that he had no enterprising spirit, Dylan was very distressed, he didn't know what to do, but out of deep love for his wife, Dylan still made a cruel thing for himself. He chose to leave the company where he was working, even though the boss of the company had decided to promote him to the deputy general manager.

After leaving the original company, Dylan entered a very well-known large advertising company after fierce competition. He thought his wife would be satisfied this time, but when he returned home, he was still greeted by his wife's endless nagging and Accusation: You are an idiot, look at James, the company you entered together is now a deputy director; a pig is smarter than you; look at the poor things you make, no wonder others can’t see it On you... His wife's nagging became the worst nightmare in Dylan's life, bringing him endless negative hints, his talent, his self-confidence, his vigor, and all his positive qualities are in " His wife's nagging" gradually disappeared, and finally, he lost his job.

After Dylan lost his job, the beautiful and ambitious Janet also chose to end their unharmonious marriage.Dylan originally thought that he would be sad, but on the contrary, his mood suddenly became very relaxed, just like a patient who had been ill for a long time suddenly regained his health. His confidence returned to him, and he quickly made progress in his career. new achievements.

Was Dylan lucky or unlucky?Is Janet right or wrong?Let's not discuss these for the time being. There is only one thing we want to discuss, and that is the power of nagging.Take a look, how destructive is nagging, it is the most terrible marriage killer!
No!Ma'am, don't be too quick to deny, and don't be too quick to justify, I know not many nagging women who would admit that they are actually nagging, and perhaps, in their view, they are just kindly reminding their husbands and children , and they also think that they have such an obligation.

Their reminders are everywhere: go home early at night; don’t drink alcohol; don’t misplace things; don’t forget to bring gifts; don’t... It is undeniable that sometimes the wife’s reminder is beneficial and necessary for the husband , but we must also face up to the fact that most of the time this kind of nagging is invalid and annoying.

It is normal for husbands and wives to have disputes and quarrels; it is also normal for husbands and wives to have conflicts and dissatisfaction, but these obviously cannot be the reason for the endless nagging of wives.You must know that it is impossible for a person who lives in negative hints for a long time to reach the peak, even if this man has already reached the peak, then he will inevitably slip from the peak.So, if you want to manipulate your husband, if you want your husband to satisfy you, then, listen to me, give up your nagging, shut up your "knife mouth", and motivate him with positive hints , In this way, he will change in the direction you want.

What?If you don't know how to do it, here are some suggestions:
First, please supervise.

When you can't help but "remind" your husband, when you can't help chattering, let everyone point it out and fine you five francs.Of course, it can also be ten francs or twenty francs.

Second, stop repeating your words.

A sentence, no matter how important it is, repeating it three times is actually enough.So don't keep reminding your husband endlessly that if he wants to do it, he has already done it, and if he doesn't want to do it, he won't do it even if you nag him a million times or ten thousand times, The reason is so simple.

Third, close your "knife mouth" and use another way of expression.

The ancients said that "all roads lead to Rome", if you want your husband to do things, you don't have to use nagging.If you say, "Jack, you have to mow the grass, and you won't come home for dinner unless you do it." Your husband may be very resistant and even "run away," but if you say, "Honey, you It's wonderful, the neighbors say we have a neat garden with no weeds, and Fiona next door is jealous of me." Your husband will be more than happy to oblige you by removing the weeds from the garden. The grass is kept very clean.

Fourth, let life be a little more humorous.

Life has no attributes. All its attributes are actually endowed by people. Happiness is a day, and sadness is a day. In this case, why don't we make our lives more fun and less sad?Your husband is your closest person, even if there are conflicts and conflicts between you, you can completely resolve them, so it will not hurt you to be humorous.

All in all, the "knife mouth" really can't afford to hurt. Ladies who want to be happy and happy, stop nagging, and you must remember this.

The fourth section is "attractive in the invisible" is the real skill
Have you ever had such an experience: you want to ask others to do something for you, such as designing a small game, making a simple toy, buying some things for you, etc., but you are hesitant to speak up, afraid that others will refuse or shirk , and at this time, if that person takes the initiative to say, let me help you design, let me help you buy, you must be very grateful, very comfortable, and feel that the other person is very understanding, very cute, and worthy of association.In the future, if this person asks you for help, you will be very happy, even without the other person asking, you will offer to help yourself.

In fact, this is very normal. People often say that if you compare your heart to your heart, you will respect me as much as I respect you.returning a Favour many times more.Interpersonal communication is indeed a profound knowledge, complex and huge, but sometimes, it is actually very easy to have a good relationship. It is enough to empathize and put yourself in the shoes of others.

"If you want to convince others, you must make others feel comforted to the greatest extent, so that others will work for you unconsciously." Mariaana, a famous Finnish psychologist and professor at the University of Helsinki Lindemann once said so.This sentence is very reasonable.

We have mentioned in the previous article that all suggestions can only be effective if they are transformed into self-suggestions. So, how to let others automatically transform your suggestions into his (her) own thoughts?The easiest way is to think about the problem from his (her) point of view, and follow his (her) thinking. Only in this way can you understand his (her) psychological state. Take advantage of the trend to guide him (her), let his (her) thoughts and actions move closer to the direction you want.It sounds complicated, but it is not complicated at all to operate. As long as you persist in doing this and make empathy a habit, it is actually very easy to "seductively invisible" to change other people's actions.

For example, one of your subordinates has made a mistake at work, and you want to know the reason and let him (her) find a way to remedy it. At this time, what should you do?Sternly reprimand him (her)?Yelling at him or her hysterically?Threatening him (her) to deduct wages and bonuses?Doing this may make you feel better, but it will not help your work. Even because of your reprimands and threats, your subordinates will feel uncomfortable from the bottom of their hearts, and they will not cooperate with you to find out the reasons for the mistakes. I am willing to cooperate with you to make remedies. After all, he (she) is just an employee. At worst, just change jobs. In the end, the company and you, the boss, will suffer the most.

Therefore, in order to make things develop in a good direction, you can completely communicate with him (her) in another way, you can say to him (her): "You work hard, are serious and responsible, and your performance has always been very good. I also plan to suggest to the company to promote you as a deputy supervisor next week. This time, although you made a mistake in your work, it is not a big deal. I believe you did not do it on purpose. Perhaps, you have encountered some troubles. If it is convenient , can you tell me, I think maybe I can help." If you are the subordinate who made a mistake, would you be very grateful to hear such words?meeting!definitely will!He (she) who is grateful will probably open up to you, tell you everything, and do his best to cooperate with you to remedy and restore, and because of your "tolerance", he (she) will be more loyal and admire you, and in the future It will also work very hard.

right!Things are so simple, if you change your attitude, change your angle, compare your heart with your heart, and think differently, you will get a different surprise.

Think about it, if you made a mistake and your boss scolded you, how would you feel?Even if you know he's right, do you really appreciate him?Can you feel comfortable in your heart?On the contrary, if your boss didn't blame you at all, but gave you a comforting look and patted you on the shoulder, how would you feel in your heart?
A wise person will never order others to do something, but will use very clever means to get others to take the initiative to help him do something, and this thing must be what he wants others to do.

What does this mean?difference!

Successful people use hints to direct others, and others are still willing to do so, thinking that this is what they want to do; on the contrary, mediocre people can only be directed by others and be guided unconsciously.

The king of American newspapers and the "Hitler" of the press—William Randolph Hearst once asked the famous political cartoonist Thomas Nast to create a cartoon for him about traffic safety when he was young, but Nast The first cartoon he drew did not satisfy Hester, but at that time, Hearst's status and influence were still very small, and he could not ask Nast to draw a new one for him, unless Nast Volunteer.

In order to let Nast take the initiative to draw a new one, Hearst racked his brains and thought of many ways. Finally, he decided to invite Nast to dinner.That night, the two had dinner together. Hearst kept praising Nast's cartoons. The atmosphere was very harmonious. Nast also showed a proud smile. At this time, Hearst turned his head and looked at the street outside the window. , sighed softly, and said: "Traffic accidents often occur in this area, and many children have lost their lives here. I think tram drivers are like demons. They are never willing to step on the brakes for the children who are playing. Go straight ahead like this." Hearing Hearst's words, Nast was surprised and angry. He jumped up and shouted: "God! This is too cruel! Sir, I have to draw a cartoon again!" Then After the meal, Nast stayed up all night in the hotel to draw a new cartoon, which was exactly what Hearst wanted.

Sometimes, things in the world are so wonderful, as long as you understand the human heart and the skill of ingenious hints, you can also let others do things for you actively, consciously and happily like Hearst.

No one wants to be told what to do, and no one is happy to hear strong and aggressive words like "You should..." "You must..." "You must..." So if you want others If you can't convince him (her) of what to do, then try this method.

"Seductive in the invisible" is the real skill. If you really learn it, you will benefit endlessly throughout your life.

(End of this chapter)