Psychological Suggestion: Awaken Your Best Self

Chapter 7 The Key to the Chamber of Secrets

Section [-] I am the master of my territory

Comparisons like this are not uncommon in our lives: comparing grades with classmates, careers with friends, body shape with sisters, drinking capacity with brothers, clothing with strangers, ability with rivals, connections with others... …Life is in various poses and with different expressions, and the world is chaotic and chaotic. Living in such a society, we can’t help but compare and compare. Everything seems to be the object of our comparison. We have been, are, and will fall into the torrent of comparison , unable to extricate themselves, but never tired of it.

Why?Is it that good of a comparison?

Some people say that comparison is a way of competition, which can stimulate people's competitiveness and self-esteem, and make people work harder.From a certain point of view, this view is not wrong. In fact, there are indeed a small number of people who have worked hard after being "stimulated". They have achieved incredible success, but what does such success represent?
A piece of toffee is added to a cup of coffee, can we say this is a cup of sugar water?A purple dress is dotted with blue florals, can we say this is a blue dress?There are one hundred red beans and one mung bean in a tray, can we say that this is a plate of mung beans?

The same goes for comparison.

Perhaps comparison has brought success to a few people, which we cannot deny, but at the same time, it has brought ruin and disaster to others, and the ruined people are absolutely the majority.

Comparisons are everywhere and all the time. In the constant comparison, many people are "compared" by the people around them. Many people find that they are really much worse than others. I can't compare with my friends, my connections are almost pitiful, and my ability is completely at the bottom - so a conclusion is drawn: "I am too poor, too fat, too cowardly, too withdrawn, too incompetent... I am just a worthless, penniless waste! "

Is there anything more pathetic than this?Because of this meaningless comparison, just because of this almost biased comparison, we feel inferior, self-abandoned, and self-denial, we are decadent, frustrated, annoyed, and even painfully want to end our "humble and worthless" life.

Ask yourself, why should we feel inferior?Just because we can't compare to others?Because we can't play the piano as well as others?Because we can't sing?Because we don't have as much money as anyone else?Because we can't grow the most coquettish roses?
No one is omnipotent, even if he is God.

The ruler is short and the inch is long. Everyone has their own advantages, and there are always many shortcomings. If we always compare the advantages of others with ourselves, and always use other people's standards to measure ourselves, we will always It is to use an unfair comparison method to judge your own life and value, then, go to feel inferior!Go and regret it!Go to self-doubt and denial!That's normal, because we've brought it on ourselves!
There are no two identical leaves in the world, nor are there two identical people. When God created human beings, he endowed each person with a "unique" quality, but this quality is hidden deeply, and many people forget it. , more people turn a blind eye to it.

What is excellent?what is badWhat is honor?What is meanness?What is valuable?What is worthless?what is rightWhat is wrong?At the beginning of creation, God did not define it.In other words, there has never been a truly standard and perfect person in this world. The so-called excellence, dignity, perfection, and value are actually created by human beings themselves, and it is human beings who bind themselves with ropes and cages. !

Yes, there is nothing wrong, it is what it is!
We are neither higher nor lower than anyone else. We may not have a lot of money, no lofty status, no great power, but what does this mean?Value is not measured by these.If we deny ourselves because of these, it only shows our own weakness.

Unnecessary comparisons, abnormal comparisons, using other people's standards to measure one's own value, this kind of behavior is like completely handing over one's own territory to others and letting others be the masters, which is funny and sad.

Amanla's family lives in the suburbs of Marseille. She is a shy and introverted girl. Because she is fat, she always feels particularly inferior. Seeing her classmates and friends getting slimmer and slimmer, Amanla is very painful. She wants to lose weight, but she has a traditional and old-fashioned mother. In her mother's view, there is nothing wrong with a girl who is fatter and looks richer.At the insistence of her mother, Amanla's weight loss plan finally failed, and she became fatter and fatter.As her body became obese, she felt more and more that she was different from the people around her, that she was a different kind, a defective product produced by God.As a result, she became more and more introverted, withdrawn, and less confident. She even wanted to end her life with sleeping pills several times.

Fortunately, the tragedy did not happen, because Amanla changed.

It was a summer afternoon. Teacher Jenny found her and told her: "Honey, your drawing is very good, and the teacher is proud of you." Amanla was stunned, and she whispered: "No, I'm fat, I'm different from others, and I'm terrible." After hearing what Amanla said, Teacher Jenny hugged her gently and said gently: "My child, you are wrong, being fat is not a mistake, you There is no need to feel inferior about it, everyone is unique, and everyone has advantages that others cannot match, just like Jenny, she has the best figure, but she can't draw, and she envies you very much."

Everyone is unique!Jenny with the best figure envies me!
Teacher Jenny's words were like the brightest ray of sunshine illuminating Amanla's heart. Since that afternoon, she has changed. She is no longer obsessed with her figure, and she has transferred all her energy to painting , to study brushwork, color, artistic conception, and collocation... Ten years later, she became the most famous young painter in France.

It's that simple!
We have absolutely no need to measure ourselves by other people's standards, and there is absolutely no need to let other people's thoughts occupy our hearts, our own territory, and we can only be the masters!Maybe our life is not prominent or dazzling, but it also has its own splendor and irreplaceable splendor!
We must believe, and we must firmly believe that we ourselves are the most beautiful landscape, because we are unique!

right!unique!

We are unique, so we don't have to look up, awe, or envy.

To be ourselves, to dominate our own territory, to measure ourselves with our own standards, to manage our own life well, to follow our own path, and to let others judge us, that’s how it should be!

Section [-] accept the true self

A person who does not love himself can never truly love others; a person who does not trust himself can never truly trust others; similarly, a person who does not accept himself can never truly accept others , and accepted by others.

Thoreau said: "Many people spend their lives in 'quiet despair'." This sentence has been proved by facts, and the so-called "quiet despair" refers to nothing else but the inner self-exclusion and denial , is difficult to accept the true self.

The famous American crime novelist Patricia Highsmith has successfully portrayed a "calm and hopeless" person in one of his masterpieces "The Talented Ripley", and he is the protagonist Ripley in the novel.

Ripley is a very talented young man, he is ambitious, ambitious, and capable, he is good at disguising, and better at imitating anyone's handwriting and voice.He wants success, money, status, and power, but he has none of these, while the young Dicky, the son of the ship tycoon, has everything he wants.Ripley wanted to live a life like Dickie, he didn't want anyone, especially Melty, the rich girl who fell in love at first sight, to know his poverty and humbleness, so he pretended to be Dickie, and rejected him when Dickie was almost deformed After being in love with him, he killed Dicky angrily, and then designed to get a large sum of money from the ship tycoon for him to continue his luxurious but untrue "rich" life.

Ripley is afraid of facing the real self, he does not agree with the real self, and tries his best to disguise and hide, even in order to hide, in order to satisfy the deformed desire in his heart, he brutally kills Dicky, his heart has been distorted To a certain extent, his denial of himself also became crazy to a certain extent, so he became a representative of evil.

In real life, there are naturally very few people who deny themselves to the point of perversion like Ripley, but there are many people who deny themselves and cannot and will not accept their true selves.

These people always have some strange and incomprehensible thoughts in their hearts. They like to pretend and are used to pretending. They keep whispering in their hearts: "You think I am like this, but I am like that." Don't recognize yourself in the eyes of others, or even recognize yourself in your own perception.They are anxious and painful because they don’t accept it, but they continue to pretend to relieve this pain and anxiety, and then they can’t accept their true self, but they don’t know that any real happiness and success is based on self-acceptance .If a person can't even achieve the minimum self-acceptance, then success and happiness can only be a luxury that is elusive for him.

We always think that our abilities are limited and that we are not good enough, but in fact our abilities are ten thousand times stronger than what we know, and we ourselves are tens of thousands of times better than our impressions.We can continue to affirm ourselves, we can subconsciously draw one beautiful picture after another for ourselves.Although such beauty seems illusory, it cannot give us superpowers, nor can it bring us wealth and power, but its magic is beyond doubt.Because, it brought us an opportunity!It is like a good mentor, leading us to truly know ourselves and accept our true selves.

There is an old saying in Eastern China, which is called: "There is no pure gold, and no man is perfect." In fact, a truly perfect person does not exist. Therefore, we have shortcomings in our body, our character has shortcomings, we are irritable, cowardly, We're discreet, we're ugly, we're retarded, we're disabled, we drink, we're aggressive, we gamble, we...we have different personalities, we have all kinds of flaws, but that's okay.

Yes, nothing really!Whether it is character, ability, strengths or weaknesses, these are just one aspect of our life. It represents us, but it cannot represent all of us.

A sliced ​​watermelon has red flesh and black seeds. Can we one-sidedly think that the watermelon is black because the seeds are black?cannot!
The part cannot represent the whole, and the particular cannot represent the general, and the same is true for people.A person has a bad temper, but can you conclude that he is a bad person?A person has a gentle personality, but can you conclude that his ability must be outstanding?A person is slender, but can you judge that he must be handsome?

We say to accept the real self, the real self mentioned here, in addition to being real, also includes another hidden aspect, that is comprehensiveness.

The self we want to accept cannot be one-sided, and cannot be a certain aspect of ourselves. We must accept the advantages, and we must also accept the shortcomings. We must accept success, and we must also accept failure.The real self refuses to be picky, it is what it is, and there is no room for bargaining.No one can divide a true self, just like no one can divide himself in half and still be alive.

The survey shows that many people who deny themselves and are unwilling to accept their true selves have been criticized or self-criticized more or less, and most of them have formed a kind of "I can't do it" "I can't do it" " I don't deserve to have these" inertial thinking.These thoughts and negative cues are deeply ingrained in their minds. Even beliefs such as "I am very capable", "I will definitely be able to do it", and "I am excellent" often appear in their minds, but they still cannot stop the intertwined negative cues. the harm caused.

Therefore, if we want to accept our true selves, the first thing we must do is to fight against the negative and huge "reactionary old forces", and the best way to fight is also obvious, that is to create a positive self-image and use good habits Replace bad habits and replace negative thinking with positive thinking. You must know that at the same time, there can only be one kind of thinking and belief in the human brain, either one or the other.

How do you create a positive self-image, you ask?How to beat negativity and accept who you really are?

It's very simple, you only need to do one thing!
This matter is not complicated or difficult, and it does not require you to pay a high price, nor does it require you to deliberately maintain or emphasize it. Yes, this matter is self-affirmation.

There are many methods of self-affirmation, but in general, two methods are most effective.

One is verbal affirmation, in other words, it is to turn the affirmation into words, speak it out, and affirm yourself, such as:
Linda, you are excellent and I am proud of your excellence.

Linda, you are kind, you make more people feel loved, I thank you.

Linda, you are very smart, you are very capable, I admire you.

Linda, you are cute, you are beautiful, I like you.

Yes, say it like this, say to yourself, it's better to use the No.1 pronoun or the second person, so the effect will be better.

Of course, in addition to verbal affirmation, we can also take a written affirmation method, which is also very effective.

You must have this experience: once you read a sentence, you will forget it the next day, but if you copy this sentence a hundred times, no, even if you just copy it once, you will not forget it the next day. It will be easily forgotten.In fact, writing is indeed a more powerful and effective way of remembering than speaking.

So, write down what you have said and the self-affirmation words you want to say, conduct self-affirmation according to your own actual situation, and write as many times as possible.

Don't question such magic, open your mouth, pick up a pen, believe me, you can also create a miracle, a miracle of your own life, definitely can!

Section [-] Give yourself a bouquet of roses

Man is a social animal, and no one can exist alone without society. Therefore, dealing with people has become a skill that we must learn and master.However, it is obvious that people are different.Some people are like a fish in water in social situations, with ease; some are mediocre, arty, and unsatisfactory; Prevent the outside world from hurting, but always get hurt the most.

A small wooden thorn gently pierces the index finger, the pain is very slight, and many people will laugh it off, but this kind of injury is enough to shake the world for the fragile "hedgehogs"-what a serious injury it is!It is likely to cause death after deterioration!
There is no malice in a joking sentence, many people will laugh and shake their heads after hearing it, and don't care, but such a joke is nothing more than a catastrophe to the fragile "hedgehogs"-this is an insult!Outright insult!This is irony!The most vicious sarcasm!
Exaggerated, self-righteous, habit of making things worse, suspicious, sensitive, always feel that others are targeting themselves, but do not know that the spikes they erected have actually disgusted people, and even stabbed people, this is fragile" hedgehog".

In our daily life, we always come into contact with such people more or less. They are too thin-skinned, too concerned about face-saving, and very sensitive. Perhaps your inadvertent word or action will make them feel offended, insulted, and affected. Harm, and thus regard you as a bandit.Think about it, how terrible and helpless it is to deal with such a person!
What?You say I'm exaggerating?Well, I won’t argue with you, let’s take a look at this real case: Jennifer is the most famous real estate businessman in Paris. She is just in her early 30s. The dream girl of many men, it stands to reason that she should be happy in such a perfect life, but in fact, on the contrary, she is not happy at all, she is extremely depressed, because she feels that she is a failure and that no one likes her.

Distraught, she came to Nancy and visited me, hoping that I could help her.

I asked her: "Why do you feel that others don't like you?"

She glanced at me, her voice was a little low, but she was very emotional: "Sir, isn't this obvious? Everyone hates me. Although no one said it clearly, I can feel that I am not a fool. If everyone didn't hate me, Why are you telling so many Polish jokes in front of me? Why are you always satirizing me directly and indirectly?"

Polish joke?Satire?I didn't understand and looked at her suspiciously.After she calmed down a little, she explained: "I am Polish."

At this moment, I understand that in the past year, Polish jokes have become popular throughout France. Everyone is saying them, but they will never say them in front of Poles. This is the most basic courtesy and respect, because some of them are really funny. Hurt.

I'm confused, is Jennifer's popularity really that bad?But as the conversation deepened, I discovered one thing, that is, Jennifer was already married a long time ago.According to the French tradition, after marrying her husband, her surname is changed to her husband's surname, so it is impossible for people who don't know to see her Polish ancestry from her surname, and in fact, there is no one in Paris. Know that Jennifer is married and Polish.

After knowing this, I understood that Jennifer is a sensitive person with weak self-esteem. She is too self-centered and always judges others with self-centeredness, thus ignoring some obvious facts intentionally or unintentionally. She will think that everyone around her is hating her and laughing at her.

I found the problem, and I patiently enlightened Jennifer, and taught her tolerance and self-confidence during the six months of psychological counseling, and guided her to establish a healthy self-image. After half a year, she changed and put away her body. She is no longer suspicious, no longer sensitive, and has truly become the most enchanting courtesan in the Parisian social circle.

After reading this example, what do you think?
Everyone has self-esteem, self-esteem is very important to us, self-esteem generates self-confidence, self-confidence stimulates self-esteem, self-esteem and self-confidence have always complemented each other, once self-esteem is injured, self-confidence will also be hit, and self-confidence is indispensable for success The missing cornerstone.Therefore, whether it is from an emotional point of view or from a personal point of view, it is necessary for us to protect our self-esteem.

So how to protect self-esteem?

It's simple, put on a layer of skin on your self-esteem!
There is a layer of epidermis on the surface of our body. This layer of epidermis seems to have no effect, but it gives us the best protection.All bacteria, small bumps, tiny scars, etc. are blocked by the epidermis, so that our inner skin will not be damaged.As it is with the body, so it is with the heart.

Self-esteem lives in the "inner skin" of the heart. If there is no epidermis on the outside of the skin, once the invasion comes, self-esteem will bear the brunt and be hit; Minimize damage.

Of course, although the protection of the epidermis is effective, it treats the symptoms but not the root cause. There is only one way to truly protect yourself, and that is to strengthen your heart, strengthen your self-esteem, and establish a healthy self-image!

A person with strong and healthy self-esteem will never become angry because of a few careless jokes or kind words, nor will he become suspicious because of a few irrelevant actions or some innocuous behaviors, and he will never be overwhelmed by others' inadvertent words. Feel threatened by words or actions, feel uneasy.

If you feel offended all the time, don't doubt it, it's your fault, because you're taking everything as an offense!
Give someone a rose, and leave a fragrance in your hand; give yourself a bouquet of roses, the rich fragrance will not only intoxicate others, but also intoxicate yourself.

A person, intentionally or unintentionally, will always give himself many gifts in his life. Some of these gifts are strange, some are mysterious, some are magnificent, some are sharp, and some are... But the most precious thing among them is only one thing, that is Roses - A Bouquet of Roses That Represents a Healthy Self-Image!
Did you smell it?The fragrance that seems to come from heaven is the fragrance of roses!

Section [-] Don't Resist the Speech
Dale Carnegie, a well-known American master of human relations and the author of the spiritual bible "Human Weaknesses", once conducted a very interesting survey: He asked his students, why do you come to my class?What do you want to learn from my class?In Carnegie's view, the answers he got should be varied and strange. However, the fact is that he made a big joke with this master: he got a lot of answers, but they are surprisingly similar!
"I want to express myself, but I am afraid to express myself. When I am asked to stand up to answer questions, introduce myself or make other statements, I don't know what to do. I feel uncomfortable, I feel unnatural, My brain seems to be messed up all of a sudden. I don't know how to speak, I don't know how to think, I can't concentrate, I don't know what I want to express, let alone how to express it. Therefore, I Here I am. I want to gain confidence, I want to stand up and speak, I want to be able to speak, I want to be social, I want to think clearly in public, I want my words to be convincing, I I want to make my aura stronger." More than 90.00% of the answers can be summed up like this.

Such a result sounds shocking and unbelievable, but as a doctor with some achievements in psychology and suggestion science, I know that this result is real and reasonable.In fact, fear of speaking, fear of speaking in crowded places, fear and resistance to communicate with others, this is not anyone's patent, but a common feature of human beings.Everyone has similar symptoms, but some people have mild symptoms, some people have severe symptoms, some people have obvious symptoms, and some people can't see them.However, no one can deny that even the best speakers in the world will feel more or less scared and nervous when they stand on stage, because it is nature.

From a psychological point of view, human beings are to a certain extent the product of thought and environment. A person's family background, education environment, work environment, etc. will have an immeasurable impact on the formation of his personality.Some people are not confident, they dare not stand on the podium, and they dare not speak in public. In fact, it is not because they are born that way, but because they themselves regard false signals as real. It is because they themselves think that they are inferior to others. I can't do it myself.

In fact, God is fair to everyone, he has no likes or dislikes.If you are not as good as others the day after tomorrow, if you are not confident enough, if what you are best at is creating awkward situations, then, it can only be said that you have destroyed yourself.

Perhaps, the word ruin is a bit serious here. After all, not everyone needs to be a speaker, and not everyone needs to be comfortable in public, but no matter what, we always have to speak, and our life will always be It is to encounter many occasions that require public speaking. The only difference is that some people encounter more and some people encounter less.

Well, then, talk, stand up, speak!
What?You say you can't do it?What do you ask me to do?
I can't answer you, only you can give you the answer, I am not the roundworm in your stomach, I don't know what you are thinking, what are you worrying about, but, I guess:

Are you worried that you are not ready to speak?No, in fact, the preparations you have made are complete enough and sufficient!
Are you worried that you missed some point that should not have been missed?No, you haven't missed any point, your worry is completely unnecessary, it is the result of low self-esteem lurking in your heart.

Are you worried that your level is not enough?No, you have to understand that your audience is not omniscient and omnipotent saints. They are ordinary people just like you. Their level is not necessarily higher than yours. Even if there are a few higher levels than you, it will not be for no reason to accuse you.After all, rude people are very few in the end.

Are you still worried about unexpected situations?Are you worried about being interrupted?Are you worried that your speech cannot go on?No, calm down, you have to admit that the probability of such a situation happening is too low!So low that it can be ignored!
Am I right?
It doesn't matter whether you are right or wrong, the important thing is that you are worried, do you admit this fact?you worry, why?Because you are not confident enough.Don't be too quick to deny it, it's not something to be ashamed of.Everyone has this feeling when they speak in public, even if it's just a little bit, if you don't have it at all, then it's really abnormal.Lack of self-confidence, fear, worry, and resistance are nothing, and having these negative emotions or states is not a bad thing for us, but a good thing.

Yes, you read that right, it’s a good thing!
We all know that survival of the fittest and survival of the fittest are the most basic survival rules in this world. As the leader of all spirits, human beings are undoubtedly the most powerful in adapting to the environment and meeting challenges.Therefore, when we are nervous, worried, or unconfident, our body will automatically enter the emergency state before the challenge.In this state, all the abilities of the body will be enhanced, the movements will be more agile, and the thinking will be faster.

Heart beating faster?Pulse quickened?It doesn't matter, good thing!As long as we are prepared and keep our bodies in such a limit state, we will reap unexpected surprises.The language is more fluent, the thinking is more meticulous, and the exposition is more incisive. These are all small cases.

Well, after talking so much, I just want to tell you a truth: be confident, don't worry about this and that, don't be afraid to communicate, don't resist speech, but be proactive and enthusiastic to communicate with people .As long as you do this, your world will become wider. If you can't, even if you infinitely magnify and exaggerate the small fear, then your heart will be more stagnant, and your words will be more sluggish. Otherwise, your self-confidence will also be wiped out.

Of course, everything cannot be accomplished overnight. If you want to stand out in front of the public and show yourself well in front of everyone, this is not an easy task. But learn to speak, dare to speak, and design an opening speech that suits you , is the first and most critical step in no longer resisting the speech.

In daily life, we call someone's most spoken and most frequently used words a mantra, and the opening speech we want to design is actually a mantra. "No problem", "Unlucky", "Why", "Great", "Thank God" and many other mantras are said by many people. It sounds like just a sentence, a language habit, but the power of this sentence is Boundless, at least different mantras give different hints.Mantras such as "unlucky" and "bad" never conjure up positive connotations, and phrases like "great" and "awesome" never paint the canvas of life in a gray color. .

Positive, optimistic, and upward mantras can dispel the haze in people's hearts and make people excited; negative, pessimistic, and decadent mantras can cast a layer of haze on people's hearts and make people decadent.The truth is as simple as that.

So, stop watching, stop thinking about fear, if you long for confidence, if you long for success, if you long for charm, if you long for attention, if you don't want to be a loser, then act, now Design a unique mantra for yourself, remember it in your heart, and repeat it over and over again. After a long time, you will find that the domino effect has happened to you. One sentence, a few words, will reshape your life , definitely not a joke!

(End of this chapter)