learn psychology everyday

Chapter 12 Social Psychology--Being a Popular "Fox" (1)
People have different personalities, and the impressions they leave on people are also very different, but they are often different from the real situation, because there are some "effects" at work.From this point of view, to learn to communicate with people of different personalities, use different ways of communication, and be a "fox" who is popular everywhere, you need to actively understand some psychological knowledge of communication, skillfully use various Class effects can leave a good impression on others, and at the same time help oneself overcome the negative effects of various effects in interpersonal communication.

The Primacy Effect - Beauty at First Sight
The primacy effect is sometimes called the role of the first impression. Specifically, it means that when you first come into contact with someone or something, you will have a psychological set of emotional factors towards someone or something, which will affect the relationship between you and the person in the future. or an evaluation of the matter.

"Primary cause" can also be said to be the first impression, which generally refers to the intuitive observation and attribution judgment of people when they first communicate with each other.In interpersonal communication, the primacy effect plays a decisive role in the formation of people's communication impressions. The "New Dictionary of Psychology" defines it as follows: "In the process of interpersonal perception, the initial impressions play an important role, that is, the effect of 'preconceived'. Although these first impressions are not always correct, but But it is the most vivid and firmest, and determines the course of future exchanges between the two parties.” In real life, the first impression formed under the primacy effect often affects our future views on others.Because once the first impression is formed, it is not easy to change.Just like a star in a Taiwanese entertainment program said: When you dress upright when you attend a show for the first time, then if you are upright for one day, you will be upright for at least a year in the hearts of others.This is the "beauty at first sight" in interpersonal communication.

American psychologist Lochins conducted an experiment on the "primacy effect" in 1957.The experimental process is roughly as follows: He designed four different essays, each describing a person named Jem.The first article describes Jem as a cheerful and friendly person throughout; the first half of the second article describes Jem as cheerful and friendly, and the second half describes Jem as withdrawn and unfriendly; On the contrary, the first half of the article says that Jem is withdrawn and unfriendly, and the second half says that he is cheerful and friendly; the fourth article describes Jem as withdrawn and unfriendly throughout.Lochins asked four groups of subjects to read the four articles, and then rated Jem's friendliness on a scale.The results show that the front and back arrangement of the content is crucial.Cheerful and friendly came first, and 78% of them rated Jem as friendly; withdrawn and unfriendly came first, followed by cheerful and friendly, and only 18% of them rated Jem as friendly. From the experimental research, it can be seen that the primacy effect is extremely obvious.

Due to the existence of the primacy effect, it requires us to pay attention to grooming ourselves when we interact with others for the first time, from appearance to language to inner quality, so as to give people a pleasant feeling and make people willing to associate with you. Even take the initiative to invite you.Of course, this requires you to do a certain amount of work, just like every girl must dress up carefully before dating, in order to make people look comfortable and beautiful.Even if the facial features are not beautiful enough, they should give people a clean and well-resourced feeling.Therefore, in social activities such as making friends, recruiting, and job hunting, we can use this effect to actively show people a beautiful image, leave a "beauty at first sight" for everyone, and lay a good foundation for making friends .

There was a guy named Bill who had a successful interview. On the first day he went to work in the company, he was led by the department leader to get to know all the colleagues in the company one by one.When he walked into the PR manager's office, the deputy manager Day's crisp work style, personable appearance, and enthusiasm for Bill all left a particularly good impression on Bill.Afterwards, the deputy manager, Day, also introduced the situation and work characteristics of each department of the company to Bill. Bill was very grateful for this, and believed that Day must be a loyal friend.And Laudrup, an engineer in the other office, had a gloomy face and was busy with the design in his hands. He raised his head and didn't even say hello. Bill defined Laudrup in his heart: "Stupid, unenthusiastic, sure. He's a cold-blooded animal." Since then, Bill has used this as a "scale" to measure when he encounters problems.

It didn't take long for the deputy manager Day to take advantage of Bill's trust and youth in him, causing him to stumble in front of everyone.Bill regretted it too much, why did he work for Day.It was the engineer Laudrup who saved his loss and reputation. He exposed Day's tricks and cleared Bill of his innocence.Bill later blamed himself for not being "preconceived" and choosing friends based on momentary likes and dislikes, until the "friend" who was good at disguising pushed him into a trap, but it was too late to regret it at this time.

The society is complicated. When people communicate with others, they are utilitarian and have ulterior motives. There are such people everywhere. When your friends treat you well, don't indulge in it; when your friends treat you a little coldly, don't care too much. "Knowing people and faces, not knowing the heart, drawing people and tigers, it is difficult to draw bones", the "purpose" behind each friend is mostly difficult to confirm for a while, so it is better to observe and move.As the saying goes, "The horsepower of Lu Yao, the true heart will be seen after a long time".

Otherwise, choosing and drawing conclusions based on premature superficial impressions will make you make "landmine-like" friends and cause disasters.It will also make you miss a sincere friend and regret for life.

Therefore, although the primacy effect plays a great role, it is of course good to leave people with the "beauty at first glance", but there is still the test of "a long way to know horsepower, and a long time to see people's hearts", so everyone's inner Quality and inner self-cultivation are the most important. We should not just be a vase, but constantly improve our self-cultivation and train our quality.So no matter when, we must pay attention to our appearance, keep ourselves clean and fresh, behave well, and be generous.

Psychology class:
1.A bad first impression can lead to missed opportunities
2.A good impression makes it easy for you to interact with people
3.Improve the quality of self-cultivation, strengthen the good impression and change the bad impression

Affinity Effect - Attracting Others Like a Magnet
The affinity effect means that people tend to feel closer to each other because of some commonality or similarity between them in communication and entertainment.This kind of closeness will create a sense of intimacy between the two parties, and then promote the two parties to get closer to each other and understand each other.

In communication and entertainment, people often feel that they are more approachable to each other because there is something in common or similar to each other.And this kind of closeness to each other usually leads to a sense of intimacy between the communication partners, and they get closer to each other and understand each other.It is easy for everyone to resonate with people who are similar to their own status, personality, habits, exquisiteness, dress, language, and conversation content.In psychology, this is called the "affinity effect."

Communication between people is a process of never knowing each other, from knowing to being familiar, from being familiar to becoming good friends.Then, how to make yourself have an affinity effect like a magnet, find a common language, find similarities, and attract others to be willing to associate with you for a long time is an important part of communication.

Lauren is an experienced businesswoman from Los Angeles.She has a fashionable outfit and pays attention to taste.Lauren moved to a small town in the Southwest because she wanted to slow down her life and feel more of a sense of belonging.As much as she likes the city and its people, she feels unwelcome.Eventually, her colleagues pointed out to her that the way she dressed and talked made locals think she was putting on airs and condescending.Since then, Lauren has deliberately dressed casually, talked to people about local affairs, socialized more, and tried to make herself more approachable.Although she was uncomfortable at first: not used to wearing khakis, not used to talking about running a ranch.But she found it easier to communicate with her new neighbors and colleagues.

This is the specific manifestation of the affinity effect. In fact, it can be shown in psychological research that everyone's appearance reflects his heart, your clothes, your way of speaking, every movement of yours, and every look in your eyes. Tell people if you are friendly and willing to talk to people.If you act aloof, everyone will find you difficult, and no one will want to talk to you.

The ancients said that the tune is high and the tune is low. It was originally said that the tune is too high to be harmonious.This is a big taboo in interpersonal communication. If you look down on all living beings from above, then everyone will look at you from a distance and will not really talk to you.Only when you are deeply rooted in the hearts of the people and everyone thinks you are amiable can you succeed.

Whether it is ancient times or today, everyone has a certain psychological set.This kind of psychological set is a psychological trend with a certain tendency formed by a person within a certain period of time.It is manifested in interpersonal communication, that is, people often have a tendency, that is, they are more willing to approach those who are closer to them.The "closer objects" here often refer to those who have something in common with themselves.For example, blood relationship, marriage relationship, geographical relationship, academic relationship or business relationship can also be aspirations, interests, hobbies, interests, or they can be in the same group or organization.We usually refer to these relatively close objects as "insiders".Undoubtedly, when other conditions are equal, people are often positive about their own people, and the effect of communication between them is more obvious.

The Chinese have a strong regional plot, and we should have a deep understanding of this.Many people always ask when they are meeting someone for the first time: "Where is your hometown?" Although this has become a greeting similar to "Have you eaten?", it more or less reflects that people are The idea of ​​seeking common ground between the two parties in communication.In fact, experienced people also regard such polite words as a "warm-up" or "lubricant" before the start of a relationship.If the other party happens to be a fellow countryman, it is inevitable to step forward and warm up. The distance between the two parties will be shortened at once, and the probability of successful communication will also be greatly increased.Even if the two parties are not from the same hometown, they can freely share their knowledge of each other's location, such as special products, tourist attractions, etc., which can also shorten the distance between each other.This is also one of the characteristics of the affinity effect, that is, similarity.

Of course, the same holds true for other potential commonalities between the two parties mentioned above.Among these common points, aspirations, interests, hobbies, and interests are the most effective "breakthroughs". Once you find that the two parties have common understanding and habits in these areas, the communication will be much smoother.For example, some people like sports. If they find out that the other party is also interested in sports, they will immediately feel that the two parties share similar interests, and it is easy to start a conversation. The next in-depth communication is reasonable.

With the prolongation of the communication time, each other will find more or less similarities. It will take a certain amount of time for these commonality and commonality to appear. Therefore, the affinity effect still has a certain interval.

It is precisely because of the objective existence of this interval that we should not rush to find the similarities between the two sides in communication, but should carefully observe in continuous communication and gradually grasp the commonalities between the two sides.In particular, some people are very clear about public and private affairs, and generally do not reveal their interests and hobbies easily in business contacts, lest the other party launch a favor offensive.When communicating with these people, you should pay more attention to careful observation at ordinary times, and find out the commonalities between the two parties from their speech and behavior.

It is precisely because of the existence of this interval that the affinity effect has become a theory that complements the first-round effect.The first-round effect believes that people's feelings about the object of communication are formed in the first impression, and it is difficult to change.If the impression is good, so be it.But if it leaves a bad impression, it's worth our consideration.

In many cases, the reason why people form a bad feeling about the partner is that people have not had time to discover the commonalities between the two parties in the first communication, so they lack the conditions to get closer.This is the effect of interval.To make up for this shortcoming, you should try to find the common ground between the two parties in the next communication, and improve the other party's bad impression of yourself.

The existence of this interval actually provides a chance of salvation for those who fail in the initial relationship.Although we say that first impressions are irreversible, we can at least repair the original impression to some extent.If our efforts are continuous and sincere, and the other party is rational and objective, then the prospect of communication between the two parties will be bright. "Don't fight, don't know each other" comes from this.

This is quite inspiring for our actual communication.Some people are more impatient, and once they make a bad impression in the first contact, they are ready to break the pot and break it to the end.As everyone knows, doing so will completely lose the room for "clearing the suspicion".

Psychology class:
1.Loneliness makes you alone
2.Actively seek commonalities or similarities with others

3.Affinity is like a magnet that attracts those around you
Projection Effect——Why There Is "Measuring the Belly of a Gentleman with the Heart of a Villain"

The projection effect refers to measuring others by oneself, thinking that if one has certain characteristics, others must also have the same characteristics as oneself. It is a kind of cognition that projects one's own feelings, will, and characteristics onto others and imposes them on others obstacle.

There used to be a joke in ancient times, saying that there was a person who liked to eat celery and always thought that other people liked to eat celery as much as he did.Therefore, when guests come to the house, they must be warmly entertained with celery, and they also try their best to persuade the guests to like to eat celery, which makes his behavior a well-known joke, and also makes him a typical image of "taking others by oneself".In fact, in daily life and interpersonal communication, everyone will inevitably make the mistake of "judging others by oneself" like him.In psychology, this phenomenon is called the projection effect.That is, people often assume that others have the same attributes, hobbies or tendencies as themselves, and often take it for granted that others know what they think in their hearts.The most typical projection effect is "measure the belly of a gentleman with the heart of a villain".That is, when other people's behavior is different from ours, we are used to using our own standards to measure other people's behavior, thinking that other people's behavior is against the norm; people who like jealousy often attribute the motivation of other people's behavior to jealousy, if others are a little disrespectful to him , he feels that others are jealous of him.

In order to overcome the negative effects of the projection effect, we should have a correct understanding of ourselves and others, be strict with ourselves, treat others objectively, and try to avoid judging others by our own standards.The other party is not what we imagined, and we will only know when we try it.

I have heard such a story:
It is said that there is a couple abroad who love each other very much. When they eat bread every day, they both want to leave the best things for each other.Therefore, every time when eating bread, the husband always gave the crust to the wife, and the wife always gave the heart to the husband. Day after day, year after year, until one day, the wife was very ill and she When he was dying, he said to his husband: "Can I have a piece of bread?" It turned out that the wife always liked eating bread, but because she thought her husband should also like eating bread, she kept giving the bread to him. I gave my husband to eat.But she didn't know that her husband liked to eat bread crusts. The common reason made them eat things they didn't like all the time.

Also, another story:
Foyin and Su Dongpo got along very well, and they often meditated and enlightened together.One day, they fought again.Su Dongpo first asked: "Old Yin, what do you think I look like?" Foyin replied without hesitation: "A bachelor looks like a Buddha." Then he asked Dongpo: "What do you think the old monk looks like?" Su Dongpo saw Foyin Wearing a black monk's robe, he was fat again, sitting there cross-legged, a black pile, then blurted out, "The monk is like a pile of cow dung." After hearing this, Foyin remained silent and closed his eyes. Eyes repose.When Su Dongpo returned home, he happily said to Su Xiaomei: "Sister, I have never won a fight with Foyin before. Today is really lucky, and he was speechless." So he told the story of the two fights. , spoke vividly.After Su Xiaomei heard this, she sneered and said, "Brother lost all his money today, yet he thinks he has won a complete victory!" Su Dongpo's eyes widened, his face full of bewilderment.Su Xiaomei said: "Mr. Yin sees Buddha, and brother sees cow dung. Excuse me, who is higher and who is lower? Mr. Yin pretends to be Buddha in his heart, so he sees everyone as a Buddha, and when elder brother opens his mouth, he sees cow dung." , what is in your heart?
These two cases are also the "projection effect" in psychology.To put the projection effect in a more popular way, when other people's behavior is different from ours, we habitually use our own standards to measure other people's behavior and think that other people's behavior violates the norm.That is, if you are a kind-hearted person, you will think that others are the same as you and are kind people; if you are a person who often calculates, you will also think that others are also a person who often calculates; If you are a small person, when others are a little disrespectful to you, you will feel that others are jealous of you;These are issues that we should always pay attention to in our interpersonal communication, and remind ourselves not to use the "projection effect" to treat others, but also to avoid the "projection effect" from others to treat ourselves.

(End of this chapter)