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Chapter 13 Social Psychology--Being a Popular "Fox" (2)
Generally speaking, the projection effect is manifested in two aspects: First, emotional projection.This means that everyone's hobbies are the same as their own. It forces other people's characteristics into its own established frame, and it is understood according to its own way of thinking.For example, Junxian likes playing basketball very much, and as long as he talks to others, he will talk about basketball endlessly, regardless of whether others are interested or not, whether they can listen to it or not.If he is talking about basketball to others and does not resonate with others, he will think that others are not giving face. This is the so-called emotional projection.Second, cognition lacks objectivity.In life, some people will get to know the person they like more and more, and feel that he is getting better and better, while completely ignoring his shortcomings.As for people you don't like, you will see more and more faults, so that you will blur the good points of others.Therefore, they show excessive praise and flattering of people or things they like, and excessively criticize or even slander people or things they dislike.This psychological tendency to think that the people or things one likes is beautiful, and the ones or things one dislikes is ugly, and to project one's feelings onto these people or things to beautify or uglify them, in fact, has lost the meaning of interpersonal communication. The objectivity of cognition, which leads to subjective assumptions and falls into the quagmire of prejudice.

Because of the projection effect, we can often infer a person's true intentions or psychological characteristics from the person's perception of others.Since people have certain commonalities and have the same desires and requirements, in many cases, our speculations about others are relatively correct. After all, there are differences in time. Without considering individual differences, if you project randomly, mistakes will occur.In our daily life, we often mistakenly project our thoughts and wishes onto others: people we like, we think others like them too; parents always like to design a future for their children, choose schools and careers, and don’t care about their children’s interests and hobbies and specialties, and impose our own preferences on our children... We have to remember that people have both commonalities and individualities. If the projection effect is too serious and we always judge others by ourselves, then we will not be able to truly You can't really know yourself without knowing others.

Psychology class:
1.Do unto others, do not impose on others

2.Avoid the tendency to attribute your characteristics to other people
3.Treat others and treat yourself dialectically
Opposite-sex effect-men and women match, work is not tiring

In interpersonal relationships, heterosexual contact will produce a special mutual attraction and motivation, and one can experience unspeakable emotional pursuits, which usually have a positive impact on human activities and learning. This is the psychological term " The opposite sex effect".

In our daily life, we often hear the saying: "Men and women match, work is not tiring".In fact, this is the application of the "opposite effect" in psychology.In interpersonal relationships, heterosexual contact will produce a special mutual attraction and motivation, and one can experience unspeakable emotional pursuits, which usually have a positive impact on human activities and learning. This is the psychological term " The opposite sex effect".

The "heterosexual effect" is a common psychological phenomenon in society. It is manifested that activities that both men and women participate in are more interesting than activities that only the same sex participate in. It will make the participants feel happier and work harder. outstanding.This is because the need for psychological closeness between the opposite sex and the psychology of pursuing the admiration of the opposite sex can be satisfied.When interacting with the opposite sex, people will arouse greater inner positivity and creativity, and they will pay more attention to their words and deeds, and become more positive and noble.Therefore, it will be smoother for men and women to work together and deal with problems.

Lin Xiaoyu is the manager of the public relations department of a large company in Beijing. She is young and beautiful. After she came to the company, she made great achievements for the company and became a "popular person" in the eyes of the leaders and a "dazzling figure" in the eyes of colleagues.

Once, there was a shortage of raw materials in the company. The colleagues in the material department who were in charge of this matter had been running around for more than a month, but all failed.The company had no choice but to appoint Lin Xiaoyu to go out and let her go out to be in charge of contacting various units with regard to raw material issues. After she was dispatched for three days, the company's raw material issues were resolved.

Another time, due to the poor management of the company, the operating funds could not be turned over, and the company's leaders decided to ask for a loan from the bank.However, the loan application has already been sent out, but the bank has not given any news or reply for a long time.Seeing that the company was about to fail, the leader was anxious like ants on a hot pot, fidgeting.Faced with such a situation, Lin Xiaoyu took the initiative to ask to negotiate with the bank, and after dealing with the bank's leaders several times, she finally got a loan of nearly one million US dollars.

Because of Lin Xiaoyu's outstanding performance at work, he was highly valued by the company's leaders, and his salary was continuously upgraded, as well as various bonuses.

In fact, there are three reasons why Lin Xiaoyu was able to succeed:
One is that Lin Xiaoyu is born with beauty, beautiful appearance, and elegant figure. Her innate advantages are easy to be recognized and favored by the opposite sex. Naturally, things will go smoothly when she starts.

The second is that she is clear-headed, eloquent, rich in knowledge and experience, and good at dealing with people, which can easily be appreciated and praised by the opposite sex.

The third is that this society is male-dominated after all. Many people go out to do errands and mostly deal with men. Lin Xiaoyu relies on her innate beauty and intelligence, coupled with the unique charm of women. It is difficult to find such a beautiful woman who has business and does not take the initiative to help.

Combining the above three reasons, in fact, the secret of Lin Xiaoyu's success lies in the flexible and ingenious application of the "opposite effect".

Pay attention to the little things around us, and it is not difficult to find that the "opposite effect" is the most common phenomenon in our lives.For example, when male salespersons receive female customers, they are more enthusiastic than male customers, and men are generally more polite to female helpers.These are all opposite-sex effects of "opposites attract".

There is a more typical example of the opposite sex effect.That is, during space flight, 60% of the astronauts will have "space syndrome", such as: headache, dizziness, insomnia, irritability, nausea, depression, etc., and all drugs are of no avail.A few years ago, Australian researchers who were investigating in Antarctica also suffered from this strange disease. They suffered from insomnia at night and groggy during the day. They tried many methods, but none of them could be cured.After investigation and research, it was concluded that "there is no matching between men and women, which is the result of a serious imbalance in the sex ratio, which leads to the lack of odors of the opposite sex." Therefore, Professor Harry, a famous American doctor of medicine, proposed to NASA that in every space flight , choose a healthy and beautiful woman to participate.Unexpectedly, such a simple method solved the problems that plagued the astronauts.

In the study of real life, psychologists also found that in a working environment where there are only men or women, although the conditions are superior, the hygiene meets the requirements, and the degree of automation is high, both men and women are prone to fatigue and work efficiency is low. High, this comes down to the mismatch between men and women.The performance of this opposite-sex effect is most prominent among teenagers. Then, how to use the opposite-sex effect skillfully to stimulate their own potential and obtain more achievements in work and studies?

First of all, we must use the "opposite effect" to learn from each other's strengths and make up for our weaknesses, so as to enrich and perfect our own personality.After entering adolescence, the psychological differences between boys and girls become more and more obvious.Boys tend to have a cheerful personality and don't stick to details; girls tend to be quiet and timid, with delicate and rich emotions, and more passive consciousness.In the process of interacting and attracting each other, boys and girls can discover each other's strengths and their own shortcomings in time, learn from each other, learn from each other, and gradually improve their own personality.

Secondly, we must use the "opposite sex effect" to improve the efficiency of study and work.Boys tend to be more abstract in their thinking methods and have a strong generalization ability; girls tend to be more visualized in their thinking methods, observe meticulously, and are imaginative.When men and women study or work together, they can inspire each other, broaden their minds and make their thinking more active, and inspire each other's ideas and viewpoints, often triggering sparks of wisdom.

Thirdly, we should use the "opposite sex effect" to improve the ability of self-evaluation.Men and women tend to pay close attention to the smiles and actions of friends of the opposite sex (especially friends of the opposite sex they like). They like to comment on classmates of the opposite sex. While evaluating each other, they will also pay attention to regulating themselves, shaping themselves, and improving themselves.In this way, they can often learn to evaluate themselves in the process of evaluating others, so that the ability of self-evaluation has been improved.

Of course, everything has a "degree" problem.In the process of communication, male and female friends should not only treat each other honestly, encourage each other, and make progress together, but also pay attention to the differences between men and women, and properly grasp the "degree" of communication between opposite sexes, so that the opposite sex effect can play the best role.

Psychology class:
1.In interpersonal communication, we must correctly use the effect of the opposite sex

2.Appropriately overcome the timidity, dissatisfaction and other psychology caused by interacting with the opposite sex
Halo Effect——The Psychological Illusion of Love House and Crow

The halo effect refers to the fact that someone or something impresses others because of its outstanding characteristics, while making others ignore its other psychological and behavioral qualities.The quality or characteristics of this strong psychological perception, like the halo in the form of the moon, diffuses and spreads around, so it is also called the halo effect.

American psychologist Dane Bernstein once conducted an experiment in which he gave some photos of people to the people who participated in the experiment. Several non-appearance-related characteristics, such as marriage, professional status, social and professional well-being, etc.As a result, attractive people received the highest ratings on almost every trait, and were considered to have all the positively affirming qualities simply because of their good looks and noble temperament.This is the halo effect, a ubiquitous psychological phenomenon.

In interpersonal communication, the halo effect means that when we evaluate others, we often like to start from partial impressions of good or bad, and diffuse the overall impression that either all are good or all are bad.For example, the mistakes that everyone is familiar with and often make, such as "generalizing the whole", "love the house and hate it", and "one person has one good and one hundred good", are caused by the halo effect.

"Bystanders are clear, authorities are obsessed", we must be good at listening to and accepting the opinions of others, and guard against the negative effects of the halo effect.At the same time, you can also use the halo effect to increase your own attractiveness.When interacting with people, we can adopt a preconceived strategy to let the other party understand our strengths in order to obtain affirmative and positive evaluations.

Case [-]:

Pushkin is a famous Russian writer. When he was young, he met Goncharova at an aristocratic ball.Goncharova is beautiful and beautiful, and is "Moscow's number one beauty".Seeing the peerless beauty, Pushkin completely fell under her pomegranate skirt and fell in love with her madly.After pursuing her for a while, he soon married this beauty.After getting married, the flamboyant Goncharova had no interest in Pushkin's poetry and prose creation. She only cared about painting and dressing up all day long, indulging in high society socializing and court balls.Whenever Pushkin looked at his beautiful wife, he couldn't help but want to read his poems to her.Unexpectedly, as long as Goncharova heard that her husband Pushkin was going to read poems to her, she would cover her ears and say, "Don't listen! Don't listen!" Then she often pulled Pushkin to ask him to accompany her Have fun and accompany her to some lavish evenings and dances.In this regard, Pushkin was not only not angry with his wife's vanity, but in order to make her happy, he put down his poetry creation work and spent all day with his wife in entertainment and attending various evening parties.

In the process of having fun with his wife, Pushkin's creative inspiration was almost exhausted. In his life, he was also heavily in debt because of his wife's beauty.When their life was gradually falling down, his wife fell in love with Dantes, a French nobleman who had fled to Russia.Faced with his wife's cheating, Pushkin and Dantes had a duel. In the duel with him, he was seriously injured in the abdomen and finally died of ineffective rescue. In this way, a Russian literary superstar fell prematurely.

Case [-]:
During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, Mi Zixia, Minister of the State of Wei, was deeply favored by Duke Ling of Wei.One night, when Mi Zixia heard that his mother was suddenly ill, he secretly drove home in Wei Linggong's car to visit his mother.According to the laws of the state of Wei at that time, those who stole the monarch's car without permission would have their feet cut off.However, after Wei Linggong learned about this, instead of blaming Mi Zixia, he praised him and said, "You are so filial! In order to visit my mother, I don't even care about breaking the law and being punished."

Another time, Mi Zixia accompanied Wei Linggong to visit the orchard.He tasted a peach.He thought it was delicious, so he gave the leftovers to Wei Linggong to eat.According to common sense, it is disrespectful for a courtier to give the leftovers to the monarch, but Wei Linggong said: "You really love me. If you have good things, you don't want to enjoy them alone, but leave them for me to taste."

Later, Mi Zixia fell out of favor because he offended Duke Ling of Wei.Thinking of the past, Wei Linggong said angrily: "This guy has long been a bad guy—he drove my car without authorization and gave me the leftover peaches. He should be punished severely!"

In the above two examples, Pushkin felt that everything about his wife was beautiful because he thought his wife's appearance was beautiful, while ignoring his wife's vanity and bad qualities.Later, he gave up writing for his wife and died because of his wife's affair.For Pushkin, he can say that because he fell in love with his wife's beauty, he fell in love with everything about his wife, both good and bad.As for Wei Linggong, when he favored Mi Zixia, he thought that everything he did was good; when he was dissatisfied with Mi Zixia, he thought everything he did was bad, even what he thought was good before Things have also turned bad.

halo effect was first proposed by the famous American psychologist Edward Thorndike's.Edward Thorndike believed that people's cognition and judgment of people often only start from a part, and then diffuse to get an overall impression, which is what people often say is generalization.That is, if a person is marked as good, he will be shrouded in a positive halo and given the impression that "everything is good"; if a person is marked as bad, he will be given a negative aura. An aura of negativity and perceived bad qualities.The halo effect is a kind of partial subjective psychological speculation, which will cause a huge cognitive obstacle to people's psychology. As Goethe said: "What people see is exactly what they know."The psychological disadvantages of the halo effect are mainly manifested in three aspects:

1. It is easy to grasp the individual characteristics of things, and is used to generalizing them individually, just like a blind man touches an elephant, using dots to represent faces.

2. It is easy to link some personality or appearance characteristics that have no internal connection, asserting that there must be another characteristic with this characteristic.

3. It affirms everything that is good, and negates everything that is bad. This is an absolute tendency dominated by subjective prejudice.

This kind of irrational, one-sided, and out-of-context understanding can easily make us make mistakes unconsciously. Therefore, we should try our best to avoid and overcome the side effects of the halo effect in our communication.

1. Pay attention to the "projection tendency".In life, when some people see someone doing a good deed, they take it for granted that this person is a very good person, and when they see someone released from prison and continue to do good deeds, they think that this person has ulterior motives. Be nice.This phenomenon of imposing one's will on others is called "projection tendency".The projection phenomenon is an irrational and non-conscious behavior. If we don't pay attention to it, it is likely to create a halo effect and take various biased actions.

2. Avoid "judging people by their cover".Generally speaking, "judging people by their appearance" is a kind of inference "from the outside to the inside", and this kind of inference contains a lot of prejudice in it.Therefore, when we get to know others, we must not only be satisfied with their appearance and clothing, but should pay more attention to understanding other people's behaviors and qualities and other inner things. Only in this way can we get out of the halo effect. Influence.

3. Avoid the "circular confirmation" of your own psychology.This means that if you have a prejudice against a person, you will often find reasons to justify your prejudice.For example, you suspect that your roommate in the dormitory stole your wallet, and then you pay close attention to this person’s every move. After a long time, the other party will of course be able to detect your abnormal behavior towards him, which will make the other party feel dissatisfied with you , Either deliberately alienate you, or guard against you.And your instinctive reaction to the other party will deepen your view of him as a thief, and you think that if he has not done anything wrong, why should he guard against you.In fact, this is role interaction and two-way feedback in psychology.That is, the loss of one party's feelings leads to the loss of the other party's feelings, and the loss of the other party's feelings will in turn strengthen the degree of one party's loss.And this kind of repeated psychological confirmation will undoubtedly make you walk into the maze of halo effect and forget to return.Therefore, we must avoid our own psychological "circular confirmation".

(End of this chapter)