learn psychology everyday

Chapter 15 Social Psychology--Being a Popular "Fox" (4)
Judging from the characters in the case, Chang Ning's "honey policy" really worked for Li Lin.In interpersonal communication, have you ever had such an experience, usually the people you like will give you positive comments from time to time, and the people you hate always seem to be unimpressed with you.The reason is that from a psychological point of view, affirmative evaluation can enhance the other party's self-intention and sense of value, and can bring the other party a sense of security, so that he feels comfortable and happy with you. The experience made him feel fond of you too.This is also one of the communication principles of interpersonal attraction. Everyone prefers someone who has a good impression of them, and when meeting for the first time, complimenting the other party is the most direct and important way to express their good feelings for the other party.Of course, praise is not "flattering", which is also particular about it.In fact, everyone has advantages and disadvantages.People who know how to praise often have a pair of eyes that are good at discovering. They can focus on the other party's strengths and express them without losing the opportunity.Therefore, to learn to praise others, you must first have a positive attitude, instead of flattering and unconstrained.

Chang Ning cooperated with Li Lin in the psychological "business card effect".The business card effect means that in order for the other party to accept your point of view and attitude, you have to regard the other party as one with yourself. First, spread some views or ideas that they can accept, familiar and like to the other party, and then quietly pass them along. One's own views and thoughts penetrate into the consciousness of the other party, giving the other party an impression that our ideas are similar to those they have already approved.Showing that you have the same attitude and values ​​as the other party will make the other party feel that you have more similarities with him, thus quickly narrowing the psychological distance with you, and are more willing to get closer to you and form a good interpersonal relationship.

According to psychology, the business card effect is very useful for the communication between strangers. It can eliminate the defensive psychology of others, relieve the ambivalence of others, help you reduce the obstacles in the information dissemination channels, and form communication between the two parties who share the same ideas. atmosphere.But to really let the "business card in your heart" play its due role, you need to pay special attention to two things:
1. Be good at capturing the other party's information and the other party's true attitude towards you, and then find out the other party's acceptable concept based on the existing information, so as to tailor an effective "psychological business card" for it.

2. Be good at finding opportunities, and then properly show the other party the "business card" you made for him. Only in this way can the desired goal be achieved.

The president of Japan's Matsushita Electric Co., Ltd., Konosuke Matsushita, everyone knows that he came from a humble background and looks mediocre. When he was young, he went to an electrical factory to look for a job. The supervisor in charge of the factory saw Konosuke Matsushita's dirty clothes and emaciated figure. , I looked down on him a little bit, so I said to him: "We have no shortage of people here, you can come and see after a month!"

In fact, the supervisor originally wanted to send him away, but unexpectedly, a month later, Konosuke Matsushita came to this company again to apply for a job. Seeing him like that, the supervisor contemptuously said, "Just because of your dirty body. If your clothes still want to enter our factory, who would believe your ability!"

Faced with such embarrassing insults, Konosuke Matsushita did not get angry, but went home and borrowed money to buy a new set of clothes to wear, and then came to the factory for an interview again.Unexpectedly, the supervisor still looked superior and asked him, "Do you know electrical knowledge? If you don't understand, please leave. We don't want employees who don't understand electrical appliances."

Two months later, Konosuke Matsushita came to the factory again, appeared in front of the supervisor, and said to him: "I have learned a lot of electrical knowledge. Look at what I don't understand. I have learned one by one. , until the meeting."

The supervisor was finally moved by Konosuke Matsushita's sincerity, and then said excitedly: "I have been a supervisor for decades, and you are the only person I have ever seen who is so persistent. Your patience and tenacity make me have to hire you .”

The reason why Konosuke Matsushita was able to obtain the position was that his spirit of never giving up moved the supervisor, and formed a good business card effect in the mind of the supervisor. And he, with the help of the platform of this factory, through his continuous efforts He worked hard and eventually became a hero in the electrical industry, a man of the day in the business world and the "God of Management".

Psychology class:
1. Being interested in others can also increase your charisma
2. People you like tend to like you too

3. Find similarities with the object of communication to increase your interpersonal attraction

The Praise Effect - Everyone Needs Praise From Others
Praise is an affirmation of a person's value, and the person who receives your affirmative evaluation will often meet your expectations of him with a potential happiness, which is called the praise effect in psychology.

Goethe said: Praising others will make others happy, and will also make us healthy physically and mentally. The benign rewards from the praised will make us more confident and attractive.A word of praise is better than a dose of good medicine. Sincere praise comes from the depths of the heart, and it is the induction of the soul. Like the warm sunshine, it can infect people and even save them.

A psychologist said: "Praise is an affirmation of a person's value, and the person who receives your affirmative evaluation will often meet your expectations of him with a potential happiness, which is called in psychology. Praise effect." The "praise effect" of the Babem family is more powerful than punishment, it can give people a kind of support and strength, encourage people to overcome difficulties, and build self-confidence.The respect and honor in praise is the second life of the Babem people, and it is a kind of salvation that makes people reform.

As the saying goes: "Praise doesn't cost you money, just roll your tongue." If you want to win over the contacts around you, praise is a light and practical weapon, and you don't need to pay for it, so why not do it?

In ancient times, there was a well-known story of "wearing a high hat": It is said that there was a lobbyist who boasted in public: "Although a villain is not talented, he is very flattering. I have a wish in my life to wear 1000 high hats to my favorite The 1000 people I met first have now given out 999, and only the last one is left." An elder shook his head after hearing this and said, "I don't believe it, your last one can't be worn by me in any way. Hearing this, the lobbyist clapped his hands and said: "What you said is very true, you have spent most of your life from south to north, but there really is no one like you who is upright and dislikes flattery!" Immediately, the elder held his beard and said complacently: "You really know me well!" Hearing this, the lobbyist immediately laughed: "Congratulations, my last hat has just Give it to you sir."

It's just a joke, but it has a deep meaning.In addition to the wit of the lobbyist, it also contains the truth that people cannot refuse praise.Appropriately praising others is essential in establishing good interpersonal relationships.Because everyone likes to be praised.A well-known American social activist once put forward a principle: "Give people a good name." If you can satisfy the ego of others with sincere respect and sincere praise, then others may become more pleasant, reasonable, and more sympathetic. Willing to work together.

Desire for appreciation and praise is the weakness of human nature, but also the strength of human nature.People in daily life, without exception, long to be appreciated and praised by others.

When James, an American psychologist, was teaching at Harvard University, the female students in his class presented him with a rhododendron tree at a party, and greatly appreciated James' profound knowledge and his wonderful lecture content.James was deeply moved and wrote a thank you letter."The deepest principle of human nature is the desire to be appreciated," he said.Regarding this matter, James said: "Dear girls, I am deeply moved by your souvenirs. This is the first time in my life that someone has treated me so well, so you can fully believe that you left this lonely heart. I have left a much deeper impression on your minds than the entire teaching of a course in philosophy. I now realize that I have left out an important thing from my Psychology—that is, human nature. The deepest principle is the desire to be appreciated, which I have completely left out in my book, because my desire has never been satisfied until now.  … I will tend it and water it winter and summer Water—even with my tears."

In fact, the change in James' confidence and ability is what we call the Pygmalion effect.In an environment that does not receive appreciation and praise, attention and encouragement from others, and is even full of negative evaluations, people are often swayed by negative information and make relatively low evaluations of themselves.In an environment full of trust and appreciation, people are easily inspired and encouraged to work hard in a better direction. As their mentality changes, their actions become more and more active, and ultimately they achieve better results.

This is the role of praise and affirmation, which can allow a person to fully tap his potential ability, allow a person to exert unlimited energy, and make achievements beyond his own imagination.

Everyone likes to be praised, and everyone needs the praise and affirmation of others. However, if you do not judge the situation and master certain skills when praising others, even if you are sincere, it will turn a good thing into a bad thing.Therefore, the following rules must be followed before speaking:

1. Sincerity.Sincerity is valued by everyone, and it is the most important principle in interpersonal communication.Dr. Carsley, who specializes in social relations in the UK, once said: Most people choose friends based on whether they are sincere or not;

2. Pay attention to the occasion and be timely.The effect of praise lies in acting on camera, enough is enough.When someone plans to do a meaningful thing, the praise at the beginning can motivate him to make up his mind to make achievements, the praise in the middle is beneficial for the other party to continue to experience, and the praise at the end can affirm the achievement and point out the direction of further efforts. To achieve the effect of "praise one, encourage a group";

3. Has characteristics.People's quality is divided into high and low, age is different, and it varies from person to person, highlighting personality, and characteristic praise can receive better results than general praise.

4. It is better to praise a person's deeds or contributions than the person himself.When you praise a person for his actions or contributions, your approval appears more genuine, and works best when the other person knows that he does deserve praise.Praising behavior is more likely to avoid utilitarianism or prejudice than praising the person.

5. Be detailed and specific.In everyday life, there are not many times when people have very significant achievements.Therefore, communication should start with specific events, be good at discovering even the slightest strengths of others, and praise them without losing the opportunity.The more detailed and specific the words of praise, the more you know the other person, and the more you value his strengths and achievements.

Appropriately complimenting others can bring comfort and improve our relationships.In communication, you must master the skills of complimenting others in order to achieve the purpose of communication and make others like you.

Psychology class:
1.Don't discount the appreciation

2.Repeated praise is sometimes a good idea
3.Take a good measure of praise

4.Use indirect compliments to get the job done

(End of this chapter)