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Chapter 4 Psychology of Emotions--Getting Rid of Bad Emotions (3)
Anger is a perfectly normal emotion and not a problem in itself, but how you express it can be problematic.Expressing anger effectively increases our sense of self-esteem, allowing us to fight bravely when our own survival is threatened.Failure to get angry properly and effectively will destroy people's sound thinking ability and make it difficult for people to view and deal with problems rationally.Such behavior will naturally lead to such consequences.Whether you are an ordinary person or a great person, there is no need to make a fuss about it.Society also allows you to vent your anger within a certain range.However, it has a bottom line that no one can cross.For example, we often see such news on the Internet that a certain person cannot accept the fact of breaking up because his lover is not in love. Feeling physical pain compensates for the psychological pain of adults, and they also want to force children to have an immediate and obvious response to their authority and control, and to change inappropriate behavior.However, beating a child can cause physical pain and psychological resentment, especially if the parent is acting out of anger and frustration rather than for the child's education; as the child grows, the parent may have to switch to Other ways to control their little ones too.As one marine zoologist put it, "We can't just lay a 1-ton killer whale on our lap, beat it up, and when they don't do it right, we have to train them in other ways. "

Similarly, people's extreme catharsis usually only increases the tension and mutual hatred between the two parties, and adds a greater reaction force to themselves.We cannot go to extremes.No matter how angry and hated you are, there must be a bottom line.

In fact, a person who can’t get angry is a mediocre person, a person who can only get angry is a fool, and a person who can control his emotions and try not to get angry is a smart person.

The "Vigeland Sculpture Park" in the Norwegian capital has hundreds of majestic sculptures, standing on both sides of the central walkway.The central point of the park is the masterpiece "Pillar of Life" that towers into the sky.Strangely, most of the tourists gathered in front of a small bronze statue that was no more than three feet high.It was a doll stomping its feet, beating its chest and howling loudly, the most famous "angry baby statue" in the park.He raised his hands high and raised one foot, as if he was about to kick it down hard.Although it is only a bronze statue, it is so vivid that it seems that you can hear his voice and feel his trembling.He is angry!Why are you still so cute?Probably because he is a little doll!The instinct was aroused, and the most primitive anger of human beings was ignited.Who can say that he will never be angry?It's just that when you are angry, can you vent your emotions like this doll without causing harm?But how many people in this world can distinguish the principle, object and time of anger so clearly?

Psychology class:
1. Control your emotions with reason, and don't let others disturb your mood and affect your mental state.

2. Avoid the edge and change the way of expressing feelings.

3. Treat anger with humor.

4. Don't get really angry about some facts in the family that don't match expectations.

5. Be magnanimous and allow others to handle things as they choose.

Inferiority - the executioner who kills self-confidence
Inferiority is a negative state of mind, a common negative emotion, a huge psychological obstacle to the realization of ideals or certain wishes, a negative self-evaluation or self-awareness, and an individual's evaluation of one's own abilities and qualities. A low level of negative emotion.

The great Russian writer Chekhov wrote in the novel "Death of a Little Civil Servant" that when a little civil servant was watching a play, he sneezed and accidentally splashed saliva on the bald head of a general in the front seat.He apologized to the general over and over again, but he was still afraid that the general would blame him, so he was in a state of panic all day long, and soon died of depression.

Although the tragedy of this little civil servant is related to the strict hierarchical system of Tsarist Russia, his inferiority complex played a leading role.Because of his low status, he always felt that he was a dwarf in every way.Especially in front of a general whose rank is much higher than him, he feels ashamed, and feels uneasy because of his unintentional behavior, and he is in constant fear.This kind of depression, loneliness, and anxiety is the inferiority complex.Although this kind of psychology does not exclude factors of personality and temperament, a person's status, upbringing, one's own conditions and family background have extremely important meanings.For example, when very capable people from the countryside go to work in the city, they always feel that they are not as good as ordinary people in the city, and they are always cautious; when a woman with a low education level marries a man with a high education level, she often has a mentality of "marrying a chicken and following the chicken". Don't dare to insist on your own opinions, etc.

In psychology, low self-esteem is a personality problem, which is often manifested in a person's low evaluation and estimation of his own abilities and qualities.In other words, low self-esteem is a negative mentality that looks down on oneself.In interpersonal communication, people with low self-esteem want to be affirmed by others, but are afraid of others’ contempt and rejection, and often very sensitively attribute the unhappiness of others to their own mistakes; Very tough and hard to get close to.

There is a fable in Denmark: In the king's flower orchard, all kinds of flowers and trees are planted.One day, the king came here for a walk, but found that the plants in the garden were all withered and withered.

The king asked Wutong why he was listless, and Wutong said: "I am not as cold as pines and cypresses, and they are evergreen all the year round, so I don't want to live anymore."

The king then asked why the pines and cypresses withered, and the pines and cypresses said: "I am not as beautiful as peaches and plums, and I have many fruits, so life is meaningless."

The king asked Taoli again why it didn't blossom and bear fruit. Taoli said: "I am not as tall as a pine and cypress, nor as graceful as a grape. My figure is too ugly."

The king went to Putao again and asked Putao why he was so lifeless. Putao said: "I can't straighten my waist without relying on it. I am too shameful." The king kept asking...

Orchids lament that they are not as luxuriant as pear blossoms, lotus complains that it can only stay in the water, peony blames itself for not having the fragrance of jasmine... all the flowers and trees in the garden are complaining about themselves.

This is inferiority complex.People with low self-esteem often think: "I can't do it", "I can't do this", "This job is beyond my ability"... In fact, this is to give yourself up without trying. Conclusion, and in fact, as long as he concentrates and works hard, he can do it well.

Psychological experts say that everyone will have different levels of inferiority complex at different times.Because no one can do without a trace of flaws, those perfectionists are more likely to have inferiority complex.The causes of inferiority complex also vary from person to person, and can basically be divided into two situations: First, some kind of defect or setback that exists objectively causes inferiority complex.Physical defects such as lack of correct facial features, being overweight, overweight, stuttering, etc., social environment defects such as rural background, poor economic conditions, and low education, personality defects such as introverted, withdrawn, and life setbacks such as frustration in love or shopping malls, public embarrassment, and being ridiculed etc.; secondly, out of a subjective feeling that they are not as good as others, which is not in line with the facts, they use excessively high standards as their own goals, and as a result, they will always be in a failure position that cannot meet the requirements, leading to the generation of inferiority complex; Yes, some people are very concerned about other people's evaluation and opinion of themselves, often feel inferior to others' belittling, and so on.

The process of overcoming inferiority complex is actually a process of tempering mentality, overcoming self, and building confidence.In adversity, if you keep complaining about fate, thinking that life owes you, and thinking that you are the most unfortunate person in the world, then you will not be able to get rid of the feeling of inferiority.

Inferiority is the opposite of self-esteem, self-love, self-motivation, self-confidence, and self-improvement. Inferiority is a stumbling block for people to get out of adversity. Inferiority is an obstacle that they set for themselves. career, start a new life. "Inferiority, acquiescing to their own incompetence, is to choose the path of failure. Their best behavior is to escape reality and blame themselves. Nothing will be the inevitable end." This is a classic quote from Napoleon, which is worth learning from.

People in the world, don't lose yourself in self-abasement.You should know: Only those who understand their own personality, use their own uniqueness, and sincerely be themselves are the most beautiful people in the world.

In New Jersey there was a little boy who was considered stupid. No matter how hard his teacher tried to teach him, he still couldn't learn to count from one to ten.In desperation, the teacher had no choice but to invite his father to the school to have a good discussion on the child's education.

When the father came to the school and learned that his own child was doing so poorly in school, the teacher's worst fears had happened.The furious father immediately called his child out, and yelled loudly in front of the teacher: "You are so old, you can't even learn to count from one to ten, what use will you have in the future?"

The little boy who couldn't learn ten numbers rolled his eyes quickly, and said with a smile: "I can be a referee of the boxing championship. In the boxing championship, it is enough to count to nine."

The little boy was Bruce Franklin.

In today's American sports world, everyone knows that Bruce Franklin is the greatest referee in the history of professional boxing in the United States!
The story of Bruce Franklin also illustrates the importance of low self-esteem and self-confidence to people's psychological growth, and it also shows that self-confidence and low self-esteem are only one step away.

As the saying goes, "no gold is pure, no man is perfect", everyone has advantages and disadvantages.Each of us must be good at discovering our own strengths, affirming our own achievements, and not seeing others as perfect or ourselves as worthless, and recognizing that others also have shortcomings.You can try this way: often recall those things that have been done successfully after hard work; for some things that have not been done well, make positive self-suggestions.In addition, pay attention to discovering other people's good comments about themselves.In fact, not all people have a low opinion of themselves.There are always people who appreciate, understand, and understand themselves. The key is to capture them carefully, and use the captured good evaluations as the coefficient of self-evaluation to enhance self-confidence.

For some physical defects of one's own, such as ugly appearance, short height, etc., it is useless to gradually become obscene. It is better to fully develop and give full play to one's other advantages to make up for the defects.You know, there is a concept of "physiological compensation" in biology, that is, blind people have special ears when they are blind;So you might as well hint to yourself like this: "Although my eyes can't see, my ears are smarter than you; I'm not half shorter than you." If a healthy person has an empty mind, then he is just an empty shell; Disabled people, if their inner world is rich, are like the flashes of light in a dark background, they are more dazzling and more loved by people.

Psychology class:
1. Change personality defects such as introversion and withdrawnness, and cultivate a good personality
2. Learn to properly compare yourself to others
3. Enhance your psychological quality and exercise your psychological endurance

4. Don’t place too high demands on yourself
Regret - grounds for self-blame

Regret is a psychological emotion that people often experience in daily life, and it always appears after a certain event or emotion.

When people do something wrong, they always regret it, hate themselves for not doing things reliably, and always want a kind of "regret medicine" to make up for their remorse.This kind of psychology appears economically in life.It can be said that regrets are often encountered, ranging from the remorse of criminals behind bars for their crimes, to the small remorse of doing a wrong personal matter.In addition, there are many things that you regret if you don’t do it, and you regret it if you don’t do it; many people regret it when they encounter it, and regret it even more when they miss it; Yes, just as suffering is always with life, regret and remorse are also with life.

In life, flowers bloom for a season, everyone wants to have no regrets in this life, and everyone wants to make everything they do always correct.so as to achieve the desired purpose.But this can only be a beautiful fantasy.It is impossible for people not to do wrong things, and it is impossible not to make detours.After doing something wrong and taking a detour, it is normal to have regrets. This is a kind of self-reflection, a prelude to self-dissection and abandonment. In the future, the road of life will be better and more stable.However, if you dwell on regret, or are so ashamed that you can't get up after a setback, or if you feel ashamed and give up on yourself, then you are really stupid for doing this.

Cheng Zhiyuan hung up the phone, and suddenly found that there was a piece of dirt on her clothes, so she conveniently put the phone next to the sink in the public bathroom, began to clean up the stains on the clothes, and then dried the wet clothes in front of the dryer.After everything was dealt with properly, I remembered that my mobile phone was still forgotten by the pool, but I ran over in a hurry and found that the mobile phone was gone.Dial your phone number again, it is already turned off.She regretted that she should not be so careless, let alone rush to do such unimportant things as cleaning clothes.

Coincidentally, Master Li is an old driver. Once he ran a long distance and had two hours to go, he felt a little tired, and his body reminded him that he should take a rest, but thought that he would be home in another two hours. After eating a delicious meal and sleeping on the comfortable Simmons, he stepped up the gas pedal and rushed home.Suddenly there was a loud bang, and the car vibrated violently, waking up Master Li from his trance. Big chunk, his own hurt a little.He really regretted that he had caused so much danger and loss by driving tiredly in order to catch up with the two-hour journey...

Although people often experience regret emotions, different people and different events form different degrees of regret in people's hearts.

Let's assume that there are two stockholders in the stock market, one exchanged the stock of company B he bought for company A. As a result, the stock of company B has soared now, and he found that if he continued to hold these stocks at the beginning, he could earn 1200 yuan. Yuan; Another investor bought the shares of Company A at the beginning. Although he had planned to exchange the shares of Company B, he did not implement it after all. Similarly, he also regretted it, because if he had exchanged shares at the beginning, he would be able to make a profit now. Get 1200 yuan.Although the operating behaviors of the two stockholders are different, they both lost the 1200 yuan in the illusion, and now they both fall into the same regret.So, which of these two investors do you think regrets more?This is a very famous test study conducted by American scientists on economic psychological behavior.The study found that 92 percent of the regular group thought the former would regret it more.

Such "regret" phenomena are numerous in life.Some people say "if only..." when things go wrong.According to Xu Jianyang, director of the Psychology Department of the Armed Police General Hospital, "regret" is an unhealthy psychology, and it will make people regret more and more.

In psychology, "regret" is known as "counterfactual reasoning," in which people assume a situation that is contrary to the truth.However, the real world does not change because of assumptions.Therefore, "counterfactual reasoning" brings us more negative emotions such as regret.Moreover, the more attainable the situation we assume, the stronger this remorse will be.

"'Regret' is an attitude of avoiding reality." Xu Jianyang emphasized, "The more you avoid reality, the less you dare to face it, the more you shrink back, and you fall into a vicious circle. You retreat step by step, and finally you can only fall Down the cliff."

Therefore, Xu Jianyang suggested that people who often regret should seek professional psychologists for treatment and learn to face reality.After all, the fact has already happened, and regretting or dwelling on meaningless assumptions will not help us improve ourselves.Instead of this, it is better to accept the reality calmly, turn your eyes from staring at the past to the future, and use the next success to prove your true strength.

"There is no turning back in the world", regret is a very helpless and frustrating psychological devil.

A slight sense of remorse can allow people to discover their own shortcomings and learn lessons and experience for doing better in the future.However, frequent serious excessive regret or even remorse is not conducive to people's physical and mental health.Excessive regret will make people only know that numbly indulging in the dark psychology of self-condemnation, which is not only useless, but also not conducive to getting out of failure.If you continue to sink into the psychology of regret, the dissatisfaction with yourself will become more and more intense. In mild cases, you will have the idea of ​​​​completely giving up something, and in severe cases, you may have the mentality of "apology with death".

Everyone has tasted the taste of regret.In fact, although the emotion of regret brings us many bad emotional experiences, if we can treat it correctly, we can not only deal with the emotion of regret reasonably, but also use it skillfully to make us mature psychologically as soon as possible.Tips to get rid of the negative effects of regret:
(End of this chapter)