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Chapter 5 Psychology of Emotions--Getting Rid of Bad Emotions (4)
1.Face it positively and accept regret.Although regret is a negative emotion, it does not always lead to negative results.It at least reminds us that there is a problem with previous practices or behaviors, and it is time to think about it, and we can even write down our gratitude for regret.For example, "Thank you for reminding me to study hard"; "Thank you for reminding me to pay attention to my emotions", in this way you will find that regret brings positive meaning to your life.

2.There is a wide range of ideas for conversion.People who experience a regret attack often fall into an "if...then" state of thinking. "If I had prepared well at that time, something would have been done." At this time, you might as well change the program for yourself: "Next time I will..." For example, "Next time before doing something, I will..." In doing so, Attention is drawn to future endeavors instead of wallowing in a sea of ​​regret.

3.A farewell ceremony is held for regret.Write down the things you regret on paper, and then tear it up; you can also find a balloon, imagine blowing regret into the balloon, and then smash it... In short, these small rituals will be in your consciousness and unconsciousness , forming the imprint of saying goodbye to this matter.

4.Skillfully use the "three-column technology".First, write down the things you regret in the left column, and you can vent your regrets as much as you want; then, debate these thoughts with yourself, for example, ask yourself: "Is there really no hope?" Do you think so badly?" Criticize the negative thoughts in the left column one by one, and write the critical words in the middle column; then proceed to the third column, which is the key to improving your mood, and write firmly "Even so, but I can still..." For example, "Although I failed this time, I can still work hard to succeed next time."

Psychology class:
1. When a mistake or error occurs, one should realize the truth of "it is never too late to make up for it".

2. Firmly believe that there is no medicine for regret in the world, and regret for mistakes is useless.

Depression - Shuttle Between Heaven and Hell
Depression is a common emotional distress for people. It is a negative emotion caused by feeling unable to cope with external pressure. It is often accompanied by emotional experiences such as disgust, pain, shame, and low self-esteem.

According to statistics, among the top ten diseases in the world, depression is listed as the fifth, with hundreds of millions of patients.Although the complete cure rate of depression can reach 60-80%, it is a controllable disease, but this disease is increasingly playing the role of "super killer".In my country, 80% of suicides suffer from depression every year.

The cause of depression is mainly due to family conflicts and interpersonal disharmony.Or due to losses and setbacks in life, sudden changes in mood are caused, which destroys the balance of emotional life, or because self-esteem is hurt, and you are caught in a situation where you are angry but dare not or do not want to attack.These painful encounters and bad emotions have been stagnated in the heart for a long time and cannot be vented, resulting in endocrine disorders, nervous dysfunction, and eventually depression and illness.

When he was in college, Xie Haidong was a proud, handsome young man.Moreover, he is cheerful, smart and quick-witted, and his classmates call him "gifted scholar".For his future, Xie Haidong is always full of confidence. He believes in his ability, and believes that after graduating from university, he will definitely be able to make a vigorous career and show his brilliant ambitions.

But God seems to be jealous of talents. After he graduated from university, God did not follow his wish. In the three years since graduation, he has not even found a decent job.For this reason, Xie Haidong became anxious, and his personality became confusing for everyone. He was a completely different person from what he looked like when he was in college.In the past three years, sometimes his speech has changed a lot. Whenever he sees someone, he wants to talk to him, and then the sea and the sky are endless.As long as you sleep for three or four hours at night, you will still be refreshed the next day.People become irritable and irritable, easy to be happy and easy to love, and their mood fluctuates greatly. They often get into a stalemate with others because of trivial matters, completely disregarding their image.Also, the most unacceptable thing is that he has become extremely conceited, very bragging, and will often brag about how good he is in front of others, saying that he has many girls chasing him, saying that he is full of skills and talents , saying that he regards money as dung, etc., and then he is very excited all day long.In this state of his, outsiders would think that he is living in a colorful and incomparably gorgeous paradise on earth, which is really enviable.

But sometimes he seems to be another person, very depressed, depressed and depressed all day long.And I also talked less, I don't like going out to exercise anymore, and then I shut myself in the room, no matter how my family persuaded me, it didn't help.He completely lost his previous conceit and vitality, and he felt that his life was dark, cold and rainy, like hell.

In the three years after graduation, Xie Haidong has been shuttling between heaven and hell like this. Sometimes he is ambitious and radiant, and sometimes he is discouraged and pessimistic. As happy as a ghost, but also experienced the helplessness and fear of a lonely ghost, it can be said that he has tasted the suffering of the world...

Xie Haidong's abnormal state, from a pathological analysis, is a typical mental illness of bipolar disorder, namely manic depression.Manic-depressive disorder, also known as cyclothymia, or bipolar disorder for short, is a very common mental illness in modern society.Generally speaking, it means that patients sometimes have symptoms of mania and symptoms of depression, and these two characteristics will appear alternately, so it is also called bipolar disorder, that is to say, patients will have bipolar symptoms. Emotional responses, one manic, the other melancholic.When patients are in the manic stage, they are characterized by hyperarousal, self-expansion, decreased sleep hours, are very talkative, talkative, often talk endlessly, and their thoughts or ideas often jump around , called jumping thinking, easy to be distracted, and in behavior, we can see that it is often crazy shopping, regardless of the price and other out-of-control behavior characteristics.In short, clinically, mania mainly manifests "three highs", that is, high emotion, high speech, and high action.

Xie Haidong's case is a very typical case, and in our lives, a single depression is more common.In life, people are often troubled by emotions. When a person feels unable to cope with external pressure, he will have negative emotions, and over time he will be more or less depressed.Depression is often accompanied by emotional experiences such as disgust, pain, shame, and low self-esteem.For example, if you are frustrated or hit, if you can't treat it correctly, you will have anxiety and anxiety, which will lead to depression.Depression, like any other emotional response, happens to everyone.For most people, depression occurs only occasionally, for a short period of time, and passes away quickly.But for some people, they will often and quickly fall into a state of depression and cannot extricate themselves.Significant signs of being in a depressed state are: depressed mood, moroseness, sluggish thinking, loss of interest, moroseness, lack of energy, and unresponsiveness.They lack confidence in life, cannot experience the joy of life, are listless in doing anything, are unwilling to socialize with others, and are accompanied by symptoms such as loss of appetite and insomnia. And helpless.Long-term depression can damage people's body and mind, making them unable to work, study and live normally.

Here are some ways to avoid falling into depression or get out of a depressed state you already have.

1.Evaluate yourself and others objectively. "There is no pure gold, and no one is perfect." We must learn to evaluate ourselves objectively and correctly.Don't be arrogant, let alone belittle yourself, see your own strengths, build self-esteem, and enhance self-confidence.Don't blindly compare yourself with others. No matter whether others are more capable than you, more perfect than you, or get more benefits than you, you don't care. The important thing is your own feelings.Always encourage yourself with a positive and healthy attitude, and experience more success and happiness from it.

2.Letting the job you like will increase your confidence in your own abilities, and you will be refreshed by seeing hope and future.

3.To see the bright side of things.Don't take things too absolutely, black is black, white is white, so what?Everything is black and white, and it is a normal existence. When you encounter unpleasant things, you should consider the benefits and positive aspects, face pain with a smile, and overcome difficulties with optimism.

4.Expand interpersonal relationships.People have a group nature, so don't stick to your own small world, you should be in a group, communicate more with others, make more friends, especially get along with energetic and energetic people.These people, brimming with life, will make you feel more of the light and beauty of things.

5.Keep a regular life.Regular activities such as getting up on time, going to bed on time, studying on time, exercising on time, etc. will simplify your life and give you more energy to do other things.And completing one more thing will give people a sense of accomplishment and value.

6.Learn to vent your unhappy emotions.Be good at telling your close friends and family members about your unpleasant things.When in the agony of great sorrow, learn to cry.

7.Pay attention to exercise your will. "Life is like the ocean, and only those with a strong will can reach the other shore." Once a person has a strong will, he will create a miracle of life.Life will not be smooth sailing, there will be such and such twists and difficulties, so distress and pain are inevitable, the key is to get back up in this pain, and at the same time establish the belief that you will win. "People, as long as they have a belief and pursue something, they can endure any hardship and adapt to any environment." In this way, depression or depressed emotions will no longer occur.

Psychology class:
1. Take the initiative to find a friend to have an in-depth heart-to-heart talk, and tell what is smoldering in your heart.

2. Learn to vent, especially to the opposite sex.The hormones of men and women are different, and they have the power to attract the opposite sex. Telling the most painful things in the heart to the opposite sex is more cathartic than telling the same sex.

3. Learn to analyze the problem in two parts.

Fear - forging a "brave heart"

Phobia refers to a disease in which patients have strong and unnecessary fear of certain specific objects, accompanied by strong avoidance behaviors, so that they affect a person's work, study, daily life or social interaction.

A phobia is an irrational, inappropriate fear of an object or environment.Once a phobic person faces such an object or environment, he will have an extreme sense of terror, so that he will do everything possible to avoid this environment.In fact, patients also know that this fear is excessive, unreasonable, and unreasonable, but this understanding still cannot control their inner feelings.Their fear objects may be single or multiple, such as animals, squares, closed rooms, climbing or social activities.Patients know that their reactions to these fear objects are unreasonable, but they cannot control themselves and make them appear repeatedly.

Under normal circumstances, phobias do not need to seek professional doctors for treatment, as long as a little attention and adjustment can be overcome.A slight fear is nothing to be afraid of, and there is no need to worry too much. Many people have their own horrors, including celebrities. For example, those with cars fear traffic jams, and those without cars fear being crowded; Leaders are afraid of meetings; children are afraid of going to school; adults are afraid of going to work;But a certain level of fear is also good for the body, like vaccination.Normal fear can train us to deal with real threats, and fear is also healthy.

The clinical manifestation of phobia is also varied, and comparatively common has: object phobia, situation phobia, social phobia and disease phobia.Too much psychological discomfort and panic will put people in a state of "mental backwardness". In this case, people will inevitably do irrational things, which will affect normal work, students and life, and will greatly affect Reduce the body's immunity.Experts point out that psychological fear is more terrible than disease.High blood pressure, asthma, some skin diseases, and physical diseases can all be caused by psychological factors.Those who originally had high blood pressure may aggravate, but those who do not have it may appear.In the mildest cases, neurasthenia, insomnia, restlessness, and psychological fear can occur.

Song Wenlin is an employee of a foreign company. Because of her outstanding work performance, she was promoted to a key figure in the company. She is often sent by the company's leaders to travel around the world and give relevant work instructions.During her work, she often needs to travel around by plane, so she has become a veritable "trapeze" in the company, which makes many colleagues envy.

But in recent years, she has not been full of joy about flying, but rather fearful.This stems from her horrible flight experience: She said that once when she was taking a plane, the plane suddenly had a problem within 10 minutes of take-off, and the whole cabin shook violently, so the air hostess asked them to bury their heads in their hands. Between the legs, hug tightly.But later, fearing that something might happen, the air hostess asked all the passengers to write a suicide note.But fortunately, after a period of turbulence, the plane drove safely and finally landed back to the ground smoothly.But the experience of brushing shoulders with death this time left her with lingering fears about the feeling of being unable to reach the sky or land at an altitude of several thousand meters.She said that she has developed a serious fear of airplanes, even to the point where she turns pale when she hears the "aircraft".Now as soon as she hears the news that the company needs her to go on a business trip, she feels like she is being tortured, her heart beats faster, and then panic.

However, due to the needs of her work, she had to fly again.Later, every time she took the plane again, she would think of the scene of writing the suicide note, the dangerous moment she was on the plane, and think of the fragility of human life and how helpless she was.Followed by involuntary sweating of the palms, shortness of breath and so on.She said that she was afraid of this feeling, and her fear of this feeling has far exceeded the flight itself.

Once, Song Wenlin and a few friends went to a restaurant for dinner. During the chat, the friend mentioned some interesting things about flying.At the beginning, she could listen a little, but when her friend talked about "what insurance beneficiary", she felt more and more uncomfortable, with chest tightness, shortness of breath, flustered, sweaty palms and forehead.In the end, regardless of the image, he actually shouted in a public place like a restaurant: "Shut up, stop talking!"

Her friends looked at her inexplicably, but she couldn't calm herself down for a long time.According to her own statement, since she was a child, she has never lost her composure like this. She really wondered if she had a nervous breakdown.

Song Wenlin's physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, and anxiety when flying or hearing people talking about airplanes are actually due to her fear of airplanes, that is, she has phobia, airplane phobia.

Generally speaking, phobia is a kind of neurosis in clinical manifestation, but when phobia is severe, it will endanger people's health, especially for the elderly. If accompanied by unnecessary fear for a long time, it will accelerate their own aging and death speed, which casts a discordant shadow on the whole family and affects the normal life of the family.Therefore, don't take phobias lightly, and pay enough attention to them.To overcome fear and tension, we must first pay attention to adjusting our mentality and establish some good concepts:

1. Appreciate yourself and build enough confidence.For example, if you are socially tense, it is because you do not appreciate yourself and are not confident in yourself. Therefore, building confidence is very important to overcome tension or fear.

2. Don't pay too much attention to your body's reaction.Tension is always accompanied by a series of physical discomforts. According to the theory of mind strengthening, if we pay too much attention to the tense response of certain parts of our body when we are tense, it is equivalent to strengthening our tense behavior.Make it heavier step by step.And when we don't manage our stress response, because the tension is not noticed and strengthened, the stress response will gradually subside over time.

3. Face it bravely.People with nervousness tend to show evasion, fearing that they will make a fool of themselves and not face it.In fact, avoiding the tension does not eliminate it. On the contrary, it makes you feel weak and makes you blame yourself, so that you will be more nervous next time.Moreover, it is impossible for us to escape from lifelong challenges, we all have to face them.

4. Find friends to talk about your nervousness through the phone or the Internet, and talk about some relaxing topics. Don’t close yourself, the more you think about it, the more afraid you will become.

5. Dedicate yourself to one thing.For example, read good books or VCDs that you haven’t had time to read for a long time, complete tasks that you usually don’t have time to complete, learn to cook from recipes, and so on.In short, arrange your life to be full and rich.

6. Patients with severe anxiety and phobia can seek help from a psychologist.

Psychology class:
1. Make more positive psychological hints, and change the concept of denying yourself.For example, before going to bed every night and after getting up in the morning, tell yourself that I accept myself and I believe in myself.

2. Change is unlikely to be achieved in one step. It is a gradual process. We need to overcome our nervousness step by step.

(End of this chapter)