learn psychology everyday

Chapter 7 Habit Psychology—Abandon Bad Habits and Quirks (2)
In real life, everyone grows up in a different environment, and a father can be said to be a typical example of the first man in most women's lives.Especially those fathers who dote on their daughters very much, and even affect their daughters to create certain character traits, copying the tacit understanding that only father and daughter have, so that there is an extremely ingenious interdependent relationship between father and daughter.

"Boys should get married, girls should get married."Huang Xiaoling is 25 years old today, this age is a very good age to talk about marriage.She said that in the past two years, she has also dated several boys back and forth, but in the end, she failed to achieve a positive result.Regarding her relationship problems, she said that the boys she dated are actually excellent, they have stable and legitimate jobs, and they have received a good education.However, I just "can't fall in love" with them, and I can't "call" when I'm with them.

She said that this may have something to do with the environment in which she lived since she was a child.Her mother had been in poor health, and it was only after eight years of marriage with her father that she finally became pregnant with her.After the mother conceived and gave birth to her in October, she has been bedridden all the time, so the responsibility of taking care of herself falls on the shoulders of my father.During the day, when her father went to work, he put her at a neighbor's house, and took her home to sleep after returning home from get off work at night.When she was in the first grade of elementary school, her mother passed away due to illness.She was too young at that time, and she didn't feel much about her mother's death.But one day after her mother passed away, she came home from school and saw her father crying secretly, which made her feel very uncomfortable.Since she was a child, she has lived a life of dependence with her father, and her father loves her in every possible way, and pours all his love into her.So in her world, she never felt lonely because she lost her mother.

When she was in high school, her father went out to attend a company meeting. On the way, he suffered a heart attack and died in a hurry due to the ineffective rescue.This was a painful blow to Huang Xiaoling.For a whole semester, she couldn't believe that her father just abandoned her and left this living world.She said that during that time, her only thought every day was how to be with her father, so she tried various suicide methods, but none of them succeeded.And her studies plummeted after her father passed away, and she became completely different from before.

Just when everyone was about to give up on her, a new male teacher came to the class and was responsible for teaching mathematics in their class.On the first day of teaching, the male teacher saw her confusion and pain, so he took the time to learn about her.Then he took her by the hand and took her to see his dormitory, taught her to read poetry, play the piano, and talked about his various perceptions of life. In this way, he accompanied her step by step out of the shadow of losing her father.She said the math teacher was the best person for her since her father died.During the three years of high school, she found herself madly in love with this male teacher while getting along with him.Later, she told the male teacher about this idea, and the male teacher only said to her: "I hope you can go to college, and you can only talk about relationship issues after you go to college."

Under the promise of the male teacher, she studied like crazy, and her grades rose rapidly in a short time, ranking to the top of the grade.Every time she saw her progress, the male teacher was also very happy and encouraged her constantly.

When she got the college admission letter, everything she did was to go to the male teacher's dormitory to find him.But who knows, it was a beautiful lady who opened the door for her, this is the lover of the male teacher, she was very sad and disappointed.

Huang Xiaoling originally thought that time would dilute everything. She thought that after entering university, she could forget about her father and that male teacher.However, she dated a few boyfriends during college, but no matter how good those boyfriends were, she couldn't fall in love with them. She would compare them with the two men in her life consciously or unconsciously.Now that she has graduated from university, she is also working hard to adjust herself. In terms of career, she said that she can plan strategies, but only emotionally, she has always remained attached to her father and teacher.She said that she didn't want to go on like this, she wanted to start a new life, but she didn't know how to get out of the shadow of the two men?

In fact, from Huang Xiaoling's description, it can be seen that her attitude towards feelings is indifferent. The reason is that she lost the two most important men in her life, namely her father and male teacher.Psychologists said that her symptoms were indeed related to her growing environment when she was a child, that is, she had a serious "Electra complex".

Psychologists say that many girls have never been able to achieve psychological separation from their fathers in the process of growing up. As a result, the relationship with their mothers has become more and more distant, and their normal interactions with men of the same age and even their marriage and love are often seriously affected. It is due to the tendency of the Electra complex.Psychologists emphasize that especially those girls who lose their father's love prematurely, they often transfer their feelings for their father to a certain figure in reality, and this figure will become a substitute for their father, but he is different from his father. .Under the halo effect of the father, the image of "him" tends to grow taller, becoming an irreplaceable "love saint", enshrined in the depths of the girl's memory.Because "he" is closely related to a specific period, and that period is unforgettable to girls, so invisibly, latecomers will always make girls feel that they lack resonance.Girls with "Electra complex" are always looking for a father-like lover intentionally or unintentionally, but even if they find it, getting along will become a problem, because most Electra girls are introverted, squeamish, willful, and often have sexual resistance.

So, how to avoid the emergence of "Electra complex"?
1. "Psychological weaning", returning the father to the mother. "Electra" is not a disgraceful thing, it just means that people with Electra complex are psychologically attached to their father for a longer period of time than ordinary people, and to a deeper degree than ordinary people.In order for this kind of attachment not to affect one's normal life, one must let oneself grow up, understand the division of labor and positioning of different roles in the family, and then look at parents as a mature daughter.As we grow older, we must "psychologically wean" at the right age, and no longer cling to our father as a myth like a little girl.

2. Participate in more social activities, play more with peers and exchange ideas.No matter which family the children are, sooner or later they will enter the society and start a family.In a family, the most basic relationship is marriage, not father and daughter. Compared to your parents, you are a supporting role, not a protagonist.Therefore, no matter men or women, entering the society and finally establishing their own family is the final happy destination.

3. Let love call the shots.After getting rid of the "silk" we spit out, the next thing we have to learn is how to face life.Love, like everything else, is never perfect and can have bumps and bumps.A person who can appreciate the beauty of love must first be a person who accepts imperfection, is willing to take risks, and is responsible for love. Before falling in love, the first thing he or she will do is to untie the "complex" in his heart, Then, let love be the master and lead your body and mind to the other side of happiness and happiness.It doesn't matter how far the other shore is, because the scenery is actually already in the journey.

Psychology class:
1. When you grow up to a certain age, you must use your understanding to explain that your "complex" is not equal to "love"

2. Get along with friends of the same age and the same sex and make friends of the same sex

Shopaholics - the "best" way to vent your emotions
Shopaholics have a morbid possessive desire for goods. When they face a dazzling array of goods, even if they are useless to them or they are repeated purchases, they will spend a lot of money without thinking.They go to the supermarket every three days, and even if they don't buy a few things a day, they feel that they are stuck in a panic.

We can often see this kind of women in life. When a shopping mall has a frenzy of discounts, they will go to the mall to buy all kinds of items needed for life, such as clothes, small accessories, etc., in fact. , Most of the products that were bought home frantically were useless or repeated purchases.This type of women purchases wildly and returns with a full load, but they are seldom satisfied with their "trophies". They often fall into a kind of conflict that makes them regret if they don't buy. These women often laugh at themselves as "shopaholics". .Psychologists say that they value the shopping process far more than the shopping results. The underlying reasons are mostly lack of self-esteem and self-confidence and inner emptiness, which can only be filled by shopping.From a psychological point of view, shopaholics, like bulimia, belong to the category of impulse control diseases.The inner reason of crazy shopping comes from one's own pathological possessive desire for goods.

Li Shan is 30 years old this year, and she is still a female single in the third high school.She is currently working in a company and has already achieved the position of department head. She is vigorous, smart and capable at work, but the work pressure is relatively high, and the corresponding salary is high and socializing is more.She is a woman who can earn and spend. Almost half of her monthly salary is spent on buying clothes. Almost every weekend, she can't help but go to various shopping malls to see if there are any discounted activities and spend money. Go shopping all day long.She likes to act like a true fashion insider, knowing how to "mix" new and old styles for the coolest look, or how to spot the latest trends in the mall with a keen eye.She can find what she wants on ELLE in the first place, and then rush directly to these stores, and can't wait for the seasonal discounts.Her closet goes through a cleanout every year, clearing out old clothes and sending them to a second-hand store.And she is very clear that this is too much. After all, she should also consider the cost of living and expenses, and she should have a long-term plan for her life, such as starting a family, having children, buying a house, buying a car, etc. All these need to be planned in advance. If you are financially prepared, it will be more practical if you can save some money.But she can't control her shopping behavior in action. She feels very uncomfortable if she doesn't go shopping for a week without spending money.

Judging from Li Shan's act of cleaning out her wardrobe every season, this "over-appetite" for fashion is almost the same as an addict's dependence on drugs.For her, possession of material things is an urgent need to fill a sense of emptiness and "lack of meaning in existence": only consumption can make her feel alive.Therefore, the more famous the brand, the more she will be favored, because what she wants is to regain her narcissistic feeling and make her image more valuable.

Modern society has higher and higher requirements for women. Not only must they be beautiful, knowledgeable, and have a career, but at the same time, they must not lose traditional virtues, be virtuous and docile, care for their husbands and children, support their parents, and manage their marriages.Therefore, some female white-collar workers in the workplace face great pressure in life and work, and shopping has become one of the channels to vent pressure and negative emotions.

In addition, as female subordinates, they are unable to control their own workload, unable to control the pressure brought by their supervisors, or there are many things in their lives that they cannot control, which make them face a lot of pressure.This sense of helplessness makes some women desperately desire to control and grasp something.And shopping is a good fit for this psychological need.During the shopping process, the self-display stage provided by the mall, the attention and attention of the waiters, and the pleasure of self-control when paying the bill, all these affirmation of one's own abilities intensify the impulse to shop.

When a woman finds that she has the urge to buy like a shopaholic, she might as well try other more reasonable ways to vent her stress.Such as sports, talk.Rogers, an American psychotherapist, said: "In times of extreme pain, it is a subconscious treatment to confide in others." There are many ways to vent. Others have conflicts, etc.; for introverted women, you can write down your unhappiness on paper and send it to friends far away.

Psychology class:
1. Look forward a lot to the future and plan what you need to survive.Survival needs are not only clothing or items, but also many places that need to be spent, such as cars, houses, and even the support and education of children after a few years.

2. Take the method of keeping accounts and check where you spend.When you look back at the bill at the end of the month, you can clearly know which things are useless to buy, and try to correct the direction of your spending next month.

3. Arrange your spare time in an orderly manner, enrich your spare time life, and let yourself not have too much free time to go shopping in the mall.

Cleanliness - an excessive demand for hygiene

(End of this chapter)