learn psychology everyday

Chapter 9 Life Psychology--One's own happiness needs to be controlled by oneself (1)
Everyone is an independent individual, you can't rely on others for everything; everyone is not an independent individual, you need to help each other and cooperate with each other, you can't just think about yourself like an iron rooster, and you are not willing to pay anything; everyone You have a natural appearance, which basically cannot be changed. If you have to change it artificially, then the price you pay may be unpredictable.To make yourself happy, what kind of mentality will you use to face various problems in life?

Dependency - the difficulty of being independent

Dependency is a kind of mental illness. The symptom is to place too much personal emotion on a certain person, group of people, or a certain object, and regard it as one's own spiritual support. Once lost, it may be unbearable, or even a mental breakdown.In layman's terms, it is a mental manifestation of laziness, relying on others, and not having to use one's brains and energy.

Dependent psychology, also known as inert psychology, has various manifestations.For example, if you want to do something, you dare not do it independently, and you always want to do it with others; Get people's approval; obey the leader, do whatever you are asked to do, live a stable life, have less troubles, and so on.In essence, dependence is a mental manifestation of laziness. Depending on others, one does not have to use one's brains and energy.Regardless of whether it is red and green, they will not take responsibility for their originality.As for marriage and family life, this kind of dependence is obviously manifested as the dependence between husband and wife and the dependence of children on their parents.From a psychological point of view, relying on psychology is a habitual life choice.When you choose to be dependent, it will make you lose your independent personality, become fragile, have no opinion, and become a poor creature dominated by others.

Jin Qinghong lived in a family with a strong father and a weak mother.Father is very assertive in doing things, while mother is the kind of person who is relatively cowardly by nature.Jin Qinghong has enjoyed her father's protection and love since she was a child, and has been escorted by her father to go to school since she was a child. He will obey her whatever she wants.Then, his father passed away suddenly due to illness, and Jin Qinghong was very unaccustomed to it despite being sad.Without her father, she felt that her life had no backbone, no support, and her heart was very unreliable.So, this kind of dependence on the father was transferred to the husband.

During her father's death, her husband was always by her side to comfort her.Gradually, Jin Qinghong became more and more inseparable from her husband. She almost had to stick together with him every day, otherwise she would feel very uncomfortable.

Her husband's work often requires business trips.However, because of Jin Qinghong's reliance on him, she felt flustered and anxious if she didn't see him for a day, and her husband had to try his best to refuse the business trip.Originally, Jin Qinghong's psychological trauma caused by her father's death would slowly recover over time, but half a year later, although Jin Qinghong's mood gradually calmed down, her dependence on her husband did not improve at all. sign.Maybe she is used to finding a stable support psychologically, so Jin Qinghong is increasingly inseparable from her husband.

As long as her husband is on a business trip for more than three days, Jin Qinghong will be unhappy and even lose her temper, feeling that life is meaningless, not only in life, but also in her work.Every time her husband goes on a business trip, she will be particularly worried.Because she doesn't have any friends to talk to, at most she goes shopping alone.On the days when her husband was on a business trip, she felt empty in her heart, as if something was missing, and she would be very annoyed and felt that the days were very long, and she always didn't know what she could do or what would make her happy.

Later, the situation became more and more serious.If you panic if you don't see your husband Jin Qinghong for a day, if you don't see her for two days, it's really the limit.Whenever her husband was on a business trip, she would suffer from insomnia, dizziness, and even faint on the bed during the day, which made her husband have to come back early to take care of her every time.

In fact, Jin Qinghong also knew that this was bad, but she couldn't help but keep her husband by her side.Even if I sometimes think that I want to be independent, I can't rely on him so much.But once her husband really wants to go on a business trip, she can't stand it no matter what.For this reason, my husband had no choice but to give up many opportunities for business trips.As a result, not only Jin Qinghong's psychological burden was heavy, but her husband also became more and more annoying.Jin Qinghong herself was also very distressed, she kept asking herself in her heart, is she really a little psychotic?What should she do?
As an adult, Jin Qinghong still relies on her husband like a child.It is obvious that Jin Qinghong is emotionally fragile and cannot do without her husband both mentally and psychologically. She has a sense of dependence on her husband and hopes that her husband will always be by her side, always care about herself, take care of herself everywhere, and share happiness and worries with herself.

Dependence is actually a kind of mental illness, called "dependence".The symptom is that too much personal emotion is pinned on a certain person, group of people, or a certain object, and it is regarded as one's own spiritual support. Once lost, it may be unbearable, or even mentally broken.

Generally speaking, most people with severe dependence have a narrow life circle, few interpersonal contacts, and too little emotional communication.Compared with men, women are more likely to develop emotional dependence, and are more likely to invest strongly in a person, animal, or object. In the process of devotion, they generate a sense of being needed, satisfied, and dependent, thereby strengthening their inner self-affirmation.This relationship gradually strengthens into beliefs that underpin life.Emotional dependence on people will bring heavy pressure to the dependent. Once this relationship is lost, the dependent patient is often overwhelmed with sorrow.

Relying on others means giving up the dominance of the self, which often fails to form one's own independent personality.To overcome dependence, you can start from the following aspects:
1. Dare to face your own problems, admit the existence of dependence, and at the same time fully realize the psychological harm of dependence, learn to think independently, independent personality requirements, and independent thinking ability.

2. Try to play two selves, a serious me and a dependent me, but don't be schizophrenic.

3. Participate in social activities and meet a few friends.If you want to get rid of emotional dependence, you can seek help from friends, make more friends, often walk around with relatives, including learning from independent people.

4. To establish the courage to act in life, restore self-confidence, and cultivate self-reliance.Try to make reasonable plans and arrangements for your life.In addition, you also need to cultivate your ability to endure loneliness, learn to enjoy your time alone, and not rely too much on someone or something. Knowing yourself objectively and correctly is a key step in overcoming dependence.

5. Enrich their own life content and cultivate independent living ability.According to your own interests, you can change your current lifestyle, or adjust your work and life rhythms, and do what you like to do in order to divert your attention and relax your body and mind.It is also a good choice to do more outdoor activities by yourself and exercise more.

6. If the symptoms last for a long time, you should consult a professional psychologist in time.

Psychology class:
1. It is necessary to correct the habits that are usually developed and improve one's ability to live independently

2. Enrich your own life content, cultivate some life interests, and divert attention

3. Do what you can, and enforce it

Stingy psychology - the iron cock is tenacious

Miserliness, commonly known as stinginess, can also be said to be "stingy". It is an abnormal state of mind that has the ability to fund or help others but is unwilling to take action.

In the work "Dead Souls", the great Russian writer Gogol created the image of a miser—Pliushkin with a heavy brush.Plyushkin has a wealth of property, a wealthy family, thousands of serfs, and he is an upper-class landlord, but he lives in a serf's hut, wears more like beggar's clothes, and the scarf around his neck can never tell whether it is old socks or old socks. belt.He is famous for being stingy, even scraps of copper and iron, and a piece of rags, he still has to pick them up and send them to his warehouse.There is no need to clean the path he walks, because everything is a treasure to him, and he has to pick it up and take it home.Such stingy artistic images, in addition to Pliuchkin, there are Molière's Abagong ("The Miser"), Balzac's old Grandet ("Eugenie Grandet") .The common feature of these artistic images is that they are very rich, but they are selfish, greedy, stingy, and mean. They even lack affection for their relatives for money and wealth. They are typical misers.In fact, it is not difficult to find such stingy people in our real life.There is a saying that says: "The iron rooster doesn't pull out a hair", which vividly depicts the image of such a miser.

Miserliness is a form of extreme selfishness.In fact, everyone has a selfish side, and there are very few people who do not think for themselves, but usually in interpersonal communication, it is not difficult to balance public and private interests.The so-called etiquette is reciprocal, and it is indecent to come and not to go.It is of course good that people respect you one point, and you pay three points in return, and it is not too much to pay back one point.If you try to be respected and you don't return it, you will be judged as "stingy".

The value of stinginess is very clear, especially the indifference to money and wealth.Anyone who is miserly is a slave to money, not a master.For such people, only money and possessions are the most important.Money is for money, money is for money, collecting money and collecting money is the biggest hobby of this kind of people, and it is also the biggest purpose of their life.Their life formula is: earn money, save money, earn money again, and save money again... Their greatest pleasure is "counting money": how much more today than yesterday, and how much more tomorrow will be than today.Their philosophy is: more is more, there will never be a time of satisfaction.In fact, money is earned, not saved by being stingy.

There is a joke among the Jews:
Kahn was standing at the entrance of a department store, browsing the colorful merchandise.At this time, a well-dressed gentleman walked beside him with a cigar in his mouth.Kahn stepped forward respectfully and asked the gentleman politely: "Your cigars are very fragrant, they seem to be expensive?"

"Two dollars each."

"Good guy... How many cigarettes do you smoke a day?"

"10 sticks."

"My God! How long have you been smoking?"

"It was smoked 40 years ago."

"What? Calculate carefully, if you don't smoke, the money is enough to buy this department store."

"So you smoke, too?"

"I don't smoke."

"So, have you bought this department store yet?"

"No."

"Tell you, this department store is mine."

No one can say that Kahn is not smart.His mental arithmetic ability is very fast, and he can buy a department store by smoking a 40-dollar cigar for 2 years;However, Kahn's wisdom did not turn into money, because he neither enjoyed cigars nor saved money to buy department stores.Therefore, Kahn's wisdom is dead wisdom, and the gentleman's wisdom is living wisdom.

Due to the rapid economic development of contemporary society and the general increase in people's income, typical misers and misers like Grandet and Priuschkin are rare today, but miserly behavior is no longer limited to property, but extends to more vast field.for example:
1. Reluctant to lend money or things to others.The reluctance to lend money and things to others is especially prominent among urban residents.The reason may be that the limited income of urban residents and the high consumption value of life make some people very cautious about the people and things around them, and they never make promises and charity to others easily.

2. Not supporting the elderly. "Old age is taken care of, old age has a good death", "filial piety to parents", these are the fine virtues of the Chinese nation.But now there are some sons who shirk each other and do not undertake the obligation to support their parents.

An elderly man in his eighties in Sichuan raised five children, but after his father lost his ability to work, he refused to support any of the children. As a result, the old man begged and slept on the street.The old man's children were all afraid of suffering, and completely forgot their own responsibilities. Among them, the role of the eldest son as a model is very important, and the eldest son's stinginess will inevitably affect the rest of the brothers and sisters.In addition, in some adoptive father-son relationships, there are also situations where the elderly are not supported.Some parents have no fertility themselves, adopt a child from other places, and when the child grows up and knows his own life experience, he abandons the old man regardless of the parents' kindness in nurturing.

3. Not caring about the things around you.When some people encounter trouble, "the matter has nothing to do with themselves, and they hang it high, knowing that it is wrong, it is better to say less."He doesn't do things like donating money and giving up seats to help others; he doesn't help others when they are in trouble; he doesn't go to gangsters.This kind of stingy person is almost insensitive and cold-blooded.

As a selfish and indifferent pathological behavior, miserliness destroys the social nature of individual instincts.There are various mutual aid relationships between people, mutual care and mutual help are the beautiful attributes of human beings.People who are stingy are extremely selfish, do not give any help to others, degrade human nature to animal nature, destroy the beautiful social relationship, moral relationship and even ethical relationship of human beings and lead to tragedy, and stingy people will also be punished by society. Condemnation and abandonment.

However, although a miserly and greedy person has no shortage of money and wealth, can he really be happy?cannot.In fact, the life of a miser is the most restless. They are busy making money all day long, and what they worry about most is losing it. It will never be pleasant to have one's own loved ones squander it all, and to be anxious and fidgety all day long.So, do miserly people really bring happiness to people?cannot.Because of "stinginess" and narrowness, the word "family affection" is rarely reflected in this kind of people, and their inner world is extremely lonely.Especially when they are in trouble, they will feel the sadness of lack of emotional support, they will feel that they have lost too much because of miserliness, and they will fully feel the real powerlessness of money.

In fact, being stingy is a true manifestation of the miser's inability to see through life.They don't understand such a simple truth: He came into this world naked, and in the end, he can only leave this world naked.Therefore, being stingy is actually an invisible spiritual shackle that the stingy person puts on his head.It makes people slaves to money, making people feel uncomfortable, unhappy, and even despicable and dirty.

Eliminate miserliness, and finally learn to be grateful. Whether you are poor or rich, you must know that the most precious thing in the world is life and love.Only with life can we live, learn to be grateful to life and nature, and have a fear of life and death in the world, so we won't care too much about personal gains and losses; while living, if there is no love, it is a walking dead, no matter how much money and material things will be. Let the soul get real peace and tranquility.

To get rid of miserliness, you might as well start with small things, such as: giving a small amount of money, clothing, and food to beggars, participating in some social welfare activities, and raising donations for public welfare undertakings, widows, widows, and loneliness.Have a correct understanding of money through these activities, and accumulate small goodness for great goodness.

Psychology class:
1. Cultivate more relationships with others, there is no need to calculate the "accounts" in your heart clearly

2. Everyone wants to be a successful person, but the amount of money is not the only criterion for measuring success
Regret consumption - regretting after buying is a "sickness"

Regret consumption means that people are always excited and confident when buying goods, but after buying them at home, they either feel that the price is expensive, or that the quality is not good, and some are even inapplicable.Or the price will be reduced after a period of time, which makes me feel regretful or worthless.

According to a questionnaire survey conducted by a consumer association on 1000 women: 13% of them admit that they often spend money that they shouldn't spend, and often regret after shopping, because the things they buy on a whim are not used at all or are rarely used.Psychologists and psychiatrists point out that this phenomenon belongs to the category of "regret consumption", and it is a more common psychological phenomenon in life.

There are many reasons for the formation of "regret consumption", and it varies from person to person. It is not only related to a person's personality, experience, and income level, but also has a certain relationship with a person's level of self-cultivation.However, no matter what class you or I are in and what level of consumption you have, I believe everyone will feel regretful about consumption.

The so-called regret consumption means that people are always full of enthusiasm and confidence when buying goods, but after buying them at home, they either feel that the price is expensive, or that the quality is not good, and some are even inapplicable.Or the price will be reduced after a period of time, which makes me feel regretful or worthless.

Like buying a house.There are some colorful real estate advertisements everywhere on the street, and every exquisite promotional poster is full of temptation for people.The advertisement said that it is surrounded by mountains and rivers, enjoying the nature of the city alone; prime location, prosperous shop location, super value enjoyment, etc., making people want to buy what they don't want to buy.But once the deposit was paid, the contract was signed, and the down payment was paid, regrets followed: the real estate agent either delayed the delivery time here, or the area shrank there. When I got the keys, what I saw in front of me told them It's completely different, and I feel like I've been fooled, and I feel really uncomfortable.

In 1998, Shan Wei bought a pager for more than 1000 yuan, but a few months later, the mobile phone was launched on the market. Shan Wei felt that the mobile phone was more practical and convenient than the pager. phone.Because the mobile phone has just been launched and the price is quite high, Shan Wei spent more than 1 yuan on the mobile phone, and there is also a number selection fee of more than 1000 yuan.With the popularity of mobile phones, the price of mobile phones has also dropped again and again. Now you can buy a good mobile phone for more than 1000 yuan, and the mobile phone number is only a few dozen yuan.But unfortunately, the phone bill was too expensive, and Shan Wei began to plan to replace his mobile phone with a "Little Smart" with one-way charging.Afterwards, Shan Wei always felt that his money was spent too quickly and too badly.

(End of this chapter)