Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 11 The First Derailment (4)
On Friday morning, Xia Meng called again, and the voice in the microphone seemed very excited.The mid-year holiday is approaching, and Yanan actually decided to take the children to visit his grandpa and grandma for a week, starting early this Saturday morning.He wants me to be there by noon at the latest.I said:
'How can I tell Luo Yiming?And wouldn't your neighbors see me coming to your house?And... I mean... Xia Meng!at your house? '

I started to speak incoherently.I said he should give me some time to think about it calmly.He first assured, then begged, then stiffened, became angry, and finally said coldly:
'Just take your time and think about it! 'After speaking, I hung up the phone.

That night, Luo Yiming hadn't come back yet, so I drank a cup of red wine alone at home, and I was really in a bad mood.Half an hour later, Luo came back.I pretended to be reading and stared at a page for about a quarter of an hour without reading a single word.

At ten o'clock, the phone rang quickly. It was a long-distance call from my mother from P City. She came to report the bad news: Gui Lian, who I played with on the beach when I was a child, committed suicide by cutting her wrist.In recent years, the two of us have lived in two places and have not been in frequent contact.Upon hearing the news of her suicide, something in me broke free.We played together since childhood, grew up together, both had careers, divorced and remarried.Now, she has finally abandoned all opportunities to love and make herself happy.

In any case, that night, the news of Gui Lian's death solved the question of the timing of my relationship with Xia Meng at once.When I walked out of the room and told Luo Yiming about Gui Lian's suicide, I exaggerated my sadness, and then talked to my mother again.I closed the door and the call was for Xia Meng.If Yanan answered the phone at that time, I would hang up.But it was Xia Meng's voice that came over the phone.I said:
'If you still want me, I will go tomorrow. '

He seemed dazed, but soon woke up and said: 'Of course I want you, you know how much I want you.Come on, but call before you come to make sure everything is all right. '

I took a sedative before going to bed, half-crying.

Early the next morning, I told Luo Yiming that I wanted to be alone for a while, and I didn't want to go to work.Guilian's death really made me sad.I want to go to P City to attend Guilian's funeral, see my mother, and take some time to relax, and come back in a few days.

He didn't ask me why I thought of taking a train all the way to see P city, this is not my usual 'Style' (style).But I thought in my heart:
'You poor thing, I said I wanted to go out to see my mother, but you didn't stop me, saying it wasn't my usual style, but you didn't have any suspicions either.You deserve it! '

I feel like a contemptible woman for thinking so. "

She called Xia Meng from the phone booth in front of a supermarket.Half an hour ago, Yanan and the child had left.At this time, Xia Meng was going crazy waiting for her call at home.He guided her in the direction: his home was far away from the urban area, and it was a quite quiet garden-style community, with few people coming in and out, and most of the neighbors stayed at home, never interacting with each other.Her visit to his house attracted no one's attention.

He kept pacing back and forth at home, looking out the window from time to time at the path washed by the rain; for a while, he went back to the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror, sat down to read the newspaper for a while, and stood up again after a minute.

"Can't believe this, can't believe what's going to happen. I keep thinking I'm not going to do this. It's almost noon and she hasn't arrived yet. Where the hell is she? I turn the heat on and put the filter on The switch of the machine was also turned on to make a pot of coffee. At this moment, there were footsteps from far to near outside the door. It was her, it must be her. When the door was opened, it was her standing in front of her face. She looked pale, depressed, and panicked. I didn't bother to ask any questions, and while closing the door, I hugged her and kissed her forcefully."

Over a glass of red wine in front of the faux mantel in the living room, they kissed so passionately that they completely forgot about lunch.He took her by the hand and walked into the bedroom, while throwing the clothes scattered on the ground, while embracing each other on the bed.He suddenly remembered that the door was unlocked. What if the child suddenly fell ill and Yanan came back again?He got off the bed, ran out naked and fastened the door chain, then returned to the bed, hugged her for a while, and gradually came up like dry wood.

"I wanted to take my time and treat her carefully, but I found that her whole body was hot. I didn't hesitate or delay..."

This time there were no obstacles.Although Tian Tian was not used to his action patterns, she was extremely excited and had a strong reaction.

"She scratched me, kissed me, bit me; she tensed, moaned, and finally let out a series of yells of pleasure. The sound faded away. And all of this I have never had. Really! I could have lived Never in my life knew a woman would react like this to me. She had tears all over her face and kissed me and murmured something tender and sweet. It all got me high and I started moving wild Arose, with a strange cry from my mouth, and mine became hers...

For a long time, we lay and stared at each other.I said I never thought it would be like this; she said I was a super lover and resuscitated her, she had never been so horny. "

They cuddled together, still sweating, unwilling to separate.He silently thought in his heart, if it was Yanan, he must have hurriedly got out of bed to take a shower.

Then the embers reignited.This time it turned out to be lust again.Then came again.It was late in the evening when they were so hungry that they thought about having dinner.

"Across the road from the neighborhood is McDonald's. Tian Tian went out alone first, and I walked out about 10 minutes later. We both ordered a 'Big Mac' set meal. When the two chatted about how many times they had sex, they suddenly fell in love. Not sure if they did it 5 or 3 times in the 4 hours they were together. At this point, they laughed like children.

"Pei, I love you, thank you for giving me such a chance." Then suddenly fell silent again.

Tian Tian: "That afternoon, I asked him again and again: 'What happened to us?'

I've never felt the sexual urge like that over and over again, joy and fear, feeling like I'm losing control, feeling like I'd do anything for him: give up my marriage, my career, what does it matter?
One night on the third day, I called home.Luo Yiming is at home.I expected him to play mahjong in the neighborhood club.I said that I was still at my mother's place, it was the plane ticket for tomorrow, and I could go home in the afternoon.He had a bad tone, but I felt reassured and smug about my ingenuity.

On the morning of the fourth day, Xia Meng and I took a shower and got dressed together.We both agreed to stop here today, because both of us are tired.He turned on the fire again, and we sat and talked in the hall, drinking some more wine.It was agreed that I would go home in the afternoon, so I got up and went into the room to organize the small bag. When I got up, I had another unbearable urge.I stood in front of the fireplace and slowly undressed.We made love right on the fire floor!Another shower, makeup, hair done, one last goodbye, and I'm gone, tired but utterly happy.When Xia Meng bid farewell to me, she looked sad.

"After leaving Xia Meng's house, I wandered outside for another hour or two. When I got home, Luo Yiming was sitting on the sofa reading the manuscript. He kept silent and asked coldly, 'Are you okay?' I said : "It's much better." He said: That's good. Then he buried his head and continued to read his manuscript.

I guessed he was suspicious, but he dared not be so sure.I changed and threw myself on the bed, thinking, I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm in love right now, and it's never felt better.Luo Yiming turned off the light, turned on his side and fell asleep; I breathed a sigh of relief.In the dark, I remembered the scene with Xia Meng. "

People like Xia Meng and Tian Tian came to the big watershed of extramarital affairs with strong conflicting emotions, both eager and afraid, bold and guilty.Under the powerful force of a failed first attempt at love, they were able to resolve their inner conflicts and master their fears, and as a result the experience was intensely emotional, intensely sexual, and deeply satisfying for both partners.But for many who are unable to resolve their inner conflicts, having sex for the first time can be deeply frustrating and even lacking in sexual pleasure.For Xia Meng and Tian Tian, ​​this represents crossing the Grand Canyon of emotional struggle and starting another life.

A gentle and sensitive woman, neglected by her husband.The latter is a buyer of a department store and often travels to other places.She grew close to a family lawyer.A purely platonic love developed between them and lasted for several months.He doesn't see her ready for a further relationship.

She received very strict family education since she was a child, never had extramarital sex experience, and never felt satisfied with her sex life.But after nearly a year, when they were picnicking at a remote mountain stream, he tried to offend her by taking her clothes off.Although she was afraid, this time she passively let him have sex with her.

"I thought I had to want him myself because I didn't stop him, but I was stunned to see it happen. I couldn't believe it happened. Of course I didn't have an orgasm, I didn't even feel it. Afterwards, I cried and felt that my cheating had ruined my marriage and our beautiful and pure extra-marital relationship. At the same time, I adored him more than ever. He seemed to be satisfied with everything and didn't let me weeping and unhappy."

If it's a man who can't get over his guilt, his first sexual experience outside of marriage may be a complete failure.But despite the fright and frustration the situation can cause, this type of man will usually persevere, trying again and again with the same partner until he gets over his guilt.For this kind of man, the symbolic and emotional meaning contained in the first extramarital sex may be more profound than Xia Meng and Tian Tian.

Others felt guilty about the affair, but the guilt played a lesser role than the low self-evaluation.The latter makes first-time extramarital sex particularly dangerous.Low self-esteem may be present as early as adolescence.A good marriage can improve it to some extent, but an average or bad marriage will only confirm a low self-esteem and even unravel a reasonably confident person.For such individuals, first-time extramarital sex is a time of intense anxiety, but once accomplished, even if it is clumsy or emotionally unsatisfying, the single-sex act alone is enough to boost these individuals' self-esteem:
A young stockbroker has squirmed around women and doubted his masculinity since troubled adolescence.For five or six years, he tried again and again to prove his masculinity, but he was hesitant.The reason is the fear of failure.

He did slowly work up the courage to tease a few times.Afterwards, a friend's secretary called to thank him for a stock tip, expressing kindness and intention in his tone.So he invites her for coffee; after coffee she offers a poor excuse to come over to her apartment.

"She's not very attractive, in fact she's a slightly fat woman. But I know I have to try sooner or later, maybe this is a rare opportunity. But I dare not move. What are you afraid of? Anyway, I'm afraid This time, it was she who solved the problem again: she really started the cuddling and it just happened so naturally. Before I acted, I asked her if she was safe. She laughed and said yes, she had the IUD on. Obviously She has long been looking forward to being with me.

I am proud that I made it!She likes me and seems very happy with the whole thing.So, that was a start, and I think next time I won't be so unconfident. "

Guilt and feelings of incompetence often go hand in hand.Both are due to strict family education, strict parents and advocating traditional values.Children who grow up in this kind of tutoring are often dissatisfied with their achievements throughout their lives, have lower self-esteem and are more uncertain.Low or uncertain ratings included their perception of themselves as sexual animals and their belief that sex without love is dirty and nasty.Their serious lack of sexual experience during adolescence and early adulthood, as well as their uncertainty about their own sexual ability and meeting the needs of their partners when they marry, aggravate the aforementioned problems.Finally, through strong indoctrination from the outside world, they firmly believe in the value of loyalty and absolute relationships; even if an affair is a trivial purely physical relationship, in their view, it is a serious breach of loyalty and a potential threat to the love of husband and wife.

For such people, the first extramarital sex represents a catastrophic prelude to changing how they feel about themselves, about their marriage, and about their purpose in life.

Wushan cloud and rain
There are also many people who do not regard it as a particularly important and meaningful moment when they reach their first extramarital relationship. They regard it as a normal result of human beings who like the new and hate the old.Their first infidelity did not cause them a long-term struggle, and they found infidelity exciting rather than scary, challenging rather than guilty.Who are these people?They are most likely superficial believers, or their parents have a looser moral connection.Many of them lived in areas where infidelity was not severely condemned by the residents, and infidelity was not ostracized from society.They have considerable self-confidence, and even doubts about their sexuality or sexual ability will not deter them.Many of them are unwilling or unable to maintain a highly committed relationship with their spouse, and do not believe that even a little surreptitious extramarital sex will have any impact on their marriage.

Xiaoqing
After a week apart, we can't wait to be together physically.We undressed each other in unison until the last point.The two naked bodies were fully exposed in the mirror, and we all looked at ourselves and each other in the mirror with some shame.I have never admired my naked body so boldly.I peeked into the mirror with half-covered eyes, and I was stunned.No wonder Western art masters like to paint nude paintings, the human body is indeed a pure and noble work of art.Especially when love is attached to the human body, the lines, vitality, and exciting uprightness are simply too beautiful to behold.The naked Jinxiong looked even taller and mightier, every muscle in his body was exposed to the light with sharp edges and corners, and his erect sex organs showed the man's masculine beauty even more.Compared with him, I look weaker and thinner, it seems that he can completely pack me in his body.

Jinxiong picked me up, and the hard object on his lower body rubbed against my naked body, setting fire to my desire.He said: "Look at this vivid and beautiful picture of love in the mirror. Now I want to make it more perfect. You are ready, and I will complete it." I kissed his forehead and recalled our love. When we were playing games together when we were young, when he pretended to be a monster to scare me, he also used this kind of tone, and immediately found it very interesting, so he bit his forehead and said: "You finish it, am I still afraid of you? "We just blended together.In his arms, I was completely melted, and we became one in the mirror. It was indeed a perfect picture of life, love and life.

I lay obediently on the bed, and the gentle light shone on our faces, bodies, and sexual organs, which made me feel a sense of detachment from the world.I slightly opened my eyes, on top of my body, Jinxiong's lustful eyes and unbearable genitals were staring at my naked body.Slowly he kissed my lips, my breasts, stroked my clit.His caresses arouse my desire, and I feel a strong hunger in my body.This hunger was not in my stomach, but in the private parts of my lower body, which desperately needed to be filled.Jinxiong continued to kiss and touch me, making my hunger even more unbearable.I twisted and hugged him, signaling that I needed his enrichment.

(End of this chapter)