Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 18 Extramarital Affair Syndrome (4)
"It was Sunday, and I arranged a tennis match for my colleagues in the gymnasium. We planned to have a chat, drink some beer, and wait for the championship football match between Shanghai Shenhua and Dalian Wanda at four o'clock in the afternoon. Of course, Zhongfang is among my friends. They all know the extraordinary relationship between me and Zhongfang. I asked my wife to stay at home because she was about to give birth. She lay down. I just want to be with Zhongfang.

As we were talking heatedly, the wife started to bleed.She called the doctor.The doctor arranged for her to be hospitalized and watched her delivery closely.She didn't want to be a burden to anyone, and suggested to the doctor not to spoil my party with friends.

"The wife is bleeding and howling in labor pains of "conceived in October, once delivered". The baby has been lying in the nursery for hours, and I, a husband and father, arrived late." Hope Ren thumped his head and said, "I know you must find me very hateful. I flirt with my lover when my wife needs me most. The more understanding my wife is, the more harsh I feel."

Infidelity makes you feel guilty.In order to make extramarital affairs successful, some people imagine that their partner's personality will be reduced to the same level as their own, so as to provoke or inspire the other party to behave like themselves, so as to justify their own behavior.Cai Minghui, a student in the adult business management class at the evening school of a famous university of finance and economics, is such a person who uses his wife to pave the way for his extramarital affairs:
"I was deliberately cruel to her, and hoped that she would deal with me in the same way as others, then I would have every reason to leave her. I even suggested that she would do something disloyal to me, and let her Responsible for our divorce. That way, all the guilt doesn't fall entirely on me. She has been very gentle with me and helped me cry and pack my bags when I said I was leaving her. She is everywhere Makes me feel ashamed and suffocates me."

Minghui and his wife later divorced.Four years later, when he recalled his behavior back then, he said with shame:
"I treated her very badly, and she should not be treated unfairly. However, I was ignorant at the time, and I didn't know how to cherish the true love of my wife, so I broke up a good marriage and family. Now, when my lover When I was ruthlessly abandoned, I felt the preciousness of this true love.

Ming Fai's story shows us that guilt can be transformed into a positive connotation, reminding you of infidelity, giving you warning signs, and making you feel guilty.Here's what you might need to reflect on:
Lack of control and grasp of the self, so that the human heart becomes very fragile and vulnerable.Extramarital affairs are a direct consequence of your lack of self-control;
Unreasonable demands on family and marriage, and often ask for things that are impossible to achieve from their partners.Blame your unhappiness and monotony on your marriage and your partner for no reason;

Focus on meeting personal needs, regardless of other people's needs and ideas;

Thirsting for novelty and excitement, unable to bear ordinary and long-term relationships;

Neglecting or unwilling to check your own weaknesses in character and temper, instead complaining about your partner's unhappiness.

Worry about
People who have extramarital affairs, especially men who have extramarital affairs, often start to imagine the other party's family every time they break up.When she got home, had her husband gone?Who will look after the children of the married couple?What is housing like?Apartment, two bedrooms and one living room, or bigger?At home, what does she say to her husband?What about the child?What does her wife look like?Saying "People are very gentle, but not masculine...", is this the reason for her to have an extramarital affair?Once home, she has to play the dual roles of wife and mother. Can she perform these two roles well?Will it have exposed flaws? ...Love each other, but can't be together; when you can't see, there are only endless lovesickness and imagination.This also adds to the many troubles of extramarital affairs.

An Yuan and Lu Qian

At this moment, is Lu Qian sleeping, or is she watching the slowly turning white sky like herself?An Yuan thought in her heart that she would not get up, but her hand unconsciously reached out to the phone beside the bed.

"Call me..."

It was the first time to call Luqian's house early in the morning.

When calling Lu Qian, An Yuan asked the phone to ring three times, then hung up and dialed again. This was the secret signal agreed by the two in advance.It was Lu Qian who proposed this idea.

"Dial after three rings, and I'll answer."

I don't know much about the situation at Luqian's house, but I have never had anything wrong with this method.However, An Yuan mostly called Lu Qian's home around ten o'clock in the morning.At that time, her husband had already gone to work in the company, and it was time for Lu Qian to send her child to kindergarten. The best time was around an hour before she was about to go out.However, it is not easy to fight on weekends and late at night. Even if her husband is not around at that time, her mother and children are still by her side.

Although I can't see the expression, I can feel the other party's subtle psychology from the voice on the phone. When someone next to me is inconvenient to speak, the tone will be well-behaved and polite, and even the honorifics that are usually seldom used are frequently used.Sometimes, even if the phone call went through smoothly, if Luqian couldn't speak, she could only talk about him irrelevantly, and she had no choice but to hesitate and deal with it casually.Now that I'm on the phone, I want to talk about my love without any scruples.

However, it was only after six o'clock.Of course her husband and children were at home, and Lu Qian herself might still be sleeping.

An Yuan picked up the receiver and put it back.There's no need to call her so impatiently, Lu Qian will be alone in four hours, and you can call her office after ten o'clock.Calling a married woman early in the morning is not normal.

However, the thought of not being able to fight made me want to fight even more.It's really like a wayward child to do this, but you have to take a risk to try anything.After hesitating for a moment, An Yuan picked up the receiver resolutely, pressed the button, and heard the bell ring three times. Just as he was about to hang up and redial, Luqian's voice came from the receiver.

"Hello..." An Yuan hurriedly put his ear close to the receiver. "I didn't want to call at first, but for some reason I suddenly wanted to hear your voice after waking up, so I just..."

"I also... woke up." Lu Qian's voice was not loud, but it sounded clear and real, still in her ears.

"Can we talk now?"

"Um……"

Although the voice is clear, it seems to be speaking under the pressure of the throat.Maybe her husband is next to her, An Yuan tentatively said again: "But, I didn't expect...I didn't expect you to get up."

"Woke up 10 minutes ago."

"Me too, I've been thinking about you since then."

"Yeah, I'm so happy."

An Yuan quickly grasped the receiver.If you speak so recklessly, aren't you afraid that your husband will hear you?Even though he looked like he was sleeping, the phone ringing just now might have woken him up.

Since then, the love between the two has deepened, and they have been talking on the phone every day recently.It is difficult to predict how far it will develop if it continues like this, but it is obvious that Lu Qian is gradually becoming bolder.On the one hand, Anyuan feels complacent about this change, but on the other hand, he is confused and disturbed by the growing relationship between himself and a married woman.

This morning, Lu Qian should leave home before eight o'clock.Has Luqian's husband left home?Was the child entrusted to her mother?In any case, it is a small trouble for a housewife to leave the station early.

On the way home, An Yuan thought about Lu Qian all the way, and couldn't let go of her mind.What will the husband say when he returns home after living together overnight?What will happen if the dating with the lover is accidentally revealed?
Over the past year, we have had frequent trysts with Anyuan, and we often go home in the middle of the night. It is not surprising that it is eight or nine o'clock, and sometimes it will be late at night, or even stay out overnight.Of course, there is always a reason of one kind or another every time.It is not difficult to imagine that there will inevitably be many quarrels between husband and wife.

Naturally, this is quite difficult for Luqian. She has to engage in a career she loves, but also falls in love with a man outside of marriage.Perhaps it was that sense of guilt and fulfillment that supported her tenacity.But there is a limit to this tenacity.Even though Luqian persevered, her husband could not allow this state of affairs to perpetuate.Her husband must have vented a lot of resentment and anger on her.

However, now Lu Qian said disapprovingly, "So what?"

An Yuan asked again: "Did you say anything?"

"Say it, so what?"

Indeed it is.Her husband was resentful, Lu Qian had no intention of repenting, and An Yuan didn't want to leave Lu Qian either.Maybe the stage of quarreling in Luqian's family is over.The practice of bickering and blaming each other between the two is over, and they are in a state of cold war.All of this was caused by himself, and An Yuan couldn't help feeling guilty.It is Anyuan who is responsible for causing disturbances in a harmonious family.

In fact, for the parties involved, this kind of thing is both gratifying and worrying.There is a wonderfully peaceful atmosphere between husband and wife in a state of cold war, and both sides live in peace.At the beginning of the Cold War, people hated and scolded each other.Tired of it now, husband and wife are doing their own thing, the relationship between husband and wife is dead in name only.Only in their 30s, did Luqian and his wife become like this?

"But..." An Yuan was still lying on his back and asked, "I can't go on like this forever, can I?"

Leaving aside An Yuan's age, Lu Qian's husband is only in his thirties. Can he and Lu Qian remain husband and wife forever without physical relationship?

"What if he insists?"

"He didn't bring it up."

"Couple living in one home."

"He knew I disagreed."

"Then he doesn't want it?"

"..."

"Is he mild-tempered?"

"Yes."

An image of a couple emerged in Anyuan's mind.He was much older than her husband, and she liked him for his freelance romance. Of course, his profound knowledge and rich conversation also moved her, and his childlike willfulness that did not match his age also surprised her. Give her a boost.

Unlike the honest and gentle husband, he is almost rough, arrogant, and self-centered, and there is exactly a masculine charm and majesty in it.She felt from the bottom of her heart that he was a different man, and unknowingly, she committed herself to him, so that she was in a dilemma.

Perhaps Luqian was tired of her husband's gentleness.From getting married to having a child, I thought I had a very happy and happy life during that time.However, going out to work again, as a kimono designer and interacting with various people, Luqian's vision has expanded.In other words, the wife's radius of action exceeds that of her husband who is an ordinary employee of the same age.Coming into the wide world and meeting all kinds of men, the wife unconsciously compares them with her husband.Then she felt that the gentle friend-like husband of the past was greatly insufficient, and she needed a stronger and more manly husband.Even if there is a big age gap, men with a certain social status and financial income are more reliable.

As we grow older, we have more jobs and more responsibilities.As in the past, there are not many things to do at work, and it is no good to do housework after work.At that time, whenever she had doubts, her heart would be shaken. The joy of forming a family like friends could no longer satisfy her, and she needed someone who could share weal and woe with her in reality.It was too late when the husband noticed the serious changes in his wife.Even if his wife moved on, he felt that he could make up for it with his old gentleness and honesty.However, the world of the wife's fantasy is very different from the world of the husband's.The friend-like husband whom she thought was fine when she was young bored her.Although her husband is gentle, Lu Qian treats her coldly, there must be a reason for this.

"But..." An Yuan knew that it's not good to intervene too much, so he still asked, "You can't keep silent all the time, right?"

"..."

"Men always want face."

Unknowingly, An Yuan spoke from the position of Lu Qian's husband.

"Angry, quarreling, things like this..."

"Yes." Lu Qian said bluntly, "When it was too late to go back, he locked the door..."

"When?"

"At the beginning of this year, when I came back from you."

"and after?"

"I asked him to open the door..."

The scene of the husband throwing a fit at his wife who didn't come home until [-]:[-] a.m. flashed before him.Luqian's husband probably didn't use force, but just questioned her with his mouth.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing to say..."

"Nothing?"

"I can't tell."

Indeed, the responsibility lies with the wife, so naturally there is nothing to say.An Du imagined how Lu Qian was silent in front of her husband.Under her husband's questioning, did Lu Qian hang her head blindly, or did she ignore her husband and just take off her make-up as if nothing had happened?In any case, this silent confrontation only makes the husband more angry.

"There are many more."

Lu Qian sighed softly.

"now what?"

"still the same."

"..."

"If not, he can come to me..."

In the darkness, Lu Qian hummed quietly, but upon closer inspection, she seemed to be crying.

In the faint night, her flat shoulders trembled slightly.

The man put his hand on the sobbing woman's shoulder and comforted him, "Don't be sad, it doesn't matter."

Are you really sure to get to this point?When he asked himself this point, he did not hesitate.

Now he loves Lu Qian the most, this is an absolutely true fact, even if he swears to God, he has no guilt at all.

However, he could not assert that he married Luqian because of this.To get married, you have to climb countless mountains.Do you still have the energy and strength to climb those mountains?Thinking of these, An Yuan also hesitated.

Lu Qian only whimpered for a few minutes, her shoulders stopped trembling, and she covered her eyes with her hands.

"Sorry……"

Answering An Yuan's question about private matters at home, Lu Qian became emotional.Abandoning a gentle and honest husband, abandoning the child, and silently falling in love with a man, reminiscing about the unspeakable pain, the mood is difficult to control.

"It's nothing." Lu Qian deliberately covered up, looking at An Yuan, "Go to sleep."

Luqian sighed softly.

"No." Lu Qian immediately shook her head, "Now there are a lot of discussions, if you do that, I don't know what others will say."

An Yuan imagined the people around Lu Qian again.In addition to husbands and mothers, there are relatives; in the company, there are bosses and colleagues; there are many friends in society.

Those people hope that Luqian is an ordinary wife, an ordinary mother.

"I just hate coming home after breaking up with you."

"It's because he's..."

Luqian nodded.From the intermittent conversation just now, the situation in Luqian's house is roughly clear.Although the name of husband and wife still exists, Lu Qian is now waiting for her husband's decision.If the wife is unwilling to commit herself, she will naturally be blamed, and then she can only let her husband decide.Luqian is ready for everything, but her husband is hesitant.It is hard to forgive a heartless wife, but it is hard to make up her mind to divorce.

In this regard, what should I do?
"I love you……"

This is real.

"I won't leave you..."

This is a fact.

"I want to be with you."

This is also true.However, there was something in An Yuan's heart that made him dare not say the words of being together.

Holding Lu Qian's body tightly, there will be a real feeling of two people being together.Similarly, with her body being hugged, Lu Qian can also be relieved from the melancholy of reality, and can float like a dream.

However, hugs also end naturally.The two embraced desperately, and after being tired, reality came quietly again.

"Sleep?"

If I can't sleep, I ask Lu Qian about this and that, but I can't sleep even more.

After some conversation, the hardships of reality appeared in front of them more acutely.

"It's past twelve o'clock."

Luqian raised her head. "I want to ask you something."

"what?"

"Your wife."

So An Yuan fell silent.

"Does your wife know about us?"

"No...Of course I don't know."

The separated wife did not know the details of An Yuan.

"Probably know that I have a lover."

"She didn't respond?"

The questions and answers are now reversed.

“It’s been like this for a long time.

"But there's no divorce yet, is there?"

An Yuan was speechless to answer.In fact, there is almost no contact, but the relationship between husband and wife is still there.The formation of this situation has its own historical reasons, and it is difficult to explain all of it now.

"No, you forgot, I still have a child."

Reality reappeared in An Yuan's mind.

(End of this chapter)