Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 27
The next day, he called to tell her about the incident, and the two agreed to immediately end the fruitless affair and force themselves to return to being friends.He is sad but relieved, and wants to redeem his sins by selfless work.In a subsequent research report on the restoration of Dunhuang murals, his speech aroused enthusiastic responses from the audience.

"I went back to my office and called her immediately after the seminar was over, hoping she would know how happy I was with our difficult decision. I told her that I had completely regained my self-control and that my speech had never been more successful than before. Success. She said she was encouraged and delighted at my release. She never wished to sacrifice my happiness for my love. She was willing to part with me, though painfully, if I were restored by it.

Then, because I still wanted to feel a little undue high, I told her the dose was too strong and too bitter, and I missed her so much I couldn't believe I couldn't hold her in my arms anymore.At this time, I heard her crying on the phone:

'Honey...' My heart was filled with love.

I said: 'I was wrong, I didn't regain control.I can't help it right now.I can't stand talking like this.Let's hang up, or I'm going to be screwed. '

After hanging up the phone, I went to eat lunch, but I was not satisfied with the food.I secretly blamed myself for the call I made.I wolfed down my lunch, rushed back to the office, called her and said, 'Never mind what I just said.I don't know if there will be a result, but I can't hide my feelings.I must love you. '

She cried again and said how much she loved me; we made an appointment to meet in two days.When I hung up the phone, I felt full of vitality and no longer sluggish.I know it's a stupid thing to do and it's not going to end well, but it's oddly worth it. "

Nevertheless, rebellious extramarital affairs still bring about many major changes in the hearts of the parties involved.A man who has never been romantic and poetic with women finds himself becoming romantic and poetic in his words and deeds; a woman who has never been a foolish and crazy woman finds that stupidity and passion are her important characteristics.A man may discover that he has the ability to have multiple intercourses in a row; a woman who has always avoided vulgar sexual language and gestures may now be amazed at her sexual desire and feel that the words and wild gestures coming out of her mouth are just right for her sexual desire at the moment .

Sometimes the ability to do creative work is greatly enhanced by an extramarital relationship.One writer told us that, during a blossoming affair, he was gushing for months on end, marveling at an imagination he had never had before.He likens his raw originality to his newfound sexual prowess.

On the other hand, the person in a non-creative job finds how dull and tacky his/her day job is compared to the experience of love.The cheater is not slowing down because of an inability to concentrate or function effectively, but because of a sudden change in his/her perspective, where work, achievement, and family life are all trivialized in the face of extramarital passion , even secular.Some of them still regret not discovering such a meaningful extramarital affair sooner.

Guo Shaoyi's love for Lin Yi can be said to be a model of rebellious extramarital affairs.

Guo Shaoyi and Lin Yi

His marriage is close, emotionally secure, and central to his life and work.However, Mrs. Yong Bing is very self-controlled, well-bred, and rational, so that with her, Guo Shaoyi still can't regard herself as an impulsive passion maniac, heroic and enthusiastic partner, so she believes that she is a boring fake.He grieves what fate has made him like.At this moment, Lin Yi touched his rebellious self-discovery.

"I've never had much fun in my life, and I've never felt young, romantic, or sexy. Actually, my sex life with my wife isn't very good, so I presumably mean something special by 'sexy'.Before I met Lin Yi, I felt that money was the most important thing in life, followed by self-development, and family happiness next.However, after getting to know her, money, self-development and family were all put aside and she became the most important thing in my life because I loved how I acted and felt when I was with her. "

The following is an excerpt from the story about Guo Shaoyi:
The first signs of this revolutionary change in values ​​came just hours after his sudden return home.His wife, Yong Bing, picked him up at the airport. She was pale and nervous, and her hair, which was always neat and tidy, was a little disheveled.In order to be alone with him for a while, she left her daughter with a neighbor.Guo Shaoyi kissed her, reminding herself not to be too enthusiastic.He graciously asked about the little things of life during his travel days, and then told her about the business negotiations, the people he met, the local customs; he was very proud of the dexterity he displayed.

It was Sunday, and the sun was fading by the time they got home.The daughter came back from the neighbor's house, squealed with joy, and threw herself on him.He lit the fire and read aloud from "Sunday Comics" (the child had obviously heard him read it, but he read it again anyway).From the kitchen, Yu Bing brought out a pot of dried noodles dumplings and a bottle of Erguotou, and after a while, he brought out delicious five-spice beef.During the whole process, Guo Shaoyi felt a sense of warmth, and then he looked out the window at the gloomy winter scene, and for a moment thought of his life in P City, Xiaomeisha's yacht, the warm sea breeze, laughter and cups. The sound of toasting and the lazy look Lin Yi cast on him.A melancholy passed over my heart.He struggled for breath, secretly hoping that Yu Bing and his daughter would not notice his depression.

At five o'clock in the morning, he turned over from Swimming Bing's side, and thought of Lin Yi again in a sleepy state. He was fully awake and could no longer fall back asleep.Half an hour later, he got up quietly, put on his nightgown and slippers, and walked into the living room, where the embers of the kang fire from last night were still flickering.He took some papers out of his purse in case Yu Bing woke up to see what he was doing.He put the documents by his side and sat on a sofa in front of the kang fire to think.

"I try to create a balance sheet in my head with the strengths and weaknesses of both women in my life: looks, education, social presence, housework, parenting, moral values, etc. It’s incomparable. Swimming is far ahead in most projects. It is absolutely impossible for Lin Yi to manage my home so orderly and educate my children so well. Even if I invite friends and colleagues to my house for a party, she will handle it. No. But I want her, I want her. I can't figure out why, except that my feelings for her must mean something: Age? I'm flattered that a 22-year-old girl wants me. But I Tell yourself it shouldn't matter that much. Is it because of her looks? In my eyes she is beautiful, but others may not. Is it her mind? I think she seems very smart and understanding, But I can see that others may disagree. Is it her personality? She is free and natural, but I'm sure many people would call her lazy and sloppy. But after I evaluated all the reasons to want to get rid of her, I told Say to yourself: 'Stupid, stop pretending to be rational, the real reason is that with that girl, you feel alive, and that's worth anything.'"

A month later, he went on a business trip to P city again.At this moment, P City has entered the real winter.Before, he called her several times, saying that he often woke up at four or five o'clock in the morning and missed her.After lunch that day, they went to the apartment where she (Lin Yi) lived.It was a dreary day for a Southerner.Guo Shaoyi asked her if the fireplace in the room was a decoration. She said it worked, but there was no firewood. He immediately called someone to deliver the wood, under the pretext of urgency. As a result, the firewood was delivered within half an hour after they arrived at the apartment.

"She lived with almost no furniture, an old narrow bed, two folding chairs, a card table, and a suitcase, not even a chest of drawers! But I bought a bottle of red wine, and we sat by the fire Drinking on the only rug in front of the fire was amazing. I was so happy. It was a haven from all the stress, it was another world. We talked, drank, tender... I was so content, told her I didn't expect someone to be so important to me. She said that I was also very important to her.

Two days later I forced myself to leave her apartment to catch a flight.I went back to my home in the north to change in time, and then I took my swimming ice to the dinner party of the alumni association.That whole night, in the mansion of my college classmate who just returned home from overseas, people talked to me and I nodded and smiled, but I thought of Yi in the distance: I sat on the second-hand carpet bought for ten yuan, in that room In a small bare room, with her.I'm much happier with these successful men and their rich, well-groomed women than I am in this million-dollar mansion.I thought to myself, who among them knows how to live and love? !
I couldn't stop myself, and I didn't even want to.This extramarital affair is not the type of spring night, it is very important to me, it seems to be the most important thing in my life.Our sexual relationship was going really well, but from the beginning it wasn't the most important thing, the most important thing was the feeling of me being with her, doing all these crazy amazing things together.Because she is too important in my mind, I hope she is a part of my life.I introduced her to friends and business partners who have a similar situation in P City. Every one or two months (if I go there on a business trip), five or six of us will hold a party in a private room of a certain hotel.I even took her to the doctor like a husband when she contracted a woman's disease.But no matter how much I do for her, I feel unsatisfied.If I stayed at home at night, I would tell Yu Bing that I had run out of cigarettes, and then I would go to a 24-hour convenience store and call her, chatting for half an hour before returning home.

For someone like me, the whole thing was insane, absolutely insane.I have an ideal wife in the eyes of ordinary people, have a good life, and earn a lot of money, but I have abandoned my career, earning only half to one-third of the original income every year, and I don’t care about my wife and children, and I am more and more speculative Taking risks and letting more and more people know about my actions, what will be the result of all this?I don't want to think about it at all.I can't imagine asking Yu Bing for a divorce, but I also don't think things will go on indefinitely. "

Consummation extramarital affairs
Of the eighty marital infidelities and seven unmarried affair partners I interviewed, only ten had ever had a consummate affair, and four of these were borderline cases.But if the consummation affair is both rare and difficult, its potential benefits may also be greatest.For some, it may represent emotional survival; for others, it may bring about significant personal growth; To get in the way of it, and hopefully to reshape both lives closer to the heart's desire.

Contrary to a rebellious affair, a fulfilling affair usually involves choosing a partner correctly.This does not mean that a partner will necessarily become a spouse, which may be hindered by circumstances or unexpected emotional conflicts, but that both partners are sexually, emotionally, intellectually and parentingly matched, and they meet each other's needs on many levels.Existing constraints aside, there's no obvious reason they couldn't be a happy, deeply loving couple.At first, they regarded extramarital affairs only as limited, a supplement to marriage, and refused to admit that it was a potential, comprehensive and exclusive relationship.Once they admit this, however, they immediately understand that life will not be peaceful unless they manage to resolve the conflict between the affair and the marriage.

(End of this chapter)