Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 34
When I woke up the next day, I seemed to be much more awake.When he still wanted to make out with me, I said, why didn't you tell me earlier, if you said you love me earlier, my history would not be written like this.I tested him again and said, I wanted to divorce my lover a long time ago... Before I finished speaking, he suddenly panicked, sat up immediately, and said, don't be so impulsive.You are in Beijing, I am in Shenzhen, you still have children, and there are many specific problems.As soon as he said this, I knew his hypocrisy. It turned out that we played a game of deceiving ourselves.Isn't that great?He advised me.I said I didn't want to be someone else's lover (while I was telling myself, I'm afraid we don't even have a lover's share of the truth).Later, I insisted on buying the flight back to Beijing that night.

Not long after I came back, I felt that something was wrong with my body. I went to the hospital for an examination. The doctor said, let your lover also come for an examination. This disease needs to be treated together.It goes without saying that I have the disease that is often posted on telephone poles or advertised in the streets.I immediately thought of him, I called his cell phone and asked him if he had any abnormalities?He doesn't seem to understand what I mean.I told him that since I came back from Guangzhou, I have suffered from "that disease".Before I finished speaking, he interrupted me in a rough voice, saying: "If you want money, just tell me, please don't blackmail me in this way, you are insulting my personality... ..."

I have never had this disease.The physical injury is secondary. What makes me saddest is that my idol for many years was broken. God gave him a pleasing appearance, intelligence and talent, and also gave him a mean and wretched heart. heart of.Time is a sharp file, anyone will be changed in front of time, or face, or your mind, or conduct, or your dream.I began to feel that things are changing and life is too unpredictable.

Su Jun
My wife and I are college classmates, and we both stayed in Beijing after graduation.From [-] to [-], we spent two years traveling around the country by bicycle at our own expense. During this period, we experienced many risks, took many photos, and made a lot of written records.Our relationship is tempered.At that time, many newspapers reported our deeds.

After passing the test of the valley of death, we divorced in [-], when the weather was calm.The reasons for our divorce are unknown to colleagues, friends and classmates.It's been so many years now, it's okay to say it, if you think it's a lesson, let's learn it.

In June [-], my pager suddenly received a call sign that I was very unfamiliar with. When I inquired, it was a female author from Northeast China. She was talking about a business trip in Beijing and hoped to meet.

Had an acquaintance with her once.In [-], when we went on an adventure in the Northeast by bicycle, she said that she wanted to interview us. At that time, there were many friends from the media, and my wife was also present.But we left that city the next day.We barely had a conversation in private, and we never got in touch again.I only remember that she was tall, with a good figure, and her face was well-shaped.The men that day were all vying to have fun with her.Two years later, it is also a blessing for men to still have beautiful women thinking about us.I asked her to eat Mongolian barbecue at a barbecue restaurant.We ate from [-]:[-] pm to [-]:[-] pm. She didn't mean to break up, saying where is the bar in Beijing?So we went to Sanlitun Bar again.

Through the dim light, she confided her thoughts to me.She found out that her husband was with other women and had cheated on her a lot. She was disappointed and miserable because they had been in love for many years.For the sake of her husband, she cut off all contact with her boyfriend, but a man would never be willing to live with a woman.Her husband's affair made her feel bad, so she went out to relax and find someone to talk to.

During that time, my wife was not at home, she was pregnant, and was waiting to give birth at her natal home.I just chatted with her until one o'clock in the middle of the night. I saw that the time was too late, so I asked her where she lived, and I sent her back.She waved her hand and said you go back first, I will sit until closing.I thought, what's the matter, if she's okay, I can leave her alone, she's in a bad mood, you said leave her in this place... So I said, why don't you go to my house, you want to talk about it when we go home chat.

Of course, I don't rule out the bad water in the man's bones by saying this.She looked at me, half-closed her eyes, and said, aren't you afraid that your wife will fight with you?I play it easy: now I'm the head of the family.She got into a taxi with me.In the car, we stopped talking and seemed to be thinking about what was going to happen.Come home, close the door, and it's clear what happens to an emotionally confused woman with a man who's sexually hungry because his wife is pregnant.

We were all in a state of madness that night, and she seemed to be venting to her heart's content, expressing her anger towards a man strongly with her body.

When our bodies subsided, she began to sob.Because we were so tired, we didn't fall asleep until early in the morning, and we were so sound asleep that we didn't even hear the phone ring.Then I heard the door opening, my brother-in-law came to pick up things, and my wife had already given birth.And what my brother-in-law saw became an irreversible fact that my wife and I divorced three months later.My wife will never tolerate her husband not only not being by her side when she is having a difficult labor, but even fooling around with a woman in bed.

After the female author returned to Northeast China, she never called me.I know that everything we do is outside the spirit, she can't fall in love with me, and I don't have a deeper understanding of her, what we are looking for is just physical love, a kind of physical love. It's just comfort; or for her, there is also a layer of pleasure to take revenge on her husband.But it was this little game that God gave me such a heavy punishment: I lost my wife and children for a woman who had nothing to do with me.I admit it.

a newspaper reporter

So far, I have not met You Huaqi.We met through chatting online, and most of our understanding of her was done through E-mail and QQ.Although I had a few phone calls after we got to know each other, usually I asked her how she was doing, and she gave short answers. The conversation was dull and monotonous, and the whole chat atmosphere was depressing.

In contrast, her online narration is much smoother and more delicate, perhaps hiding in the illusory online world, and the communication between strangers can feel a little more secure.

In my QQ friend list, she is a special woman.Her online name is "The Woman Asking Forgiveness" and she is always online late at night, and many times, when my online friends list is empty, she will appear like a ghost.The more times she appears, the more curious I am about her.At first we just chatted one after another, and she replied very slowly, with few words, and there seemed to be no topics that interested her, and she often responded with words like "Oh" or "Really?" My question, and she especially doesn't like it when I ask about her relationship history and just tells me she's divorced.Sometimes I would ask her boringly why she didn’t look for a new marriage, and she warned me not to mention the word marriage to her in a stern tone, saying that she was a woman who was not qualified to say the word marriage.The more times you chat with her, the more you can feel that she is an unhappy woman.Later, perhaps because my patience and sincerity impressed her, she chatted more positively and was willing to let me know more about her.Later, she took the initiative to confide to me the depression in her heart, telling the story that made her unhappy-an unexpected one-night stand destroyed her originally happy family and caused great harm to her and her husband.Before telling me the story, she repeatedly told me that she is actually a very conservative woman, and she has always rejected one-night stands, but she never thought that such a thing would happen to her.Up to now, she is full of deep self-blame and remorse for her indulgence that night, often crying secretly in the dark, praying to God and her husband to forgive her mistakes.

In fact, after listening to You Huaqi's account of the whole incident, I think she blamed herself too harshly, because there were multiple factors that caused the tragedy. It was indeed her who lost control and had sex with others. fault, but as one of the victims of the incident - her husband should also bear certain responsibilities.

You Huaqi described her former family to me in delicate language, and the words often revealed nostalgia and regret for the past.Indeed, she originally had an enviable happy family. "My husband's name is Wang Hua. We graduated from the same university. He was a year older than me. He was a very good man, tall and manly. He was the forward of our school's basketball team and the school's A student cadre of the Youth League Committee, and his academic performance was also among the best. At that time, he was the object of many girls' crushes in our school. I don't know why he fell in love with me at that time. I don't look very beautiful, but I am more dignified and beautiful. It’s not bad, it belongs to the tall and plump one. Since I was a child with strict family education, I was quiet and shy, and I seldom dated boys. It was he who took the initiative to pursue me, and he pursued me very hard. After I accepted his pursuit, I My parents strongly opposed our dating.

His family is in another place, and it is still in the countryside, so his family background is not very good.And my family is in Beijing, and my parents are government officials, so they would oppose our dating.However, Wang Hua is a very ambitious man and also very talented.Through his own efforts, after graduating from university, he successfully stayed in a well-known foreign company in Beijing. He started as a low-level salesperson, and after a few years of hard work, he became the sales director of this large company, and his income was quite high.After I graduated, I went to work as a cashier in an agency, and my current income is quite considerable.Later, my parents saw that we both had decent jobs, especially after getting to know my husband better and appreciated his character and talent, they later agreed to our marriage.I still clearly remember that at our wedding, my husband and I were so excited that we shed tears. After all, it took a lot of hard work for us to get together.Fortunately, we both cherish this hard-won fate very much.During the eight years of marriage, we got along very well and harmoniously.My husband is a loving man, he takes good care of me, never asks me to do housework, and no matter the wind or rain, he will take me to and from work regardless of the weather.My friends and colleagues are very envious of me having such a good husband. "

You Huaqi described the originally happy family to me affectionately.The more she narrated about the past, the more puzzled I became—why did such a loving couple end up in such a tragic end?

"It would be great if we could live happily like that all the time! But the world is unpredictable. Ever since I had the idea of ​​having children, there has been more disharmony between us. I really like children. Sometimes alone Walking on the street, when I see children being held or led by others, I will involuntarily slow down, jump up to tease those little ones, touch their tender faces, and express great respect for the adults who care for them. I am very envious. But whenever I mention the issue of having a child, my husband is always unhappy. When we first got married, he firmly disagreed with having a child. He said that having a child would be very tiring and would make people feel no freedom. .Later, my parents and I would put pressure on him on this issue. Slowly, he seemed to be able to accept having a child. But at that time, everyone was busy with work. He said that he would wait until his career stabilized. Think about having a baby later.

In that case, I can only agree with him.Indeed, before I was 30 years old, both of us were very busy at work and under a lot of pressure.Therefore, at that time, we would carefully do contraceptive work every time.It was like this until my husband and I had a little success in our careers, until one night when we were both in our thirties, I solemnly proposed to my husband to have a child, and he agreed.

I was 31 years old that year.After the "alert" was lifted, the number of times we had sex was significantly higher than before, and we were particularly involved every time.At that time, my husband and I were working hard to 'create' the next generation, and I also hoped that I could become a mother one day soon.But year after year passed, I was already in my late teens, but I still couldn't see the child.At first, I suspected that something was wrong with me, so I went to the hospital for an examination without my husband behind my back.The doctor said it was all right, maybe the work was too stressful, so try to relax for a while.But after trying for a while, there was still no movement.I began to suspect that there was something wrong with him. He said that he also went to the hospital for an examination, and there was nothing wrong.When he sees me worrying about my children, he often comforts me and says, "Honey, don't think about it, we are all fine."We have nothing else to do, just get together less and leave more, and we can't step on it. '

Indeed, since he became the sales director of their company, he has been on frequent business trips, many times and for a long time, sometimes for several months.As soon as he said he was going on a business trip, I felt very uncomfortable.I persuaded him many times to consider taking less time for me and the children in the future, and if it doesn't work, I can change to a more leisurely job.As a wife, I really can't bear to watch my husband work so hard. Over the years, he has aged a lot and has a lot of gray hair on his head.To be honest, our family’s economic conditions are already pretty good, and it doesn’t matter to me whether we can make more money or not.Every time I say something like this, he always looks at me incomprehensibly, saying that a man should have his own career.He will also comfort me afterwards and promise that he will fight for more time with me in the future.

When he's not around, I'm just an unattended child.For so many years, my husband has helped me arrange many things in my life, and I am used to having him take care of me.When he was on a business trip, my life became very, very bad. Without my husband to wake me up, I was often late for work; eating was also an annoying problem. When he was at home, he would cook for me in different ways, I cook a lot of my favorite dishes, but after his business trip, I have to go to restaurants every day, and most of the dishes are not to my taste.When a person feels uncomfortable at home, I will call him in the field at night to pour out my sufferings, and often cry while talking, like a wronged child.At first he felt very uncomfortable when he heard me cry, he would comfort me gently, say apologetic words, and often promised that he would finish his errands and return to Beijing early for me, but most of the time he couldn't keep his promise.I always call to say that things have changed and I will stay outside for a few more days, so I am disappointed in him time and time again.

(End of this chapter)