Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 35
What was even more unbearable was that he would get tired of me calling him constantly and telling me that he was in a meeting or having dinner with a very important client.Women always feel particularly wronged at such times, but he became more and more impatient to listen to my complaints, and sometimes even yelled at me on the phone, saying that I was not considerate of him and did not understand his difficulties.Yes, I can understand his difficulties, but has he ever thought about how uncomfortable it is for a woman to be alone at home!Sometimes I walk alone on the road in the evening, and when I see couples approaching each other kissing me, and seeing other couples holding hands and walking together in love, I feel sad for a while. Jealous of those women who can have lovers.Although other people's husbands are inferior to mine in terms of appearance and temperament, they have a complete family after all!As for me, my husband is often away and I don't have children.After get off work, I always go back to my empty home alone with a lonely expression. I have nothing to do except watch TV at night. Sometimes I want to call my friends in college to chat, but everyone has their own. Family, who would have the patience to listen to a woman like me nagging? "

When You Huaqi narrated this, I thought the development of the whole story was easy to guess—a sad young woman, because her husband was often not around, could not bear the torment of loneliness and the temptation of other men, she had an affair Behavior.But the development of the story is not what I imagined. You Huaqi said that she is actually a very conservative and traditional woman, and she loves her husband very much.Although many men expressed their affection to her, they were all rejected by her.She said that even in the night when she was so lonely and flustered, she never thought about doing anything to offend her husband in the past.

"When my husband is not around, I do feel lonely. What's more painful is that I don't even have someone to talk to when I'm lonely. But I'm a traditional woman, and I know that many women will die because they can't stand loneliness. I am looking for a man outside, but my moral values ​​and good family education cannot allow me to do things that are sorry for my husband, not to mention that I love my husband very much, and I am willing to endure the suffering of loneliness for him.

The barren days are really hard to bear!Every time my husband came home after a business trip, I would hug him and cry loudly.Then he beat his strong arm vigorously to vent the grievances and complaints he had suppressed for many days.At this time, my husband would look at me with apologetic eyes, seriously blame himself for being an incompetent husband, and gently say that I have been wronged.Then I open the suitcase and take out a bunch of presents that I bought for me—usually clothes, makeup, jewelry that I like.Each time, I complained to him of his absence with a flood of tears, and he wished to make it up to me with a flood of presents.In fact, no woman would dislike those gifts, but what women need more is a husband who can accompany her to grow old every day!
In life, he is a careful man who takes good care of me.But he really doesn't understand women's thoughts very well, he always makes me happy like a child, and then he starts busy with work again.I have been disappointed, but I always comfort myself by saying that one day, when my husband gets tired, he will return home to the harbor like a tired child and never leave me for a moment.I also hope that after having a child in the future, my husband will spend more time at home.But after so many years, I still have no signs of pregnancy.This made me very anxious, and my husband also seemed to be a little anxious. We even bought a lot of books on this topic, hoping to improve the "hit rate" from the skills, but my life still hasn't changed much.In this way, my husband's frequent business trips and his inability to conceive a child have greatly damaged the harmonious relationship between my husband and me. We quarreled more and more often, and he became more and more impatient with me. and bored.But even so, I never lost confidence in our future. I always comforted myself by saying that I would definitely conceive a child and that my husband loved me too.

Later, something happened between me and my boss that I didn't expect.Thinking about it now, the whole thing happened quite suddenly.It was last summer, and my husband was on a business trip again, this time he was gone for a long time, more than three months.One morning when I arrived at work, I received a call from my husband, who said he was on his way back to Beijing and would be home by noon.After putting down the phone, I was so excited that I was in a panic. I had been separated from my husband for more than three months. During that time, I felt that my whole life was about to wither.

I still remember my excited expression that morning, like a little girl in first love, wishing I could see my long-lost husband right away, and cry in his arms.It happened that there was nothing going on in the unit that day, so I said hello to my colleagues and left work early.Unexpectedly, I met the leader of our department in the elevator, and everyone called him "Fire" behind his back, because his telephone extension was "[-]", and also because of his dual nature: he has a big temper and loves to lose his temper; Can put out other people's fire, as long as someone is angry, he acts as a "fire extinguisher".

I nervously explained to the "fire alarm" the reason why I left early, but he said in a very gracious manner: "It's all right, go back early, is it a pleasure to have someone come from afar?" At that moment, I was really moved, I didn't expect "Fire" to be such a warm and considerate man.

I said goodbye to the "fire alarm" gratefully, and then took a taxi and left the unit.Sitting in the car, I was restless and kept urging the driver to drive faster. The driver thought I was going to catch a plane, so I smiled and told him that my husband had returned from a business trip.The driver looked at me a little surprised, and said with a smile that he had never seen a wife who loved her husband so much.I smiled wryly, yes!In the eyes of others, a husband's business trip is just an ordinary thing, but who can understand the difficulties of being a wife like me?
I got off at the supermarket near my house.That day I had a sudden idea - buy a bunch of things my husband loves to eat, and go home early to be a "cooking wife".I want my husband not to want to go out when he gets home, and I want him to feel that the delicious food in the world is not as good as the home-cooked food made by his wife.The air pressure was low and it was hot and humid that day, and I was sweating profusely in the kitchen.Actually, I have an air conditioner in my kitchen, but I can’t stand it, and I don’t want to turn it on, because I want my husband to see me fully engaged in “housework” when he comes home—to make him happy, and to make him I feel sorry for my wife.

Although I seldom cook by myself, the dishes I cooked that day were very good. Every dish was bright and fragrant, and the table was full.I guess my husband will be surprised when he walks in. He must never have imagined that his wife is so capable.

After finishing the meal, I picked up the mop diligently and made the room clean and warm.Then, I stood by the window and looked in the direction of his return, standing motionless like a watchman's stone.My eyes were so anxious, every second I hoped that my husband's tall and straight body would appear in front of my eyes.

But I waited and waited and still didn't wait for him to appear.I was so anxious that I was afraid that something would happen to him on the road.At one o'clock at noon, he called and said sorry that he was "hijacked" by the boss of the company to clean up the dust for him as soon as he got off the plane.Who knew that this "once" would be one night.He didn't come back until after twelve o'clock in the evening, smelling of alcohol, and took away all the warmth I expected and fantasized about.I bear it, thinking he can make amends in bed.But who knows, he turned into a pool of mud as soon as he lay down, and kept saying: "It's so hot, it's so hot, why don't you turn on the air conditioner." I was angry and sad when I heard it.I ran to the balcony to see his reaction, but he was indifferent; I went into the room to change clothes, made a noise and stood outside the gate, trying to make him chase me, but he still remained motionless.I was so disappointed that I walked out of the doorway.I ran a long way, like an angry child, imagining how worried he would be when he saw all this, and it made me happy.I also intentionally brought a pager and cell phone, and fantasized about being called by him!But there was nothing, only the sand and dust blown by the wind, which made my whole body and eyes full.

The world is blurred in my eyes, and the wind is blowing harder and harder, sweeping away the heat of the day.I only wore a thin dress when I went out, and I was shivering in the cold wind.With nowhere to hide, I ran into a hotel and got a room in a depressed mood.At that time, I wanted to vent so much, but there was no shoulder on which I could bury my head and cry.

Inexplicably, I thought of "Fire Alarm" and the caring smile of "Fire Alarm" in the elevator in the morning. "Fire" was in his early forties and by all accounts a remarkable man.In my impression, he is a very considerate man. He doesn't speak much on weekdays. He is always kind and kind to his subordinates, and he always listens patiently to the unhappiness and troubles encountered by his subordinates in work and life.

In fact, before that, I had an experience of 'being alone in a room' with the "fire alarm".That was when we were on a business trip together a few months ago. He came to my room at night to talk about work. Later, we became more and more in harmony with each other. between things.He listened to me quietly, comforted me from time to time, and told me earnestly to understand my husband’s difficulties. He said with deep feeling that he could understand my suffering because his wife often complained that he was too busy with work.We chatted for a long time in my room that day, and we were often moved by his tolerance and consideration of a mature man when we chatted with him.I was very grateful to him that time, because I hadn't told others about my inner pain for a long time, and his words gave me a lot of comfort.That day I was touched and said that I didn't treat him as a man, that's why I told him so much.I hope he can be my good friend.He said he was also grateful for my trust in him.In the end, he returned to his room in a very gentlemanly manner, and we lived in peace.

This experience has made our cooperation in work more tacit in the future, and I also believe that he is a safe and reliable person to confide in.Helpless, I dialed his cell phone, cried and told him about my situation.Not long after, he drove to my room.He has been silently listening to me, looking at me with concern.His concerned gaze made me think to myself more than once, why doesn't my husband behave like this?Even coax me when I'm angry.Thinking about it, I couldn't help but feel sad and trembled from crying.He sat next to me and put his arms around me.At that moment, I felt my whole body go limp, sobbing involuntarily on his shoulder, feeling the body temperature of his man.Gradually, a burning desire spread in my body, and I felt that my whole body was boiling.He looked at me with such tenderness that it made my breathing flutter and my heart pound.At that moment, I knew how much I actually longed for a man.My body, which had been desolate for a long time, was slowly ignited by his affectionate gaze, and I fell into his arms step by step, letting his warm hands wander over every part of my body.Finally, I took off the dress and fell on the double bed in the hotel...

I cried after it was over, and I thought about my husband, even though he really didn't care about me at all, I thought about him all the time.Even when I was making love to "Fire Alarm", my husband's voice and smile kept coming to my mind.I even felt like the man who entered my body was my husband and not the 'fire alarm'.I don't need to explain anything, the 'fire alarm' can also know the reason for my crying, after all, he is also a family man.But I can't see the slightest guilt in his eyes. Doesn't he think of his wife at all?I really can't understand why there is such a big difference between men and women. They always accept this kind of thing calmly, but women always feel guilty about it.

'Fire' lays leisurely on the bed and smokes.Men call this 'after-the-fact smoking', which is said to be a good way to relieve the tension after making love.I also ordered a cigarette, which was the first time I smoked in my life. 'Fire' looked at me in surprise.Then he lit a cigarette for me.He reassured me that I should not have too much mental burden, because everyone is middle-aged, and there is no need to pay too much attention to such things as making love.But I still care about it. I think it's different if this thing happened and if it didn't happen.I asked him what would he think if he found out that his wife had slept with someone else, and would he comfort himself as he did just now? The expression of 'Fire Alarm' immediately became a little angry. Obviously, my words stimulated his self-esteem as a man.He put on a disdainful smile, pretending to be relaxed and said that his wife would not sleep with others.At that time my heart was cold.Yeah, only bad girls sleep with other guys.I immediately realized that I was a bad woman. After the 'fire alarm' finished smoking, he said he wanted to take a bath, and asked if I would like to take a 'mandarin duck bath' with him.I didn't even look at him, he was a little disappointed and went into the bathroom alone.

As soon as the fire alarm left, I felt flustered. I didn't know if I should call my husband. I missed him very much, and I even wanted to tell him what happened right away.But I didn't dare to call, I had no face to call home.If my husband finds out, he will definitely divorce me. I feel scared. I am really afraid that my husband will divorce me.Thinking of these, I really regret it.I regret that I had a relationship with 'Fire Alarm' just now, if there was no sex just now, everyone just chatted, even if I cried in his arms, it didn't matter.But I actually had sex with another man, this is the first time I have sex with a man other than my husband!I was regretful and afraid again, and my whole person immediately became bewildered.By the time the 'Fire Alarm' came out of the shower, I realized I had smoked four cigarettes, and I really don't know how I managed to smoke so many cigarettes. The 'fire alarm' returned to the bed with a relaxed face. He reached out to hug me, but I pushed him away in disgust.I don't want him to touch my body again.He was a little unhappy, and got into the quilt angrily. After a while, he snored like a pig.It made me feel even more sick.I lay down on another bed, but I couldn't fall asleep anyway. I didn't close my eyes all night. While crying, I recalled the love and affection I had with my husband for so many years.At that time, I said to myself, let this night pass quickly, as if nothing happened.

The next morning, I quietly left the hotel and opened the door of the house nervously like a thief.The husband had already got up and hurriedly dressed to go to work.He didn't even notice the difference in my expression, and he routinely apologized to me, saying that he was really drunk last night.Then, as usual, I took out a lot of gifts bought for me from the suitcase. Looking at those gifts, I burst into tears, crying very hard.He hugged me in a panic and begged me to forgive him for his behavior yesterday.I was thinking in my heart, in fact, the one who should beg for forgiveness is me!Later, I lied that I spent the night at a good friend's house yesterday, and he believed it.Later, after he went to the company, the "fire police" called and asked me why I left without saying goodbye in the morning. I didn't know what to say, but I just told him not to mention what happened yesterday.How I wish nothing had happened that night.

(End of this chapter)