Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 36
But after more than two months, I realized that something was wrong with my body, so I went to the hospital for an examination.That day, I stared at the laboratory window, wondering what sentence it would have on me when it opened again.The most worrying result still appeared in front of my eyes - HCG was positive.I am pregnant!When I saw this result at a glance, my heart beat wildly with horror.how come?how come?What is the error rate for this assay?I asked the doctor.The doctor was overwhelmed by my questioning, she said cautiously, do you want another test?Try it again!I made a firm decision, but my heart was terrified.The window opened again, and the doctor called my name, as if to vindicate herself: Yes, it is positive, you are pregnant!My head seemed to explode suddenly, and the pain was so severe that I wanted to raise my head and shout angrily: Oh my God!how so!
On the same day, I told the "fire alarm" the test results.As soon as he heard it, his face immediately changed, saying that it was absolutely impossible to belong to him.I said it was strange, I have been married for seven or eight years, and my husband and I have never had children.He said, that's hard to say, didn't your husband touch you after that?I am speechless.I asked him to accompany me to another city to have the child killed, but he said that money can be given, but he will never accompany me.Looking at the indifferent eyes of the "fire alarm", I was desperate.I really didn't expect men to be so fickle, and my last little fantasy about men was completely extinguished.

Later, I went to the hospital alone.Unexpectedly, the doctor told me that in terms of my physical condition and age, if the child is aborted, I may never have another child in the future!God, I want to cry but have no tears!Regret and helplessness overwhelmed me, and I collapsed, lying at home alone for three days.

In those days, my husband was on a business trip again, and apart from my breathing, I couldn’t feel any breath of life at home.How wonderful it would be to have a child to accompany me at this time... Motherhood revived in my heart, and I couldn't help crying.Enough crying and I'm back to reality.When I thought of an unnamed "fruit" sprouting in my belly, I was overwhelmed by helplessness again.I know this child shouldn't stay, but I really want to be a mother for once, what choice should I make?
Later, I made a stupid decision to have a baby, I needed a baby so badly.I comforted myself that this child might be conceived by my husband.So far, the thing I regret the most is not having a one-night stand with someone else, but regretting that I told my husband about my pregnancy.

On the day he came back from a business trip, I deliberately pretended to be happy and told him that I was pregnant, and then foolishly expected a happy smile to bloom on his face.After all, he also wanted a child.But what he did next terrified me.He stared at me, eyes full of anger.Then he grabbed my hair and asked me loudly, who made me pregnant?I looked at him in horror, not knowing why he did this to me. I always thought he didn't know what happened between me and the "fire alarm".My husband stared at me fiercely.I freaked out and insisted that of course the baby was his.He responded to my lie with a big laugh, and then told me a secret he had been keeping for years - he was infertile, and after we got married he went to the hospital for a checkup.So he will keep saying that he doesn't want children.

His words made me tremble all over, and tears fell like raindrops.This is the husband I have been with for more than eight years, and he has been cheating on me for eight years.I really can't accept what happened, and I can't imagine what my husband will do to me when he finds out that I have a relationship with someone else.At that moment, I said to myself, it's over, it's over.Later, I told my husband exactly what happened between me and the "fire alarm".He cried, married for so many years, I saw him cry for the first time.Still later, he moved away.A few months later, I received a divorce notice.That's it, we got divorced.

So far, neither my parents nor my friends know the real reason why I divorced him.When someone asked, I just said it was because of 'incompatibility'.I don't have the face to tell others that it was actually a one-night stand that ruined my marriage.Now my life is completely over.The man who once loved me the most in this world finally left me with resentment and anger on his face.My parents and friends couldn't comfort me either, they all tried to comfort me.But what is the use of consolation?All the life I was accustomed to changed suddenly, from health to sickness; from happiness to misery.Moreover, my body also collapsed because of the abortion.On the day of the abortion, I didn't shed a single tear.I don't think I have the right to cry.That day, lying on the cold operating bed, I stared numbly at the dim chandelier in the operating room. I thought that my life would be so dim and dim from now on, and there would never be a bright day again.When the piece of flesh in my body was cut off, my heart ached.It would have been a complete little life, but I had no face to bring it into this world. "

Youhuaqi still didn't meet me in the end.In the end, she just told me to use a pseudonym for her in the story.She said she had no face to let people who knew her know the truth.In the end, I did nothing to comfort her, and words seemed powerless.On the phone, I wished her to get out of the shadows as soon as possible.She let out a bitter laugh, but said nothing else.In this way, You Huaqi said goodbye to me.

Forensic
The first woman was Dan, and now she is dead.Her death was horrific, but it wasn't much more horrifying than the other corpse cases I've dealt with.Her husband, Kang, threw up and ran out.I sympathize with him. No man can keep his composure after seeing the women who used to live together day and night turned into a bloody pile, even if they are on the verge of breaking up.

Of course, I have no way of judging what their feelings are.In such a house full of excess material, emotions can no longer be explored through some subtle artificial traces.To define such a family, we can only use words like "rich" and "luxury".

I checked the bathroom again.The jacuzzi in this luxury bathroom is inlaid like petals, as if it has just been used by a crazy painter. On the grass-colored fine porcelain, there are layers of dripping red, and the red is still flowing along. The edges of the petals dripped, turning the corners of the snow-white foot towels in front of the bathtub bright red.I subconsciously lifted up the foot bath towel. There was a small folded piece of paper under the towel. Looking closely, it was a description of a medicine. It was probably accidentally pressed under the towel. I casually put it in my underwear pocket.

There doesn't seem to be much to crack about the case.Because the murderer has been caught at the scene.A man named Gang, tall and handsome, made people's minds immediately conjecture that the man was wrapped.This inference was quickly disproved when a second woman appeared.

The second woman is Ye, who will also die soon, at the gunpoint of the firing squad.The woman was in her early twenties, but she looked like a girl of fourteen or fifteen.She showed up the day after she was caught, and told herself why she was the mastermind of the murder.According to Ye, Gang was her ex-boyfriend. After meeting Kang, Ye broke up with Gang and started an extramarital affair with Kang. Unexpectedly, Dan found out about the inside story. Dan scolded Ye, and Ye held a grudge. Only then directed this bloody scene.

This story sounds unreasonable at first. Who will help the ex-girlfriend to fight for the lover?Ye's explanation for this was that he had promised her when they broke up that he would help her when she had something to do; this time when he asked for "help", Ye lied to him that the woman helped a rich man rape her.

The story was eventually confirmed by Kang.Kang admits that he has an extramarital affair with Ye, and the quarrel between Ye and Dan happened not long ago.Speaking of Ye, he felt shuddering: She is still a child, I always thought she needed my protection.

And so the case was settled.Gang will be executed with Ye.Before the execution, there seemed to be a renewed love between them. Every time they were arraigned, they looked at each other from a distance in court with affection in their eyes.According to acquaintances in the detention center, Kang once visited Ye, and they were silent through the glass.Before parting, Ye Hu recited a poem: If there is no such love, what is the matter?Kang's face suddenly turned red, and he quickly replied calmly: If there is nothing wrong, why do you fall in love?Ye heard this laughing, very hearty, and said: Without this incident, I really don't know that my true love is in Gang; Kang Yi laughed, but he was a little reluctant.

I really don't know why I went to watch the execution with those crowds.Before Ye Hegang, there were very few murderers who attracted me so much. They seemed to have a rare poetic quality.I followed the group of blind people standing on a hill very far away from the execution place. Different from their blind excitement, I felt a little lost.After the gunshots, I actually felt a little heartbroken.I walked down the hill sadly, and at a corner, I found a familiar figure from behind, Kang, yes, he seemed to be sobbing, and beside him was a third woman, whispering to him, there was a sentence The words accidentally got into my ears: who knew that just now would help her...

I finally knew that I was missing the third woman part in Kang's story.

extramarital affairs win

The result of the last type of spiritual struggle is just the opposite: the deeply invested extramarital affair gradually grows strong enough to compete with the marriage; the inner psychological conflict of the unfaithful person brews into a crisis, and finally the relationship breaks through, leading to the collapse of the marriage and the extramarital affair wins out.

Most likely, the circumstances that produced this result were that the extramarital lover provided far more rewards than the romance and sex of marriage, or that the extramarital affair finally made the adolescent fantasies of the year come true, at least temporarily.And in fact, the extramarital lover promises a full-fledged, deep emotional fulfillment.

Inner psychological conflict can also kill an extramarital affair.But if the marriage is deeply flawed, sooner or later the infidelity is very likely to break free and take decisive action to break free.Once the time comes when action must be taken, the moribund affair revives, grows rapidly again, and even shows the first signs of marriage.

Things may not develop this way, because there are many unexpected circumstances that will get in the way.But to the Puritan Romantic, this is its only acceptable outcome, and the chief justification.People who crave deep and total identification with their romantic partners, even in the early stages, will not be unfaithful in their marriage for fun or comfort.Whether he/she knows it or not, his or her real goal and hope is to find a fully satisfying monogamous relationship.Once an extramarital affair that seems to have this possibility is found, the marriage that has deteriorated will quickly deteriorate, and he/she (they) will start to be loyal to the extramarital "love", and abandon the marriage as soon as possible by being unfaithful to the marriage.

If the marriage has serious flaws, but the affair has many benefits, and there is no uncertainty, then the struggle within the marriage will soon be manifested in the form of a breakthrough. A marriage that has lasted for many years, ten years, or even decades will This was broken by an extramarital affair that only existed for a few months or even less, and led to the disintegration and demise.

We have cited an extreme example in this book: a hardware dealer who has been a loyal husband for 20 years, was emotionally shocked after the first taste of the "forbidden fruit" of an extramarital affair, and a week later he had a tearful showdown with his wife, Then he packed his luggage and left her that night.The following example is more typical:

The client, a 36-year-old woman, had been living under one roof with her husband for 14 years when she stated the experience:
"Who would have imagined that my marriage would take such a sharp turn? My husband is a man of integrity. He works as the head coach of a provincial youth table tennis team in City Y. He does not drink or smoke. Since we are both busy, our Marriage became a "show" and we never paid attention to each other, never talked to each other, and never took the time to think about it, as if we got married to keep busy with children, house and places As for sex, I'm sick of it and I feel like I can live without it. I hardly ever give it a second thought, and when I do I tell myself that every marriage is like this and there's nothing to worry about Yes. I lived my life in ignorance, refusing to see the truth or do anything about it.

A year ago, we rented a house by the sea for the summer, and I lived there with my children.My husband, like any other man, joins us every weekend.But when other men are having fun, he always loses interest.He did nothing all weekend, just sat and looked at the sea, in a daze.He would not talk to anyone, not even old friends.Once or twice he said: 'Nobody understands my problem. ' He said no more.

In early September, the vacation was over and we were back in town.One night, sitting with me in the living room after the kids had gone to bed, he said, out of nowhere, 'Have you ever wondered why I've been acting the way I've been doing these days? ' I said I thought he couldn't cope with his new role in the company.He said: 'Did it ever occur to you that I might be in love with another woman? ' I just laughed. 'you? ’ I said: ‘Oh, no way!You must be joking. '

'I'm not kidding,' he said.I stopped laughing and froze.I thought to myself: 'This can't be true.This happens to other people, not me. ' Then he told me all about her.

Now, I don't believe it's too real.She was a nightclub dancer, very young, but divorced, with a young daughter.She has long hair, a hippie look, and a very uninhibited attitude and lifestyle.He said their physical relationship was great, but that was only part of the reason.She really loves him, treats him well, understands him.

I listened in silence and didn't growl because I felt I deserved it.I know how I've treated him for a long time, and I know it never occurred to me to fix things.I went on to tell him that I was happy for him; but I felt finished, like the whole world collapsed beneath my feet.

We didn't make any theories that night; but for the first time I felt the seriousness of the situation: our marriage might fall apart.For the next few weeks, I thought I was going crazy.Finally one night, I started to face it.I said:
'If this goes on, you, me, and she will all be in pain. It doesn't make sense for three people to be in pain. One is enough. Why don't you just leave here to find her? '

This sentence hit his chest.He didn't even stop to grab a piece of clothing and ran out of the house.That was the last time he and I were under the same roof. "

People who are governed by conscience and have a strong sense of responsibility to their spouse and children are not easy to cut off the bond quickly, especially if the marriage relationship was once very close, and they have to gradually get rid of the pain bit by bit.Even in a dead marriage, it usually takes a long time for the unfaithful to leave it.Every little quarrel, every silence, every dissatisfaction may be sufficient reason for him/her to commit infidelity in the marriage relationship.

Although there are "sufficient" reasons for marital infidelity, those who have extramarital affairs also suffer hardships: when the marital relationship is in a "stationary" state while maintaining the extramarital affair, the extramarital couple will feel depressed and irritable; When development turns worse, they gloat.Sometimes they are optimistic about some things and sometimes pessimistic about others.Their moods are changeable, or they are angry because one party can't help the other party delaying the marriage, or one party can't stand the other party's constant urging.

(End of this chapter)