Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 38
She is like the Madonna in Michelangelo's Sorrow, looking at me with such kind and compassionate eyes.I suddenly felt helpless.She was so smart, and her utter martyrdom was the only defense I couldn't break, the only attack I couldn't parry.She, this kind, suffering, caring, understanding, sad, miserly face, begged me to tell her everything: how much it, the affair, was in my heart, what I wanted from it, how I suffered of.

In order to break away from my freedom, my voice trembled, my hands trembled, and I began to answer her questions with self-deprecation.In the presence of martyr tears, I no longer had the courage to tell her frankly that she had been a very bad wife for years, and that it was her faults that had led to this now inseparable affair. "

Zhou Xiangming:
"When he called to tell me the news, I was still angry with him for giving me the acceptance. But his courage to tell Liu Li about our affairs really made me faint. We met and had dinner to celebrate this Afterwards, since Nakano had already taken most of his clothes, we went back to the apartment after dinner. The next episode was exactly as described in the script: around 10:30, we were about to undress, but I saw the sound of a key turning in the lock. It was Nakano. I guess he wanted to talk to me.

Afterki runs into the bathroom to hide, but Nakano walks into the bedroom just in time to see his clothes stacked on the chair.He went over to try the bathroom door.Door locks have been hit and miss.The door opened, and Yu Hui was caught straight in his shorts, looking funny.

Nakano said: 'You bastard.I should have known it was you. '

Yu Hui is awesome, saying: 'I love Xiang Ming, I want to marry her. '

Nakano turned to look at me, then said to Yu Hui: 'Do you love this woman?This bitch?This sweet girl with sharp teeth, no blood, and a heart like ice?This cold-hearted bitch who spoils men and can't even play with her husband unless she's drunk?I pity you. '

I really can't imagine him saying that.He slammed the door and went away, and we sat there trembling, pouring two glasses of whiskey and drinking in silence, trying to drown our sorrow and forget the humiliation just now.Nakano's venting made us a little happy for him, but that night, we finally didn't bring up "sex" interest; we didn't have sex together, which was the first time since our extramarital affair. "

Afterglow rented a room in the hotel.They were together almost every evening, and the rest of the evenings and almost every Sunday afternoon he came home to see the children.I usually take the [-]:[-] shuttle bus back, but occasionally I sleep on the sofa in the study.When her daughter Xiaoping saw him go back for the first time, she couldn't stop crying.In the first month, when he went back to look after the child, Liu Li always stayed by his side and treated him extremely tenderly.As a result, he found that he was always drunk after seeing the children.For this reason, he went to see a therapist several times before he realized that it was his wife's punitive use of kindness and deliberate display of suffering.He resumed fighting her.

The divorce agreement dragged on for half a year, and Liu Li's thoughts became stubborn, and her request was almost revenge.However, they finally reached an agreement and finalized their divorce.After that, the animosity between the two diminished, and a year later both said they had become "friends".

On the other side, Nakano had no intention of fighting violently during the divorce proceedings.About a week after he vented those few words with Zhou Xiangming, he met her for a drink and asked her to forgive him for his anger.She also begged him to forgive her for the hurt she had caused him.Both of them said that the other was a decent and good person, but they were not suitable for being a husband and wife. In the end, they agreed to be friends, and they quickly reached an agreement: Zhou Xiangming kept the apartment, half of the furniture, and the tens of thousands of cash she had before marriage. .

"I must treat you kindly." Nakano put on a friendly gesture, "Without your support for me back then, I, Nakano, would not be as brilliant as I am today in the business field."

Xiang Ming knew that this was the truth, and it was definitely not a pretty word.For the benefit of his ex-wife, Nakano invites her and Yu Hui to have a drink together another day.Yu Hui hated the idea, but went for it for Xiang Ming's sake, and found that the situation wasn't as awkward as he expected.He found that Nakano desperately needed to be accepted and treated as a friend, not rejected, even if it was two people who deceived him.

Since the end of July [-], Yu Hui's diary has only been composed of five or six scattered short notes. It is obvious that since the extramarital affair, after his internal conflicts have been resolved, the need for diary writing has also been greatly reduced.Summing up their relationship from July to April of the following year, Xiangming made this comment: "We were together every night and weekend, except when he went home to watch the kids. We became very domestic and comfortable with each other. That Some days are the happiest and most satisfying, even without those unimaginably exciting episodes. We have had our ups and downs though: the kid sulks when things go wrong on his side, and I have the occasional female curmudgeon. But In general, it was like an extended honeymoon, we loved being together all the time, and since we were not married, he had to leave at night, which only added to the fun.

However, after we were both free, he became very irritable.Nakano and I divorced in September.At that time he had moved all the things in the hotel, and we lived like a couple.He said he wasn't in a hurry to get the legal paper; besides, we were both grown-ups and no one around would care.And he had just divorced and still had shadows, and he didn't want to be trapped again.For a while I let him go, and then I lost my temper a few times and quarreled a few times.Once, he even went back to the hotel for a night's sleep.Still later, he talked to a psychiatrist a few times.In April, we finally got married.Many relatives and friends were present at the wedding.Although it was a bit embarrassing, it was also grand, it was truly a virgin marriage.Yu Hui's family flew in from other provinces; my mother also attended our wedding.The wedding photo was taken by a teacher from a wedding dress shop.It turned out later that my appearance in the photo was both beautiful and happy, something I had never seen in my life.Just looking at those photos, people will probably never know what kind of suffering we have gone through to get to where we are today. "

Unholy swan song
Since they are in love, everyone hopes that the two parties can love each other deeply without distraction, and can achieve a fully harmonious union both physically and spiritually.In this way, the two loved ones only have each other in their eyes, and love only one person with all their heart.This kind of love is called "absolute love" in Watanabe Junichi's works.So, if we blindly pursue this "absolute", what will happen to love?The extramarital relationship between the protagonists Hisaki and Rinko in Junichi Watanabe's "Paradise Lost" can be described as a typical representative of this aspect.Rinko first tasted the joy of sex through Jiu Mu, and deepened her love for Jiu Mu with the deepening of love.Hisaki also fell in love with Rinko, who had obtained pleasure through herself, and was strongly attracted to her.

However, even if you think that you have completely possessed the other person because of love, you don't know when your heart will change.In fact, if you have loved someone in the past, then you cannot deny that the flame of love will at some point be weakened and then extinguished.The reason why Jiumu and Rinko were both married separately is because they were attracted to each other to some extent before, and they firmly believed that they could spend this life together with each other.However, when both parties start to live under the same roof, in the name of stability, there is inertia. The tenderness and affection of the newlyweds fade away mercilessly, and all they see is the disgusting that the other party never showed when they were passionately in love. side.In this way, once the relationship is alienated, sex will be boring.Why did the two parties who loved each other so much change in this way?The rationale is that both feel deeply that that love is unreal and that it creates insecurities and fears as the years go by.

If you believe that love will change as long as people are alive, then there is no other way but to go to hell with each other while love is still stirring.Because there is no better way to treasure absolute love than this.As the love between Jiu Mu and Rinko deepened, the longing for death also intensified.

Their surroundings also created an atmosphere of longing for death.The first time Jiumu and Rinko knew each other was when Jiumu was pushed out of the core of the company. In addition, seeing his friends sick and dying, he felt even more illusory about life.But Rinko had a premonition of death at the peak of sex.Although she is only 38 years old and is at the peak of her life, as a woman, she is bound to go downhill in the future.This ominous omen hung over her inexplicably.In this case, as the love between the two deepens, both parties will destroy their families.As a result, Hisaki was condemned by social morality, and Rinko was cut off from her mother-daughter relationship by her biological mother, and both fell into a helpless situation.Because she is not compatible with social morality, Rinko has strengthened her desire for death.In direct proportion to this, both of them have fallen into the boundless abyss of sex and are deeply addicted to the world of sex.Fantasizing about death before making love may be said to be a world of bliss and bliss that only women can personally experience the intoxication at its peak.

In the end, the two finally partied with each other in a tightly bound posture.Although absolute love exists, it is extremely short-lived and not forever.If you hope to keep it, you have to die at the pinnacle of love.This is the theme that the famous Japanese artist Jun Watanabe tries to express in "Paradise Lost".

Hisaki and Rinko

At this time, Rinko seems to be seeking sex in order to eliminate the uneasiness and fear of love that cannot last forever. She is intoxicated in the joy of her love that trembles and climaxes all over her body.Nothing is as direct and selfless as the body.Linzi's carnal praise was conveyed to Jiumu, which ignited the desire that had been repressed when he saw Wang Yue before. The two immediately fell in love with each other, and plunged into the unrestrained and lewd behavior with all their strength and desperation.

At the beginning, the two hugged each other tightly, sucking each other's lips, and unknowingly combined naturally, the female body that had become very sensitive reached the climax first.After a short rest, the spirit demon became domineering again, and the two entangled each other without interruption. After a burst of frenzy, they suddenly found that their heads and feet were reversed, sucking and caressing each other's genitals.After a while, they suddenly turned their bodies back to their original positions as if they had sensed the shock of an electric current. This time, Rinko quickly rode on Hisaki, shaking her body back and forth.Falling forward, leaning back, and then falling forward again, I saw her hair dangling from the corner of her mouth, screaming like she was dying, reaching the orgasm.

On a midsummer night, the two bodies were wet and smooth with sweat. It was said that the skin touched, but it was more like the stimulation of sweat.The man stepped on the female body again, and the woman sucked it tightly from below. The man couldn't bear it any longer and begged "I'm going", the woman replied "Come on", the man's energy was released, and Rinko Shouting wildly with disheveled hair: "Kill me, kill me directly..."

Rinko shouted "Kill me" at the same time of climax, hoping to die at the moment of extreme joy.In this wish, there is the desire to die in absolute happiness, and lurks the greed that if you die here, you can enjoy the pleasure forever.

Although Jiu Mu also imagined this possibility, but Rinko's pursuit method at the moment is too intense.She seemed to have surpassed the joy and intoxication of sex, and shouted from her body, which was boiling with blood all over her body.

"Kill me quickly..."

Kumu didn't know how to respond to Rinko who was still screaming, so he hugged her tightly.The phenomenon of Rinko's slight rapid tremor reaching orgasm was clearly conveyed to Hisaki through the body.

The man and the woman overlap like dead bodies, in the aftertaste of the orgasm.Soon, as if a ghost from the underworld, Linzi murmured lazily, "Why didn't you kill me..."

Jiu Mu had nothing to answer, he lifted his upper body slightly, and was about to let go of her arms, but Rinko tightly wrapped his arms around him, "Don't leave me..."

Hisaki kept leaning over her as she said.Rinko slowly opened her eyes.

"Isn't it good to just die like this?" Rinko's eyes were slightly teary, were they the tears that flowed out when she was extremely happy?
"Being with you, so that the whole body is connected..."

Hisaki realized that their bodies were still united.

"Then let's die like this! I'm not afraid of dying like this at all."

"Let's die together!"

Rinko asked him to die, and he no longer panicked, but accepted it calmly. Jiumu felt a little embarrassed for such a moment, but soon felt that it was okay.

Was it the post-orgasmic burnout that made him negative, or the skin-to-skin relationship that narrowed his thinking?In short, he doesn't have the strength to go against Rinko at the moment.

"Can you die with me?"

"what……"

Hisaki answered vaguely, and Rinko confirmed again.

"Really?"

"can."

"I'm so happy!"

Rinko suddenly embraced him with both hands, and with the shaking of his body, Hisaki's penis, which was still inside Rinko, slipped out.

"don't want……"

Rinko cried out unconsciously, but Jiumu ignored her, turned over from her body, lay on his back on the bed and continued chasing after the sharp aftertaste, but Rinko clung to him like a cat again.

"Does it really matter if you die with me?"

"real."

Jiu Mu closed his eyes, and Rinko muttered again: "Now is indeed our best and best time."

"What if we die together?"

"What will happen..."

"I don't know what the people around me will say, and I don't know how surprised the people around me are..."

The appearance of his wife and daughter suddenly appeared in Jiumu's mind.

"Just thinking about it makes me so excited."

At this moment, Rinko is no longer dreaming of suicide, but sees joy in the act of suicide.

"The two of us will hug each other tightly and never separate."

"Then what to do..."

"Let's think about it slowly!"

Rinko said it as if she was looking for a secret treasure belonging to the two of them.

"Others must be shocked."

Hearing Rinko's happy voice, Jiu Mu himself also had the secret pleasure of imagining the horror of everyone around him.

"Nobody knew we were going to die."

Hisaki nodded, feeling cute and unbelievable that he merged with Rinko into the joy of death floating around the bed.

How can the two of them embrace each other and die?For the past half month, Hisaki and Rinko have been thinking about this question.After reading the results of various mystery novels and medical books, I found that this is the only way for two people to die together.They didn't come to that conclusion until two days ago.Deciding to go on a death journey with Rinko, Hisaki felt as if he had crossed another wall.Although death is terrible, it may be the starting point of a new journey. If all creatures in this world must embark on this journey one day, he hopes to start in the most beautiful form with the person he loves the most.

Rinko said that it is not terrible for the two to die in a tight embrace, and it is at the moment of sexual climax and ecstasy.Although neither of them had the experience of death, it might not be so scary to die when the whole body is comfortable and the skin of each other is tightly bonded.

After making a death covenant with Rinko, the fear of death in Jiu Mu's heart quickly disappeared, replaced by a gradually eager desire for death.To die contented in the splendor and intensity is a blessed act only allowed between two people who love each other to death.There are not many people in this world who can satisfy this desire for happiness. They should be the "love elite" specially selected from the couples who are so rare that only one pair appears among 10 or even millions of people.

In this way, I kept thinking and admonishing myself in this way, so the fear of death gradually faded away, and instead I wanted to die with all my heart.Once the decision to die was made, however, several difficult issues remained to be resolved.At the very least, it is not easy for two physically healthy people to voluntarily give up their innate will to survive and cut off their lives. Although it is not so contrary to common sense ethics, it is a perverse behavior that violates life ethics.

(End of this chapter)