Love Affair: A Psychological Perspective on Extramarital Affairs

Chapter 46 Conclusion: Something to say (1)
Modern emotional experts generally believe that the maintenance and perfection of marriage cannot do without sex. "Love is like cement, sex is steel, and together they are called concrete." Marriage is first and foremost a necessary procedure in a civilized society. A marriage certificate is an official passport to enter the kingdom of sex. Its existence means that the couple can have sex freely. Activity.But it is precisely because of freedom that the spiritual satisfaction and physical pleasure in the couple's sex gradually decrease, because those beautiful illusions before marriage gradually disappear.As Freud said: "Sex after legal marriage does not adequately compensate for the restriction of premarital sex. Generally speaking, it only allows couples to seek satisfaction in a few actions that can lead to procreation, Because of this reason, a happy sex life after marriage can only last for a few years."

Because of the openness of social concepts, modern people's self-awareness is becoming stronger and stronger. Whether they are men or women, many people have begun to have higher requirements for the quality of sex life.Sex in marriage has become tedious, which is one of the most important reasons for modern urban white-collar workers to have extramarital affairs.Since the reform and opening up in our country, sexual culture can be said to have spread in various fields such as TV, books, newspapers, and the Internet, and people have begun to be liberated from "imprisonment".Sina.com conducted a large-scale survey titled "Has a Sexual Revolution Happened in China?" Among them, people's emphasis on "hymen": 60% in the 75s, 70% in the 65s, and 80% in the 58s.It can be seen that its importance is decreasing by one percentage point every year.You know: Among all emotions, the most variable is the love between men and women.

The "cost" of extramarital sex, that is, the price paid for extramarital sex, has been greatly reduced. For example, public opinion is becoming more and more tolerant of extramarital affairs, which reduces the guilt of the parties involved; But few people take care of it.However, the "income" of extramarital affairs has been greatly improved. For example, the parties can perform a love story and get great sexual satisfaction; when the economic strength of the two parties is unbalanced, the weaker party can often get a certain amount of money or property.

Modern emotional morality and sexual morality also bring some ethical basis to extramarital affairs.In the movie "The Third Party", the wife is faced with an embarrassing logical reasoning: in the face of marriage, the lover is undoubtedly the third party; but in the face of feelings, the wife has become an out-and-out third party.This ethical concept of the supremacy of feelings and emotions allows some people to pursue love and sex outside of marriage under the guise of pursuing love.

Our survey also shows that extramarital affairs can also be understood as the following:
compensation psychology.Some people are lonely because the husband and wife are separated, or because one of the spouses has a physical defect and is not satisfied physically, or the relationship between the husband and wife is not harmonious, so they actively seek a third party or are willing to accept a third party to compensate, thus forming an extramarital affair.In fact, sex life is not the whole content of married life. As long as the relationship between husband and wife is strengthened, there is more emotional communication, and they miss each other in their hearts, their lives are still fulfilling, so there is no need to make up for it;

Some lovers fail to get married in the end, the two parties start their own families, or one party does not want to have a family after one party is married and still loves each other secretly. Embracing, old love revives, resulting in extramarital affairs.In fact, lovers may not always get married. Since both parties have already married or the other party has already married, they should face the reality and cherish the relationship between husband and wife. It is not helpful to say that it is helping the other party, rather than hurting the other party;

Greedy psychology.Some people are greedy for the other party's money, regardless of their own personality, and take the initiative to commit themselves to the other party in exchange for a few copper coins, thus forming an extramarital affair. In fact, personality is a priceless treasure, and money is something outside of the body. How many copper plates are exchanged for priceless treasures?In addition, those who have money should also keep in mind that since the other party is greedy for your money, why should you give your true feelings for the other party and have a relationship;

Image psychology.Some people take the initiative to show love because they are greedy for the beauty of the woman or the fit body of the man, which leads to extramarital affairs.In fact, the beauty of appearance will naturally disappear with age, and only the beauty of soul is eternal. Like fine wine, the longer it is, the more mellow it will be.Therefore, the most important thing is to be good at discovering the shining points of your spouse, and give yourself a piece of true love, so that Xi Shi will naturally appear in the eyes of your lover;

Repayment mentality.Some people get help from the other party because of difficulties in life, or because their husbands have been away for a long time, the family has been taken care of by the other party for a long time, and they have nothing to repay, so they have to sacrifice their bodies, resulting in extramarital affairs.In fact, since the other party is sincere to help you, they don’t want anything in return. If the other party is kind to you, you just need to remember it in your heart, so why sacrifice your body?If it affects the other party's family, isn't it good intentions to do bad things;

revenge mentality.Some couples have extramarital affairs because one party has an affair and refuses to listen to advice, and the other party actively seeks a third party in order to retaliate against the other party.In fact, knowing that it is wrong for the other party to have an affair, why should I seek out a third party? Isn’t it because I knew I was wrong and made a mistake?Moreover, marriage is free, and divorce is also free. If the relationship has really broken down and there is no possibility of reconciliation, you might as well forget about divorce. It is better to be friends than to take revenge on the other party;
curiosity.Some couples live an ordinary life and feel that it is dull, but the heroes and heroines of the film and television are lingering in love with their lovers, and the waves are endless. They live happily and freely. I also want to experience this kind of life. Therefore, in this curious Driven by psychology, an extramarital affair occurs.In fact, peace and safety are blessings. Don’t look at the height of the mountain from one mountain to another, and don’t know your blessings in the midst of blessings;
Hedonic psychology.Some people are influenced by the idea of ​​sexual emancipation, or by obscene film and television books and periodicals. They think that they live in the world, eat, drink and have fun while they are young, so they have promiscuous sex with the opposite sex, resulting in extramarital affairs.In fact, sexual liberation and obscene film and television books are harmful toxins, each of us should consciously resist them, establish correct morality and outlook on life, and not mistake arsenic for white sugar;

Pleasure psychology.Some men and women help and support each other at work. Over time, both parties have a good impression and love each other, resulting in extramarital affairs. In fact, a good helper at work may not be a good couple in life. Since both parties help each other at work , support each other, why not get along like brothers and sisters;

mutual benefit psychology.Some people use each other, collude with each other and commit crimes in partnership due to work constraints. They become two grasshoppers on the same line. Neither party can do without the other, resulting in extramarital affairs. In fact, as the saying goes: "Don't stretch out your hand, you will be caught if you stretch out your hand."Once the dongchuang incident is discovered and they are imprisoned, such an extramarital affair has no choice but to go to the prison to "love".

Extramarital affairs are not just for men.In our survey, emotional cheaters cited "electric romance" as the main reason they attempted affairs.In this questionnaire survey, the married people interviewed believed that the main purposes of extramarital affairs were: the pursuit of novelty and excitement, physical needs, emotional needs, and condiments for marriage.Although the endings of extramarital affairs are different, the final choices of men and women often present their own gender characteristics.Married husbands often promise to break up with their wives and reunite with their lovers when they are passionately in love.However, trustworthy men who actually fulfill their promises are still rare in real life. Many people use various excuses to procrastinate and delay putting their promises into practice. Never tire of the old and abandon the new."

It is undeniable that there are indeed some men who use their lovers as temporary substitutes in order to satisfy their selfish desires or pursue sensual stimulation, and many of them are moral liars who play with women; Clear obstacles and go on a killing spree.But more married men are struggling in the double predicament and wandering in the dilemma. There are actually social, psychological and moral reasons, and it is inevitable to be biased in value judgments based on ethical standards.

First of all, although society is more tolerant of men's sexual deviance than women's, moral value is still the main criterion for evaluating personal character. Even in Western developed countries with highly open sexual concepts, private life still determines the official career and future of celebrities .Moreover, men always pay more attention to their social role and career value. Extramarital affairs are often just a romantic episode in their colorful lives. This intoxicating yet dangerous vortex.However, once there is a conflict with fame and career, they often weigh their interests and retreat bravely, reluctantly parting with each other. They rarely sacrifice their reputation as a good husband and father for their lover, or even bear the crime of violating family morals and even destroy their bright future. man.

Secondly, although men's sexual values ​​tend to be pluralistic, open and fraternal, they tend to be more rational and realistic than women when making decisive choices.They yearn for romantic and exciting extramarital affairs, but they are more reluctant to give up solid and light marital affairs. Moreover, when married men taste the forbidden fruit, most of them do not have the expected goal of marrying their lovers. Therefore, extramarital affairs are often just overloaded for them. It is just to add some happiness and relaxation to their tense and tense social roles, and to add some condiments and embellishments to their boring and monotonous life. Once faced with the choice between the two, most of them would rather give up this desperate romance. Love, and return to the mundane, peaceful reality.

In the end, once the incident is revealed, the wife often targets the third party and forgives the husband, and even touches the husband with double tenderness.Among them, there are also some husbands who are not in harmony with their wives, but because the wives have worked hard to act as good housemates without any fault, or the wives have made sacrifices for themselves, and now their status has changed, they cannot bear to hurt the weaker wives, or are forced to do so. Regulatory pressure, no courage to break out of the marriage wall.

When all the beauty can't stand the tempering of reality, when all the expectations burst like soap bubbles in the wind, life will only be left with plain reality.The new things that life craves, including extramarital affairs of modern people, are as beautiful and colorful as marriage and many other seemingly beautiful things, but fragile and short-lived.After being as gorgeous as soap and as gorgeous as fireworks, it returns to plainness and mediocrity.Modern people are a group of restless and realistic people, most people's extramarital affairs are just a small episode in their married life.After going through various unthemed variations, most of these cheating husbands or wives eventually returned to their families and their "married" spouses.

The thinking caused by the increasing expansion of extramarital affairs and extramarital sex is heavy. For this reason, the author appeals: If this phenomenon does not attract the attention and strong attention of relevant experts and people themselves, the intensified trend will make people lose themselves and lose their direction And walking towards another self-created terrible abyss... If everything can give people a warning, an awakening, and a strong and resonance of self-consciousness, that will be one of the wishes of the author of this book.

First of all, it should be admitted that everyone will have the emotional experience of love, and can experience the kind of unexplainable, unexpected, unexpected, and difficult to explain with reason and difficult to control the affection for a certain opposite sex.Moreover, it can happen before or during marriage, and even people with excellent morals are not immune sometimes.If we criticize this kind of beautiful feelings that are inherent and naturally occurring in human beings as ugly phenomena and dirty hearts, it is tantamount to denying ourselves as human beings.Morality is not a judgment of truth, but a value judgment that varies from region to time.Emotion is the only reason for sex, and that alone is moral.Comparing the two, we can see that morality is not static and should be developed in the direction of modern civilization.

(End of this chapter)