Life management lessons of choice and abandonment

Chapter 38 Happy families are all alike

Chapter 38 Happy families are all alike (2)
You can wait for the right time to talk about things that are annoying and destroy people's emotions. Don't be full of bitterness and grievances as soon as you see him.Know that blaming or attacking won't change him.That "I have to obey my orders!" attitude will only lead to resentment and hostility, causing the boyfriend to fight back.What convinces people is not an order, but your personality charm.Even if the other party is dissatisfied, we'd better try to communicate with them instead of arbitrarily scolding and forcing orders.For a family, complaints and accusations between each other can be described as the source of tragedy.

It is said that the wife of the great Russian writer Tolstoy confessed to her daughters before she died, saying: "Your father's death is my fault." Her daughters did not answer, but burst into tears.They knew their mother was telling the truth.My father died under my mother's constant complaints and long-term criticism.

Leo Tolstoy was one of the most famous writers in history, so beloved that his admirers even followed him around all day long, jotting down every word he said.Even if he said something like "I think I should go to bed," it was recorded.

Not only a good reputation, but Tolstoy and his wife had property, status, and children.Their union seemed to be too happy and passionate, so they knelt on the ground and prayed to God, hoping to continue to give them such happiness.

Gradually, however, Tolstoy changed.He became someone else, and he was ashamed of his past work.From then on, he devoted the remainder of his life to writing pamphlets promoting peace, eliminating war, and alleviating poverty.He once repented for himself and wanted to truly follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.He gave all his fields to others and lived a poor life himself.He went to work in the fields, chopped wood, stacked hay, made his own shoes, cleaned his own house, served his meals out of wooden bowls, and tried to love his enemies as much as possible.

His wife loves luxury and vanity, but he despises and despises them.She longed for prominence, fame, and social admiration, but Tolstoy dismissed these.She wants money and possessions, but he thinks wealth and private possessions are a sin.

For many years, she made noise, abused, and cried because he insisted on giving up the publishing rights of all his works, and did not charge any royalties or royalties.However, she hopes to get the wealth brought by that.

When he objected to her, she would cry like crazy and roll on the floor.With a bottle of opium in her hand, she was about to swallow herself, and at the same time threatened her husband that she would jump into a well.

Their initial marriage was very happy, but after 48 years, he could not bear to see his wife again.

At the age of 82, Tolstoy could no longer bear the pain of family torture, and on a snowy night in October 1910, he left his wife and fled the house—fleeing into the cold, dark, and lost. Eleven days later, Tolstoy fell ill with pneumonia and collapsed in a station.His dying request was that his wife not be allowed to visit him.This is the price Madame Tolstoy pays for being loud and hysterical.

Endless quarrels often hurt marriages."Blame alienates couples," Dr. Gutman points out. Blame your significant other for misbehavior, and you tend to point out the right and wrong ways to do it.While it may seem like your method is the best, in fact it is often your subjective preference.Two people in the family must be equal to each other. When it comes to doing housework, men must abandon the idea of ​​making themselves comfortable; and women must also give up controlling the process of man completing this task.Obviously, being his advisor is much better than telling him what to do.

If there is any dissatisfaction, try to create an atmosphere as harmonious as possible first, and talk about it calmly.The party who has done something wrong generally has an instinctive feeling of fear of being criticized.If you get to the point quickly, the person being criticized is likely to have involuntary resistance.Even if he accepts on the surface, you may not have achieved your goal.Dr. Heward Markman, a professor of psychology at the University of Denver, believes that usually the biggest complaint wives have about their husbands is that they don't talk to you at all; and the most consistent view among husbands is that talking too much will cause disputes.So, he advises: If you want your husband to not only listen to you, but to communicate with you more, always be calm.Instead of threatening him at every turn, threats may sound attractive, but they are often dangerous and leave no room for further conversation.Gently expressing your dissatisfaction is more conducive to maintaining the relationship between husband and wife than endless quarrels.

Among all the sharp weapons invented by the devil in hell to destroy love, noise is the most terrible one.

Happiness never goes far, it's right in front of you

One of the most pervasive and destructive tendencies is to focus on what we want rather than what we have, says a psychologist.

A young woman confides to her mother at home, saying that her marriage is very bad, her husband has neither a lot of money nor a good job, and life is always going round and round, monotonous.

Mother asked with a smile, how much time do you spend together?My daughter said it was too much.

My mother said, back then, when your father went to the battlefield, what I hoped for every day was that he would be able to triumphantly return from the battlefield as soon as possible and stay with him all day long. Unfortunately, he died in a battle and never came back .I really envy you can get along day and night.

The mother's old tears from the vicissitudes of life fell drop by drop, and gradually, the daughter seemed to understand something.

The mother's words let the daughter understand that she already has the most precious happiness, because at least her husband still has a healthy life and can be with her day and night.

"If anyone thinks that there is perfect love, he is either a poet or an idiot." Romance can only be a temporary romance, and no matter how beautiful love is, it must live a down-to-earth life in the end.In fact, true love can only last forever if it transforms into family affection.

We have a lot of thoughts, if we can't get what we want, we will keep thinking about what we don't have, and maintain a sense of dissatisfaction.We are still unhappy if we get what we want and then have the same dissatisfied thoughts again in a new situation.There is no happiness when we are filled with new desires.In fact, if you focus on your sweetheart's good qualities, she'll be more loving.

Xu Zhimo said: "I will search for my only soul mate in the vast crowd. If I get it, I am lucky; if I don't, I will die." Have you found your life partner?If there is such a person, he is absolutely perfect in your mind, without any flaws, and you are in awe of him but long to be close to him, then this feeling cannot be called "love", but "worship".And love can really be touched with hands and felt with heart.

Cherish the people in front of you and the happiness in your hands.

Come home, come back to the haven of life

Wang Jie sang in "Going Home": "The luggage in my hand tortured my heavy steps, and suddenly I saw a familiar picture in the station, full of wandering dreams, and inexplicable sadness. The desire to go home made my eyes full of tears. ".Come home, home is your safe haven.

A rich man passed out drunk outside his villa. A security guard came over and helped him up and said, "Sir, let me help you go home!"

The rich man asked the security guard: "Home? Where is my home? Can you help me go home?"

The security guard was puzzled, pointed to the villa not far away and said, "Isn't that your home?"

The rich man pointed to his chest, then pointed to the luxurious villa, and with a wry smile on his face, he replied intermittently: "Well, that's not my home, it's just my house."

Home is not a house, not a space filled with materials.Home is where you miss it all the time.Home is a warm shell, home is a "band-aid" when you are injured, and home is a word that cannot be described in words.Home is where there is love.In life, two people who love each other form a loving family and get their own happiness from the family.If you neglect your home, you will only lose more.Home is an emotional haven, a habitat for the soul, and a spiritual paradise.It's all about the emotions you have with your family.

In life, we work desperately for the family, but we always seldom leave a little time for ourselves and our family. When we wake up, we realize that we have left too many regrets.Family and everything prosper, which is the foundation of everyone's happiness and the stability of the whole society.A harmonious family, a harmonious society and even a harmonious world all need the careful protection of each of us.Cherish what you have now, go home more to spend time with your family, and play games with your family. Even if it is trivial and ordinary, life will be wonderful.

Go home often, home is your harbor and the source of your happiness.

Responsibility, the soul of a happy marriage
At the wedding, when the groom puts the wedding ring on the bride, the pastor will routinely ask, "Will you love her, care for her, and take care of her, whether sick or healthy, rich or poor, until you leave this world? "This sentence tells people that marriage is not tight, there is sweetness, and there is also the responsibility of supporting each other.There is such a joke:
Husband was watching TV, eating melon seeds, when suddenly my wife shouted from the kitchen: "Husband, can you fix the light for me?"

The husband said impatiently, "I'm not a plumber!"

Not long after, my wife shouted again: "Husband, can you help me fix the refrigerator?"

The husband said impatiently: "I'm not an electrical repairman!"

After a while, the wife called again: "Can my husband fix the door of the wine cabinet for me?"

The husband felt very annoyed, so he said angrily: "I'm not a carpenter!" Then he went outside to drink to relieve boredom. After an hour, the husband felt guilty and decided to go home and repair those things, but after returning home, When he found that everything was repaired, he asked his wife, "Why is everything repaired?"

The wife said: "After you left home, I was sitting outside the door sadly. A handsome young man happened to pass by. After learning about this, he said with concern: "I can fix it for you!But you can choose to make me a cake or make out with me once! "

After hearing this, my husband asked, "Then what cake do you make for him?"

The wife replied: "I, I am not a cake maker."

Although the joke is laughed off, it also illustrates the importance of responsibility in marriage. "If marriage is a river, then responsibility is the dam of this river. A marriage without responsibility will inevitably dry up and even die sooner or later like a river without dams." I won't" just shirk the responsibility that originally belonged to me.

In marriage, the responsibility is to put yourself into the arms of the other party, and stick two hearts together to become one heart. The responsibility is to make your own contribution to the other party, so that the other party can feel your efforts so that he (she) gets Happiness, health and tranquility.French Montaigne said: "A happy marriage is a sweet union in life, full of constancy, loyalty, and countless beneficial and reliable help and mutual obligations."

In marriage, only when responsibility is regarded as a kind of belief can there be a pillar of belief.Manage your marriage with a pious heart, and you will discover the colorful side of marriage.Love and marriage are the bond of family, and family is the cradle of love and marriage. Responsibility is the pillar of family and the source of strength for enduring and indestructible marriage.

Weak water is three thousand, just take a scoop to drink.When I choose someone and enter the sacred palace of marriage, I will be satisfied with you in this life; now that I accept you, I will accept what will happen to you and what will happen to me in the future.This is the essence of choice.If you don't regret it when you find a better partner after many years of marriage, it means that you have already started your married life in a down-to-earth manner, and you have gained considerable harvest and joy from it.

In our lives, many people's values ​​have changed. They feel that they can satisfy their vanity only by maintaining the glitz of life.But the scenery outside may not be suitable for you and me inside.We should start from ourselves, give up the momentary brilliance, and find the happiness that suits us.

Just like high-heeled shoes, they look very shiny, but it is not a happy thing to wear them for long-distance travel.The same is true of marriage, without heart, there is no soul.On special days, give your lover an unexpected surprise and enhance your relationship.These don't waste a lot of time.Being busy and tired gradually faded away the warm and sweet brilliance of the family. Only by being more patient, more meticulous, and more expressive can we narrow the distance between us and our family.

Assuming the responsibility of the family is the first element in maintaining a marriage.

(End of this chapter)

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