Chance encounter

Chapter 11 Love is a battle between two people (1)
Find someone I love, or someone who loves me?

You can't stop love when it comes, and you can't keep it when it goes away, so don't try to reason with love.Love is cruel, for those who love, love is heaven; for those who do not love, love is hell.

Letter from Xiaoxiao

Hello sister Luyu, my name is Xiaoxiao, I am 25 years old this year.My current boyfriend is very handsome, and his family conditions are also good, mainly because he treats me very well.Although we quarrel and conflict occasionally, he is like my personal nanny.Whatever I want, he will take the initiative to save money to buy it for me even if he doesn’t eat.

In winter, my hands often cracked and peeled, and he would wash my dirty socks for me and take good care of me.Friends around me often say that you will never find such a good man again, so you must cherish it.But he is not very attractive to me, I don't love him that much, I always have to say I love him against my will, it's really uncomfortable.I just enjoy his kindness to me now, but I can't appreciate the sweetness of love.

Do you think I should break up, or should I develop feelings slowly?On the one hand, I am worried that I will still not be able to fall in love with him in the end, and the most I can cultivate is family affection.It's boring for a long time, a waste of time, and you may miss better people.However, if we break up, I am afraid that I will never find a man who treats me so well and considerately again.In short, it seems that there are costs and costs for any choice. I am really struggling and entangled every day. I hope that sister Lu Yu can help me and tell me what to do.

letter from a boy
Hello Luyu!I want to communicate with you.My current girlfriend is in good condition. At the beginning, I spent a lot of time chasing after the "goddess", but now I find that "goddess" doesn't cook or do housework. I still have to cook after work, and I feel very tired.As for her, she basically needs me to take care of her. I have become a male nanny for cleaning, washing and cooking.Sometimes I get upset and annoyed, why should I take on everything by myself, and say that it is my responsibility as a man, and it is only natural to take care of women.Do I have to find myself a master to serve?Sometimes I feel very disgusted and helpless, and I will argue with her, but she will make trouble, cry, and say that I want to be irresponsible.I also tried to communicate with her and wanted to change her, but it was not ideal.It's very confusing, can you give me some advice?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Today I want to answer two letters together, because these two letters remind me of a mathematical term: merging similar items.

To tell you the truth, because it’s been too long, I specifically googled this word.I think all the mishaps, passers-by, and forced smiles in this world are because we mistakenly merged similar items in love and marriage, or in other words, merged wrong similar items.Anyway, love is much trickier than math problems.It's not difficult, but tricky.

Let's look at the two letters in front of me, one topic, two emotions, and four characters.I found a paper and a pen just now, and seriously, I wrote the following on the paper: Xiaoxiao, who is so annoying, and her boyfriend who is meticulous;

These four people are not happy.Obviously, the combination is wrong.And among these four people, some are always taken care of by others, some are always taken care of by others; some take care of others reluctantly, while some are taken care of by others unwillingly.

That's not as good as this, Xiaoxiao's miserable boyfriend, you are with "Princess Disease", as for Xiaoxiao and "Princess Disease" boyfriend, you two can do whatever you want.In this way, at least two people are suitable for each other, and there is no need for four people to suffer, so what do you think?
Of course not.Do you really think you are doing math problems?It is appropriate that there are so many happy things in life, because the contradiction here is not who does the housework, who takes care of the other, but love.Not loving enough, not loving anymore, it's that simple.When you are in love, nothing matters. If you don’t love—you don’t love anymore, then everything is a problem.I never believe in love over time, and I don't believe that you can move a person who doesn't love you to make him fall in love with you one day.Love is either there or not, it just comes out of nowhere, without a reason, it will suddenly disappear, inexplicably.

You can't stop love when it comes, and you can't keep it when it goes away, so don't try to reason with love.Love is cruel, for those who love, love is heaven; for those who do not love, love is hell.

I think this tragicomedy of love in the world is caused by our amalgamation of wrong and right like terms.If there is a formula for love, it must seem very simple - find the same kind of love, it is that simple.But man, how much luck do you need?
I don't want to keep saying to you "I love you, if you don't love me, let's separate", then if you are all single in the future, will you hate me to death?I only emphasize that my view of love is: don't make do with it, don't make do with it.However, everyone's needs are different.If for you, companionship is more important than love, then please make a practical choice, because everyone's life is self-knowledge, so everyone "Xiao Xiao": what you want at this time is right .

We're all human, only love can save us

When there is love, I love whether there is a gift or not. Only when there is not enough love, a gift or any other trivial matter can become a thing.

Mao Mao's letter

Hello Sister Luyu, my name is Maomao, although Valentine’s Day has just passed, there may still be many people immersed in the honeypot of their lovers, but for me, celebrating the next festival is simply suffering.

It turned out that it was good that I didn't have a date, so I went shopping and eating with my friends, and I didn't have much expectation for the festival.But now that I have a boyfriend, why do I feel that celebrating Valentine's Day is no different from being single.

This year is the fourth Valentine's Day we have celebrated. We haven't been together in different places in the past few years. It's rare to be able to spend Valentine's Day together this year. To be honest, I'm looking forward to it. I prepared a gift for my boyfriend early.But he let me down so much, I waited all day only to say "Happy Valentine's Day" and nothing more.

Walking on the street and seeing other people's boyfriends giving this and that to their girlfriends, almost every girl is holding roses, my mood is really down to the extreme, and I want to cry several times.It's not that I value gifts, and it's not that I don't have money, the main thing that matters is my heart.

I really don't know what to use to measure a boy's sincerity to me.There are no flowers or small gifts for even the most basic Valentine's Day.I was a little bit looking forward to it yesterday, but today I was more disappointed. I also wondered if there would be a courier to deliver it to me. This is not the first time this kind of disappointment has occurred.

Since I fell in love with my boyfriend, he has never given me a gift.I didn't care about anything before, but I just felt a little sad and disappointed in my heart.

I'm not a materialistic girl, he's not in a good financial situation, we saved a little money to meet each other (I just graduated from graduate school).I don't really want anything either, I just feel a little sad that I'm getting less and less attention from him.

Every time I mentioned it to him, he would also say that it is different now and he has to be busy with work, so he can't spend time and energy preparing gifts. I hope I understand.But how to adjust this psychological gap?
I was really sad to see my friends showing off Christmas presents and Christmas dinners.Recently, there were many festivals, but he didn't mention these things at all.

It is said that money is not the measure of love, but some people say that a boy who really loves you will be willing to spend money for you.Sister Luyu, what should I do when I meet this kind of boyfriend who only says he loves me but never gives gifts?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Maomao, your letter almost made me rummage through the boxes and cabinets in the middle of the night to find out what gifts I had received.Of course I didn't look it up, I just sat on the sofa and tried my best to think about my history of receiving gifts, only to find that I can only use the word "bleak" to describe it.

Because the gifts you are referring to here are gifts received from love and marriage relationships.In fact, my good friends in life often give me all kinds of warm or wonderful little gifts.

I have a pair of velvet trousers with horizontal stripes, which look as ugly as they want. A friend of mine bought them for me.The only reason she bought it for me was that no matter who wore those pants, they would look fatter, so she bought them for me.

I have a wall of refrigerator magnets, more than half of which I collected from various places, and a small half were brought to me by my friends when they were traveling.

In the past Spring Festival and Valentine's Day, my friends and colleagues brought me sauerkraut, sweet potatoes, and bacon from my hometown.Another friend bought me a heart-shaped fluffy toy on Valentine's Day. When you press the heart, it will say, Happy Valentine's Day!But my heart seems to be a little broken. When you press it, there will be a very weird and wretched man saying: "Hello, hello!"

These gifts are very joyous, but none of them have anything to do with love, they all have to do with friendship.

In life, I am a person who lacks a sense of ritual and is a bit boring.In love, I really don't mind whether there are gifts or not. There is only one situation where I think I will care, that is, I love you very much, but you don't seem to love me that much. I may feel flustered by loving you, so I will Pay attention to all kinds of clues, such as whether you replied to my WeChat at the first time; for example, you went to a cool place for a long time on business, but you didn’t bring me a gift when you came back; They didn't give me anything interesting either.

Let me put it another way, you don't need to love me, but you can't drag me half-dead!Therefore, it is not so much a question of gift or not, but in the end it comes back to the question of love and not love.

So, Maomao, you have to ask yourself which kind of situation you belong to.A gift is like the icing on the cake, or the cherry, whether it is present or not does not affect the taste of the cake.

For me, if there is love, I love gifts or not. Only when there is not enough love, gifts or other trivial things can become a thing.So, the gift is only a symptom, it is not a cause.

And Maomao, if you and your boyfriend still love each other very much, then I think your boyfriend is very wronged, because you said yourself that his financial conditions are not good, and you saved a little money to meet each other, so it’s okay Of course money is no gift!Don't you say anything to me that is less polite than affection.On Valentine's Day, think about it, he brings a rose to see you, or holds 99 or 999 roses, which one will make you happy?

PS: If it were me, when we are in love, holding hands with each other is enough.Mushy, right? !
Love is an exact match game
In love, you have only two choices, either love unconditionally, or give up cruelly.

letter from joe

Hello Miss Luyu!I am a civil aviation stewardess, flying domestic flights, often serving business class.Because my own conditions are not bad, I am often accosted by passengers.There are many suitors around me, but I prefer pure love.Later, under the introduction of my friend, I met a foreign company "Phoenix Man". The combination of "peacock girl + phoenix boy" is really tiring.In getting along, you must carefully maintain his glass self-esteem.When going out to eat and play together, he dare not eat too expensive and play too expensive, and he often has a mentality of resenting his wife.Because my financial situation is better than his, I also pay the rent in Beijing. Once at the wine table, his friend drank too much and said that he was "unlucky to find a girlfriend who paid for it".I questioned him with this sentence, did his vague attitude make me think that I was really "posting"?

He also thought that if my family had money, we should support his family.A few months ago, I went to Yanjiao with him to look at the house. He thought I should pay the down payment, and then the two of us would mortgage together after we got married.It's unbelievable, just because he repeatedly said that there is a younger sister in the countryside at home, which means that it is not easy for his parents to support him to go to school. In addition, after marriage, it is the property of two people. It doesn't matter who pays the down payment, and your family is good. It's time to pay me to buy a house.

I just hehe.To be honest, I really paid him a lot in this relationship, and it can be said that I was obedient and obedient.I also forgave him for cheating once.

I really don't understand why he has the mentality of "If my family is rich, then I should support his family" and "Your family should pay me to buy a house"?You are poor and you are justified?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Hello, Xiao Qiao, have we met in the air?I hastened to recall that I should have been fine while flying.But most of the time, I don’t want to take pictures because my eyes are sleepy, so please forgive me if I didn’t take pictures with you.After reading your story, one sentence first caught my eye, that is, you said that once he cheated on you, you forgave him.I probably told you that if I love you and you don’t love me, or if you love me now and don’t love me tomorrow, your feelings have changed, and I can understand it rationally, because change is absolute, and change is relative. of.But I especially respect the rules of the game, that is, you don't love me anymore, please tell me.What I especially can't stand is the kind of people who step on two boats. I don't quite understand why you can't face it honestly?Well, I won’t analyze the mental state of cheating, because compared to the cheating person, what I can’t understand is the person who will forgive the cheating person, such as you.It is true that I have never been cheated on, but one of my girlfriends said to me very viciously that day, maybe you have been cheated and you don’t know it.Well, better not let me know because I don't know what I'll do.But one thing I will do, is that I will not condone this behavior.I may be more extreme emotionally, I have a cleanliness, I especially don't believe that feelings can be mended.

Now let's talk about money.I don't particularly like to talk about money. It's not that I'm high-minded. I think money is a good thing. If you earn it hard, I think it's awesome.What I don't want is my mother-in-law's.In terms of love, it really has nothing to do with money. I never thought that if you like someone who has no money, your love is particularly noble.If you like rich people, you are money worshipers.I think whether there is money or not, as long as I love him, it comes first.I don't care that a person has no money, but I care a lot about this person's attitude towards money.

Besides, the problem with your ex-boyfriend's current boyfriend is not because he has no money, but because of his attitude towards money.He is too calculating, he cares too much about money, and his structure is too small, which I cannot accept.I can't imagine living with such a person.The backgrounds of two people can be different, but the three views must be the same.I believe that you have already had this grudge in your heart, and this grudge will become a gap one day.It seems that when it comes to marriage and love, people usually try to persuade them to make peace, saying not to break up, he is very good.But I think that's what the street moms and aunts did, and I'm going to spend my whole life resisting being an auntie.

In love, you have only two choices, either love unconditionally, or give up cruelly.If you still love him and choose to stay, then you have to accept everything, including his possible cheating in the future, including his caressing and calculating about money, accept everything, and stop complaining.But if it were me, I might choose to leave. I believe that in the song "Happy Breakup" sung by Liang Jingru, there is a sentence in it called "Say goodbye to the wrong talent and meet the right one". Actually, I have a different opinion on this sentence The point of view is that you don't break up with the wrong one to meet the right one. No matter whether there is a right one or not, whether you can meet or not, the wrong one will be ended.

What kind of experience is it to fall in love with a "woman"?
Falling in love, breaking up, being cheated on, I am scum, I am scum... This is the normal state of love and marriage, but no matter what, we should not use one life to punish another.

(End of this chapter)