Chance encounter

Chapter 14 Love is a battle between two people (4)
Is it obvious that I'm being naive?
I complained to him, and he said that he gave me almost all the time outside of work.He is the kind of person who works conscientiously and carefully, and he has never been late even for an appointment with me except for objective reasons.What I like about him is also these, mature and steady.

Luyu, how do I deal with these troubles?Do you want to trust him?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
If I were your parents or best friend, I would probably be dying of anxiety right now, because I just watched you fall in love with someone who is unreliable.Don't say no, but it's useless to say.Because love is like catching a cold or a fever, it takes at least seven days to recover with or without medicine.Only let it run its course by itself, and there is no use in worrying.

Of course, if I were you, I still have the same point of view: let’s talk about tomorrow’s affairs tomorrow, and if you should love today, you still have to love.However, you have to be mentally prepared.The path of your love is tortuous and the future is bleak, because love is a battle between two people, you have to find an evenly matched opponent, someone who, like you, respects and abides by the same rules of the game.Otherwise, if you win, you won't be able to win; if you lose, you will only suffer from being dumb.

You two have very different strengths.Of course, in theory, age, wealth and poverty are not problems in love, but in real life, these are problems.A man in his 50s, his life experience is beyond your comprehension and imagination.Unless he gives you the greatest love and sincerity, it will be easy to deal with you.I don't want to speculate on others with malice, but if a person has so much hesitation and vagueness, he can't even make a phone call casually, who does he think he is, such a person really can't be wanted.

So the biggest problem you face is - he doesn't love you enough.I read and re-read your letter, and his only advantage is that he is punctual. Then I am always on time, my aunt is always on time, and the driver who picked me up at the airport is also very punctual.Punctuality is of course an advantage, but if punctuality becomes the reason for love, I am not only worried, but I sympathize with you.

Also, there are currently three people in your relationship, which is too crowded.He has no marriage and no children. As long as he handles it properly, a new choice is a matter of course, but he actually maintains the status quo, which is quite scumbag.In fact, there is no such thing as a scumbag or a scumbag in this world, but if you don’t love, or don’t love enough, but still perfunctory or even deceive, then you are a scumbag.You can not love, but you can't be scum.

I interviewed Mr. Ye Jiaying, her view of love is "if you don't meet the heaven and the man, you can't see it", which means that before you meet the most right and best person, your eyes will not rest on anyone casually.

I wish you the courage to settle for the second best in love, and also wish you the ability to find someone who loves you as much as you love him.

Will you be happy with a man younger than you?

Age is really not a problem, love or not is the key.If you love him enough, then I support you to persevere until the relationship comes naturally to its last moment.

Letter from Xiaoxue

Hello, sister Luyu, my name is Xiaoxue.I have a confusion. I always feel that my boyfriend is much younger than me, mentally immature, and doesn't think about things comprehensively.

At first he pursued me, but I refused, because he was four years younger than me, and it was his persistence and caring that moved me, so I got rid of my grievances and stayed with him.

When we first met, he dared to say that he would marry me as his wife and take care of me for the rest of his life, but some time ago he said that his family needed to invest, and he would definitely not be able to get married in recent years, because all the money was invested, and it would take five or six years to get married Maybe later.

He said it so lightly that my heart was cold at that moment.

Five or six years later, I would be 30 years old, but he told me that he was 26 years old at that time, and he was not sure whether his family would agree to let him find a woman who was four years older than himself.

And he didn't tell me to break up, and let me think about it myself. He was afraid that he would not be able to give me the marriage I wanted until the end.

I don't know why this happened, he wasn't like this before, how could he change like a child?Miss Luyu, what should I do?Do you want to persist?Can a woman be happy with a man younger than herself?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Hello Xiaoxue, I was discussing your problem with the team just now, and everyone asked me if I would find a boyfriend younger than myself.I don't think age really seems to be a problem, the key is whether you are mentally mature or not.

But your question really has nothing to do with age.Although I never think that marriage is something that everyone has to experience in this life, and I don't think that life without marriage is incomplete and unhappy, but I still think that the greatest promise a man can make to a woman is to marry her .If your boyfriend doesn't even have the courage and intention to marry you with you, then really, he just doesn't love you enough.

Your boyfriend is too young, he is a child, not only because he is young, but also because he is immature, he doesn't know what he wants.What's more, his love for you is indeed not that firm.

Xiaoxue, do you love him?I can only find some clues between the lines in your words.My feeling is that you love him but not that much, and your only struggle is that in five or six years you'll be 30, and it's your insecurities that are at work.

However, I will only marry someone for the sake of my love, not for my sense of security.

Xiaoxue, I don’t know which city you live in. I can only tell you that in Beijing, a 30-year-old girl’s life has just begun, and there are still infinite possibilities.Now you are only 24 or 30 years old, can you be sure that you will still love this boy when you are [-] years old?Because you will grow.

Another point, Xiaoxue, with all due respect, from the clues I've seen, this person is a little scumbag.His scum is that you can not love me, you can not love me enough, but you can't ignore my pain and ignore my feelings!If you want to kill or cut, give me a happy word.I especially can't stand others being so ambiguous and dragging this relationship to its own accord. I don't need to make any choices, and I don't need to bear any responsibilities. I really can't stand this!
To sum up, age is really not a problem, love or not is the key.If you love him enough, then I will support you to persevere until the relationship reaches its final moment naturally; but the problem is that he doesn't love you that much, and you don't love him that much, so let's forget about it.

What do you think is the worst thing a woman can tolerate about a man?

Because the separation and reunion of love depends entirely on your heart telling you at this moment and here: what you want, so you will be what you want, this is the best and only decision!
warm letter

Hello sister Lu Yu, my name is Nuannuan, I am a third-year student, and my boyfriend and I have been in love for three and a half years.

When I was in high school, my boyfriend was a motivated person, and he studied well. The most important thing is that he is very caring. He would bring me breakfast every morning; whenever I was in a bad mood, he would try to make me happy in different ways. Show off your love in front of your friends.

After the college entrance examination, I was admitted to a local secondary school, but my boyfriend failed the college entrance examination and went to a higher vocational school in Tianjin. He always felt that he was underappreciated.

After going to college, we talked less and less and quarreled more and more.And he promised me a lot, but fulfilled very little.

Now that we are both juniors, whenever I ask him if he has any plans for the future, he will just say he doesn't know, he hasn't thought about it.

I think he is not motivated now, and he lives in the dormitory every day.At present, I am preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination, and I don't know if we have a future.

Sister Luyu, please tell me, in this love, should I continue or should I end it?Really confused now.

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Hello Nuannuan, I think you have already made a decision. The only reason why you came to ask me is to hope that my answer can strengthen your confidence and leave your boyfriend.

I support your decision, because you like the boy who bought you breakfast every day, studied hard, and made progress every day. There is nothing wrong with you.As for your boyfriend, there is nothing wrong with it. I sympathize with him. He experienced a setback in his life at a young age.If it were me, I would probably be depressed for a long time after failing the college entrance examination.

I don't know if your boyfriend is motivated. All I see is an ordinary boy.

Then again, is it that important whether you are motivated or not?There is no shortage of motivated people in this world, but what the world lacks is happy people.And you have to know that being motivated is a luxury.Only if you give me a stage and an opportunity, can my progress be seen by you.Then if I take an ordinary job, get an ordinary salary, and live an ordinary life, will my life be meaningless?
So the conflict between the two of you is not because you are motivated and the other is not motivated, but because your two views are different.

When I was in love when I was young, if someone told me about the outlook on life, the world, and values, I would roll my eyes countless times in my heart.But now I understand that whether a relationship can last and whether two people get along happily and harmoniously depends on whether the three views are consistent in the final analysis.

At this stage, the two of you obviously have too many differences.The most important thing is that at this stage, you have no ability to change your own life, let alone change each other's life.

And you have to ask yourself, do you have the patience to wait for him to grow up, wait for him to go through this period of decadence, and return to the healthy, optimistic, positive boy you like.

But, what a pity, because you are young, you are in a hurry, and you can't wait!So you two can only regret to miss each other today.

But, Nuan Nuan, I still want to say a few more words to you.No matter what happens in the future, you should not regret the decision you made at this moment.Because it is very likely that after a few years you will find that you are an ordinary woman who does not have too many requirements for life. At that time, don't regret today.

A few years later, maybe this boyfriend whom you regard as unmotivated will become very successful. At that time, don't regret today.

Because the separation and reunion of love depends entirely on your heart telling you at this moment and here: what you want, so you will be what you want, this is the best and only decision!
I have always believed that what has happened is the only thing that can happen!
I don't care how much you give me, I care if you give your best

Money is not the key, but sharing and sharing is. If you don't understand this issue, it has nothing to do with age, but only with love or not.

letters from readers
I have a master's degree and my girlfriend has a bachelor's degree in the same school.

Her family's conditions are relatively good, and my own family is average.During my postgraduate study, my tutor gave me money, so I wouldn’t ask my family for money anymore.About [-] yuan per month, there will be thousands of scholarships and so on.

During the more than a year of getting along with my girlfriend, I paid for most of the dates, meals, and travel.Girlfriend pays for a meal once in a while.

Most of the other things like watching movies and drinking coffee are paid for by me, and my girlfriend also means the same.In less than a year, Starbucks has also become a gold card member.

To be honest, I would not go to Starbucks, but my girlfriend likes it, so I go with her... The things that I don't understand are:

1. For example, when we eat in the school cafeteria, my girlfriend will swipe my card.I think a meal is only five to eight yuan, why do you want me to help you?Once she asked me for a card again, saying that she had no money in her own card.I said, didn't you recharge the money not long ago? You can try it out. If not, I will give it to you.Finally saw that she had money in her card.

2. When we were at school or strolling outside, she suddenly wanted something to drink, such as milk tea, or went to the supermarket to buy food, and wanted me to pay for it. Sometimes I couldn't accept it.

Sometimes when we quarrel and talk about this, she says that when men and women go out on a date, the man should pay all the money, including milk tea, even the bus, subway... I don't understand what theory this is.

Sometimes when we quarreled, she would say that our values ​​were different, that I was stingy and fussy.But I really pay more than her.

She always said that I would not even pay ten yuan for milk tea or twenty yuan for dessert, so I asked her, should boys bear all the expenses of the girlfriend?
She said of course, and said that I was unwilling to give these little money, and she would definitely not be happy when she got married in the future.Should boys bear the cost of intercourse between men and women?Is there something wrong with my values?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Hello, this male classmate, let me introduce myself first, I am such a person, I am a very reasonable person (reasonable here is an adjective is reasonable), but I particularly hate reasoning (reasonable here is verb).

I like when men reason (adjective), but I hate when men reason with me (verb).If this man is still my boyfriend or husband, I especially hate him to argue with me.Can you understand me?If you don't understand, please read it again from the beginning.

So you are getting on my nerves, you kind of got on my tail.But don't be afraid, let's talk about the truth!

Things like love and marriage, really, basically have no reason to talk about, no matter how well you talk about it, in the end it all depends on your feelings.When it comes to truth, my feeling is that this kind of life seems impossible.

Don't think that there may be relatively few girls who work like me.Life really has a long life, so it is not only normal but also necessary to not eat human fireworks when you are a student, but now you are already comparing pennies and pennies every day, I really can't stand it.

The problem is, you are not wrong, self-esteem, self-love, independence and self-improvement are of course necessary for new women, and it is of course no problem for boys and girls in love to take turns to treat, eat, and pay.

However, it is also a gentleman's demeanor for a boyfriend to pay the bill within the scope of his ability, so you both are right, and the wrong thing is that you two are not suitable.

I believe more and more that in love, in addition to being pleasing to each other and seeing each other pleasing to the eye, love should also have the same three views!I see that you listed some of your girlfriend's so-called crimes, including eating canteens, watching movies, drinking coffee, drinking milk tea, and taking the subway without paying for anything.If these are beyond your ability, if you still have family members to take care of, and you have younger siblings to pay for their tuition, then she is really ignorant, so you don’t need such a girl.

If not, so what if you can afford it?
In my opinion, generous men are very attractive, but what is the definition of generous?That is, I don't care how much you give me, but whether you do your best!Really, both of you are right, it just doesn't fit!
I want to ask, do you love your girlfriend very much?

The reason I ask this is because I don't think I get it from your letter.If you don't love that much, then don't worry about it, just settle it and find someone who has the same views on life and money as you, which is more reliable.

Then if you love her, the problem is that I really don't think you love her much.Well, even if you love her enough, then you have nothing to worry about!A Starbucks gold card and silver card can be exchanged for a living person, so that's okay!
I want to tell you one thing, trivial life is of course meaningful, but I have always refused to be trivialized by life, can you understand?

I think it's good to have money, but if you don't have money, you can't die.If I have money, I am willing to share it with my lover. If I have no money, I will spend other people's money with peace of mind.

Money is not the key, but sharing and sharing is. If you don't understand this issue, it has nothing to do with age, but only with love or not.

Pitt and Jolie are divorced, but I still believe in love

Maybe love is really short and has a time limit, and because it is short and has a time limit, it is so precious when it exists.

(End of this chapter)