Chance encounter

Chapter 17 Love is always a willing adventure (1)
Your love is just lost to time
In the face of unresolved love and life, the only thing we can do is to try our best to live according to our own will, not to be swayed by anyone's will.

Letters from Lan Lan and her boyfriend

Male: ♂

Hello, sister Lu Yu, I am Lan Lan’s boyfriend, and I can muster up the courage to tell you our "Beijing Love Story" because I made a bet with her that whoever does not write will not be surnamed so-and-so, and then the two of us will Each wrote a letter to you.

The first two days were the Ching Ming holiday, and she was going back to her hometown in Shandong.I took her to the train station on Friday night. We walked from Wangfujing along Chang'an Avenue to Beijing Railway Station without holding hands or speaking much.Walking to the corner of the overpass in the square in front of the station, I faced her and couldn't help but say: "Love is really too difficult. We have to face the plainness of emotions, daily quarrels, busy work, and family background. It is really too difficult to stick to it and be patient because of the differences and no common interests.”

As soon as I opened my mouth, two lines of tears came down from me, and so did she.At that moment, it was too much like a scene in a TV series, with neon lights flashing, people passing by, and love songs playing in the shops beside me.An old man came by on an electric bike and asked if we could stay in a hotel. I was so angry that I wanted to scold him.

Then she turned and left, and I didn't send any more.The next day she asked me, did I think of breaking up when I was crying last night?
I have been working for six years, and I have been with her for six years. I have never been in a relationship. I met the female president of the student union of the next-door college at an event the year I graduated from university. Her side made my heart move.

I came to Beijing to work as soon as I graduated, and after a year away from home, she went to Beijing to study for graduate school.Time flies, she graduated from graduate school and was admitted as a civil servant, while I have been staying in the original unit until now.Meeting parents, getting engaged, we plan to get married in the second half of this year, and our classmates envy us.However, life is getting better and better, but the words between the two are getting less and less.

Frankly speaking, I am a workaholic, holding my computer or mobile phone to handle work all the time, and I have very little time to take care of her.I'm a Libra, and I care about balancing things around me, but I just can't balance work and family.Sometimes I will say the phrase that men often say, "Isn't it all because of home", why can't she understand me more, but I know that I am really ashamed of her.

Our personalities are very strong, and we often quarrel over some trivial matters.Her mother asked a fortune teller and said that maybe we will be like this for the rest of our lives.I was not afraid when I was deeply in love, but now I am arguing every day, I will ask if this is what love is like?

You ask me do I love her?Of course love, the real feeling is that I miss her very much when I stop occasionally, I don’t know if this counts.But whenever there is a quarrel, I feel that love is a little painful.change?It seems too hard to change. I was born in a rural area, and the simple beauty in my eyes will be all dirty and unclean to her.I will try my best to turn down all the entertainment that can be turned down on weekends, but it is impossible for me not to fight in the early stages of starting a business.

Love is really not an easy thing.Recently I read an article saying, "Can you try to love again when you want to break up?" I don't know if love can really be repeated.Song Xiaobao said to Dapeng in a new sketch recently, "I have nothing, but I love you very much", a particularly joyful sentence touched me very much.I long for this feeling of "love so much", but it seems that I have gradually lost the ability to love, what should I do?
But I still remember the feeling of "love so much".In the summer six years ago, she secretly came to Beijing to visit me, and it was also at the Beijing Railway Station, and I was the one who took her home.I stood on the platform and watched her train go far away, thinking that I would be happy forever.

Finally, thank you Lu Xiaopang, and your company late at night.

Female: ♀
Hello, sister Lu Yu, I'm Lan Lan.After six years of dating, we are about to enter the palace of marriage.He is motivated, but he doesn't care about his family. He says he loves me, but he doesn't act. What should we do?
In six years, he went from a student to a department head, and I went from a student to a civil servant.His salary is three times mine.At work, every step we take is down-to-earth, but in relationships, we go from being passionately in love to being plain, from having nothing to say to having nothing to say. The life of three days of small quarrels and five days of big quarrels seems to take us The sweetness of the past is also gone.

He is a workaholic.In the past two years, he has devoted most of his time to work, and only a small part of his heart is devoted to me and his family.He hardly cares whether I am tired at work, does not talk to me about his work or mine, and does not take the initiative to do housework for me.On the subway, on the train, on the plane, and even at home, he is always holding his mobile phone and computer.No matter how long I've been by his side, how long I've been silent, he doesn't care at all.He always responds to my WeChat if he wants to, and he doesn’t reply if he doesn’t want to, but he will reply to others in a timely and serious manner.He will remember things he promised others very clearly, but he can’t remember what I said to him, and always puts my things at the end of everything.and so on.

In fact, I just hope that he can care about me a little bit more, and give me a little more time for others.Because of these, I quarreled with him, and because of these, my temper gradually grew a lot, and because of these, he began to dislike my temper, my lack of hobbies, and my lack of common language with him.

Every time I quarrel, I feel heart-piercing and tired.Our beauty seems to be frozen only two years ago, but where will our relationship be frozen?two years ago?Now?Or the near future?Or forever?

He said: "I don't know if I still love you now." Can six years of life turn love into family affection?He said: "Our relationship is supported by the beauty of the past." Has there been no relationship in the past two years?He said: "Your temper, every quarrel makes me very painful." Could it be that every quarrel is my fault?
Breaking up seems to be a very difficult and painful thing for us, but is it true that even the strongest love will be defeated by life?
We originally planned to get the certificate next month, but as the number of quarrels gradually increased, we were all afraid. Is getting married the most correct decision for us?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Lan Lan, and Lan Lan's boyfriend, how should I reply this letter?You left messages for me separately, but you can all hear what I said, so I am very worried, what if my words are the last straw that breaks the camel's back?Being responsible for someone else's life can be a real headache.

I once asked a girlfriend "Why did you get married?" She said that because everyone knew about her relationship, it would be a bit difficult if she didn't get married.I also have a girlfriend who originally wanted to divorce, but ended up pregnant with a second child.Her efforts to save the marriage and defend the family made me at a loss as to what to say, because the logic in it was contrary to my philosophy of life.If there is a problem in love, I am busy with getting married to solve it;Shouldn't we at least stand still before trying to fix the problem?
I am a technology blind person. I usually use my mobile phone or ipad and occasionally encounter a little problem. The only trick I will use is to shut down and restart.It sounds crass, but it works.In the absence of external intervention in marriage and love, sometimes it can only be shut down -restart (restart).Of course, this requires courage and luck.

I am more willful about love and marriage, and I don't believe in tinkering.When a relationship comes to an end, letting go is the only way out.The question is when is that the end?Six years, or two years ago when neither of you were happy anymore?No one knows this.I also have a good best friend who has been hopelessly in love with someone for more than eight years. Of course, I can't say more about the process and reasons.Anyway, knowing that there is no hope, she still refuses to let go, because she always feels that "rather than having nothing, it is better to have a little bit like this".But in fact, "a little bit" of love is no longer love, because love is absolute, not enough love is no love.Then she was desperate, so she let go, but the other party didn't keep her.This love has since crashed, restart (restart) failed.But such a risk, Lan Lan, and Lan Lan's boyfriend, you have to try it whether you dare or not.

Your love is actually just lost to time, so there is no solution.Lan Lan's boyfriend's so-called incomprehensible style and rural background have always existed, but six years later, it has become a problem today?And Lan Lan's so-called petty temper and differences in interests must not have lasted for a day or two. Why can't they bear it today?The only reason is that love is almost consumed by time, so what was not a problem is now a problem.A word of advice to you guys: don't be kidnapped by that wedding date, take some time apart, and try to live without each other.Maybe, just maybe, your love will be reborn.However, it is more likely that you really miss each other at this point.Would you like to try such an adventure?In the face of unresolved love and life, the only thing we can do is to try our best to live according to our own will, not to be swayed by anyone's will.

You love him so much, why don't you want to marry?

"Marriage or not" is mostly because of "love or not". "Love" may not necessarily mean "marriage", but "not enough love" must "do not want to marry".As for the matter of marriage, the right time, place, and people are right, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Ali's letter

Sister Lu Yu, my boyfriend proposed to me again yesterday. I don’t know how many times he has proposed to me, and I don’t know how many times I have rejected him.When we were first together, I told him that I was afraid of marriage and didn't want children. If you can't accept it, we don't have to be together.

We have been together for six years and get along very well. He mentioned that he wanted to get married a few times, and every time I rejected him, he would stop talking.But I don't know why yesterday he started repeatedly talking about marriage, saying that he has no sense of security, and asked me why I can't get married if I love him?To be honest, I don't understand what is the necessary relationship between marriage and love.Isn't it good to be in love?

My friends said that I am an irresponsible person, and I don't want to get married because I don't want to be responsible for this relationship.Maybe.I have never understood what forever is, and I have always believed that no one really owns anyone among people, just like Luo Dayou sang in "Love Song 1980": No one in the world has the right to possess.My boyfriend said that he wanted to get married very much, and never thought about breaking up. Every time I heard him say these things, I felt very cold-blooded.But I really can't compromise.Sister Luyu, what is the necessary relationship between marriage and love?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Today I did a special thing: I used glue once in a century, and as a result, my left thumb and index finger were stuck.I didn't dare to pull hard to separate my fingers, so I waited for the glue to fall off naturally, and waited for two hours.This incident taught me a lot of profound life philosophies: 1. People with clumsy hands should not do manual work; 2. It is best to wear gloves before using glue.

However, during the two hours when the hands were stuck with glue, life was extremely simple.Because there's nothing you can do except wait for the glue to wear off.I don't know if this is considered extreme joy and sorrow, because last night was simply the pinnacle of my life.

When I came back from a business trip in the evening, I was sleepy to death, but I still desperately went to a meal, a private dish that I had been fascinated for a long time.Laba garlic sausage, fried liver, double-cooked pork, vinegar shredded potato, Chinese cabbage, sashimi, musk pig, baked buns, fried pancakes... Friends randomly ordered their favorites, but this one sounds very willful The menu was put on the table casually but absolutely stunningly by the chef.The night in Beijing was so beautiful last night, my friends were so cute last night, I ate so high last night, my life was absolutely lively last night, almost no need for love.

Then today, after my fingers returned to normal, A Li's letter dragged me back to the world.In the human world, I still yearn for love, but maintain a cautious and pessimistic attitude towards marriage.Because if you look around, you can hardly see a so-called happy marriage.It is quite a high standard for the relationship between husband and wife to be decent.And how to calculate decent?My standard is: there is still emotion between two people, love and family affection are fine, there is still talk, like or get used to each other's company, there is a bottom line (bottom line), and there is no betrayal.Looking around, it seems that such decent couples can be counted on one hand.

If it were me, I wouldn't get married easily, but I wouldn't resist getting married easily either.Because if someone proposes, and I'm hopelessly in love with him, then I'm sure I'll get married.Of course, love, but love beyond redemption.These conditions sound naive, but at this moment, I think so sincerely.

Marriage is of course not necessary, but "marriage or not" is mostly because of "love or not". "Love" may not necessarily mean "marriage", but "not enough love" must "do not want to marry".As for the matter of marriage, the right time, place, and people are right, and there is nothing wrong with it.A Li, if your boyfriend has been proposing for six years and you still don't want to marry, then, for your sake and for his sake, don't get married.

Wait until your love is exhausted, or sublimated, and then talk.

In "The Big Bang Theory", at the wedding of Howard and Bernadette, Sheldon said to them: "I have never been able to understand the fact that people spend their lives looking for another person to spend their lives with. Maybe I am too interesting myself. Others are there, so I wish you as much joy in each other as I have in myself."

May you also find such a person—you love each other hopelessly, get more happiness from each other, and are willing to let go of your fear and cowardice for him, and fulfill your commitment to spend your whole life together.

Have you ever had an untouchable lover?
I believe that what has happened is the only thing that will happen.So, don't worry about it.Life is all about the same goal, but in this process, I have to toss a bit.

a letter

Sister Luyu, hello.I'm not sure if you'll see my letter, but want to write it.I want to tell a little bit about my story today.Six years ago, against my family, my friends, everyone, I came to this strange city because I wanted to end my three-year long-distance relationship with my boyfriend.I came here with confidence and vision, started a new job, a new life, and made new friends. However, everything around me was not as happy and lasting as I thought.

Emotionally, my boyfriend and I kept quarreling and having conflicts, which caused me to lose the courage to get married in the nine years since we met.Both families began to force the marriage, but I was afraid of getting married, and I was afraid that we would not be happy after marriage.At work, I have always been strong and hardworking, and I have never let others worry about me.A few friends wanted to start a business with me. Facing a relatively stable job, I struggled and fell into the dilemma of choosing. After all, I was also afraid of failure.what should I do?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
I suggest that tonight, after listening to my voicemail, you watch the 1998 British film Sliding Doors, which is a story about what-ifs.

Helen was fired from the company early in the morning, and she took the subway home in a bad mood.Hurrying slowly in the crowd, but still a few seconds away, the last subway has already left.On the platform, she couldn't help imagining that if she hadn't been delayed for a few seconds because of hiding from a little girl on the stairs, she would have been sitting in the leaving subway.From here on, the film will bloom two flowers, one for each.One line is about Helen who caught the subway, and the other is about Helen who didn't catch the subway.

(End of this chapter)