Chance encounter

Chapter 18 Love is always a willing adventure (2)
When she was catching the subway, she was sitting next to a man who liked to talk and was quite humorous. Helen didn't hate this stranger.But when she got home, she happened to bump into the scumbag boyfriend with another woman. Helen rushed out sadly and went to the bar to drink.In the bar, I met the man again, his name is James.Then, because of James, Helen bounced back and her career flourished.That scumbag actually asked her to forgive and wanted to get back together.And when Helen was about to start a new life with James, she had a car accident.

Besides, she didn't catch the subway, so she had to take a taxi instead, and then she was robbed and injured, and returned home after tossing around for a long time at the police station, just in time to miss the tertiary movie scene with the scumbag boyfriend.Seeing that she was hurt, her boyfriend was extra considerate because of guilt, and she foolishly felt that she was quite happy.Because she lost her job, she went to a restaurant to serve dishes and continue to support her boyfriend's writing at home.But the lover of the scumbag boyfriend is not fuel-efficient, deliberately arranged for the three of them to meet, and announced that she was pregnant. Helen leaves again heartbroken, having suffered a miscarriage herself.But when she was discharged from the hospital, she happened to bump into James in the elevator.

I loved this movie and watched it several times.A bad movie will only tell you the moment when the heroine goes out, as long as you choose the right direction and time, life may have a happy ending.But real life is a bit like this film, that is, no matter what you choose, you can't escape something called fate.And the so-called fate means that different routes lead to the same goal, and the plots in the process are different, but joy, anger, sorrow, joy, heartbreak and joy cannot escape, just like what Helen experienced in the film.

As for which option is better, not sure.With my character, I would hope that I can catch that train, go home and face the scum, and finally die or live.

I talked about so many movies because someone asked about long-distance relationships in the letter.Three years of long-distance relationship, six years after being together, and nine years before and after, but now this relationship has become tasteless and it is a pity to discard it.

No matter what to do, it will be very difficult.Divorce now, or get married, the future will not be easy.Breaking up will be very painful. As for marriage, if the marriage is not married after nine years of dating, I am not optimistic about this marriage at all. Anyway, no matter how you choose, it will be very difficult.

But if it were me, I would give this emotion a decision.I'm done with this marriage.Because of a nine-year relationship, it is worth my solemn decision.But I choose this way because I know that I have the ability to bear the consequences in case I can't live in the future.I am a strong fatalist and I believe that what has happened is the only thing that will happen.So, don't worry about it.Life is all about the same goal, but in this process, I have to toss a bit.

My credo in life is that it is better to make mistakes and be rash than to always think about what if (what if).

People who shouldn't be together will always be separated, and those who are right can't be separated

After all, love and marriage are a willing adventure.

Letter from Lilas

Hello, my name is Lilas, I am a fashion buyer, I often travel abroad, I like my job, although most of my life is spent on business trips and on the plane.

My boyfriend is an IT guy, a quality IT guy, at least I think so.I have been with him for more than five years. Both of us are workaholics. For five years, we have witnessed each other's growth and achievements in work.He also often travels on business. We have lived together for several years, but we get together less and leave more.Both of us are in our early thirties, and both families are eager to force marriage. Indeed, our relationship is stable and we have reached the age for marriage, but neither of us has the desire to get married.

Under the pressure of my family, we got engaged and the wedding date is not far away, but I still don't want to get married.Although the two of us live together, we are financially independent. We are often busy with our own affairs and live our own lives. There is no need for two very independent people to be bound by marriage.

I am not a non-marriageist, I also hope to have a family with children in the future, but getting married in this state, I feel that marriage is our burden.Sister Luyu, should she marry under pressure from the outside world?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Hello Lilas, it is one thing to want to get married, it is another thing to want to marry at the request of the masses.The former can be discussed, but I think there is nothing to discuss about the latter, because there is no timetable for love or not, marriage or not, let alone follow other people's timetables.So, I changed your question a bit to myself.

Your question is not whether you want to marry under the pressure of your family, but whether you two want to get married in this marriage?

I have to pour cold water first, because if two people are together, unless there are special circumstances, they have been in love for more than five years and have no intention of getting married. This marriage is basically difficult to get married.

Because your way of getting along has been formed, living together, but each has its own space, anyway, at least it sounds good.Once this mode is changed, the consequences may not be wonderful.

You have to know that two individuals in a marriage need to grow together, that is, grow together, instead of growing separately, that will only grow apart.

Your current intersection feels very, very little.It is important to maintain oneself in marriage, but without two people living together, this marriage will not last long.

So one of the problems you have to face now is whether you are willing to give up some of your current freedom, reduce your working hours, and give more to each other and your future family life.

What I am worried about is that you not only have a question of whether you are willing, but also a question of whether you can do it at this stage.In the future, the career gap between the two will more or less cause emotional distance, which is a risk every marriage has to bear.If it were me, I love him at this moment, and he is willing to marry me, so get married!If you just feel that after being together for five years, it seems that there is no explanation for not getting married, then I suggest not to get married for now.

I want you to have a conversation right away. The topic of the conversation is, should we still be together?Get married if you want!But there will be two results of the conversation. The first is that the two parties reach a consensus and get married; the second result is that one or both parties hesitate. In that case, the result is a breakup, at least temporarily.Anyway, every choice has risks.

But this inevitable conversation you must have!
You've been together for five years, and you owe it to yourself, and to each other, for a heart-to-heart conversation.

Anyway, I believe that people who shouldn't be together will always get separated, and those who should be together can't separate them.

In the final analysis, love and marriage are all willing adventures, and I hope you can overcome this hurdle.

When love is numb, can we still be together for a lifetime

Do you want passion, or do you want a calm and calm life?Regardless of the choice, there will be regrets in the end. The key is whether you can afford not to perform according to the script.

Letter from Aoyama

Hello, little fat lady:

In October of this year, I will marry my boyfriend of eight years.We met in college, and now he is working and I am in graduate school.According to others, I am "a girl with a lot of personality, different from others", and my boyfriend, he is the same person as me.We have a very special chat, like a confidant in a previous life.I know that it is rare to meet such a person, so I couldn't bear to give up until I agreed to his proposal.All this seems so perfect to outsiders, but only my more numb heart knows that my love for him may be running out.Up to now, I still don't want to give up the person I call soulmate, but in the days to come, do I really want to live my life with such an emotion that I think is precious instead of love?I'm afraid this growing numbness will eventually destroy me.Or, I was worrying too much.

Lu Xiaopang's reply
A very handsome male friend of mine said to me, you didn't understand your own problems, and you actually gave others advice.Of course, it's so easy to just talk without practicing, especially when looking at other people's problems, you will be more sober and objective.

Regarding the topic of marriage, the answer that best fits the image of independent women nowadays is: You don’t need marriage, children make your life more complete, and the world of one person can be wonderful.Of course, a person can be wonderful, but I can say responsibly that almost no man or woman decides that I don't want to get married in my life since I was sensible.He or she is mostly in the process of waiting, searching, and getting close to marriage, but because of various reasons, he or she misses the marriage, drifts away, or is slowly disappointed, suspicious, until he refuses.

In many cases, the tragedy is not that you can't get it, but that you don't know what you want.What to eat is a question that I struggle with every day, and I hesitate almost every meal.For example, if I eat Japanese food, I will miss the fried hand-shredded cabbage in that home-cooked dish; when I eat fish head soaked pancakes, I can’t let go of the laba garlic from a dumpling restaurant in Maizidian... Anyway, no matter what I eat in the end, I always feel that maybe There are better options.Therefore, it is already miserable not to be able to eat, but what is worse than not being able to eat is that you don't know what you want to eat.

Last night, my good friend carefully prepared a family dinner, braised pork and seafood, it was so delicious that I almost cried.As for me, I followed everyone’s example of putting vinegar in sesame paste. I had never tried this combination before, only to find it so delicious, and then I was ridiculed for half my life.The six friends who had dinner, including a pair of couples and four singles, happened to be White Valentine's Day last night. A friend said that if you want to celebrate it, the 14th of every month is a Valentine's Day with a different name.I especially hate this kind of artificial plastic festival, but this kind of day that is inexplicably endowed with rights and meaning will make people feel sad, vulnerable, cynical, and even make impulsive and regrettable actions.Therefore, when you are greedy, hungry and lonely, eating gluttonous food with friends is the best way and weapon to fight against malice.

I want to eat braised pork and shabu-shabu seafood. I find it is especially delicious when dipped in sesame sauce and vinegar. I know exactly what I want and get it. This is satisfaction and happiness.Unfortunately, life is not a dinner party.I long for love, long for someone to hold hands and go for a walk or watch a movie, but reality tells me that love will probably dissipate one day.I also want to have a sense of security and live a mature and stable life. I don't necessarily have to love to death, but there will be gentle company with each other.Or I can be more practical.In fact, it doesn’t matter how you choose. To paraphrase the words of George Bernard Shaw who are true and false on the Internet, anyway, you will regret it in the end.The point is, you need to know what you want.

Qingshan is another person who hesitates before marriage, but Qingshan, I know that you will walk on the red carpet in October as promised.Write to me, you just want me to affirm your choice, tell you, get over it, it's the right thing to do.The problem is, right or wrong, no one knows.But that's the only thing you can and will do.Unless, in the next six months, you and your boyfriend will break up or separate each other.Forgive my crow's mouth.What kind of past life confidant, rare, can't bear to give up, soulmate, love for eight years... Your description is actually about a gradually numb, but precious but definitely not love emotion - all of the above are your own words and tone.

Hmm... If it was three years ago, I would have advised you not to get married, what would be the end without love.Today's me, I will definitely not end this marriage myself, but when I persuade you or others, it will be a different matter.Aoyama, I think what you describe is not a dying love, but more like a normal and even healthy married life.You see that you are loyal to each other, not cheating, communicating, and relying on each other, but you lack some passion. Isn't this the kind of marriage that is not bad in the legend?Qingshan, your passion is definitely gone, but your love is still there, it just changed a form.Now the question is, what do you want?Do you know what you want?Do you want passion, or do you want a calm and calm life?Regardless of the choice, there will be regrets in the end. The key is whether you can afford not to perform according to the script.

Not getting married means that the following bad situations may occur:
1. In the future, you will have no boyfriend, no one you like, and you will be alone in a long or short period of time;

2. Soon you regret it and go back to find your boyfriend, but he already has someone else by his side;

3. The older you are, the calmer you seem to be, the harder it is to get carried away by love, so the possibility of falling in love with others is lower, so it is easier to marry one day for the sake of stability and marriage.

Negative consequences include but are not limited to the above three.If you can bear the above results, then the marriage will not be concluded in October.Otherwise, just do what you should do.

I still feel that Qingshan is just talking to himself, find someone to talk to, let others persuade you, tell you how lucky you are, cherish it, and then you will muster up the courage to be an October bride.Anyway, what should happen will happen.Sometimes this sentence makes people despair, but sometimes it also gives people hope.If you know what you want, this marriage will not be married; if you don't know what you want, this marriage will be concluded.

So, what do you want, you know?

What to eat, I may not know.But what I want, I know.

What kind of person are you going to marry?

Whether to get married or not is not a necessary thing in itself, but if you want to get married, it is because you must have a definite enough answer in your heart.

A letter from loneliness

Sister Lu Yu, my boyfriend proposed to me a few days ago, but I refused, and I can see that he is a little sad.He said to me that day, I often give him a feeling - he is just a person.He asked me if I ever thought about marrying him?I was speechless for a while, unable to speak.I really like him.I have been in love with him for the past few years, and I am generally happy.He is a great guy, good looking, good character, hard working and dedicated.But every once in a while something happens that makes me think he's not the one to spend the rest of my life with.For example, I advocate that life lies in stillness, but he raised a dog without discussing with me, and blamed me for not walking it; for example, I didn’t help him wash clothes and clean the room, he didn’t understand, thinking that this is what girls should do. I do, but I have never done housework since I was a child, and I don't like doing housework. I feel that he has this need, so I might as well find a nanny.Every time I had a dispute with him because of these things, I was very disappointed in my heart, thinking that my future husband should not be like this.

Thinking back to myself, the love I have been talking about these years always collapses after talking.My first boyfriend, who is responsible, is very considerate to me, but I have to listen to him in many things.We dated for more than a year, and finally I chose to break up because I couldn't stand his machismo.The second boyfriend was very romantic, but he didn't take responsibility, and finally broke up.I often think that if the first boyfriend is not so machismo, if the second boyfriend is more responsible, the ending may be different.My ex-boyfriend once said to me: People like you are suitable for dying alone.He also said that love not for the purpose of marriage is hooliganism.God, I don't want to be a hooligan either, I just don't think getting married can be so casual.

(End of this chapter)