Chance encounter

Chapter 19 Love is always a willing adventure (3)
Don't tell me that as long as there is love, you can get married. Love is too abstract.When I was six years old, I would sing a song: "This is love, I can't say it clearly, this is love, confused and confused." The last thing I want to see is two people who love each other at first, but end up hating each other And separate.Seriously, I could have been in a relationship with my boyfriend if he wanted to, and talk about the world being full of love.But not everyone thinks so, at least her boyfriend is definitely going to get married.His phrase "Have you ever thought about marrying me?" is still spinning in my mind, and I don't dare to think about what will happen to the two of us in the future.Sister Luyu, I don't know what kind of person I want to marry. What should I do? Is it true that people like me are only suitable for dying alone?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
I have to say sorry to everyone, I am now at the Shanghai airport and I am going to fly to Beijing.Originally, my plan was to go to the lounge, settle down and record properly, but it was raining in Shanghai just now, and there was a huge traffic jam. We ran all the way and almost got late.A colleague couldn't get on the plane because he didn't have time to check in the luggage. Now I can only walk in the airport while recording today's encounter, so I want to say sorry to everyone.

Last time I forgot to mention, there was a very interesting thing when I was in Bhutan.One night, I invited Kaka, a Bhutanese tour guide, to dinner with some girlfriends.Kaka is probably in her early thirties, good-looking, married, and has two sons. We drink and chat, and we are very happy.A girlfriend said at the time that she found a surrogate in the United States for physical reasons and gave birth to two very cute twins.At that time, Kaka was stunned. He looked at my friend very confused, and then asked very seriously: "Why did you pay someone to sleep with your husband?" I told him calmly: "This has nothing to do with sleeping, you don't need to sleep." Kaka was even more confused, so he stared at my girlfriend and said, "Don't you like sleeping with your husband?" I couldn't be happier, and explained it to him, explaining it to him in detail from various angles of modern medical care, technology, and ethics.Kaka seemed to understand in the end, but I guess he was a little bit broken, and his three views were shattered.He finally thought about it, was silent for a long time, took a sip of wine, and said to my friend: "Oh, so the babies, they have come to this world?" the world, right?When he asked, several of us completely collapsed.

The next day we went to climb Tiger's Cave Monastery, because the road was very slippery after the rain, another Bhutanese tour guide, Dorje, stayed with me and supported me.I later joked that I was about to fall in love with Dorji.So one of my girlfriends booed and asked Dorje, "How old are you? Are you single?" Dorje was a very shy Bhutanese boy, so he said slowly, "I'm twenty-eight. I'm single." My friend asked again: "Do you want to marry a Chinese wife?" Duoji was silent for a long time, and then said slowly: "I don't think I can handle a Chinese wife." I remember I was so happy at that time Almost paralyzed in the mud halfway up the mountain.

Dorji and Kaka like us very much and think we are very fun. We have a great time chatting together. They are still very good friends and often interact on WeChat.However, Kaka and Dorji will definitely not fall in love with us, let alone marry us.I'm just giving an example.Because our perception of the world is completely different.Moreover, like, love and marriage are not necessarily related to each other, they can almost be said to be three independent things.Love, of course, must like, but like, not necessarily love.And like and love do not necessarily marry.Marriage often has nothing to do with liking and love.In fact, when I say this, it has already answered your question about loneliness and thinness.

In fact, you should all know my view on marriage at this stage, that is, if I love someone very much and he happens to be willing to marry me, then I will definitely marry him, otherwise I might not choose marriage.However, never say never.In the future, maybe one day I am tired of being alone, afraid of being alone, wanting a sense of security, and wanting to be accompanied by someone. I may also settle for the second best and marry for reasons other than love.In fact, there is nothing shameful in compromising with life, but at this stage, I am still struggling.

At this stage, I think that whether to get married or not is not a necessary thing in itself, but if you want to get married, it is because you must have a definite answer in your heart.When you ask someone, do I want to get married, the answer is already obvious—at least not for the time being.

You just continue to fall in love with your boyfriend, you have the foundation for falling in love.Although I just said that like, love, and marriage are three different levels, there is no problem with liking and falling in love.As for what is liking and what is love, my girlfriend has a very precise comment.She said that in fact, the highest state of love between two people is to be able to get bored and chat.Six words, very simple, but really, not everyone can reach the realm.

Being able to get bored means that there is a physical attraction between two people; being able to chat means that you are compatible in spirit and can chat together.From body to spirit, if you are in harmony with each other and happy with each other, then you will never tire of seeing each other and live together.

Lonely and thin, I feel from your letter that your heart is a bit like mine, more like a man, and that's okay.Including I feel that your boyfriend loves you a little more than you love him, and that's okay.I think you are still young, you should continue to fall in love, continue to run in with each other, continue to wait, and continue to search.I hope that one day, you can all say to yourself: OK, I love this person enough, I want to marry him, I want to marry him, I want to marry him.

On that day, let's end it.

When we meet a better opposite sex, should we change our minds?
There is only one standard in love: enough love.Only this is absolute, everything else is relative, including the sense of security you talked about.

Letter from Calabash

Hello sister Luyu, I have a boyfriend now, I call him Mr. Honest.I have known and fallen in love with Mr. Honest for more than a year. I met him when I first came to Beijing. At that time, I was not familiar with the place. Mr. Honest took good care of me and made me feel very safe.

The days should have been spent with Mr. Honest, but I gradually discovered that my feelings for Mr. Honest seemed to be more like relatives, like relying on my elder brother or even my father.Some time ago, the appearance of Mr. Romance confirmed my suspicion.I met Mr. Romance at a friend's party.He is tall and handsome in appearance, more suitable for me in age, and we have more common language together.I felt happy when I saw him, and I couldn't stop talking to him, and finally he confessed his love to me, and I couldn't help but be happy.

However, I was deeply entangled again. I still have a boyfriend, Mr. Honest, by my side. These questions deeply troubled me:

1. After meeting Mr. Romantic, I know what love is, and I love him.

2. Mr. Honest has been very kind to me, and I haven't made any mistakes.

3. Am I wrong?Shouldn't I fall in love with someone else?But love is uncontrollable.

Sister Lu Yu, when we meet a better opposite sex, should we change our minds?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
When I saw today's question, I thought of a sentence: "The drought dies, and the flood dies." It is already very difficult to meet someone who makes your heart beat. You actually meet two, so many people still Will envy you.In fact, the problem you face is not about what should or should not be, but a question of love and dislike, want and don't.There is only one standard in love: enough love.Only this is absolute, everything else is relative, including the sense of security you talked about.

Let me tell you what I would do if it were me.I will choose to be honest: whether I love you or not, I will tell you clearly; whether you love me or not, please tell me clearly, it's as simple as that.

But this is your life, your problem.In fact, your heart has already made a choice for you: if you love Mr. Romance now, you will definitely choose him.But one thing, you have to figure it out, life changes a lot of things.Maybe Mr. Honest won't turn into Mr. Romantic, but life will turn Mr. Romantic into Mr. Honest one day.Until this day, how will you face everything?It's just that that's a problem for the future, and at this moment you just need to face your heart, whether you love it or not, want it or not, there is no question of should or shouldn't here.

Beauty passes, but true love transcends prejudice

The beginning of love can happen inexplicably and naturally, and the end and turning point of love need to be solemn, which is a kind of respect for each other's past.

letter from someone

Sister Luyu, I have a trouble recently and I don't know who to talk to, so I sent you this email.I am a person with a girlfriend, and I am very satisfied with my girlfriend in all aspects. We have had many good memories together, and our relationship has always been very good.But recently I actually fell in love with another girl, without either of them knowing, of course.I've seen a similar question before, so let me say that I'm not here to ask how to do a proper split, I want to know how to fix it.

I consider myself a person with a strong sense of responsibility. My current girlfriend was pursued by me at the time. As long as she doesn’t take the initiative to leave, I think I will go to the end with her as much as possible, and she is very kind to me. Well, I have her in my heart too.But every time I think that another girl I like will one day (perhaps soon) fall in love with another man and marry another man, I feel very uncomfortable.

I like that girl, but it's just a very simple emotion, but I feel shameless, and I feel that it's my possessiveness that is causing the trouble, but I don't know how to end it. I have been disturbed by this incident recently .So I want to ask sister Luyu, what should I do?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
There is a line in "Jane Eyre" that I can recite since I was a child. Jane Eyre said to Mr. Rochester, she said: "Do you think I am poor and ugly, so I have no feelings? I will too, if God gives I am rich and beautiful, and I will make it as hard for you to leave me as it is for me to leave you now. God has no such thing, but our emotions are equal, as we passed through the grave, and we will all stand before God as equals .”

Equality, why do we always forget that we are equal before emotions?I love you, I give you all the trust and dependence, you don't need to love me or love me anymore, but you have to treat me gently and face me honestly.Concealment, evasion, silence, even deception hurts more than not loving itself, because it involves contempt.

You didn't do anything wrong, boy, it's normal to have emotional changes.However, don't think too much about it. It will be painful for your girlfriend to leave you, but she won't die.As for the other girl, she doesn't seem to be sure whether she likes you or not. How do you know it's not your own wishful thinking?You are not the master of their fate.The most common mistake we make in love is that we often exaggerate our own role and often underestimate ourselves.You just need to do the following:
Give yourself some time to validate your emotions.

Then confess your confusion to your girlfriend.

Think calmly, and then make a decision together.

There are of course three outcomes:

Your emotions have withstood the test, then I wish you happiness.

You are in love with another girl, then I wish you the same.

You are most likely alone.

Why do you think those two girls will definitely choose you?Anyway, no matter what kind of result, you need to be honest.No matter what kind of result, there will always be tears, even quarrels, misunderstandings, doubts, hesitation and so on.However, the beginning of love can happen inexplicably and naturally, and the end and turning point of love need to be solemnized. This is a kind of respect for each other's past.If our love comes to an end, we should face it together beautifully and break up amicably.

Two days ago I was chatting with Lin Xinru, she said that she couldn't stand her ex-boyfriend not giving her a reason to break up.I admire her courage.As for me, I just need to know the result, I don't want to know the reason, and I feel that not loving is the same as loving, most of the time I can't tell.But I need a serious closure (end).

Finally I want to say a few words to all the girls.Because today I saw a lot of people reposting the love story of Hugh Jackman and his wife, which made me see the fire again.This article is full of pictures and texts. It mainly talks about the Australian male god Wolverine Hugh Jackman who is about ten years younger than his wife. Wolverine is 47 years old this year. His figure is still very hot, which makes people see nosebleeds. However, her wife has many The photos are really fat and old.This article seems to praise love, because it says that the two of them "are still in love after 20 years", but it is full of contempt for women.Its conclusion is: for a woman, if you are no longer young and beautiful, falling in love with a man is simply a miracle and a gift.I want to tell everyone that love is ultimately the collision of soul and soul.Beauty passes, but true love transcends prejudice.

Life is very difficult, let people who don't love each other let each other go!
(End of this chapter)